napoleon bonaparte, v12-第8章

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attention　to　my　farm　during　the　long　absences　which　the　journeys　and
campaigns　of　the　Emperor　necessitated。　　Then　I　gave　full　vent　to　my
despair。　　I　was　choking　with　rage　as　I　remembered　that　my　honesty　had
been　suspected；I；　who　for　fourteen　years　had　served　the　Emperor　with　a
disinterestedness　which　was　so　scrupulous；　and　even　carried　to　such　a
point　that　many　persons　called　it　silliness；　I；　who　had　never　demanded
anything　of　the　Emperor；　either　for　myself　or　my　people！　　My　brain　reeled
as　I　tried　to　explain　to　myself　how　the　Emperor；　who　knew　all　this　so
well；　could　have　allowed　me　to　appear　to　a　third　person　as　a　dishonorable
man；　the　more　I　thought　of　it　the　more　extreme　became　my　irritation；　and
yet　it　was　not　possible　to　find　the　shadow　of　a　motive　for　the　blow　aimed
at　me。　　My　despair　was　at　its　height；　when　M。　Hubert；　ordinary　valet　de
chambre　of　the　Emperor；　came　to　tell　me　that　his　Majesty　would　give　me
all　I　wished　if　I　would　follow　him；　and　that　three　hundred　thousand
francs　would　be　immediately　handed　me。　　In　these　circumstances；　I　ask　of
all　honest　men；　what　could　I　do；　and　what　would　they　have　done　in　my
place？　　I　replied　that　when　I　had　resolved　to　consecrate　my　whole　life　to
the　service　of　the　unfortunate　Emperor；　it　was　not　from　views　of　vile
interest；　but　I　was　in　despair　at　the　thought　that　he　should　have　made　me
appear　before　Count　Bertrand　as　an　impostor　and　a　dishonest　man。　　Ah！
how　happy　would　it　then　have　been　for　me　had　the　Emperor　never　thought　of
giving　me　those　accursed　one　hundred　thousand　francs！　　These　ideas
tortured　me。　　Ah！　if　I　could　only　have　taken　twenty…four　hours　for
reflection；　however　just　might　have　been　my　resentment；　how　gladly　would
I　have　sacrificed　it！　　I　would　have　thought　of　the　Emperor　alone；　and
would　have　followed　him；　but　a　sad　and　inexplicable　fatality　had　not
decreed　this。

This　took　place　on　the　19th　of　April；　the　most　miserable　day　of　my　life。
What　an　evening；　what　a　night　I　passed！　　What　was　my　grief　on　learning
the　next　day　that　the　Emperor　had　departed　at　noon；　after　making　his
adieux　to　his　guard！　　When　I　awoke　that　morning；　all　my　resentment　had
been　appeased　in　thinking　of　the　Emperor。　　Twenty　times　I　wished　to
return　to　the　palace；　twenty　times　after　his　departure　I　wished　to　take
post　horses　and　overtake　him；　but　I　was　deterred　by　the　offer　he　had　made
me　through　M。　Hubert。　　〃Perhaps；〃　I　thought；　〃he　will　think　it　is　the
money　which　influences　me；　this　will；　doubtless；　be　said　by　those　around
him；　and　what　an　opinion　he　will　have　of　me！〃　　In　this　cruel　perplexity　I
did　not　dare　to　decide。　　I　suffered　all　that　it　is　possible　for　a　man　to
suffer；　and；　at　times；　that　which　was　only　too　true　seemed　like　a　dream
to　me；　so　impossible　did　it　seem　that　I　could　be　where　the　Emperor　was
not。　　Everything　in　this　terrible　situation　contributed　to　aggravate　my
distress。　　I　knew　the　Emperor　well　enough　to　be　aware　that　even　had　I
returned　to　him　then；　he　would　never　have　forgotten　that　I　had　wished　to
leave　him；　I　felt　that　I　had　not　the　strength　to　bear　this　reproach　from
his　lips。　　On　the　other　side；　the　physical　suffering　caused　by　my　disease
had　greatly　increased；　and　I　was　compelled　to　remain　in　bed　a　long　while。
I　could；　indeed；　have　triumphed　over　these　physical　sufferings　however
cruel　they　might　have　been；　but　in　the　frightful　complications　of　my
position　I　was　reduced　to　a　condition　of　idiocy；　I　saw　nothing　of　what
was　around　me；　I　heard　nothing　of　what　was　said；　and　after　this　statement
the　reader　will　surely　not　expect　that　I　shall　have　anything　to　say　about
the　farewell　of　the　Emperor　to　his　old　and　faithful　guard；　an　account　of
which；　moreover；　has　been　often　enough　published　for　the　facts　to　be　well
known　concerning　this　event；　which；　besides；　took　place　in　public。　　Here
my　Memoirs　might　well　close；　but　the　reader；　I　well　believe；　cannot
refuse　me　his　attention　a　few　moments　longer；　that　I　may　recall　some
facts　which　I　have　a　right　to　explain；　and　to　relate　some　incidents
concerning　the　return　from　the　Island　of　Elba。　　I；　therefore；　now
continue　my　remarks　on　the　first　of　these　heads；　and　the　second　will　be
the　subject　of　the　next　chapter。

The　Emperor　had　then　already　started；　and　as　for　myself；　shut　up　alone；
my　country　house　became　henceforth　a　sad　residence　to　me。　　I　held　no
communication　with　any　one　whatever；　read　no　news；　and　sought　to　learn
none。　　At　the　end　of　a　short　time　I　received　a　visit　from　one　of　my
friends　from　Paris；　who　said　to　me　that　the　journals　spoke　of　my　conduct
without　understanding　it；　and　that　they　condemned　it　severely。　　He　added
that　it　was　M。　de　Turenne　who　had　sent　to　the　editors　the　note　in　which
I　had　been　so　heavily　censured。　　I　must　say　that　I　did　not　believe　this；
I　knew　M。　de　Turenne　too　well　to　think　him　capable　of　a　proceeding　so
dishonorable；　inasmuch　as　I　had　frankly　explained　everything　to　him；　when
he　made　the　answer　I　gave　above。　　But　however　the　evil　came；　it　was
nevertheless　done；　and　by　the　incredible　complications　of　my　position　I
found　myself　compelled　to　keep　silence。　　Nothing　certainly　would　have
been　easier　than　to　repel　the　calumny　by　an　exact　rehearsal　of　the　facts；
but　should　I　justify　myself　in　this　manner　by；　so　to　speak；　accusing　the
Emperor　at　a　moment　especially　when　the　Emperor's　enemies　manifested　much
bitterness？　　When　I　saw　such　a　great　man　made　a　mark　for　the　shafts　of
calumny；　I；　who　was　so　contemptible　and　insignificant　among　the　crowd；
could　surely　allow　a　few　of　these　envenomed　shafts　to　fall　on　me。　　To…day
the　time　has　come　to　tell　the　truth；　and　I　have　done　so　without
restriction；　not　to　excuse　myself；　for　on　the　contrary　I　blame　myself　for
not　having　completely　sacrificed　myself；　and　for　not　having　accompanied
the　Emperor　to　the　Island　of　Elba　regardless　of　what　might　have　been
said。　　Nevertheless；　I　may　be　allowed　to　say　in　my　own　defense；　that　in
this　combination　of　physical　and　mental　sufferings　which　overwhelmed　me
all　at　once；　a　person　must　be　very　sure　of　infallibility　himself　to
condemn　completely　this　sensitiveness　so　natural　in　a　man　of　honor　when
accused　of　a　fraudulent　transaction。　　This；　then；　I　said　to　myself；　is
the　recompense　for　all　my　care；　for　the　endurance　of　so　much　suffering；
for　unbounded　devotion；　and　a　refinement　of　feeling　for　which　the　Emperor
had　often　praised　me；　and　for　which　he　rendered　me　justice　later；　as　will
be　seen　when　I　shall　have　occasion　to　speak　of　certain　circumstances
occurring　about　the　20th　of　March　of　the　following　year。

But　gratuitously；　and　even　malevolently；　interested　motives　have　been
attributed　to　me　for　the　decision　I　made　to　leave　the　Emperor。　　The
simplest　common…sense；　on　the　contrary；　would　suffice　to　see　that；　had　I
allowed　myself　to　be　guided　by　my　interests；　everything　would　have
influenced　me　to　accompany　his　Majesty。　　In　fact；　the　chagrin　which　the
incident　I　have　mentioned　caused　me；　and　the　manner　in　which　I　was
completely　overwhelmed　by　it；　have　injured　my　fortune　more　than　any
determination　to　follow　the　Emperor　could　possibly　have　done。　　What　could
I　hope　for　in　France；　where　I　had　no　right　to　anything？　　Is　it　not；
besides；　very　evident　to　whoever　would　recall　my　position；　which　was　one
of　confidence　near　the　Emperor；　that；　if　I　had　been　actuated　by　a　love　of
money；　this　position　would　have　given　me　an　opportunity　to　reap　an
abundant　harvest　without　injuring　my　reputation；　but　my　disinterestedness
was　so　well　known　that；　whatever　may　be　said　to　the　contrary；　I　can
assert　that　during　the　whole　time　my　favor　with　the　Emperor　continued；　I
on　no　occasion　used　it　to　render　any　other　but　unselfish　services；　and
often　I　refused　to　support　a　demand　for　the　sole　reason　that　the　petition
had　been　accompanied　by　offers　of　money；　which　were　often　of　very
considerable　amount。　　Allow　me　to　cite　one　example　among　many　others　of
the　same　nature。　　I　received　one　day　an　offer　of　the　sum　of　four　hundred
thousand　francs；　which　was　made　me　by　a　lady　of　a　very　noble　family；　if　I
would　influence　the　Emperor　to　consider　favorably　a　petition　in　which　she
claimed　indemnity　for　a　piece　of　property　belonging　to　her；　on　which　the
port　of　Bayonne　had　been　constructed。　　I　had　succeeded　in　obtaining
favorable　answers　to　applications　more　difficult　than　this；　but　I　refused
to　agree　to　support　her　petition　solely　on　account　of　the　offer　which　had
been　made　to　me；　I　would　have　been　glad　to　oblige　this　lady；　but　only　for
the　pleasure　of　being　obliging；　and　it　was　for　this　reason　alone　I
allowed　myself　to　solicit　of　the　Emperor　the　pardons　which　he　nearly
always　granted。　　Neither　can　it　be　said　that　I　ever　demanded　of　the
Emperor　licenses　for　lottery　drawings；　or　anything　else　of　this　kind；　in
which；　as　is　well　known；　a　scandalous　commerce　is　often　made；　and　which；
no　doubt；　if　I　had　demanded　them　of　the　Emperor　he　would　have　readily
granted。

The　confidence　in　me　which　the　Emperor　had　always　shown　was　such　that
even　at　Fontainebleau；　when　it　had　been　decided　that　none　of　the　ordinary
valets　de　chambre　were　to　accompany　him　to　the　Island　of　Elba；　the
Emperor　left　to　my　choice　the　selection　of　a　young　man　to　assist　me　in　my
duties。　　I　selected　a　boy　of　the　apartments；　whose　upright　character　was
well　known　to　me；　and　who　was；　moreover；　the　son　of　Madame　Marchand；　the
head　nurse　of　the　King　of　Rome。　　I　spoke　of　him　to　the　Emperor；　who
accepted　him；　and　I　went　immediately　to　inform　M。　Marchand；　who　received
the　position　most　gratefully；　and　proved　to　me；　by　his　thanks；　how
delighted　he　would　be　to　accompany　us。　　I　say　us；　for　at　this　moment　I
was　very　far　from　foreseeing　the　succession　of　fatal　events　which　I　have
faithfully　narrated；　and　it　may　be　seen　afterwards；　from　the　manner　in
which　M。　Marchand　expressed　himself　concerning　me　at　the　Tuileries　during
the　Hundred　Days；　that　I　had　not　bestowed　my　confidence　unworthily。




CHAPTER　XXIX。

I　became　a　stranger　to　all　the　world　after　the　departure　of　the　Emperor
for　the　Island　of　Elba；　and；　filled　with　a　deep　sense　of　gratitude　for
the　kindness　with　which　his　Majesty　had　overwhelmed　me　during　the
fourteen　years　I　had　passed　in　his　service；　thought　incessantly　of　this
great　man；　and　took　pleasure　in　renewing　in　memory　all　the　events；　even
the　most　trivial；　of　my　life　with　him。　　I　thought　it　best　suited　my
former　position　to　live　in　retirement；　and　passed　my　time　most　tranquilly
in　the　bosom　of　my　family　in　the　country…house　belonging　to　me。　　At　the
same　time　a　fatal　idea　preoccupied　my　mind　involuntarily；　for　I　feared
that　persons　who　were　jealous　of　my　former　favor　might　succeed　in
deceiving　the　Emperor　as　to　my　unalterable　devotion　to　his　person；　and
strengthen　in　his　mind　the　false　opinion　that　they　had　for　a　time
succeeded　in　giving　him　of　me。　　This　opinion；　although　my　conscience　told
me　that　it　was　unjust；　was　not　the　less　painful　to　me；　but；　as　will　soon
be　seen；　I　was　fortunate　enough　to　obtain　the　certainty　that　my　fears　in
this　respect　were　without　foundation。

Although　an　entire　stranger　to　politics；　I　had　read　with　deep　interest
the　newspapers　I　received　in　my　retreat；　since　the　great　political　change
to　which　the　name　of　the　Restoration　was　given；　and　it