eugene pickering-第8章

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so　pretty　withal；　that　I　was　quite　ready　at　the　end　of　half　an　hour

to　subscribe　to　the　most　comprehensive　of　Pickering's　rhapsodies。

She　was　certainly　a　wonderful　woman。　　I　have　never　liked　to　linger；

in　memory；　on　that　half…hour。　　The　result　of　it　was　to　prove　that

there　were　many　more　things　in　the　composition　of　a　woman　who；　as

Niedermeyer　said；　had　lodged　her　imagination　in　the　place　of　her

heart　than　were　dreamt　of　in　my　philosophy。　　Yet；　as　I　sat　there

stroking　my　hat　and　balancing　the　account　between　nature　and　art　in

my　affable　hostess；　I　felt　like　a　very　competent　philosopher。　　She

had　said　she　wished　me　to　tell　her　everything　about　our　friend；　and

she　questioned　me　as　to　his　family；　his　fortune；　his　antecedents；　and

his　character。　　All　this　was　natural　in　a　woman　who　had　received　a

passionate　declaration　of　love；　and　it　was　expressed　with　an　air　of

charmed　solicitude；　a　radiant　confidence　that　there　was　really　no

mistake　about　his　being　a　most　distinguished　young　man；　and　that　if　I

chose　to　be　explicit；　I　might　deepen　her　conviction　to　disinterested

ecstasy；　which　might　have　almost　provoked　me　to　invent　a　good

opinion；　if　I　had　not　had　one　ready　made。　　I　told　her　that　she　really

knew　Pickering　better　than　I　did；　and　that　until　we　met　at　Homburg　I

had　not　seen　him　since　he　was　a　boy。



〃But　he　talks　to　you　freely；〃　she　answered；　〃I　know　you　are　his

confidant。　　He　has　told　me　certainly　a　great　many　things；　but　I

always　feel　as　if　he　were　keeping　something　back；　as　if　he　were

holding　something　behind　him；　and　showing　me　only　one　hand　at　once。

He　seems　often　to　be　hovering　on　the　edge　of　a　secret。　　I　have　had

several　friendships　in　my　lifethank　Heaven！　but　I　have　had　none

more　dear　to　me　than　this　one。　　Yet　in　the　midst　of　it　I　have　the

painful　sense　of　my　friend　being　half　afraid　of　me；　of　his　thinking

me　terrible；　strange；　perhaps　a　trifle　out　of　my　wits。　　Poor　me！　　If

he　only　knew　what　a　plain　good　soul　I　am；　and　how　I　only　want　to　know

him　and　befriend　him！〃



These　words　were　full　of　a　plaintive　magnanimity　which　made　mistrust

seem　cruel。　　How　much　better　I　might　play　providence　over　Pickering's

experiments　with　life　if　I　could　engage　the　fine　instincts　of　this

charming　woman　on　the　providential　side！　　Pickering's　secret　was；　of

course；　his　engagement　to　Miss　Vernor；　it　was　natural　enough　that　he

should　have　been　unable　to　bring　himself　to　talk　of　it　to　Madame

Blumenthal。　　The　simple　sweetness　of　this　young　girl's　face　had　not

faded　from　my　memory；　I　could　not　rid　myself　of　the　suspicion　that　in

going　further　Pickering　might　fare　much　worse。　　Madame　Blumenthal's

professions　seemed　a　virtual　promise　to　agree　with　me；　and；　after

some　hesitation；　I　said　that　my　friend　had；　in　fact；　a　substantial

secret；　and　that　perhaps　I　might　do　him　a　good　turn　by　putting　her　in

possession　of　it。　　In　as　few　words　as　possible　I　told　her　that

Pickering　stood　pledged　by　filial　piety　to　marry　a　young　lady　at

Smyrna。　　She　listened　intently　to　my　story；　when　I　had　finished　it

there　was　a　faint　flush　of　excitement　in　each　of　her　cheeks。　　She

broke　out　into　a　dozen　exclamations　of　admiration　and　compassion。

〃What　a　wonderful　talewhat　a　romantic　situation！　　No　wonder　poor

Mr。　Pickering　seemed　restless　and　unsatisfied；　no　wonder　he　wished　to

put　off　the　day　of　submission。　　And　the　poor　little　girl　at　Smyrna；

waiting　there　for　the　young　Western　prince　like　the　heroine　of　an

Eastern　tale！　　She　would　give　the　world　to　see　her　photograph；　did　I

think　Mr。　Pickering　would　show　it　to　her？　　But　never　fear；　she　would

ask　nothing　indiscreet！　　Yes；　it　was　a　marvellous　story；　and　if　she

had　invented　it　herself；　people　would　have　said　it　was　absurdly

improbable。〃　　She　left　her　seat　and　took　several　turns　about　the

room；　smiling　to　herself；　and　uttering　little　German　cries　of

wonderment。　　Suddenly　she　stopped　before　the　piano　and　broke　into　a

little　laugh；　the　next　moment　she　buried　her　face　in　the　great

bouquet　of　roses。　　It　was　time　I　should　go；　but　I　was　indisposed　to

leave　her　without　obtaining　some　definite　assurance　that；　as　far　as

pity　was　concerned；　she　pitied　the　young　girl　at　Smyrna　more　than　the

young　man　at　Homburg。



〃Of　course　you　know　what　I　wished　in　telling　you　this；〃　I　said；

rising。　　〃She　is　evidently　a　charming　creature；　and　the　best　thing　he

can　do　is　to　marry　her。　　I　wished　to　interest　you　in　that　view　of

it。〃



She　had　taken　one　of　the　roses　from　the　vase　and　was　arranging　it　in

the　front　of　her　dress。　　Suddenly；　looking　up；　〃Leave　it　to　me；　leave

it　to　me！〃　she　cried。　　〃I　am　interested！〃　　And　with　her　little　blue…

gemmed　hand　she　tapped　her　forehead。　　〃I　am　deeply　interested！〃



And　with　this　I　had　to　content　myself。　　But　more　than　once　the　next

day　I　repented　of　my　zeal；　and　wondered　whether　a　providence　with　a

white　rose　in　her　bosom　might　not　turn　out　a　trifle　too　human。　　In

the　evening；　at　the　Kursaal；　I　looked　for　Pickering；　but　he　was　not

visible；　and　I　reflected　that　my　revelation　had　not　as　yet；　at　any

rate；　seemed　to　Madame　Blumenthal　a　reason　for　prescribing　a　cooling…

term　to　his　passion。　　Very　late；　as　I　was　turning　away；　I　saw　him

arrivewith　no　small　satisfaction；　for　I　had　determined　to　let　him

know　immediately　in　what　way　I　had　attempted　to　serve　him。　　But　he

straightway　passed　his　arm　through　my　own　and　led　me　off　towards　the

gardens。　　I　saw　that　he　was　too　excited　to　allow　me　to　speak　first。



〃I　have　burnt　my　ships！〃　he　cried；　when　we　were　out　of　earshot　of　the

crowd。　　〃I　have　told　her　everything。　　I　have　insisted　that　it's

simple　torture　for　me　to　wait　with　this　idle　view　of　loving　her　less。

It's　well　enough　for　her　to　ask　it；　but　I　feel　strong　enough　now　to

override　her　reluctance。　　I　have　cast　off　the　millstone　from　round　my

neck。　　I　care　for　nothing；　I　know　nothing；　but　that　I　love　her　with

every　pulse　of　my　beingand　that　everything　else　has　been　a　hideous

dream；　from　which　she　may　wake　me　into　blissful　morning　with　a　single

word！〃



I　held　him　off　at　arm's…length　and　looked　at　him　gravely。　　〃You　have

told　her；　you　mean；　of　your　engagement　to　Miss　Vernor？〃



〃The　whole　story！　　I　have　given　it　upI　have　thrown　it　to　the　winds。

I　have　broken　utterly　with　the　past。　　It　may　rise　in　its　grave　and

give　me　its　curse；　but　it　can't　frighten　me　now。　　I　have　a　right　to

be　happy；　I　have　a　right　to　be　free；　I　have　a　right　not　to　bury

myself　alive。　　It　was　not　_I_　who　promisedI　was　not　born　then。　　I

myself；　my　soul；　my　mind；　my　optionall　this　is　but　a　month　old！

Ah；〃　he　went　on；　〃if　you　knew　the　difference　it　makesthis　having

chosen　and　broken　and　spoken！　　I　am　twice　the　man　I　was　yesterday！

Yesterday　I　was　afraid　of　her；　there　was　a　kind　of　mocking　mystery　of

knowledge　and　cleverness　about　her；　which　oppressed　me　in　the　midst

of　my　love。　　But　now　I　am　afraid　of　nothing　but　of　being　too　happy！〃



I　stood　silent；　to　let　him　spend　his　eloquence。　　But　he　paused　a

moment；　and　took　off　his　hat　and　fanned　himself。　　〃Let　me　perfectly

understand；〃　I　said　at　last。　　〃You　have　asked　Madame　Blumenthal　to　be

your　wife？〃



〃The　wife　of　my　intelligent　choice！〃



〃And　does　she　consent？〃



〃She　asks　three　days　to　decide。〃



〃Call　it　four！　　She　has　known　your　secret　since　this　morning。　　I　am

bound　to　let　you　know　I　told　her。〃



〃So　much　the　better！〃　cried　Pickering；　without　apparent　resentment　or

surprise。　　〃It's　not　a　brilliant　offer　for　such　a　woman；　and　in　spite

of　what　I　have　at　stake；　I　feel　that　it　would　be　brutal　to　press

her。〃



〃What　does　she　say　to　your　breaking　your　promise？〃　I　asked　in　a

moment。



Pickering　was　too　much　in　love　for　false　shame。　　〃She　tells　me　that

she　loves　me　too　much　to　find　courage　to　condemn　me。　　She　agrees　with

me　that　I　have　a　right　to　be　happy。　　I　ask　no　exemption　from　the

common　law。　　What　I　claim　is　simply　freedom　to　try　to　be！〃



Of　course　I　was　puzzled；　it　was　not　in　that　fashion　that　I　had

expected　Madame　Blumenthal　to　make　use　of　my　information。　　But　the

matter　now　was　quite　out　of　my　hands；　and　all　I　could　do　was　to　bid

my　companion　not　work　himself　into　a　fever　over　either　fortune。



The　next　day　I　had　a　visit　from　Niedermeyer；　on　whom；　after　our　talk

at　the　opera；　I　had　left　a　card。　　We　gossiped　a　while；　and　at　last　he

said　suddenly；　〃By　the　way；　I　have　a　sequel　to　the　history　of

Clorinda。　　The　major　is　at　Homburg！〃



〃Indeed！〃　said　I。　　〃Since　when？〃



〃These　three　days。〃



〃And　what　is　he　doing？〃



〃He　seems；〃　said　Niedermeyer；　with　a　laugh；　〃to　be　chiefly　occupied

in　sending　flowers　to　Madame　Blumenthal。　　That　is；　I　went　with　him

the　morning　of　his　arrival　to　choose　a　nosegay；　and　nothing　would

suit　him　but　a　small　haystack　of　white　roses。　　I　hope　it　was

received。〃



〃I　can　assure　you　it　was；〃　I　cried。　　〃I　saw　the　lady　fairly　nestling

her　head　in　it。　　But　I　advise　the　major　not　to　build　upon　that。　　He

has　a　rival。〃



〃Do　you　mean　the　soft　young　man　of　the　other　night？〃



〃Pickering　is　soft；　if　you　will；　but　his　softness　seems　to　have

served　him。　　He　has　offered　her　everything；　and　she　has　not　yet

refused　it。〃　　I　had　handed　my　visitor　a　cigar；　and　he　was　puffing　it

in　silence。　　At　last　he　abruptly　asked　if　I　had　been　introduced　to

Madame　Blumenthal；　and；　on　my　affirmative；　inquired　what　I　thought　of

her。　　〃I　will　not　tell　you；〃　I　said；　〃or　you'll　call　ME　soft。〃



He　knocked　away　his　ashes；　eyeing　me　askance。　　〃I　have　noticed　your

friend　about；〃　he　said；　〃and　even　if　you　had　not　told　me；　I　should

have　known　he　was　in　love。　　After　he　has　left　his　adored；　his　face

wears　for　the　rest　of　the　day　the　expression　with　which　he　has　risen

from　her　feet；　and　more　than　once　I　have　felt　like　touching　his

elbow；　as　you　would　that　of　a　man　who　has　inadvertently　come　into　a

drawing…room　in　his　overshoes。　　You　say　he　has　offered　our　friend

everything；　but；　my　dear　fellow；　he　has　not　everything　to　offer　her。

He　evidently　is　as　amiable　as　the　morning；　but　the　lady　has　no　taste

for　daylight。〃



〃I　assure　you　Pickering　is　a　very　interesting　fellow；〃　I　said。



〃Ah；　there　it　is！　　Has　he　not　some　story　or　other？　　Isn't　he　an

orphan；　or　a　natural　child；　or　consumptive；　or　contingent　heir　to

great　estates？　　She　will　read　his　little　story　to　the　end；　and　close

the　book　very　tenderly　and　smooth　down　the　cover；　and　then；　when　he

least　expects　it；　she　will　toss　it　into　the　dusty　limbo　of　her　other

romances。　　She　will　let　him　dangle；　but　she　will　let　him　drop！〃



〃Upon　my　word；〃　I　cried；　with　heat；　〃if　she　does；　she　will　be　a　very

unprincipled　little　creature！〃



Niedermeyer　shrugged　his　shoulders。　　〃I　never　said　she　was　a　saint！〃



Shrewd　as　I　felt　Niedermeyer　to　be；　I　was　not　prepared　to　take　his

simple　word　for　this　event；　and　in　the　evening　I　received　a

communication　which　fortified　my　doubts。　　It　was　a　note　from

Pickering；　and　it　ran　as　follows：…





〃My　Dear　Friend