we two-第34章
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t her new conviction meant。 It meant bringing the sword into her father's house； it meant grieving him with a life…long grief； it meant leaving the persecuted minority and going over to the triumphant majority； it meant unmitigated pain to all those she loved best。
Erica had had her full share of pain； but never had she known anything so agonizing as that moment's sharp revulsion。 Mechanically she walked on until she reached home； nobody was in。 She looked into the little sitting room but； only Friskarina sat purring on the rug。 The table was strewn with the Saturday papers； the midday post had just come。 She turned over the letters and found one for herself in her father's handwriting。 It was the one thing needed to complete the realization of her pain。 She snatched it up with a stifled sob； ran upstairs to her room； and threw herself down on the bed in silent agony。
A new joy had come to her which her father could not share； a joy which he would call a delusion； which he spent a great part of his life in combating。 To tell him that she was convinced of the truth of Christianity why； it would almost break his heart。
And yet she must inflict this terrible pain。 Her nature was far too noble to have dreamed for a single instant of temporizing； of keeping her thoughts to herself。 A Raeburn was not likely to fail either in courage or in honesty； but with her courage and honesty； Erica had the violin…like sensitiveness of nature which Eric Haeberlein had noticed even in her childhood。 She saw in the future all the pain she must bring to her father； intensified by her own sensitiveness。 She knew so well what her feelings would have been but a short time ago； if any one she greatly loved had 〃fallen back〃 into Christianity。 How could she tell him？ How COULD she！
Yet it was a thing which must be done。 Should she write to him？ No； the letter might reach him when he was tired and worried yet； to speak would be more painful。
She got up and went to the window； and let the summer wind blow on her heated forehead。 The world had seemed to her just before one glorious presence…chamber full of sunshine and rejoicing。 But already the shadow of a life…long pain had fallen on her heart。 A revealed Christ meant also a revealed cross； and a right heavy one。
It was only by degrees that she grew strong again； and Livingstone's text came back to her once more； 〃I am with you always。〃
By and by she opened her father's letter。 It ran as follows：
〃I have just remembered that Monday will be your birthday。 Let us spend it together； little son Erica。 A few days at Codrington would do us both good； and I have a tolerably leisure week。 If you can come down on Saturday afternoon； so much the better。 I will meet you there； if you will telegraph reply as soon as you get this。 I have three lectures at Helmstone on Sunday； but you will probably prefer a quiet day by the sea。 Bring me Westcott's new book； and you might put in the chisel and hammer。 We will do a little geologizing for the professor； if we have time。 Meeting here last night a great success。 Your loving father； Luke Raeburn。〃
〃He is only thinking how he can give me pleasure；〃 sighed Erica。 〃And I have nothing to give him but pain。〃
She went at once； however； for the 〃Bradshaw；〃 and looked out the afternoon trains to Codrington。
CHAPTER XX。 Storm
And seems she mid deep silence to a strain To listen； which the soul alone can know； Saying： 〃Fear naught； for Jesus came on earth； Jesus of endless joys the wide； deep sea； To ease each heavy load of mortal birth。 His waters ever clearest； sweetest be To him who in a lonely bark drifts forth On His great deeps of goodness trustfully。 From Vittoria Colonna
Codrington was one of the very few sea…side places within fairly easy reach of London which had not been vulgarized into an ordinary watering place。 It was a primitive little place with one good； old…established hotel； and a limited number of villas and lodging houses； which only served as a sort of ornamental fringe to the picturesque little fishing town。
The fact was that it was just midway between two large and deservedly popular resorts； and so it had been overlooked； and to the regret of the thrifty inhabitants and the satisfaction of the visitors who came there for quiet； its peaceful streets and its stony beach were never invaded by excursionists。 No cockneys came down for the Sunday to eat shrimps； the shrimps were sent away by train to the more favored watering places； and the Codrington shop keepers shook their heads and gave up expecting to make a fortune in such a conservative little place。 Erica said it reminded her of the dormouse in 〃Alice In Wonderland；〃 tyrannized over by the hatter on one side and the March hare on the other； and eventually put head foremost into the teapot。 Certainly Helmstone on the east and Westport on the west had managed to eclipse it altogether； and its peaceful sleepiness made the dormouse comparison by no means inapt。
It all looked wonderfully unchanged as she walked from the station that summer afternoon with her father。 The square； gray tower of St。 Oswald's Church； the little； winding； irregular streets； the very shop windows seemed quite unaltered； while at every turn familiar faces came into sight。 The shrewd old sailor with the telescope； the prim old lady at the bookseller's； who had pronounced the 〃Imitation of Christ〃 to be quite out of fashion； the sturdy milkman； with white smock…frock； and bright pails fastened to a wooden yoke； and the coast…guardsman； who was always whistling 〃Tom Bowling。〃
The sea was as calm as a mill pond； Raeburn suggested an hour or two on the water and Erica； who was fond of boating； gladly assented。 She had made up her ind not to speak to her father that evening； he had a very hard day's work before him on the Sunday； they must have these few hours in peace。 She did not in the least dread any subject coming up which might put her into difficulty； for； on the rare days when her father allowed himself any recreation； he entirely banished all controversial topics from his mind。 He asked no single question relating to the work or to business of any kind； but gave himself up to the enjoyment of a much…needed rest and relaxation。 He seemed in excellent spirits； and Erica herself would have been rapturously happy if she had not been haunted by the thought of the pain that awaited him。 She knew that this was the last evening she and her father should ever spend together in the old perfect confidence； division the most painful of all divisions lay before them。
The next day she was left to herself。 She would not go to the old gray…towered church； though as an atheist she had gone to one or two churches to look and listen； she felt that she could not honorably go as a worshiper till she had spoken to her father。 So she wandered about on the shore； and in the restful quiet learned more and grew stronger； and conquered the dread of the morrow。 She did not see her father again that day for he could not get back from Helmstone till a late train； and she had promised not to sit up for him。
The morning of her twenty…third birthday was bright and sunshiny； she had slept well； but awoke with the oppressive consciousness that a terrible hard duty lay before her。 When she came down there was a serious look in her eyes which did not escape Raeburn's keen observation。 He was down before her； and had been out already； for he had managed somehow to procure a lovely handful of red and white roses and mignonette。
〃All good wishes for your birthday； and 'sweets to the sweet' as some one remarked on a more funereal occasion；〃 he said； stooping to kiss her。 〃Dear little son Eric； it is very jolly to have you to myself for once。 No disrespect to Aunt Jean and old Tom； but two is company。〃 〃What lovely flowers！〃 exclaimed Erica。！ 〃How good of you！ Where did they come from？〃
〃I made love to old Nicolls； the florist； to let me gather these myself； he was very anxious to make a gorgeous arrangement done up in white paper with a lace edge； and thought me a fearful Goth for preferring this disorderly bunch。〃
They sat down to breakfast； afterward the morning papers came in； and Raeburn disappeared behind the 〃Daily Review；〃 while the servant cleared the table。 Erica stood by the open French window； she knew that in a few minutes she must speak； and how to get what she had to say into words she did not know。 Her heart beat so fast that she felt almost choked。 In a sort of dream of pain she watched the passers…by happy looking girls going down to bathe； children with spades and pails。 Everything seemed so tranquil； so ordinary while before her lay a duty which must change her whole world。
〃Not much news；〃 said Raeburn； coming toward her as the servant left the room。 〃For dullness commend me to a Monday paper！ Well； Eric； how are we to spend your twenty…third birthday？ To think that I have actually a child of twenty…three！ Why； I ought to feel an old patriarch； and； in spite of white hair and life…long badgering； I don't； you know。 Come； what shall we do。 Where would you like to go？〃
〃Father；〃 said Erica； 〃I want first to have a talk with you。 II have something to tell you。〃
There was no longer any mistaking that the seriousness meant some kind of trouble。 Raeburn put his arm round her。
〃Why； my little girl；〃 he said； tenderly。 〃You are trembling all over。 What is the matter？〃
〃The matter is that what I have to say will pain you； and it half kills me to do that。 But there is no choice tell you I must。 You would not wish me not to be true； not to be honest。〃
Utter perplexity filled Raeburn's mind。 What phantom trouble was threatening him？ Had she been commissioned to tell him of some untoward event？ Some business calamity？ Had she fallen in love with some one he could not permit her to marry？ He looked questioningly at her； but her expression only perplexed him still more； she was trembling no longer； and her eyes were clear and bright； there was a strong look about her whole face。
〃Father；〃 she said； quietly； 〃I have learned to believe in Jesus Christ。〃
He wrenched away his arm； he started back from her as if she had stabbed him。 For a minute he looked perfectly dazed。
At last； after a silence which seemed to each of them age…long； he spoke in the agitated voice of one who has just received a great blow。
〃Do you know what you are saying； Erica？ Do you know what such a confession as you have made will involve？ Do you mean that you accept the whole of Christ's teaching？
〃Yes；〃 she replied； firmly； 〃I do。〃
〃You intend to turn Christian？〃
〃Yes； to try to。〃
〃How long have you and Mr。 Osmond been concocting this？〃
〃I don't know what you mean；〃 said Erica； terribly wounded by his tone。
〃Did he send you down here to tell me？〃
〃Mr。 Osmond knows nothing about it；〃 said Erica。 〃How could I tell any one before you； father？〃
Raeburn was touched by this。 He took several turns up and down the room before speaking again； but the more he grasped the idea the deeper grew his grief and the hotter his anger。 He was a man of iron will； however； and he kept both under。 When at length he did speak； his voice was
