the notch on the ax and on being found out-第18章

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sight　and　the　sun；　and　I　felt　a　fierce　strain　at　my　throat。　　But
the　words　of　Ayesha　had　warned　me；　with　one　rapid　hand　I　seized　the
noose　before　it　could　tighten　too　closely；　with　the　other　I　tore
the　bandage　away　from　my　eyes；　and；　wheeling　round　on　the　dastardly
foe；　struck　him　down　with　one　spurn　of　my　foot。　　His　hand；　as　he
fell；　relaxed　its　hold　on　the　noose；　I　freed　my　throat　from　the
knot；　and　sprang　from　the　copse　into　the　broad　sunlit　plain。　　I　saw
no　more　of　the　armed　men　or　the　Strangler。　　Panting　and　breathless；
I　paused　at　last　before　the　fence；　fragrant　with　blossoms；　that
divided　my　home　from　the　solitude。

The　windows　of　Lilian's　room　were　darkened；　all　within　the　house
seemed　still。

Darkened　and　silenced　home；　with　the　light　and　sounds　of　the　jocund
day　all　around　it。　　Was　there　yet　hope　in　the　Universe　for　me？　　All
to　which　I　had　trusted　Hope　had　broken　down；　the　anchors　I　had
forged　for　her　hold　in　the　beds　of　the　ocean；　her　stay　from　the
drifts　of　the　storm；　had　snapped　like　the　reeds　which　pierce　the
side　that　leans　on　the　barb　of　their　points；　and　confides　in　the
strength　of　their　stems。　　No　hope　in　the　baffled　resources　of
recognized　knowledge！　　No　hope　in　the　daring　adventures　of　Mind
into　regions　unknown；　vain　alike　the　calm　lore　of　the　practiced
physician；　and　the　magical　arts　of　the　fated　Enchanter！　　I　had　fled
from　the　commonplace　teachings　of　Nature；　to　explore　in　her
Shadowland　marvels　at　variance　with　reason。　　Made　brave　by　the
grandeur　of　love；　I　had　opposed　without　quailing　the　stride　of　the
Demon；　and　my　hope；　when　fruition　seemed　nearest；　had　been　trodden
into　dust　by　the　hoofs　of　the　beast！　　And　yet；　all　the　while；　I　had
scorned；　as　a　dream；　more　wild　than　the　word　of　a　sorcerer；　the
hope　that　the　old　man　and　the　child；　the　wise　and　the　ignorant；
took　from　their　souls　as　inborn。　　Man　and　fiend　had　alike　failed　a
mind；　not　ignoble；　not　skill…less；　not　abjectly　craven；　alike
failed　a　heart　not　feeble　and　selfish；　not　dead　to　the　hero's
devotion；　willing　to　shed　every　drop　of　its　blood　for　a　something
more　dear　than　an　animal's　life　for　itself！　　What　remainedwhat
remained　for　man's　hope？man's　mind　and　man's　heart　thus
exhausting　their　all　with　no　other　result　but　despair！　　What
remained　but　the　mystery　of　mysteries；　so　clear　to　the　sunrise　of
childhood；　the　sunset　of　age；　only　dimmed　by　the　clouds　which
collect　round　the　noon　of　our　manhood？　　Where　yet　was　Hope　found？
In　the　soul；　in　its　every…day　impulse　to　supplicate　comfort　and
light；　from　the　Giver　of　soul；　wherever　the　heart　is　afflicted；　the
mind　is　obscured。

Then　the　words　of　Ayesha　rushed　over　me：　〃What　mourner　can　be
consoled；　if　the　dead　die　forever？〃　　Through　every　pulse　of　my
frame　throbbed　that　dread　question；　all　Nature　around　seemed　to
murmur　it。　　And　suddenly；　as　by　a　flash　from　heaven；　the　grand
truth　in　Faber's　grand　reasoning　shone　on　me；　and　lighted　up　all；
within　and　without。　　Man　alone；　of　all　earthly　creatures；　asks；
〃Can　the　dead　die　forever？〃　and　the　instinct　that　urges　the
question　is　God's　answer　to　man。　　No　instinct　is　given　in　vain。

And　born　with　the　instinct　of　soul　is　the　instinct　that　leads　the
soul　from　the　seen　to　the　unseen；　from　time　to　eternity；　from　the
torrent　that　foams　toward　the　Ocean　of　Death；　to　the　source　of　its
stream；　far　aloft　from　the　Ocean。

〃Know　thyself；〃　said　the　Pythian　of　old。　　〃That　precept　descended
from　Heaven。〃　　Know　thyself！　　Is　that　maxim　wise？　　If　so；　know　thy
soul。　　But　never　yet　did　man　come　to　the　thorough　conviction　of
soul　but　what　he　acknowledged　the　sovereign　necessity　of　prayer。
In　my　awe；　in　my　rapture；　all　my　thoughts　seemed　enlarged　and
illumed　and　exalted。　　I　prayedall　my　soul　seemed　one　prayer。　　All
my　past；　with　its　pride　and　presumption　and　folly；　grew　distinct　as
the　form　of　a　penitent；　kneeling　for　pardon　before　setting　forth　on
the　pilgrimage　vowed　to　a　shrine。　　And；　sure　now；　in　the　deeps　of　a
soul　first　revealed　to　myself；　that　the　Dead　do　not　die　forever；　my
human　love　soared　beyond　its　brief　trial　of　terror　and　sorrow。
Daring　not　to　ask　from　Heaven's　wisdom　that　Lilian；　for　my　sake；
might　not　yet　pass　away　from　the　earth；　I　prayed　that　my　soul　might
be　fitted　to　bear　with　submission　whatever　my　Maker　might　ordain。
And　if　surviving　herwithout　whom　no　beam　from　yon　material　sun
could　ever　warm　into　joy　a　morrow　in　human　lifeso　to　guide　my
steps　that　they　might　rejoin　her　at　last；　and　in　rejoining；　regain
forever！

How　trivial　now　became　the　weird　riddle；　that；　a　little　while
before；　had　been　clothed　in　so　solemn　an　awe！　　What　mattered　it　to
the　vast　interests　involved　in　the　clear　recognition　of　Soul　and
Hereafter；　whether　or　not　my　bodily　sense；　for　a　moment；　obscured
the　face　of　the　Nature　I　should　one　day　behold　as　a　spirit？
Doubtless　the　sights　and　the　sounds　which　had　haunted　the　last
gloomy　night；　the　calm　reason　of　Faber　would　strip　of　their　magical
seemings；　the　Eyes　in　the　space　and　the　Foot　in　the　circle　might　be
those　of　no　terrible　Demons；　but　of　the　wild's　savage　children　whom
I　had　seen；　halting；　curious　and　mute；　in　the　light　of　the　morning。
The　tremor　of　the　ground　（if　not；　as　heretofore；　explicable　by　the
illusory　impression　of　my　own　treacherous　senses）　might　be　but　the
natural　effect　of　elements　struggling　yet　under　a　soil　unmistakably
charred　by　volcanoes。　　The　luminous　atoms　dissolved　in　the　caldron
might　as　little　be　fraught　with　a　vital　elixir　as　are　the　splendors
of　naphtha　or　phosphor。　　As　it　was；　the　weird　rite　had　no　magic
result。　　The　magician　was　not　rent　limb　from　limb　by　the　fiends。
By　causes　as　natural　as　ever　extinguished　life's　spark　in　the　frail
lamp　of　clay；　he　had　died　out　of　sightunder　the　black　veil。

What　mattered　henceforth　to　Faith；　in　its　far　grander　questions　and
answers；　whether　Reason；　in　Faber；　or　Fancy；　in　me；　supplied　the
more　probable　guess　at　a　hieroglyph　which；　if　construed　aright；　was
but　a　word　of　small　mark　in　the　mystical　language　of　Nature？　　If
all　the　arts　of　enchantment　recorded　by　Fable　were　attested　by
facts　which　Sages　were　forced　to　acknowledge；　Sages　would　sooner　or
later　find　some　cause　for　such　portentsnot　supernatural。　　But
what　Sage；　without　cause　supernatural；　both　without　and　within　him；
can　guess　at　the　wonders　he　views　in　the　growth　of　a　blade　of
grass；　or　the　tints　on　an　insect's　wing？　　Whatever　art　Man　can
achieve　in　his　progress　through　time；　Man's　reason；　in　time；　can
suffice　to　explain。　　But　the　wonders　of　God？　　These　belong　to　the
Infinite；　and　these；　O　Immortal！　will　but　develop　new　wonder　on
wonder；　though　thy　sight　be　a　spirit's；　and　thy　leisure　to　track
and　to　solve　an　eternity。

As　I　raised　my　face　from　my　clasped　hands；　my　eyes　fell　full　upon　a
form　standing　in　the　open　doorway。　　There；　where　on　the　night　in
which　Lilian's　long　struggle　for　reason　and　life　had　begun；　the
Luminous　Shadow　had　been　beheld　in　the　doubtful　light　of　a　dying
moon　and　a　yet　hazy　dawn；　there；　on　the　threshold；　gathering　round
her　bright　locks　the　aureole　of　the　glorious　sun；　stood　Amy；　the
blessed　child！　　And　as　I　gazed；　drawing　nearer　and　nearer　to　the
silenced　house；　and　that　Image　of　Peace　on　its　threshold；　I　felt
that　Hope　met　me　at　the　doorHope　in　the　child's　steadfast　eyes；
Hope　in　the　child's　welcoming　smile！

〃I　was　at　watch　for　you；〃　whispered　Amy。　　〃All　is　well。〃

〃She　lives　stillshe　lives！　　Thank　God；　thank　God！〃

〃She　livesshe　will　recover！〃　said　another　voice；　as　my　head　sunk
on　Faber's　shoulder。　　〃For　some　hours　in　the　night　her　sleep　was
disturbed；　convulsed。　　I　feared；　then；　the　worst。　　Suddenly；　just
before　the　dawn；　she　called　out　aloud；　still　in　sleep：

〃'The　cold　and　dark　shadow　has　passed　away　from　me　and　from　Allen
passed　away　from　us　both　forever！'

〃And　from　that　moment　the　fever　left　her；　the　breathing　became
soft；　the　pulse　steady；　and　the　color　stole　gradually　back　to　her
cheek。　　The　crisis　is　past。　　Nature's　benign　Disposer　has　permitted
Nature　to　restore　your　life's　gentle　partner；　heart　to　heart；　mind
to　mind〃

〃And　soul　to　soul；〃　I　cried　in　my　solemn　joy。　　〃Above　as　below；
soul　to　soul！〃　　Then；　at　a　sign　from　Faber；　the　child　took　me　by
the　hand　and　led　me　up　the　stairs　into　Lilian's　room。

Again　those　dear　arms　closed　around　me　in　wifelike　and　holy　love；
and　those　true　lips　kissed　away　my　tearseven　as　now；　at　the
distance　of　years　from　that　happy　morn；　while　I　write　the　last
words　of　this　Strange　Story；　the　same　faithful　arms　close　around
me；　the　same　tender　lips　kiss　away　my　tears。



Thomas　De　Quincey


The　Avenger


〃Why　callest　thou　me　murderer；　and　not　rather　the　wrath　of　God
burning　after　the　steps　of　the　oppressor；　and　cleansing　the　earth
when　it　is　wet　with　blood？〃


That　series　of　terrific　events　by　which　our　quiet　city　and
university　in　the　northeastern　quarter　of　Germany　were　convulsed
during　the　year　1816；　has　in　itself；　and　considered　merely　as　a
blind　movement　of　human　tiger…passion　ranging　unchained　among　men；
something　too　memorable　to　be　forgotten　or　left　without　its　own
separate　record；　but　the　moral　lesson　impressed　by　these　events　is
yet　more　memorable；　and　deserves　the　deep　attention　of　coming
generations　in　their　struggle　after　human　improvement；　not　merely
in　its　own　limited　field　of　interest　directly　awakened；　but　in　all
analogous　fields　of　interest；　as　in　fact　already；　and　more　than
once；　in　connection　with　these　very　events；　this　lesson　has
obtained　the　effectual　attention　of　Christian　kings　and　princes
assembled　in　congress。　　No　tragedy；　indeed；　among　all　the　sad　ones
by　which　the　charities　of　the　human　heart　or　of　the　fireside　have
ever　been　outraged；　can　better　merit　a　separate　chapter　in　the
private　history　of　German　manners　or　social　life　than　this
unparalleled　case。　　And；　on　the　other　hand；　no　one　can　put　in　a
better　claim　to　be　the　historian　than　myself。

I　was　at　the　time；　and　still　am；　a　professor　in　that　city　and
university　which　had　the　melancholy　distinction　of　being　its
theater。　　I　knew　familiarly　all　the　parties　who　were　concerned　in
it；　either　as　sufferers　or　as　agents。　　I　was　present　from　first　to
last；　and　watched　the　whole　course　of　the　mysterious　storm　which
fell　upon　our　devoted　city　in　a　strength　like　that　of　a　West　Indian
hurricane；　and　which　did　seriously　threaten　at　one　time　to
depopulate　our　university；　through　the　dark　suspicions　which
settled　upon　its　members；　and　the　natural　reaction　of　generous
indignation　in　repelling　them；　while　the　city　in　its　more
stationary　and　native　classes　would　very　soon　have　manifested　THEIR
awful　sense　of　things；　of　the　hideous　insecurity　for　life；　and　of
the　unfathomable　dangers　which　had　undermined　their　hearths　below
their　very　feet；　by　sacrificing；　whenever　circumstances　allowed
them；　their　houses　and　beautiful　gardens　in　exchange　for　days
uncursed　by　panic；　and　nights　unpolluted　by　blood。　　Nothing；　I　can
take　upon　myself　to　assert；　was　left　undone　of　all　that　human
foresight　could　suggest；　or　human　ingenuity　could　accomplish。　　But
observe　the　melancholy　result：　the　more　certain　did　these
arrangements　strike　people　as　remedies　for　the　evil；　so　much　the
more　effectually　did　they　aid　the　terror；　but；　above