the notch on the ax and on being found out-第66章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


turned　out　of　others；　avoided　by　his　fast　acquaintances；　cut　by　his
respectable　ones。　　It　was　enough　to　kill　a　weaker　man。

〃He　showed　no　resentment　at　the　measure　thus　dealt　out　to　him。
Indeed；　at　the　first；　except　for　Sylvia's　desertion　of　him；　he
seemed　dully　indifferent　to　it　all。　　It　was　as　if　his　soul　had　been
stunned；　from　the　moment　that　that　wretched　woman's　blood　had
splashed　upon　his　fingers；　and　her　dead　eyes　had　looked　up　into　his
own。

〃But　it　was　not　long　before　he　realized　the　full　extent　of　the
social　damnation　which　had　been　inflicted　upon　him；　and　he　then
resolved　to　leave　the　country　and　go　to　America。　　The　night　before
he　started　he　came　down　here　to　take　leave。　　I　was　here　looking
after　my　parentsGeorge；　whose　mind　was　almost　unhinged　by　the
family　disgrace；　having　gone　abroad　with　his　wife。　　My　mother　at
the　first　news　of　what　had　happened　had　taken　to　her　bed；　never　to
leave　it　again；　and　thus　it　was　in　my　presence　alone；　up　there　in
my　father's　little　study；　that　Jack　gave　him　that　night　the　whole
story。　　He　told　it　quietly　enough；　but　when　he　had　finished；　with　a
sudden　outburst　of　feeling　he　turned　upon　me。　　It　was　I　who　had
been　the　cause　of　it　all。　　My　insensate　folly　had　induced　him　to
make　the　unhappy　woman's　acquaintance；　to　allow　and　even　encourage
her　fatal　love；　to　commit　all　the　blunders　and　sins　which　had
brought　about　her　miserable　ending　and　his　final　overthrow。　　It　was
by　means　of　me　that　she　had　obtained　access　to　him　on　that　dreadful
night；　my　evidence　which　most　utterly　damned　him　in　public　opinion；
through　me　he　had　lost　his　reputation；　his　friends；　his　career；　his
country；　the　woman　he　loved；　his　hopes　for　the　future；　through　me；
above　all；　that　the　burden　of　that　horrible　death　would　lie　for
ever　on　his　soul。　　He　was　lashing　himself　to　fury　with　his　own
words　as　he　spoke；　and　I　stood　leaning　against　the　wall　opposite　to
him；　cold；　dumb；　unresisting；　when　suddenly　my　father　interrupted。
I　think　that　both　Jack　and　I　had　forgotten　his　presence；　but　at　the
sound　of　his　voice；　changed　from　what　we　had　ever　heard　it；　we
turned　to　him；　and　I　then　for　the　first　time　saw　in　his　face　the
death…look　which　never　afterwards　quitted　it。

〃'Stop；　Jack；'　he　said；　'Alan　is　not　to　blame；　and　if　it　had　not
been　in　this　way；　it　would　have　been　in　some　other。　　I　only　am
guilty；　who　brought　you　both　into　existence　with　my　own　hell…
stained　blood　in　your　veins。　　If　you　wish　to　curse　anyone；　curse
your　family；　your　name；　me　if　you　will；　and　may　God　forgive　me　that
you　were　ever　born　into　the　world！'〃

Alan　stopped　with　a　shudder；　and　then　continued；　dully；　〃It　was
when　I　heard　those　words；　the　most　terrible　that　a　father　could
have　uttered；　that　I　first　understood　all　that　that　old　sixteenth…
century　tale　might　mean　to　me　and　mine；I　have　realized　it　vividly
enough　since。　　Early　the　next　morning；　when　the　dawn　was　just
breaking；　Jack　came　to　the　door　of　my　room　to　bid　me　good…by。　　All
his　passion　was　gone。　　His　looks　and　tones　seemed　part　and　parcel
of　the　dim　gray　morning　light。　　He　freely　withdrew　all　the　charges
he　had　made　against　me　the　night　before；　forgave　me　all　the　share
that　I　had　had　in　his　misfortunes；　and　then　begged　that　I　would
never　come　near　him；　or　let　him　hear　from　me　again。　　'The　curse　is
heavy　upon　us　both；'　he　said；　'and　it　is　the　only　favor　which　you
can　do　me。'　　I　have　never　seen　him　since。〃

〃But　you　have　heard　of　him！〃　I　exclaimed；　〃what　has　become　of　him？〃

Alan　raised　himself　to　a　sitting　posture。　　〃The　last　that　I　heard；〃
he　said；　with　a　catch　in　his　voice；　〃was　that　in　his　misery　and
hopelessness　he　was　taking　to　drink。　　George　writes　to　him；　and
does　what　he　can；　but　II　dare　not　say　a　word；　for　fear　it　should
turn　to　poison　on　my　lips；I　dare　not　lift　a　hand　to　help　him；　for
fear　it　should　have　power　to　strike　him　to　the　ground。　　The　worst
may　be　yet　to　come；　I　am　still　living；　still　living：　there　are
depths　of　shame　to　which　he　has　not　sunk。　　And　oh；　Evie；　Evie；　he
is　my　own；　my　best…loved　brother！〃

All　his　composure　was　gone　now。　　His　voice　rose　to　a　kind　of　wail
with　the　last　words；　and　folding　his　arms　on　his　raised　knee；　he
let　his　head　fall　upon　them；　while　his　figure　quivered　with
scarcely　restrained　emotion。　　There　was　a　silence　for　some　moments
while　he　sat　thus；　I　looking　on　in　wretched　helplessness　beside
him。　　Then　he　raised　his　head；　and；　without　looking　round　at　me；
went　on　in　a　low　tone：　〃And　what　is　in　the　future？　　I　pray　that
death　instead　of　shame　may　be　the　portion　of　the　next　generation；
and　I　look　at　George's　boys　only　to　wonder　which　of　them　is　the
happy　one　who　shall　some　day　lie　dead　at　his　brother's　feet。　　Are
you　surprised　at　my　resolution　never　to　marry？　　The　fatal　prophecy
is　rich　in　its　fulfillment；　none　of　our　name　and　blood　are　safe；
and　the　day　might　come　when　I　too　should　have　to　call　upon　my
children　to　curse　me　for　their　birth；should　have　to　watch　while
the　burden　which　I　could　no　longer　bear　alone　pressed　the　life　from
their　mother's　heart。〃

Through　the　tragedy　of　this　speech　I　was　conscious　of　a　faint
suggestion　of　comfort；　a　far…off　glimmer；　as　of　unseen　home…lights
on　a　midnight　sky。　　I　was　in　no　mood　then　to　understand；　or　to　seek
to　understand；　what　it　was；　but　I　know　now　that　his　words　had
removed　the　weight　of　helpless　banishment　from　my　spiritthat　his
heart；　speaking　through　them　to　my　own；　had　made　me　for　life　the
sharer　of　his　grief。


VIII


Presently　he　drew　his　shoulders　together　with　a　slight　determined
jerk；　threw　himself　back　upon　the　grass；　and　turning　to　me；　with
that　tremulous；　haggard　smile　upon　his　lips　which　I　knew　so　well；
but　which　had　never　before　struck　me　with　such　infinite　pathos；
〃Luckily；〃　he　said；　〃there　are　other　things　to　do　in　life　besides
being　happy。　　Only　perhaps　you　understand　now　what　I　meant　last
night　when　I　spoke　of　things　which　flesh　and　blood　cannot　bear；　and
yet　which　must　be　borne。〃

Suddenly　and　sharply　his　words　roused　again　into　activity　the
loathsome　memory　which　my　interest　in　his　story　had　partially
deadened。　　He　noticed　the　quick　involuntary　contraction　of　my
muscles；　and　read　it　aright。　　〃That　reminds　me；〃　he　went　on；　〃I
must　claim　your　promise。　　I　have　told　you　my　story。　　Now；　tell　me
yours。〃

I　told　him；　not　as　I　have　set　it　down　here；　though　perhaps　even　in
greater　detail；　but　incoherently；　bit　by　bit；　while　he　helped　me
out　with　gentle　questions；　quickly　comprehending　gestures；　and
patient　waiting　during　the　pauses　of　exhaustion　which　perforce
interposed　themselves。　　As　my　story　approached　its　climax；　his
agitation　grew　almost　equal　to　my　own；　and　he　listened　to　the
close；　his　teeth　clenched；　his　brows　bent；　as　if　passing　again　with
me　through　that　awful　conflict。　　When　I　had　finished；　it　was　some
moments　before　either　of　us　could　speak；　and　then　he　burst　forth
into　bitter　self…reproach　for　having　so　far　yielded　to　his
brother's　angry　obstinacy　as　to　allow　me　to　sleep　the　third　night
in　that　fatal　room。

〃It　was　cowardice；〃　he　said；　〃sheer　cowardice！　　After　all　that　has
happened；　I　dared　not　have　a　quarrel　with　one　of　my　own　blood。　　And
yet　if　I　had　not　hardened　my　heart；　I　had　reason　to　know　what　I　was
risking。〃

〃How　do　you　mean？〃　I　asked。

〃Those　other　two　girls　who　slept　there；〃　he　said；　breathlessly；　〃it
was　in　each　case　after　the　third　night　there　that　they　were　found
deaddead；　Evie；　so　runs　the　story；　with　a　mark　upon　their　necks
similar　in　shape　and　position　to　the　death…wound　which　Margaret
Mervyn　inflicted　upon　herself。〃

I　could　not　speak；　but　I　clutched　his　hand　with　an　almost
convulsive　grip。

〃And　I　knew　the　story；I　knew　it！〃　he　cried。　　〃As　boys　we　were　not
allowed　to　hear　much　of　our　family　traditions；　but　this　one　I　knew。
When　my　father　redid　the　interior　of　the　east　room；　he　removed　at
the　same　time　a　board　from　above　the　doorway　outside；　on　which　had
been　writtenit　is　said　by　Dame　Alice　herselfa　warning　upon　this
very　subject。　　I　happened　to　be　present　when　our　old　housekeeper；
who　had　been　his　nurse；　remonstrated　with　him　warmly　upon　this　act；
and　I　asked　her　afterwards　what　the　board　was；　and　why　she　cared
about　it　so　much。　　In　her　excitement　she　told　me　the　story　of　those
unhappy　girls；　repeating　again　and　again　that；　if　the　warning　were
taken　away；　evil　would　come　of　it。〃

〃And　she　was　right；〃　I　said；　dully。　　〃Oh；　if　only　your　father　had
left　it　there！〃

〃I　suppose；〃　he　answered；　speaking　more　quietly；　〃that　he　was
impatient　of　traditions　which；　as　I　told　you；　he　at　that　time　more
than　half　despised。　　Indeed　he　altered　the　shape　of　the　doorway；
raising　it；　and　making　it　flat　and　square；　so　that　the　old
inscription　could　not　have　been　replaced；　even　had　it　been　wished。
I　remember　it　was　fitted　round　the　low　Tudor　arch　which　was
previously　there。〃

My　mind；　too　worn　with　many　emotions　for　deliberate　thought；
wandered　on　languidly；　and　as　it　were　mechanically；　upon　these　last
trivial　words。　　The　doorway　presented　itself　to　my　view　as　it　had
originally　stood；　with　the　discarded　warning　above　it；　and　then；　by
a　spontaneous　comparison　of　mental　vision；　I　recalled　the　painted
board　which　I　had　noticed　three　days　before　in　Dame　Alice's　tower。
I　suggested　to　Alan　that　it　might　have　been　the　identical　oneits
shape　was　as　he　described。　　〃Very　likely；〃　he　answered；　absently。
〃Do　you　remember　what　the　words　were？〃

〃Yes；　I　think　so；〃　I　replied。　　〃Let　me　see。〃　　And　I　repeated　them
slowly；　dragging　them　out　as　it　were　one　by　one　from　my　memory：


　　　　　〃Where　the　woman　sinned　the　maid　shall　win；
　　　　　　But　God　help　the　maid　that　sleeps　within。〃


〃You　see；〃　I　said；　turning　towards　him　slowly；　〃the　last　line　is　a
warning　such　as　you　spoke　of。〃

But　to　my　surprise　Alan　had　sprung　to　his　feet；　and　was　looking
down　at　me；　his　whole　body　quivering　with　excitement。　　〃Yes；　Evie；〃
he　cried；　〃and　the　first　line　is　a　prophecy；where　the　woman
sinned　the　maid　HAS　won。〃　　He　seized　the　hand　which　I　instinctively
reached　out　to　him。　　〃We　have　not　seen　the　end　of　this　yet；〃　he
went　on；　speaking　rapidly；　and　as　if　articulation　had　become
difficult　to　him。　　〃Come；　Evie；　we　must　go　back　to　the　house　and
look　at　the　cabinetnow；　at　once。〃

I　had　risen　to　my　feet　by　this　time；　but　I　shrank　away　at　those
words。　　〃To　that　room？　　Oh；　Alanno；　I　cannot。〃

He　had　hold　of　my　hand　still；　and　he　tightened　his　grasp　upon　it。
〃I　shall　be　with　you；　you　will　not　be　afraid　with　me；〃　he　said。
〃Come。〃　　His　eyes　were　burning；　his　face　flushed　and　paled　in　rapid
alternation；　and　his　hand　held　mine　like　a　vice　of　iron。

I　turned　with　him；　and　we　walked　back　to　the　Grange；　Alan
quickening　his　pace　as　he　went；　till　I　almost　had　to　run　by　his
side。　　As　we　approached　the　dreaded　room　my　sense　of　repulsion
became　almost　unbearable；　but　I　was　now　infected　by　his　excitement；
though　I　but　dimly　comprehended　its　cause。　　We　met　no　one　on　our
way；　and　in　a　moment　he　had　hurried　me　into　the　house；　up　the
stairs；　and　along　the　narrow　passage；　and　I　was　once　more　in　the
east　room；　and　in　the　presence　of　all　the　memories　of　that　accursed
night。　　For　an　instant　I　stood　strengthless；　helpless；　on　the
threshold；　my　gaze　fixed　panic…stricken　on