all roads lead to calvary-第39章

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lady。　　I　could　never　have　gone　home　again。〃

〃But　you　haven't　married　heror　have　you？〃　asked　Joan。

〃No；〃　he　answered。　　〃She　wrote　me　a　beautiful　letter　that　I　shall　always　keep；　begging　me　to　forgive　her；　and　hoping　I　might　be　happy。　　She　had　married　a　young　farmer；　and　was　going　out　to　Canada。　　My　mother　will　never　allow　her　name　to　be　mentioned　in　our　house。〃

They　had　reached　the　end　of　the　street　again。　　Joan　held　out　her　hand　with　a　laugh。

〃Thanks　for　the　compliment；〃　she　said。　　〃Though　I　notice　you　wait　till　you're　going　away　before　telling　me。〃

〃But　quite　seriously；〃　she　added；　〃give　it　a　little　more　thought　the　enlisting；　I　mean。　　The　world　isn't　too　rich　in　kind　influences。　　It　needs　men　like　you。　　Come；　pull　yourself　together　and　show　a　little　pluck。〃　　She　laughed。

〃I'll　try；〃　he　promised；　〃but　it　won't　be　any　use；　I　shall　drift　about　the　streets；　seeking　to　put　heart　into　myself；　but　all　the　while　my　footsteps　will　be　bearing　me　nearer　and　nearer　to　the　recruiting　office；　and　outside　the　door　some　girl　in　the　crowd　will　smile　approval　or　some　old　fool　will　pat　me　on　the　shoulder　and　I　shall　sneak　in　and　it　will　close　behind　me。　　It　must　be　fine　to　have　courage。〃

He　wrote　her　two　days　later　from　Ayr；　giving　her　the　name　of　his　regiment；　and　again　some　six　months　later　from　Flanders。　　But　there　would　have　been　no　sense　in　her　replying　to　that　last。

She　lingered　in　the　street　by　herself；　a　little　time；　after　he　had　turned　the　corner。　　It　had　been　a　house　of　sorrow　and　disappointment　to　her；　but　so　also　she　had　dreamed　her　dreams　there；　seen　her　visions。　　She　had　never　made　much　headway　with　her　landlord　and　her　landlady：　　a　worthy　couple；　who　had　proved　most　excellent　servants；　but　who　prided　themselves；　to　use　their　own　expression；　on　knowing　their　place　and　keeping　themselves　to　themselves。　　Joan　had　given　them　notice　that　morning；　and　had　been　surprised　at　the　woman's　bursting　into　tears。

〃I　felt　it　just　the　same　when　young　Mr。　McKean　left　us；〃　she　explained　with　apologies。　　〃He　had　been　with　us　five　years。　　He　was　like　you；　miss；　so　unpracticable。　　I'd　got　used　to　looking　after　him。〃

Mary　Greyson　called　on　her　in　the　morning；　while　she　was　still　at　breakfast。　　She　had　come　from　seeing　Francis　off　by　an　early　train　from　Euston。　　He　had　sent　Joan　a　ring。

〃He　is　so　afraid　you　may　not　be　able　to　wear　itthat　it　will　not　fit　you；〃　said　Mary；　〃but　I　told　him　I　was　sure　it　would。〃

Joan　held　our　her　hand　for　the　letter。　　〃I　was　afraid　he　had　forgotten　it；〃　she　answered；　with　a　smile。

She　placed　the　ring　on　her　finger　and　held　out　her　hand。　　〃I　might　have　been　measured　for　it；〃　she　said。　　〃I　wonder　how　he　knew。〃

〃You　left　a　glove　behind　you；　the　first　day　you　ever　came　to　our　house；〃　Mary　explained。　　〃And　I　kept　it。〃

She　was　following　his　wishes　and　going　down　into　the　country。　　They　did　not　meet　again　until　after　the　war。

Madge　dropped　in　on　her　during　the　week　and　brought　Flossie　with　her。　　Flossie's　husband；　Sam；　had　departed　for　the　Navy；　and　Niel　Singleton；　who　had　offered　and　been　rejected　for　the　Army；　had　joined　a　Red　Cross　unit。　　Madge　herself　was　taking　up　canteen　work。　Joan　rather　expected　Flossie　to　be　in　favour　of　the　war；　and　Madge　against　it。　　Instead　of　which；　it　turned　out　the　other　way　round。　It　seemed　difficult　to　forecast　opinion　in　this　matter。

Madge　thought　that　England；　in　particular；　had　been　too　much　given　up　to　luxury　and　pleasure。　　There　had　been　too　much　idleness　and　empty　laughter：　　Hitchicoo　dances　and　women　undressing　themselves　upon　the　stage。　　Even　the　working　classes　seemed　to　think　of　nothing　else　but　cinemas　and　beer。　　She　dreamed　of　a　United　Kingdom　purified　by　suffering；　cleansed　by　tears；　its　people　drawn　together　by　memory　of　common　sacrifice；　class　antagonism　buried　in　the　grave　where　Duke's　son　and　cook's　son　would　lie　side　by　side：　　of　a　new…　born　Europe　rising　from　the　ashes　of　the　old。　　With　Germany　beaten；　her　lust　of　war　burnt　out；　her　hideous　doctrine　of　Force　proved　to　be　false；　the　world　would　breathe　a　freer　air。　　Passion　and　hatred　would　fall　from　man's　eyes。　　The　people　would　see　one　another　and　join　hands。

Flossie　was　sceptical。　　〃Why　hasn't　it　done　it　before？〃　she　wanted　to　know。　　〃Good　Lord！　　There's　been　enough　of　it。〃

〃Why　didn't　we　all　kiss　and　be　friends　after　the　Napoleonic　wars？〃　she　demanded；　〃instead　of　getting　up　Peterloo　massacres；　and　anti…　Corn　Law　riots；　and　breaking　the　Duke　of　Wellington's　windows？〃

〃All　this　talk　of　downing　Militarism；〃　she　continued。　　〃It's　like　trying　to　do　away　with　the　other　sort　of　disorderly　house。　　You　don't　stamp　out　a　vice　by　chivying　it　round　the　corner。　　When　men　and　women　have　become　decent　there　will　be　no　more　disorderly　houses。　　But　it　won't　come　before。　　Suppose　we　do　knock　Militarism　out　of　Germany；　like　we　did　out　of　France；　not　so　very　long　ago？　It　will　only　slip　round　the　corner　into　Russia　or　Japan。　　Come　and　settle　over　here；　as　likely　as　not；　especially　if　we　have　a　few　victories　and　get　to　fancy　ourselves。〃

Madge　was　of　opinion　that　the　world　would　have　had　enough　of　war。　Not　armies　but　whole　peoples　would　be　involved　this　time。　　The　lesson　would　be　driven　home。

〃Oh；　yes；　we　shall　have　had　enough　of　it；〃　agreed　Flossie；　〃by　the　time　we've　paid　up。　　There's　no　doubt　of　that。　　What　about　our　children？　　I've　just　left　young　Frank　strutting　all　over　the　house　and　flourishing　a　paper　knife。　　And　the　servants　have　had　to　bar　the　kitchen　door　to　prevent　his　bursting　in　every　five　minutes　and　attacking　them。　　What's　he　going　to　say　when　I　tell　him；　later　on；　that　his　father　and　myself　have　had　all　the　war　we　want；　and　have　decided　there　shall　be　no　more？　　The　old　folks　have　had　their　fun。　Why　shouldn't　I　have　mine？　　That　will　be　his　argument。〃

〃You　can't　do　it；〃　she　concluded；　〃unless　you　are　prepared　to　keep　half　the　world's　literature　away　from　the　children；　scrap　half　your　music；　edit　your　museums　and　your　picture　galleries；　bowdlerize　your　Old　Testament　and　rewrite　your　histories。　　And　then　you'll　have　to　be　careful　for　twenty…four　hours　a　day　that　they　never　see　a　dog…fight。〃

Madge　still　held　to　her　hope。　　God　would　make　a　wind　of　reason　to　pass　over　the　earth。　　He　would　not　smite　again　his　people。

〃I　wish　poor　dear　Sam　could　have　been　kept　out　of　it；〃　said　Flossie。　　She　wiped　her　eyes　and　finished　her　tea。

Joan　had　arranged　to　leave　on　the　Monday。　　She　ran　down　to　see　Mary　Stopperton　on　the　Saturday　afternoon。　　Mr。　Stopperton　had　died　the　year　before；　and　Mary　had　been　a　little　hurt；　divining　insincerity　in　the　condolences　offered　to　her　by　most　of　her　friends。

〃You　didn't　know　him；　dear；〃　she　had　said　to　Joan。　　〃All　his　faults　were　on　the　outside。〃

She　did　not　want　to　talk　about　the　war。

〃Perhaps　it's　wrong　of　me；〃　she　said。　　〃But　it　makes　me　so　sad。　And　I　can　do　nothing。〃

She　had　been　busy　at　her　machine　when　Joan　had　entered；　and　a　pile　of　delicate　white　work　lay　folded　on　a　chair　beside　her。

〃What　are　you　making？〃　asked　Joan。

The　little　withered　face　lighted　up。　　〃Guess；〃　she　said；　as　she　unfolded　and　displayed　a　tiny　garment。

〃I　so　love　making　them；〃　she　said。　　〃I　say　to　myself；　'It　will　all　come　right。　　God　will　send　more　and　more　of　His　Christ　babies；　till　at　last　there　will　be　thousands　and　thousands　of　them　everywhere；　and　their　love　will　change　the　world！'〃

Her　bright　eyes　had　caught　sight　of　the　ring　upon　Joan's　hand。　　She　touched　it　with　her　little　fragile　fingers。

〃You　will　let　me　make　one　for　you；　dearie；　won't　you？〃　she　said。　〃I　feel　sure　it　will　be　a　little　Christ　baby。〃

Arthur　was　still　away　when　she　arrived　home。　　He　had　gone　to　Norway　on　business。　　Her　father　was　afraid　he　would　find　it　difficult　to　get　back。　　Telegraphic　communication　had　been　stopped；　and　they　had　had　no　news　of　him。　　Her　father　was　worried。　　A　big　Government　contract　had　come　in；　while　many　of　his　best　men　had　left　to　enlist。

〃I've　fixed　you　up　all　right　at　the　hospital；〃　he　said。　　〃It　was　good　of　you　to　think　of　coming　home。　　Don't　go　away；　for　a　bit。〃　It　was　the　first　time　he　had　asked　anything　of　her。

Another　fortnight　passed　before　they　heard　from　Arthur；　and　then　he　wrote　them　both　from　Hull。　　He　would　be　somewhere　in　the　North　Sea；　mine　sweeping；　when　they　read　his　letters。　　He　had　hoped　to　get　a　day　or　two　to　run　across　and　say　good…bye；　but　the　need　for　men　was　pressing　and　he　had　not　liked　to　plead　excuses。　　The　boat　by　which　he　had　managed　to　leave　Bergen　had　gone　down。　　He　and　a　few　others　had　been　picked　up；　but　the　sights　that　he　had　seen　were　haunting　him。　　He　felt　sure　his　uncle　would　agree　that　he　ought　to　be　helping；　and　this　was　work　for　England　he　could　do　with　all　his　heart。　　He　hoped　he　was　not　leaving　his　uncle　in　the　lurch；　but　he　did　not　think　the　war　would　last　long；　and　he　would　soon　be　back。

〃Dear　lad；〃　said　her　father；　〃he　would　take　the　most　dangerous　work　that　he　could　find。　　But　I　wish　he　hadn't　been　quite　so　impulsive。　He　could　have　been　of　more　use　helping　me　with　this　War　Office　contract。　　I　suppose　he　never　got　my　letter；　telling　him　about　it。〃

In　his　letter　to　Joan　he　went　further。　　He　had　received　his　uncle's　letter；　so　he　confided　to　her。　　Perhaps　she　would　think　him　a　crank；　but　he　couldn't　help　it。　　He　hated　this　killing　business；　this　making　of　machinery　for　slaughtering　men　in　bulk；　like　they　killed　pigs　in　Chicago。　　Out　on　the　free；　sweet　sea；　helping　to　keep　it　clean　from　man's　abominations；　he　would　be　away　from　it　all。

She　saw　the　vision　of　him　that　night；　as；　leaning　from　her　window；　she　looked　out　beyond　the　pines：　　the　little　lonely　ship　amid　the　waste　of　waters；　his　beautiful；　almost　womanish；　face；　and　the　gentle　dreamy　eyes　with　their　haunting　suggestion　of　a　shadow。

Her　little　drummer　played　less　and　less　frequently　to　her　as　the　months　passed　by。　　It　didn't　seem　to　be　the　war　he　had　looked　forward　to。　　The　illustrated　papers　continued　to　picture　it　as　a　sort　of　glorified　picnic　where　smiling　young　men　lolled　luxuriously　in　cosy　dug…outs；　reading　their　favourite　paper。　　By　curious　coincidence；　it　generally　happened　to　be　the　journal　publishing　the　photograph。　　Occasionally；　it　appeared；　they　came　across　the　enemy；　who　then　put　up　both　hands　and　shouted　〃Kamerad。〃　　But　the　weary；　wounded　men　she　talked　to　told　another　story。

She　grew　impatient　of　the　fighters　with　their　mouths；　the　savage　old　baldheads　heroically　prepared　to　sacrifice　the　last　young　man；　the　sleek；　purring　women　who　talked　childish　nonsense　about　killing　every　man；　woman　and　child　in　Germany；　but　quite　meant　it；　the　shrieking　journalists　who　had　decided　that　their　place　was　the　home　front；　the　press…spurred　mobs；　the　spy　hunters；　chasing　terrified　old　men　and　sobbing　children　through　the　streets。　　It　was　a　relief　to　enter　the　quiet　ward　and　close　the　door　behind　her。　　The　camp…　followers：　　the　traders　and　pedlars；　the　balladmongers；　and　the　mountebanks；　the　ghoulish　sightseers！　　War　brought　out　all　that　was　worst　in　them。　　But　the　givers　of　their　blood；　the　lads　who　suffered；　who　had　made　the　sacrifice：　　war　had　taught　them　chivalry；　manhood。　　She　heard　no　revilings　of　hatred　and　revenge　from　those　drawn　lips。　　Patience；　humour；　forgiveness；　they　had　learnt　from　war。　　They　told　her　kindly　stories　even　of