we two-第69章

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judge　secularism　by　its　very　best　representatives；　dead　or　living；　is　unfair　and　what　is　unfair　in　one　case　is　unfair　in　another。〃

〃Well；　if　I　judged　it　by　you；　perhaps　I　might　take　a　different　view　of　it；〃　said　Raeburn。　　〃But　then　you　had　the　advantage　of　some　years　of　secularism。〃

〃Not　by　me！〃　cried　Erica。　　〃How　can　it　seem　anything　but　very　faulty　when　you　judge　it　only　by　faulty　people？　　Why　not　judge　it　by　the　life　and　character　of　Christ？〃

Raeburn　turned　away　with　a　gesture　of　impatience。

〃A　myth！　　A　poetic　creation　long　ago　distorted　out　of　its　true　proportions！　　There；　child；　I　see　we　must　stop。　　I　only　pain　you　and　torture　myself　by　arguing　the　question。〃

〃One　more　thing；〃　said　Erica；　〃before　we　go　back　to　the　old　silence。　　Father；　if　you　would　only　write　a　life　of　Christ　I　mean；　a　really　complete　life；　the　one　you　wrote　years　ago　was　scarcely　more　than　a　pamphlet。〃

He　smiled；　knowing　that　she　thought　the　deep　study　necessary　for　such　an　undertaking　would　lead　to　a　change　in　his　views。

〃My　dear；〃　he　said；　〃perhaps　I　would；　but　just　see　how　I　am　overdone。　　I　couldn't　write　an　elaborate　thing　now。　　Besides；　there　is　the　book　on　the　Pentateuch　not　half　finished　though　it　was　promised　months　ago。　　Perhaps　a　year　or　two　hence　when　Pogson　gives　me　time　to　draw　a　long　breath；　I'll　attempt　it；　but　I　have　an　idea　that　one　or　other　of　us　will　have　to　be　'kilt　intirely'　before　that　happy　time　arrives。　　Perhaps　we　shall　mutually　do　for　each　other；　and　reenact　the　historical　song。〃　　And；　with　laughter　in　his　eyes；　he　repeated：

〃There　once　were　two　cats　of　Kilkenny；　Each　thought　there　was　one　cat　too　many；　So　they　quarreled　and　spit；　and　they　scratched　and　they　bit；　Till；　excepting　their　nails　and　the　tips　of　their　tails；　Instead　of　two　cats；　there　weren't　any。〃

Erica　smiled　faintly；　but　sighed　the　next　minute。

〃Well；　there！　　It's　too　grave　a　matter　to　jest　about；〃　said　Raeburn。　　〃Oh；　bairn！　　If　I　could　but　save　you　from　that　brute's　malice；　I　should　care　very　little　for　the　rest。〃

〃Since　you　only　care　about　it　for　my　sake；　and　I　only　for　yours；　I　think　we　may　as　well　give　up　caring　at　all；〃　said　Erica；　looking　up　at　him　with　a　brave　smile。　　〃And；　after　all；　Mr。　Cringer；　Q。　C。　can　only　keep　me　in　purgatory　for　a　few　hours　at　the　outside。　　Don't　you　think；　too；　that　such　a　cruel　thing　will　damage　Mr。　Pogson　in　the　eyes　of　the　jury？〃

〃Unfortunately；　dear；　juries　are　seldom　inclined　to　show　any　delicate　considerateness　to　an　atheist；〃　said　Raeburn。

And　Erica　knew　that　he　spoke　truly　enough。

No　more　was　said　just　then。　　Raeburn　began　rapidly　to　run　through　his　remaining　correspondence　a　truly　miscellaneous　collection。　　Legal　letters；　political　letters；　business　letters　requests　for　his　autograph；　for　his　help；　for　his　advice　a　challenge　from　a　Presbyterian　minister　in　the　north　of　Scotland　to　meet　him　in　debate；　the　like　from　a　Unitarian　in　Norfolk；　a　coffin　and　some　insulting　verses　in　a　match　box；　and　lastly　an　abrasive　letter　from　a　clergyman；　holding　him　responsible　for　some　articles　by　Mr。　Masterman；　which　he　had　nothing　whatever　to　do　with；　and　of　which　he　in　fact　disapproved。

〃What　would　they　think；　Eric；　if　I　insisted　on　holding　the　Bishop　of　London　responsible　for　every　utterance　of　every　Christian　in　the　diocese？〃　said　Raeburn。

〃They　would　think　you　were　a　fool；〃　said　Erica；　cutting　the　coffin　into　little　bits　as　she　spoke。

Raeburn　smiled　and　penciled　a　word　or　two　on　the　letter　the　pith　of　a　stinging　reply。


CHAPTER　XXXV。　Raeburn　v。　Pogson

Oh；　God　of　mountains；　stars；　and　boundless　spaces！　Oh；　God　of　freedom　and　of　joyous　hearts！　When　Thy　face　looketh　forth　from　all　men's　faces　There　will　be　room　enough　in　crowded　marts。　Brood　Thou　around　me；　and　the　noise　is　o'er；　Thy　universe　my　closet　with　shut　door。

Heart；　heart；　awake！　　The　love　that　loveth　all　Maketh　a　deeper　calm　than　Horeb's　cave。　God　in　thee；　can　His　children's　folly　gall？　Love　may　be　hurt；　but　shall　not　love　be　brave？　Thy　holy　silence　sinks　in　dews　of　balm；　Thou　art　my　solitude；　my　mountain　calm。　　George　MacDonald

When　a　particularly　unpleasant　event　has　long　been　hanging　over　one's　head；　sure　to　come　at　some　time；　though　the　precise　date　is　unknown；　people　of　a　certain　disposition　find　it　quite　possible　to　live　on　pretty　comfortably　through　the　waiting　time。　　But　when　at　length　the　date　is　fixed；　when　you　know　that　that　which　you　dread　will　happen　upon　such　and　such　a　day；　then　the　waiting　begins　all　at　once　to　seem　intolerable。　　The　vague　date　had　been　awaited　calmly；　but　the　certain　date　is　awaited　with　a　wearing　anxiety　which　tells　fearfully　on　physical　strength。　　When　Erica　knew　that　the　action　for　libel　would　begin　in　a　fortnight's　time；　the　comparative　calmness　of　the　nine　months　which　had　passed　since　the　outset　of　the　matter　gave　place　to　an　agony　of　apprehension。　　Night　after　night　she　had　fearful　dreams　of　being　cross…examined　by　Mr。　Cringer；　Q。C。；　who　always　forced　her　to　say　exactly　what　she　did　not　mean。　　Night　after　night　coldly　curious　eyes　stared　down　at　her　from　all　parts　of　a　crowded　court；　while　her　misery　was　completed　by　being　perfectly　conscious　of　what　she　ought　to　have　said　directly　it　was　too　late。

By　day　she　was　too　wise　to　allow　herself　to　dwell　on　the　future；　she　worked　doubly　hard；　laid　in　a　stock　of　particularly　interesting　books；　and　threw　herself　as　much　as　possible　into　the　lives　of　others。　　Happily；　the　Farrants　were　in　town；　and　she　was　able　to　see　a　great　deal　of　them；　while　on　the　very　day　before　the　trial　came　a　substantial　little　bit　of　happiness。

She　was　sitting　in　the　study　doing　some　copying　for　her　father　when　a　brougham　stopped　at　the　door。　　Erica；　who　never　failed　to　recognize　a　horse　if　she　had　once　seen　it　before；　who　even　had　favorites　among　the　dozens　of　omnibus　horses　which　she　met　daily　in　Oxford　Street；　at　once　knew　that　either　Donovan　or　Gladys　had　come　to　see　her。

She　ran　out　into　the　hall　to　meet　them；　but　had　no　sooner　opened　the　study　door　than　the　tiniest　of　dogs　trotted　into　the　room　and　began　sniffing　cautiously　at　her　father's　clothes。

〃Tottie　has　made　a　very　unceremonious　entrance；〃　said　a　clear；　mellow　voice　in　the　passage。　　〃May　we　come　in；　or　are　you　too　busy　today？〃

〃Oh；　please　come　in。　　Father　is　home；　and　I　do　so　want　you　to　meet；〃　said　Erica。　　〃You　have　brought　Dolly；　too！　　That　is　delightful。　　We　are　dreadfully　in　want　of　something　young　and　happy　to　cheer　us　up。〃

The　two　men　shook　hands　with　the　momentary　keen　glance　into　each　other's　eyes　which　those　give　who　have　heard　much　of　one　another　but　have　never　been　personally　acquainted。

〃As　to　Dolly；〃　said　Donovan；　〃she　requires　no　introduction　to　Mr。　Raeburn。〃

〃No；〃　said　Erica；　laughing；　〃she　cried　all　over　his　coat　two　years　ago。〃

Dolly　did　not　often　wait　for　introductions　unless　she　disliked　people。　　And　no　child　could　have　found　it　in　its　heart　to　dislike　anything　so　big　and　kind　and　fatherly　as　Luke　Raeburn。

〃We　blought　a　little　dog　for　Elica；〃　she　said；　in　her　silvery　treble。

And　the　next　moment　she　was　established　on　Raeburn's　knee；　encouraged　to　thrust　a　little；　dimpled　hand　into　his　pocket　for　certain　Edinburgh　dainties。

〃Dolly　does　not　beat　about　the　bush；〃　said　Donovan；　smiling。　　〃Would　you　at　all　care　to　have　this　small　animal？　　I　knew　you　were　fond　of　dogs；　and　Gladys　and　I　saw　this　little　toy　Esquimanx　the　other　day　and　fell　in　love　with　him。　　I　find　though　that　another　dog　rather　hurts　Waif's　feelings；　so　you　will　be　doing　a　kindness　to　him　as　well　if　you　will　accept　'Tottie。'〃

〃Oh；　how　delightful　of　you！　　It　was　kind　of　you　to　think　of　it；〃　said　Erica。　　〃I　have　always　so　longed　to　have　a　dog　of　my　own。　　And　this　is　such　a　little　beauty！　　Is　it　not　a　very　rare　breed？〃

〃I　believe　it　is；　and　I　think　he's　a　loving　little　beggar；　too；〃　replied　Donovan。　　〃He　is　making　himself　quite　at　home　here；　is　he　not？〃

And　in　truth　the　small　dog　seemed　deeply　interested　in　his　new　residence。　　He　was　the　tiniest　of　his　kind；　and　was　covered　with　long　black　hair　which　stood　straight　up　on　end；　his　pointed　nose；　bright　brown　eyes；　and　cunning　little　ears；　set　in　the　frame　work　of　bushy　hair；　gave　him　a　most　sagacious　appearance。　　And　just　now　he　was　brimful　of　curiosity；　pattering　all　over　the　room；　poking　his　nose　into　a　great　pile　of　〃Idol…Breakers；〃　sniffing　at　theological　and　anti…theological　books　with　perfect　impartiality；　rubbing　himself　against　Raeburn's　foot　in　the　most　ingratiating　way；　and　finally　springing　up　on　Erica's　lap　with　the　oddest　mixture　of　defiance　and　devotion　in　his　eyes　which　said　as　plainly　as　if　he　had　spoken：　〃People　may　say　what　they　like　about　you；　but　I'm　your　faithful　dog　from　this　day　forward！〃

Raeburn　was　obliged　to　go　out　almost　directly　as　he　had　an　appointment　in　the　city；　but　Erica　knew　that　he　had　seen　enough　of　Donovan　to　realize　what　he　was　and　was　satisfied。

〃I　am　so　glad　you　have　just　met；〃　she　said　when　he　had　left　the　room。　　〃And；　as　to　Dolly；　she's　been　a　real　god…send。　　I　haven't　seen　my　father　smile　before　for　a　week。〃

〃Strange；　is　it　not；　how　almost　always　children　instinctively　take　to　those　whom　the　world　treats　as　outcasts。　　I　have　a　great　belief　that　God　lets　the　pure　and　innocent　make　up　in　part　by　their　love　for　the　uncharitableness　of　the　rest　of　us。〃

〃That's　a　nice　thought；〃　said　Erica。　　〃I　have　never　had　much　to　do　with　children；　except　with　this　one。〃　　And　as　she　spoke　she　lifted　Dolly　on　her　lap　beside　Tottie。

〃I　have　good　reason　to　believe　in　both　this　kind　and　that；〃　said　Donovan；　touching　the　dusky　head　of　the　dog　and　the　sunny　hair　of　the　child。　　As　he　spoke　there　was　a　look　in　his　eyes　which　made　Erica　feel　inclined　almost　to　cry。　　She　knew　that　he　was　thinking　of　the　past　though　there　was　no　regret　in　his　expression；　only　a　shade　of　additional　gravity　about　his　lips　and　an　unusual　light　about　his　brow　and　eyes。　　It　was　the　face　of　a　man　who　had　known　both　the　evil　and　the　good；　and　had　now　reached　far　into　the　Unseen。

By　and　by　they　talked　of　Switzerland　and　of　Brian；　Donovan　telling　her　just　what　she　wanted　to　know　about　him　though　he　never　let　her　feel　that　he　knew　all　about　the　day　at　Fiesole。　　And　from　that　they　passed　to　the　coming　trial　of　which　he　spoke　in　exactly　the　most　helpful　way；　not　trying　to　assure　her；　as　some　well…meaning　people　had　done；　that　there　was　really　nothing　to　be　grieved　or　anxious　about；　but　fully　sympathizing　with　the　pain　while　he　somehow　led　her　on　to　the　thought　of　the　unseen　good　which　would　in　the　long　run　result　from　it。

〃I　do　believe　that　now；　with　all　my　heart。〃　she　said。

〃I　knew　you　did；〃　he　replied；　smiling　a　little。　　〃You　have　learned　it　since　you　were　at　Greyshot　last　year。　　And　once　learned　it　is　learned　forever。〃

〃Yes；〃　she　said　musingly。　　〃But；　oh！　　How　slowly　one　learns　in　such　little　bits。　　It's　a　great　mistake　to　think　that　we　grasp　the　whole　when　the　light　first　comes　to　us；　and　yet　it　feels　then　like　the　whole。〃

〃Because　it　was　the　whole　you　were　then　capable　of；〃　said　Donovan。　　〃But；　you　see；　you　grow。〃

〃Want　to　grow；　at　any　rate；〃　said　Erica。　　〃Grow　conscious　that　there　is　an　Infinite　to　grow　to。〃

Then；　as　in　a　few　minutes　he　rose　to　go：

〃Well；　you　have　done　me　good；　you　and　Dolly；　and　this　blessed　little　dog。