we two-第76章

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hat　it　frightened　the　bairnies　out　of　their　wits；　specially　as　it　was　first　carried　all　round　the　place　on　a　parish　coffin！〃

〃What　a　hateful　plan　that　effigy…burning　is！〃　said　Erica。　〃Were　you　not　really　hurt　at　all　when　they　upset　your　cab？〃

〃Perhaps　a　little　bruised；〃　said　Raeburn；　〃and　somewhat　angry　with　my　charitable　opponents。　　I　didn't　so　much　mind　being　overturned；　but　I　hate　being　balked。　　They　shall　have　the　lecture；　however；　before　long；　I'm　not　going　to　be　beaten。　　On　the　whole；　they　couldn't　have　chosen　a　worse　night　for　their　little　game。　　I　seriously　thought　we　should　never　grope　our　way　home　through　that　fog。　　It　has　quite　taken　me　back　to　my　young　days　when　this　sort　of　thing　met　one　on　every　hand；　and　there　was　no　little　daughter　to　cheer　me　up　then；　and　very　often　no　supper　either！〃

〃That　was　when　you　were　living　in　Blank　Street？〃

〃Yes；　in　a　room　about　the　size　of　a　sentry　box。　　It　was　bearable　all　except　the　black　beetles！　　I've　never　seen　such　beetles　before　or　since　twice　the　size　of　the　ordinary　ones。　　I　couldn't　convince　the　landlady　that　they　even　existed；　she　always　maintained　that　they　never　rose　to　the　attics；　but　one　night　I　armed　myself　with　Cruden's　Concordance　and；　thanks　to　its　weight　and　my　good　aim；　killed　six　at　a　time；　and　produced　the　corpses　as　evidence。　　I　shall　never　forget　the　good　lady's　face！　　'You　see；　sir；'　she　said；　'they　never　come　by　day；　they　'ates　the　light　because　their　deeds　is　evil。'〃

〃Were　the　beetles　banished　after　that？〃　asked　Erica；　laughing。

〃No；　they　went　on　to　the　bitter　end；〃　said　Raeburn　with　one　of　his　bright；　humorous　looks。　〃And　I　believe　the　landlady　put　it　all　down　to　my　atheistical　views　a　just　retribution　for　harboring　such　a　notorious　fellow　in　her　house！　　But　there；　my　child；　we　mustn't　sit　up　any　longer　gossiping；　run　off　to　bed。　　I'll　see　that　the　lights　are　all　out。〃


CHAPTER　XXXVII。　Dreeing　Out　the　Inch

Skepticism　for　that　century　we　must　consider　as　the　decay　of　old　ways　of　believing；　the　preparation　afar　off　for　new；　better；　and　wider　ways　an　inevitable　thing。　　We　will　not　blame　men　for　it；　we　will　lament　their　hard　fate。　　We　will　understand　that　destruction　of　old　forms　is　not　destruction　of　everlasting　substances；　that　skepticism；　as　sorrowful　and　hateful　as　we　see　it；　is　not　an　end　but　a　beginning。　　Carlyle

One　June　evening；　an　elderly　man　with　closely　cropped　iron…gray　hair；　might　have　been　seen　in　a　certain　railway　carriage　as　the　Folkestone　train　reached　its　destination。　　The　Cannon　Street　platform　was；　as　usual；　the　scene　of　bustle　and　confusion；　most　of　the　passengers　were　met　by　friends　or　relatives；　others　formed　a　complete　party　in　themselves；　and；　with　the　exception　of　the　elderly　man；　there　was　scarcely　a　unit　among　them。　　The　fact　of　his　loneliness　would　not；　of　course；　have　been　specially　remarkable　had　it　not　been　that　he　was　evidently　in　the　last　stage　of　some　painful　illness；　he　was　also　a　foreigner　and；　not　being　accustomed　to　the　English　luggage　system；　he　had　failed　to　secure　a　porter　as　the　train　drew　up　and　so；　while　the　others　were　fighting　their　way　to　the　van；　he；　who　needed　assistance　more　than　any　of　them；　was　left　to　shift　for　himself。　　He　moved　with　great　difficulty；　dragging　down　from　the　carriage　a　worn　black　bag；　and　occasionally　muttering　to　himself；　not　as　a　peevish　invalid　would　have　done；　but　as　if　it　were　a　sort　of　solace　to　his　loneliness。

〃The　hardest　day　I've　had；　this！　　If　I　had　but　my　Herzblattchen　now；　how　quickly　she　would　pilot　me　through　this　throng。　　Ah　well！　　Having　managed　to　do　the　rest；　I'll　not　be　beaten　by　this　last　bit。　　Potztausend！　　These　English　are　all　elbows！〃

He　frowned　with　pain　as　the　self…seeking　crowd　pushed　and　jostled　him；　but　never　once　lost　his　temper；　and　at　length；　after　long　waiting；　his　turn　came　and；　having　secured　his　portmanteau；　he　was　before　long　driving　away　in　the　direction　of　Bloomsbury。　　His　strength　was　fast　ebbing　away；　and　the　merciless　jolting　of　the　cab　evidently　tried　him　to　the　utmost；　but　he　bore　up　with　the　strong　endurance　of　one　who　knows　that　at　the　end　of　the　struggle　relief　awaits　him。

〃If　he　is　only　at　home；〃　he　muttered　to　himself；　〃all　will　be　well。　　He'll　know　where　I　ought　to　go；　he'll　do　it　all　for　me　in　the　best　way。　　ACH！　　Gott　in　himmel！　　But　I　need　some　one！〃

With　an　excruciating　jerk　the　cab　drew　up　before　a　somewhat　grim…looking　house；　Had　he　arrived　at　the　himmel　he　had　just　been　speaking　of；　the　traveler　could　not　have　given　an　exclamation　of　greater　relief。　　He　crawled　up　the　steps；　overruled　some　question　on　the　part　of　the　servant；　and　was　shown　into　a　brightly　lighted　room。　　At　one　glance　he　had　taken　in　the　whole　of　that　restful　picture　so　welcome　to　his　sore　need。　　It　was　a　good　sized　room；　lined　with　books；　which　had　evidently　seen　good　service；　many　of　them　had　been　bought　with　the　price　of　foregone　meals；　almost　all　of　them　embodied　some　act　of　denial。　　Above　the　mantel　piece　hung　a　little　oil　painting　of　a　river　scene；　the　sole　thing　not　strictly　of　a　useful　order；　for　the　rest　of　the　contents　of　this　study　were　all　admirably　adapted　for　working　purposes；　but　were　the　reverse　of　luxurious。

Seated　at　the　writing　table　was　the　master　of　the　house；　who　had　impressed　his　character　plainly　enough　on　his　surroundings。　　He　looked　up　with　an　expression　of　blank　astonishment　on　hearing　the　name　of　his　visitor；　then　the　astonishment　changed　to　incredulity；　but；　when　the　weary　traveler　actually　entered　the　room；　he　started　up　with　an　exclamation　of　delight　which　very　speedily　gave　place　to　dismay　when　he　saw　how　ill　his　friend　was。

〃Why；　Haeberlein！〃　he　said；　grasping　his　hand；　〃what　has　happened　to　you？〃

〃Nothing　very　remarkable；〃　replied　Haeberlein；　smiling。　　〃Only　a　great　wish　to　see　you　before　I　die。〃　　Then；　seeing　that　Raeburn's　face　changed　fearfully　at　these　words；　〃Yes；　it　has　come　to　that；　my　friend。　　I've　a　very　short　time　left；　and　I　wanted　to　see　you；　can　you　tell　me　of　rooms　near　here；　and　of　a　decent　doctor？〃

〃Of　a　doctor；　yes；〃　said　Raeburn；　〃of　one　who　will　save　your　life；　I　hope；　and　for　rooms　there　are　none　that　I　know　of　except　in　this　house；　where　you　will　of　course　stay。〃

〃With　the　little　Herzblattchen　to　nurse　me？〃　said　Haeberlein　with　a　sigh　of　weary　content　as　he　sank　back　in　an　arm　chair。　　〃That　would　be　a　very　perfect　ending；　but　think　what　the　world　would　say　of　you　if　I；　who　have　lent　a　hand　to　so　much　that　you　disapprove；　died　in　your　house；　inevitably　you　would　be　associated　with　my　views　and　my　doings。〃

〃May　be！〃　said　Raeburn。　　〃But　I　hope　I　may　say　that　I've　never　refused　to　do　what　was　right　for　fear　of　unpleasant　consequences。　　No；　no；　my　friend；　you　must　stay　here。　　A　hard　life　has　taught　me　that；　for　one　in　my　position；　it　is　mere　waste　of　time　to　consider　what　people　will　say；　they　will　say　and　believe　the　worst　that　can　be　said　and　believed　about　me；　and　thirty　years　of　this　sort　of　thing　has　taught　me　to　pay　very　little　regard　to　appearances。〃

As　he　spoke　he　took　up　the　end　of　a　speaking　tube　which　communicated　with　the　green　room；　Haeberlein　watching　his　movements　with　the　placid；　weary　indifference　of　one　who　is　perfectly　convinced　that　he　is　in　the　right　hands。　　Presently　the　door　opened　and　Erica　came　in。　　Haeberlein　saw　now　what　he　had　half　fancied　at　Salzburg　that；　although　loving　diminutives　would　always　come　naturally　to　the　lips　when　speaking　of　Erica；　she　had　in　truth　lost　the　extreme　youthfulness　of　manner　which　had　always　characterized　her。　　It　had　to　a　great　extent　been　crushed　out　of　her　by　the　long　months　of　wearing　anxiety；　and　though　she　was　often　as　merry　and　kittenish　as　ever　　her　habitual　manner　was　that　of　a　strong；　quick　temperament　kept　in　check。　　The　restraint　showed　in　everything。　　She　was　much　more　ready　to　hear　and　much　less　ready　to　criticize；　her　humorous　talk　was　freer　from　sarcasm；　her　whole　bearing　characterized　by　a　sort　of　quiet　steadfastness　which　made　her　curiously　like　her　father。　　His　philosophical　calm　had　indeed　been　gained　in　a　very　different　way；　but　in　each　the　calmness　was　the　direct　result　of　exceptionally　trying　circumstances　brought　to　bear　on　a　noble　nature。

〃Herr　Haeberlein　has　come　here　to　be　nursed；〃　said　Raeburn　when　the　greetings　were　over。　〃Will　you　see　that　a　room　is　got　ready；　dear？〃

He　went　out　into　the　hall　to　dismiss　the　cab；　and　Haeberlein　seized　the　opportunity　to　correct　his　words。

〃He　thinks　I　shall　get　better；　but　it　is　impossible；　my　Herzblattchen；　it　is　only　a　question　of　weeks　now；　possibly　only　of　days。　　Was　I　wrong　to　come　to　you？〃

〃Of　course　not；〃　she　said　with　the　sort　of　tender　deference　with　which　she　always　spoke　to　him。　　〃Did　you　think　father　would　let　you　go　anywhere　else？〃

〃I　didn't　think　about　it；〃said　Haeberlein　wearily；　〃but　he　wouldn't；　you　see。〃

Raeburn　returned　while　he　was　speaking；　and　Erica　went　away　quickly　to　see　to　the　necessary　preparations。　　Herr　Haeberlein　had　come；　and　she　did　not　for　a　moment　question　the　rightness　of　her　father's　decision；　but　yet　in　her　heart　she　was　troubled　about　it；　and　she　could　see　that　both　her　aunt　and　Tom　were　troubled　too。　　The　fact　was　that　for　some　time　they　had　seen　plainly　enough　that　Raeburn's　health　was　failing；　and　they　dreaded　any　additional　anxiety　for　him。　　A　man　can　not　be　involved　in　continual　and　harassing　litigation　and　at　the　same　time　agitate　perseveringly　for　reform；　edit　a　newspaper；　write　books；　rush　from　Land's　End　to　John　O'Groat's；　deliver　lectures；　speak　at　mass　meetings；　teach　science；　befriend　every　unjustly　used　person；　and　go　through　the　enormous　amount　of　correspondence；　personal　supervision；　and　inevitable　interviewing　which　falls　to　the　lot　of　every　popular　leader；　without　sooner　or　later　breaking　down。

Haeberlein　had　come；　however；　and　there　was　no　help　for　it。　　They　all　did　their　very　utmost　for　him；　and　those　last　weeks　of　tender　nursing　were　perhaps　the　happiest　of　his　life。　　Raeburn　never　allowed　any　one　to　see　how　the　lingering　expectation；　the　dark　shadow　of　the　coming　sorrow；　tried　him。　　He　lived　his　usual　busy　life；　snatching　an　hour　whenever　he　could　to　help　in　the　work　of　nursing；　and　bringing　into　the　sick　room　the　strange　influence　of　his　strength　and　serenity。

The　time　wore　slowly　on。　　Haeberlein；　though　growing　perceptibly　weaker；　still　lingered；　able　now　and　then　to　enter　into　conversation；　but　for　the　most　part　just　lying　in　patient　silence；　listening　with　a　curious　impartiality　to　whatever　they　chose　to　read　to　him；　or　whatever　they　began　to　talk　about。　　He　had　all　his　life　been　a　man　of　no　particular　creed；　and　he　retained　his　curious　indifference　to　the　end；　though　Erica　found　that　he　had　a　sort　of　vague　belief　in　a　First　Cause；　and　a　shadowy　expectation　of　a　personal　existence　after　death。　　She　found　this　out　through　Brian；　who　had　a　way　of　getting　at　the　minds　of　his　patients。

One　very　hot　afternoon　she　had　been　with　him　for　several　hours　when　about　five　o'clock　her　father　came　into　the　room。　　Another　prosecution　under　the　blasphemy　Laws　had　just　commenced。　　He　had　spent　the　whole　day　in　a　stifling　law　court；　and　even　to　the　dying　man　his　exhaustion　was　apparent。

〃Things　gone　badly？〃　he　asked。

〃Much　as　I　expected；〃　said　Raeburn；　taking　up　a　Marechal　Niel　rose　fr