we two-第83章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　was　for　the　most　part　very　still　as　if　wrapped　in　thought。　　At　length　a　heavy　sigh　made　Brian　ask　if　he　were　in　pain。

〃Pain　of　mind；〃　he　said；　〃not　of　body。　　Don't　misunderstand　me；〃　he　said　after　a　pause；　with　the　natural　fear　least　Brian　should　fancy　his　secularism　failed　him　at　the　near　approach　of　death。　　〃For　myself　I　am　content；　I　have　had　a　very　full　life；　and　I　have　tried　always　yes；　I　think　I　may　say　alwaysto　work　entirely　for　the　good　of　Humanity。　　But　I　am　wretched　about　Erica。　　I　do　not　see　how　the　home　can　be　a　very　happy　one　for　her　when　I　am　gone。〃

For　a　minute　Brian　hesitated；　but　it　seemed　to　him　when　he　thought　out　the　matter；　that　a　father　so　loving　as　Raeburn　would　find　no　jealousy　at　the　thought　that　the　love　he　had　deemed　exclusively　his　own　might；　after　all；　have　been　given　to　another。

〃I　do　not　know　whether　I　am　right　to　tell　you；〃　he　said。　　〃Would　it　make　you　happier　to　know　that　I　love　Erica　that　I　have　loved　her　for　nearly　nine　years？〃

Raeburn　gave　an　ejaculation　of　astonishment。　　There　was　a　long　silence；　for　the　idea；　once　suggested　to　him；　he　began　to　see　what　a　likely　thing　it　was　and　to　wonder　that　he　had　not　thought　of　it　before。

〃I　think　you　are　well　suited　to　each　other；〃　he　said　at　last。　　〃Now　I　understand　your　visit　to　Florence。　　What　took　you　away　again　so　suddenly？〃

Brian　told　him　all　about　the　day　at　Fiesole。　　He　seemed　greatly　touched；　all　the　little　proofs　and　coincidences　which　had　never　struck　him　at　the　time　were　so　plain　now。　　They　were　still　discussing　it　when；　at　about　five　o'clock；　Erica　returned。　　She　was　pale　and　sad；　but　the　worn；　harassed；　miserable　look　had　quite　gone。　　It　was　a　strange　time　and　place　for　a　betrothal。

〃Brian　has　been　telling　me　about　the　day　at　Fiesole；〃　said　Raeburn；　letting　his　weak；　nerveless　hands　play　about　in　her　hair　as　she　knelt　beside　the　bed。　　〃You　have　been　a　leal　bairn　to　me；　Eric；　I　don't　think　I　could　have　spared　you　then　even　though　Brian　so　well　deserved　you。　　But　now　it　makes　me　very　happy　to　leave　you　to　him；　it　takes　away　my　only　care。〃

Erica　had　colored　faintly；　but　there　was　an　absence　of　responsiveness　in　her　manner　which　troubled　Raeburn。

〃You　do　still　feel　as　you　did　at　Fiesole？〃　he　asked。　　〃You　are　sure　of　your　own　mind？　　You　think　you　will　be　happy？〃

〃I　love　Brian；〃　she　said　in　a　low　voice。　　〃But；　oh；　I　can't　think　now　about　being　happy！〃　　She　broke　off　suddenly　and　hid　her　face　in　the　bed　clothes。

There　was　silence　in　the　room。　　In　a　minute　she　raised　herself　and　turned　to　Brian　who　stood　beside　her。

〃You　will　understand；〃　she　said；　looking　right　into　his　eyes。　　〃There　is　only　one　thing　that　I　can　feel　just　now。　　You　do　understand；　I　know。〃

With　a　sudden　impulse　she　threw　her　arms　round　his　neck　and　kissed　him。

And　Brian　did　understand。　　He　knew；　too；　that　she　wanted　to　have　her　father　to　herself。　　Even　in　the　very　fulfillment　of　his　desire　he　was　obliged　to　stand　aside；　obliged　even　yet　to　be　patient。　　Never　surely　had　an　impulsive；　impetuous　man　a　longer　training。

When　he　had　gone　Raeburn　talked　for　some　time　of　Erica's　future；　talked　for　so　long；　indeed；　that　she　grew　impatient。　　How　trifling　now　seemed　the　sacrifice　she　had　made　at　Fiesole　to　which　he　kept　on　referring。

〃Oh；　why　do　you　waste　the　time　in　talking　of　me？〃　she　said　at　last。

〃Why？〃　he　said　smiling。　　〃Because　you　are　my　bairn　of　what　else　should　I　speak　or　think？　　For　myself；　I　am　very　content；　dear；　though　I　should　have　liked　a　few　more　years　of　work。　　It　was　not　to　be；　you　see；　and；　in　the　end；　no　doubt　this　will　work　good　to　the　cause　of　〃　he　broke　off；　unwilling　to　pain　her。

〃Ah；　child！〃　he　said　after　a　pause；　〃How　miserable　you　and　I　might　have　been　for　these　two　years　if　we　had　not　loved　each　other。　　You　are　not　to　think；　little　one；　that　I　have　not　known　what　your　wishes　have　been　for　me。　　You；　and　Brian；　and　Osmond；　and　of　late　that　noble　fellow　Farrant；　have　often　made　me　see　that　Christianity　need　not　necessarily　warp　the　intellect　and　cripple　the　life。　　I　believe　that　for　you；　and　such　as　you；　the　system　is　not　rooted　in　selfishness。　　But；　dear；　you　are　but　the　exceptions；　the　rare　exceptions。　　I　know　that　you　have　wished　with　all　your　heart　that　I　should　come　to　think　as　you　do；　while　I　have　been　wishing　you　back　into　the　ranks　of　secularism。　　Well！　　It　wasn't　to　be。　　We　each　of　us　lost　our　wish。　　But　there　is　this　left；　that　we　each　know　the　other　to　be　honest；　each　deem　it　a　case　of　honest　mistake。　　I've　felt　that　all　along。　　We've　a　common　love　of　truth　and　a　common　love　of　humanity。　　Oh；　my　child！　　Spite　of　all　the　creeds；　we　are　very　near　to　each　other！〃

〃Very　near；〃　she　whispered。　　And　words　which　Charles　Osmond　had　spoken　years　ago　returned　to　her　memory。　　〃I　think　death　will　be　your　gate　of　life。　　You　will　wake　up　and　exclaim：　〃Who'd　have　thought　it？〃

After　all；　death　would　in　a　sense　make　them　yet　nearer！　　But　human　nature　is　weak；　and　it　is　hard　for　us　to　realize　the　Unseen。　　She　could　not　then　feel　that　it　was　anything　but　hard；　bitter；　heart…　breaking　that　he　should　be　leaving　her　in　this　way。

The　pain　had　now　almost　entirely　ceased；　and　Raeburn；　though　very　restless；　was　better　able　to　talk　than　on　the　previous　day。　　He　asked　for　the　first　time　what　was　passing　in　the　world；　showed　special　interest　in　the　accounts　of　the　late　colliery　accident；　and　was　greatly　touched　by　the　gallant　efforts　of　the　rescuers　who　had　to　some　extent　been　successful。　　He　insisted；　too；　on　hearing　what　the　various　papers　had　to　say　about　his　own　case；　listening　sometimes　with　a　quiet　smile；　sometimes　with　a　gleam　of　anger　in　his　eyes。　　After　a　very　abusive　article；　which　he　had　specially　desired　to　hear；　he　leaned　back　with　an　air　of　weariness。

〃I'm　rather　tired　of　this　sort　of　thing！〃　he　said　with　a　sigh。　　〃What　will　the　'Herald'　do　when　it　no　longer　has　me　to　abuse？〃

Of　Drosser　and　of　the　events　of　that　Sunday　evening　he　spoke　strangely　little。　　What　he　did　say　was；　for　the　most　part；　said　to　Professor　Gosse。

〃You　say　I　was　rash　to　go　alone；〃　he　replied　when　the　professor　had　opened　the　subject。　　〃Well；　that　may　be。　　It　is　not；　perhaps；　the　first　time　that　in　personal　matters　I've　been　lacking　in　due　caution。　　But　I　thought　it　would　prevent　a　riot。　　I　still　think　it　did　so。〃

〃And　what　is　your　feeling　about　the　whole　matter？〃　asked　the　professor。　　〃Do　you　forgive　Drosser　for　having　given　you　this　mortal　injury？〃

〃One　must　bow　to　necessity；〃　said　Raeburn　quietly。　　〃When　you　speak　of　forgiving　I　don't　quite　understand　you；　but　I　don't　intend　to　hand　down　a　legacy　of　revenge　to　my　successors。　　The　law　will　duly　punish　the　man；　and　future　atheists　will　reap　the　benefit　of　my　death。　　There　is；　after　all；　you　know；　a　certain　satisfaction　in　feeling　that　I　died　as　I　have　lived；　in　defending　the　right　of　free　speech。　　I　can't　say　that　I　could　not　have　wished　that　Drosser　had　made　an　end　of　me　at　nine…and…seventy　rather　than　at　nine…and…forty。　　I　shall　live　on　in　their　hearts；　and　that　is　a　glorious　immortality！　　The　only　immortality　I　have　ever　looked　for。〃

In　the　afternoon　to　the　astonishment　of　all；　Mr。　Fane…Smith　came　over　from　Greyshot；　horrified　to　hear　that　the　man　who　he　had　once　treated　with　scant　justice　and　actual　discourtesy　was　lying　on　his　death　bed；　a　victim　to　religious　fanaticism。　　Spite　of　his　very　hard　words　to　her；　Erica　had　always　respected　Mr。　Fane…Smith；　and　she　was　glad　that　he　had　come　at　the　last。　　Her　aunt　had　not　come；　she　had　hesitated　long；　but　in　the　end　the　recollection　that　Greyshot　would　be　greatly　scandalized；　and　that；　too；　on　the　very　eve　of　her　daughter's　wedding　turned　the　scale。　　She　sent　affectionate　messages　and　a　small　devotional　book；　but　stayed　at　home。

Mr。　Fane…Smith　apologized　frankly　and　fully　to　Raeburn　for　his　former　discourtesy　and　then　plunged　at　once　into　eager　questions　and　eager　arguments。　　He　could　not　endure　the　thought　that　the　man　in　whom　at　the　last　he　was　able　to　recognize　a　certain　nobility　of　character；　should　be　sinking　down　into　what　he　considered　everlasting　darkness。　　Bitterly　did　he　now　regret　the　indifference　of　former　years；　and　the　actual　uncharitableness　in　which　he　had　of　late　indulged。

Raeburn　lay　very　passively　listening　to　an　impassioned　setting　forth　of　the　gospel；　his　hands　wandering　about　restlessly；　picking　up　little　bits　of　the　coverlet　in　that　strange　way　so　often　noticed　in　dying　people。

〃You　are　mistaken；〃　he　said　when　at　length　Mr。　Fane…Smith　ceased。　　〃Had　you　argued　with　me　in　former　years；　you　would　never　have　convinced　me；　your　books　and　tracts　could　never　have　altered　my　firm　convictions。　　All　my　life　I　have　had　tracts　and　leaflets　showered　down　upon　me　with　letters　from　pious　folks　desiring　my　conversion。　　I　have　had　innumerable　letters　telling　me　that　the　writers　were　praying　for　me。　　Well；　I　think　they　would　have　done　better　to　pray　for　some　of　my　orthodox　opponents　who　are　leading　immoral　lives；　but；　insofar　as　prayers　show　a　certain　amount　of　human　interest；　I　am　very　willing　that　they　should　pray　for　me　though　they　would　have　shown　better　taste　if　they　had　not　informed　me　of　their　supplications。　　But　don't　mistake　me；　it　is　not　in　this　way　that　you　will　ever　prove　the　truth　of　your　religion。　　You　must　show　justice　to　your　opponents　first。　　You　must　put　a　different　spirit　into　your　pet　word；　'Charity。'　　I　don't　think　you　can　do　it。　　I　think　your　religion　false。　　I　consider　that　it　is　rooted　in　selfishness　and　superstition。　　Being　convinced　of　this　when　I　was　still　young；　I　had　to　find　some　other　system　to　take　its　place。　　That　system　I　found　in　secularism。　　For　thirty　years　I　have　lived　as　a　secularist　and　have　been　perfectly　content　notwithstanding　that　my　life　has　been　a　very　hard　one。　　As　a　secularist　I　now　die　content。〃

Mr。　Fane…Smith　shuddered。　　This　was　of　course　inexpressibly　painful　to　him。　　He　could　not　see　that　what　had　disgusted　Raeburn　with　religion　had　been　the　distortion　of　Christ's　teaching；　and　that　in　truth　the　secularist　creed　embodied　much　of　the　truest　and　loftiest　Christianity。

Once　more　he　reiterated　his　arguments；　striving　hard　to　show　by　words　the　beauty　of　his　religion。　　But　Christianity　can　only　be　vindicated　by　deeds；　can　only　be　truly　shown　forth　in　lives。　　The　country；　the　〃Christian　Country；〃　as　it　was　fond　of　styling　itself；　had　had　thirty　years　in　which　to　show　to　Raeburn　the　loving　kindness；　the　brotherhood；　the　lofty　generosity　which　each　professed　follower　of　Christ　ought　to　show　in　his　life。　　Now　the　time　was　over；　and　it　was　too　late。

The　dying　man　bent　forward；　and　a　hard　look　came　into　his　eyes；　and　a　sternness　overspread　his　calm　face。

〃What　has　Christianity　done　for　me？〃　he　asked。　　〃Look　at　my　life。　　See　how　I　have　been　treated。〃

And　Mr。　Fane…Smith　was　speechless。　　Conscience…stricken；　he　knew　that　to　this　there　was　no　reply　that　HE　could　honestly　make；　and　a　question　dawned　upon　his　mind　Was　his　own　〃Christianity〃　really　that　of　Christ？

As　evening　drew　on；　Raeburn's　life　was　slowly　ebbing　away。　　Very　slowly；　for　to　the　last　he　fought　for　breath。　　All　his　nearest　friends　were　gathered　round　him；　and　to　the　end　he　was　clearly　conscious　and；　as　in　life；　calmly　philosophical。

〃I　have　been　well　'friended'　all　my　life；〃　he　said　once；　looking　round　at　the