we two-第47章
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ved an immense amount of pleasure from making other people uncomfortable。 As a child； he had been a tease； as a big boy； he had been a bully； as a man； he had become a malicious gossip monger。 Tonight he thought he saw a chance of good sport； and directly he had said grace； in the momentary pause which usually follows； he turned to Erica with an abrupt； though outwardly courteous question； carried off with a little laugh。
〃I hope you are no relation to that despicable infidel who bears your name； Miss Raeburn？〃
Erica's color deepened； she almost annihilated him with a flash from her bright indignant eyes。
〃I am Luke Raeburn's daughter；〃 she said； in her clearest voice； and with a dignity which； for the time； spoiled Mr。 Cuthbert's enjoyment。
Many people had heard the vicar's question during the pause； and not a few listened curiously for the answer which； though quietly spoken； reached many ears； for nothing gives so much penetrating power to words as concentrated will and keen indignation。 Before long every one in the room knew that Mrs。 Fane…Smith's pretty niece was actually the daughter of 〃that evil and notorious Raeburn。〃
Mr。 Cuthbert had certainly got his malicious wish； he had succeeded in making Mrs。 Fane…Smith miserable； in making his hostess furious； in putting his little neighbor into the most uncomfortable of positions。 Of course he was not going to demean himself by talking to 〃that atheist's daughter。〃 He enjoyed the general discomfiture to his heart's content； and then devoted himself to the lady on his other side。
As for Erica her blood was up。 Forced to sit still； forced even to eat at a table where she was an unwelcome guest； her anger got the mastery of her for the time。 She was indignant at the insult to her father； indignant； too； that her aunt had ever allowed her to get into such a false position。 The very constraint she was forced to put upon herself made her wrath all the deeper。 She was no angel yet； though Mr。 Burne…Jones might have taken her for a model。 She was a quick…tempered little piece of humanity； her passions burned with Highland intensity； her sense of indignation was strong and keen； and the atmosphere of her home； the hard struggle against intolerable bigotry and malicious persecution had from her very babyhood tended to increase this。 She had inherited all her father's passion for justice and much of his excessive pride； while her delicate physical frame made her far more sensitive。 Moreover； though since that June morning in the museum she had gained a peace and happiness of which in the old days she had never dreamed； yet the entire change had in many ways increased the difficulties of her life。 Such a wrench； such an upheaval as it had involved； could not but tell upon her immensely。 And； besides； she had in every way for the last three months been living at high pressure。
The grief； the disapproval； the contemptuous pity of her secularist friends had taxed her strength to the utmost； but she had stood firm； and had indeed been living on the heights。
Now the months of Charles Osmond's careful preparation were over； her baptism was over； and a little weary and overdone with all that she had lived through that summer； she had come down to Greyshot expecting rest； and behold； fresh vexations had awaited her！
A nice Christian world！ A nice type of a clergyman！ she thought to herself； as bitterly as in the old days； and with a touch of sorrow added。 The old lines from 〃Hiawatha；〃 which had been so often on her lips； now rang in her head：
〃For his heart was hot within him； Like a living coal his heart was。〃
She longed to get up and go； but that would have put her aunt in a yet more painful position； and might have annoyed Lady Caroline even more than her presence。 She would have given anything to have fainted after the convenient fashion of the heroines of romance； but never had she felt so completely strung up； so conscious of intense vitality。 There was nothing for it but endurance。 And for two mortal hours she had to sit and endure！ Mr。 Cuthbert never spoke to her； her neighbor on the other side glanced at her furtively from time to time； but preserved a stony silence； there was an uncomfortable cloud on her hostess's brow； while her aunt； whom she could see at some distance on the other side of the table； looked very white and wretched。
It is wonderful how rude people can be； even in good society； and the looks of 〃blank amaze；〃 〃cold surprise；〃 and 〃cool curiosity〃 which Erica received would hardly be credited。 A greater purgatory to a sensitive girl； whose pride was by no means conquered； can hardly be conceived。
She choked down a little food； unable to reject everything； but her throat almost refused to swallow it。 The glare of the lights； the oppressive atmosphere； the babel of tongues seemed to beat upon her brain； and a sick longing for home almost overmastered her。 Oh； to get away from these so…called Christians； with their cruel judgments； their luxuries； their gayeties these hard； rich bigots； who yet belonged to the body she had just joined； with who； in the eyes of her old friends； she should be identified！ Oh； for the dear old book…lined study at home！ For one moment with her father！ One word from a being who loved and trusted her！ Tears started to her eyes； but the recollection that even home was no longer a place of refuge checked them。 There would be Aunt Jean's wearing remonstrances and sarcastic remarks； there would be Mr。 Masterman's patronizing contempt； and Tom's studious avoidance of the matters she had most at heart。 Was it worse to be treated as a well…meaning idiot； or as an outcast and semi…heretic？ Never till now had she so thoroughly realized her isolation； and she felt so bruised and buffeted and weary that the realization at that particular time was doubly trying。
Isolation is perhaps the greatest of all trials to a sensitive and warm…hearted nature； and nothing but the truest and deepest love for the whole race can possibly keep an isolated person from growing bitter。 Erica knew this； had known it ever since Brian had brought her the message from her mother； 〃It is only love that can keep from bitterness。〃 All through these years she had been struggling hard； and though there had been constant temptations； though the harshness of the bigoted； the insults offered to her father in the name of religion； the countless slights and slanders had tried her to the utmost； she had still struggled upward； and in spite of all had grown in love。 But now； for the first time； she found herself completely isolated。 The injustice； the hardness of it proved too much for her。 She forgot that those who would be peace…makers reconcilers； must be content to receive the treatment which the Prince of Peace received； she forgot that these rich； contemptuous people were her brothers and sisters； and that their hard judgment did not and could not alter their relationship； she forgot all in a burning indignation； in an angry revolt against the injustice of the world。
She would study these people； she would note all their little weaknesses and foibles。 Mr。 Bircham had given her carte blanche for these three weeks； she would write him a deliciously sarcastic article on modern society。 The idea fixed her imagination； she laughed to herself at the thought； for； however sad the fact； it is nevertheless true that to ordinary mortals 〃revenge is sweet。〃 Had she given herself time to think out matters calmly； she would have seen that boh Christianity and the rules of art were opposed to her idea。 It is true that Michael Angelo and other painters used to revenge themselves on the cardinals or enemies they most hated by painting them in the guise of devils； but both they and their art suffered by such a concession to an animal passion。 And Erica fell grievously that evening。 This is one of the evils of social ostracism。 It is unjust； unnatural； and selfish。 To preserve what it considers the dignity of society； it drives human beings into an unnatural position； it fosters the very evils which it denounces。 And society is grossly unfair。 A word； a breath； a false libel in a newspaper is quite sufficient。 It will never trouble itself to inquire minutely into the truth； but will pronounce its hasty judgment； and then ostracize。
Erica began to listen attentively to the conversation； and it must be owned that it was not very edifying。 Then she studied the faces and manners of her companions； and； being almost in the middle of the table； she had a pretty good view。 Every creature she studied maliciously； keenly； sarcastically； until she came to the end of the table； and there a most beautiful face brought her back to herself for a minute with a sort of shock。 Where had she seen it before？ A strong； manly face of the Roman type； clean…shaven； save for a very slight mustache； which did not conceal the firm yet sensitive mouth； dark eyes； which even as she wondered met hers fully for an instant； and gave her a strange feeling of protection。 She knew that at least one person in the room did not shudder at the idea of sitting at table with Luke Raeburn's daughter。
Better thoughts returned to her； she grew a little ashamed of her malice； and began to wonder who that ideal man could be。 Apparently he was one of the distinguished guests； for he had taken down Lady Caroline herself。 Erica was just too far off to hear what he said； and in another moment she was suddenly recalled to Mr。 Cuthbert。 He was talking to the old gentleman on her left hand； who had been silently surveying her at intervals as though he fancied she could not be quite human。
〃Have you been following this Kellner trial？〃 asked Mr。 Cuthbert。 〃Disgraceful affair； isn't it？〃
Then followed references to Eric Haeberlein； and veiled hints about his London friends and associates more dangerous to the country than say foreigners； 〃traitors； heady； high…minded；〃 etc。； etc。 Such evil…doers always managed to keep within the letter of the law； but； for his part； he thought they deserved to be shut up； more than most of those who get penal servitude for life。
Erica's wrath blazed up again。 Of course the veiled hints were intended to refer to her father； and the cruelty and insolence of the speaker who knew that she understood his allusions scattered all her better thoughts。 It required a strong effort of will to keep her anger and distress from becoming plainly visible。 Her unwillingness to give Mr。 Cuthbert such a gratification could not have strengthened her sufficiently； but love and loyalty to her father and Eric Haeberlein had carried her through worse ordeals than this。
She showed no trace of embarrassment； but moved a very little further back in her chair； implying by a sort of quiet dignity of manner； that she thought Mr。 Cuthbert exceedingly ill…mannered to talk across her。
Feeling that his malicious endeavor had entirely failed； and stung by her dignified disapproval； Mr。 Cuthbert struck out vindictively。 Breaking the silence he had maintained toward her； he suddenly flashed round upon her with a question。
〃I suppose you are intimately acquainted with Eric Haeberlein？〃
He tried to make his tone casual and seemingly courteous； but
