confidence-第27章

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〃It　would　be　after　all　a　way　of　thinking　of　me；　and　I　have　a　reason　for　wishing　you　to　do　that。〃

〃I　remember　very　well　that　you　used　to　have　a　reason　for　everything。　It　was　not　always　a　good　one。〃

〃This　one　is　excellent；〃　said　Bernard；　gravely。　　〃I　have　been　in　love　with　you　for　three　years。〃

She　got　up　slowly；　turning　away。

〃Is　that　what　you　wished　to　say　to　me？〃

She　went　toward　the　open　window；　and　he　followed　her。

〃I　hope　it　does　n't　offend　you。　　I　don't　say　it　lightly　it　's　not　a　piece　of　gallantry。　　It　's　the　very　truth　of　my　being。　I　did　n't　know　it　till　latelystrange　as　that　may　seem。　I　loved　you　long　before　I　knew　itbefore　I　ventured　or　presumed　to　know　it。　　I　was　thinking　of　you　when　I　seemed　to　myself　to　be　thinking　of　other　things。　　It　is　very　strangethere　are　things　in　it　I　don't　understand。　　I　travelled　over　the　world；　I　tried　to　interest；　to　divert　myself；　but　at　bottom　it　was　a　perfect　failure。　　To　see　you　againthat　was　what　I　wanted。　When　I　saw　you　last　month　at　Blanquais　I　knew　it；　then　everything　became　clear。　　It　was　the　answer　to　the　riddle。　I　wished　to　read　it　very　clearlyI　wished　to　be　sure；　therefore　I　did　n't　follow　you　immediately。　　I　questioned　my　heart　I　cross…questioned　it。　　It　has　borne　the　examination；　and　now　I　am　sure。　　I　am　very　sure。　　I　love　you　as　my　lifeI　beg　you　to　listen　to　me！〃

She　had　listenedshe　had　listened　intently；　looking　straight　out　of　the　window　and　without　moving。

〃You　have　seen　very　little　of　me；〃　she　said；　presently；　turning　her　illuminated　eye　on　him。

〃I　have　seen　enough；〃　Bernard　added；　smiling。　　〃You　must　remember　that　at　Baden　I　saw　a　good　deal　of　you。〃

〃Yes；　but　that　did　n't　make　you　like　me。　　I　don't　understand。〃

Bernard　stood　there　a　moment；　frowning；　with　his　eyes　lowered。

〃I　can　imagine　that。　　But　I　think　I　can　explain。〃

〃Don't　explain　now；〃　said　Angela。　　〃You　have　said　enough；　explain　some　other　time。〃　　And　she　went　out　on　the　balcony。

Bernard；　of　course；　in　a　moment　was　beside　her；　and；　disregarding　her　injunction；　he　began　to　explain。

〃I　thought　I　disliked　youbut　I　have　come　to　the　conclusion　it　was　just　the　contrary。　　In　reality　I　was　in　love　with　you。　I　had　been　so　from　the　first　time　I　saw　youwhen　I　made　that　sketch　of　you　at　Siena。〃

〃That　in　itself　needs　an　explanation。　　I　was　not　at　all　nice　then　I　was　very　rude；　very　perverse。　　I　was　horrid！〃

〃Ah；　you　admit　it！〃　cried　Bernard；　with　a　sort　of　quick　elation。

She　had　been　pale；　but　she　suddenly　blushed。

〃Your　own　conduct　was　singular；　as　I　remember　it。　　It　was　not　exactly　agreeable。〃

〃Perhaps　not；　but　at　least　it　was　meant　to　be。　　I　did　n't　know　how　to　please　you　then；　and　I　am　far　from　supposing　that　I　have　learned　now。　But　I　entreat　you　to　give　me　a　chance。〃

She　was　silent　a　while；　her　eyes　wandered　over　the　great　prospect　of　Paris。

〃Do　you　know　how　you　can　please　me　now？〃　she　said；　at　last。　〃By　leaving　me　alone。〃

Bernard　looked　at　her　a　moment；　then　came　straight　back　into　the　drawing…room　and　took　his　hat。

〃You　see　I　avail　myself　of　the　first　chance。　　But　I　shall　come　back　to…morrow。〃

〃I　am　greatly　obliged　to　you　for　what　you　have　said。　Such　a　speech　as　that　deserves　to　be　listened　to　with　consideration。　You　may　come　back　to…morrow；〃　Angela　added。

On　the　morrow；　when　he　came　back；　she　received　him　alone。

〃How　did　you　know；　at　Baden；　that　I　did　n't　like　you？〃　he　asked；　as　soon　as　she　would　allow　him。

She　smiled；　very　gently。

〃You　assured　me　yesterday　that　you　did　like　me。〃

〃I　mean　that　I　supposed　I　did　n't。　How　did　you　know　that？〃

〃I　can　only　say　that　I　observed。〃

〃You　must　have　observed　very　closely；　for；　superficially；　I　rather　had　the　air　of　admiring　you；〃　said　Bernard。

〃It　was　very　superficial。〃

〃You　don't　mean　that；　for；　after　all；　that　is　just　what　my　admiration；　my　interest　in　you；　were　not。　　They　were　deep；　they　were　latent。　They　were　not　superficialthey　were　subterranean。〃

〃You　are　contradicting　yourself；　and　I　am　perfectly　consistent；〃　said　Angela。　　〃Your　sentiments　were　so　well　hidden　that　I　supposed　I　displeased　you。〃

〃I　remember　that　at　Baden；　you　used　to　contradict　yourself；〃　Bernard　answered。

〃You　have　a　terrible　memory！〃

〃Don't　call　it　terrible；　for　it　sees　everything　now　in　a　charming　light　in　the　light　of　this　understanding　that　we　have　at　last　arrived　at；　which　seems　to　shine　backwardto　shine　full　on　those　Baden　days。〃

〃Have　we　at　last　arrived　at　an　understanding？〃　she　asked；　with　a　grave　directness　which　Bernard　thought　the　most　beautiful　thing　he　had　ever　seen。

〃It　only　depends　upon　you；〃　he　declared；　and　then　he　broke　out　again　into　a　protestation　of　passionate　tenderness。　〃Don't　put　me　off　this　time；〃　he　cried。　　〃You　have　had　time　to　think　about　it；　you　have　had　time　to　get　over　the　surprise；　the　shock。　　I　love　you；　and　I　offer　you　everything　that　belongs　to　me　in　this　world。〃　　As　she　looked　at　him　with　her　dark；　clear　eyes；　weighing　this　precious　vow　and　yet　not　committing　herself〃Ah；　you　don't　forgive　me！〃　he　murmured。

She　gazed　at　him　with　the　same　solemn　brightness。

〃What　have　I　to　forgive　you？〃

This　question　seemed　to　him　enchanting。　　He　reached　forward　and　took　her　hands；　and　if　Mrs。　Vivian　had　come　in　she　would　have　seen　him　kneeling　at　her　daughter's　feet。

But　Mrs。　Vivian　remained　in　seclusion；　and　Bernard　saw　her　only　the　next　time　he　came。

〃I　am　very　happy；　because　I　think　my　daughter　is　happy；〃　she　said。

〃And　what　do　you　think　of　me？〃

〃I　think　you　are　very　clever。　　You　must　promise　me　to　be　very　good　to　her。〃

〃I　am　clever　enough　to　promise　that。〃

〃I　think　you　are　good　enough　to　keep　it；〃　said　Mrs。　Vivian。　She　looked　as　happy　as　she　said；　and　her　happiness　gave　her　a　communicative；　confidential　tendency。　　〃It　is　very　strange　how　things　come　abouthow　the　wheel　turns　round；〃　she　went　on。　〃I　suppose　there　is　no　harm　in　my　telling　you　that　I　believe　she　always　cared　for　you。〃

〃Why　did　n't　you　tell　me　before？〃　said　Bernard；　with　almost　filial　reproachfulness。

〃How　could　I？　　I　don't　go　about　the　world　offering　my　daughter　to　people　especially　to　indifferent　people。〃

〃At　Baden　you　did　n't　think　I　was　indifferent。　　You　were　afraid　of　my　not　being　indifferent　enough。〃

Mrs。　Vivian　colored。

〃Ah；　at　Baden　I　was　a　little　too　anxious！〃

〃Too　anxious　I　should　n't　speak　to　your　daughter！〃　said　Bernard；　laughing。

〃At　Baden；〃　Mrs。　Vivian　went　on；　〃I　had　views。　　But　I　have　n't　any　now　I　have　given　them　up。〃

〃That　makes　your　acceptance　of　me　very　flattering！〃　　Bernard　exclaimed；　laughing　still　more　gaily。

〃I　have　something　better；〃　said　Mrs。　Vivian；　laying　her　finger…tips　on　his　arm。　　〃I　have　confidence。〃

Bernard　did　his　best　to　encourage　this　gracious　sentiment；　and　it　seemed　to　him　that　there　was　something　yet　to　be　done　to　implant　it　more　firmly　in　Angela's　breast。

〃I　have　a　confession　to　make　to　you；〃　he　said　to　her　one　day。　〃I　wish　you　would　listen　to　it。〃

〃Is　it　something　very　horrible？〃　　Angela　asked。

〃Something　very　horrible　indeed。　　I　once　did　you　an　injury。〃

〃An　injury？〃　she　repeated；　in　a　tone　which　seemed　to　reduce　the　offence　to　contemptible　proportions　by　simple　vagueness　of　mind　about　it。

〃I　don't　know　what　to　call　it；〃　said　Bernard。　　〃A　poor　service　an　ill…turn。〃

Angela　gave　a　shrug；　or　rather　an　imitation　of　a　shrug；　for　she　was　not　a　shrugging　person。

〃I　never　knew　it。〃

〃I　misrepresented　you　to　Gordon　Wright；〃　Bernard　went　on。

〃Why　do　you　speak　to　me　of　him？〃　she　asked　rather　sadly。

〃Does　it　displease　you？〃

She　hesitated　a　little。

〃Yes；　it　displeases　me。　　If　your　confession　has　anything　to　do　with　him；　I　would　rather　not　hear　it。〃

Bernard　returned　to　the　subject　another　timehe　had　plenty　of　opportunities。　He　spent　a　portion　of　every　day　in　the　company　of　these　dear　women；　and　these　days　were　the　happiest　of　his　life。　　The　autumn　weather　was　warm　and　soothing；　the　quartier　was　still　deserted；　and　the　uproar　of　the　great　city；　which　seemed　a　hundred　miles　away；　reached　them　through　the　dense　October　air　with　a　softened　and　muffled　sound。　The　evenings；　however；　were　growing　cool；　and　before　long　they　lighted　the　first　fire　of　the　season　in　Mrs。　Vivian's　heavily　draped　little　chimney…piece。　On　this　occasion　Bernard　sat　there　with　Angela；　watching　the　bright　crackle　of　the　wood　and　feeling　that　the　charm　of　winter　nights　had　begun。　　These　two　young　persons　were　alone　together　in　the　gathering　dusk；　it　was　the　hour　before　dinner；　before　the　lamp　had　been　lighted。

〃I　insist　upon　making　you　my　confession；〃　said　Bernard。　〃I　shall　be　very　unhappy　until　you　let　me　do　it。〃

〃Unhappy？　　You　are　the　happiest　of　men。〃

〃I　lie　upon　roses；　if　you　will；　but　this　memory；　this　remorse；　is　a　folded　rose…leaf。　I　was　completely　mistaken　about　you　at　Baden；　I　thought　all　manner　of　evil　of　youor　at　least　I　said　it。〃

〃Men　are　dull　creatures；〃　said　Angela。

〃I　think　they　are。　　So　much　so　that；　as　I　look　back　upon　that　time；　there　are　some　things　I　don't　understand　even　now。〃

〃I　don't　see　why　you　should　look　back。　　People　in　our　position　are　supposed　to　look　forward。〃

〃You　don't　like　those　Baden　days　yourself；〃　said　Bernard。　〃You　don't　like　to　think　of　them。〃

〃What　a　wonderful　discovery！〃

Bernard　looked　at　her　a　moment　in　the　brightening　fire…light。

〃What　part　was　it　you　tried　to　play　there？〃

Angela　shook　her　head。

〃Men　are　dull　creatures。〃

〃I　have　already　granted　that；　and　I　am　eating　humble　pie　in　asking　for　an　explanation。〃

〃What　did　you　say　of　me？〃　　Angela　asked；　after　a　silence。

〃I　said　you　were　a　coquette。　　Remember　that　I　am　simply　historical。〃

She　got　up　and　stood　in　front　of　the　fire；　having　her　hand　on　the　chimney…piece　and　looking　down　at　the　blaze。　For　some　moments　she　remained　there。　　Bernard　could　not　see　her　face。

〃I　said　you　were　a　dangerous　woman　to　marry；〃　he　went　on　deliberately。　〃I　said　it　because　I　thought　it。　　I　gave　Gordon　an　opinion　about　you　it　was　a　very　unfavorable　one。　　I　could　n't　make　you　outI　thought　you　were　playing　a　double　part。　　I　believed　that　you　were　ready　to　marry　him；　and　yet　I　sawI　thought　I　saw〃　and　Bernard　paused　again。

〃What　did　you　see？〃　and　Angela　turned　toward　him。

〃That　you　were　encouraging　meplaying　with　me。〃

〃And　you　did　n't　like　that？〃

〃I　liked　it　immenselyfor　myself！　　But　did　n't　like　it　for　Gordon；　and　I　must　do　myself　the　justice　to　say　that　I　thought　more　of　him　than　of　myself。〃

〃You　were　an　excellent　friend；〃　said　Angela；　simply。

〃I　believe　I　was。　　And　I　am　so　still；〃　Bernard　added。

She　shook　her　head　sadly。

〃Poor　Mr。　Wright！〃

〃He　is　a　dear　good　fellow；〃　said　Bernard。

〃Thoroughly　good；　and　dear；　doubtless　to　his　wife；　the　affectionate　Blanche。〃

〃You　don't　like　himyou　don't　like　her；〃　said　Bernard。

〃Those　are　two　very　different　matters。　　I　am　very　sorry　for　Mr。　Wright。　〃

〃You　need　n't　be　that。　　He　is　doing　very　well。〃

〃So　you　have　already　informed　me。　　But　I　am　sorry　for　him；　all　the　same。〃

〃That　does　n't　answer　my　question；〃　Bernard　exclaimed；　with　a　certain　irritation。　　〃What　part　were　you　playing？〃

〃What　part　do　you　think？〃

〃Have　n't　I　told　you　I　gave　it　up；　long　ago？〃

Angela　stood　with　her　back　to　the　fire；　looking　at　him；　her　hands　were　locked　behind　her。