april hopes-第20章

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only　waiting　officially　upon　Miss　Anderson　first；　and　Alice　thanked　him；
with　the　politest　deprecation　of　his　devotion；　but　if　their　eyes　met；　it
was　defensively；　and　the　security　between　them　was　gone。　　Mavering
vaguely　felt　the　loss；　without　knowing　how　to　retrieve　it；　and　it　made
him　go　on　more　desperately　with　Miss　Anderson。　　He　laughed　and　joked
recklessly；　and　Alice　began　to　mark　a　more　explicit　displeasure　with　her。
She　made　her　mother　go　rather　early。

On　her　part；　Miss　Anderson　seemed　to　find　reason　for　resentment　in
Alice's　bearing　toward　her。　　As　if　she　had　said　to　herself　that　her　frank
loyalty　had　been　thrown　away　upon　a　cold　and　unresponsive　nature；　and
that　her　harmless　follies　in　the　play　had　been　met　with　unjust
suspicions；　she　began　to　make　reprisals；　she　began　in　dead　earnest　to
flirt　with　Mavering。　　Before　the　evening　passed　she　had　made　him　seem
taken　with　her；　but　how　justly　she　had　done　this；　and　with　how　much　fault
of　his；　no　one　could　have　said。　　There　were　some　who　did　not　notice　it　at
all；　but　these　were　not　people　who　knew　Mavering；　or　knew　Alice　very
well。




XX。

The　next　morning　Alice　was　walking　slowly　along　the　road　toward　the
fishing　village；　when　she　heard　rapid；　plunging　strides　down　the　wooded
hillside　on　her　right。　　She　knew　them　for　Mavering's；　and　she　did　not
affect　surprise　when　he　made　a　final　leap　into　the　road；　and　shortened
his　pace　beside　her。

〃May　I　join　you；　Miss　Pasmer？〃

〃I　am　only　going　down　to　the　herring…houses；〃　she　began。

〃And　you'll　let　me　go　with　you？〃　said　the　young　fellow。　　〃The　fact　is
you're　always　so　frank　that　you　make　everything　else　seem　sillyI've
been　waiting　up　there　in　the　woods　for　you　to　come　by。　　Mrs。　Pasmer　told
me　you　had　started　this　way；　and　I　cut　across　lots　to　overtake　you；　and
then；　when　you　came　in　sight；　I　had　to　let　you　pass　before　I　could　screw
my　courage　up　to　the　point　of　running　after　you。　　How　is　that　for　open…
mindedness？〃

〃It's　a　very　good　beginning；　I　should　think。〃

〃Well；　don't　you　think　you　ought　to　say　now　that　you're　sorry　you　were　so
formidable？〃

〃Am　I　so　formidable？〃　she　asked；　and　then　recognised　that　she　had　been
trapped　into　a　leading　question。

〃You　are　to　me。　　Because　I　would　like　always　to　be　sure　that　I　had
pleased　you；　and　for　the　last　twelve　hours　I've　only　been　able　to　make
sure　that　I　hadn't。　　That's　the　consolation　I'm　going　away　with。　　I
thought　I'd　get　you　to　confirm　my　impression　explicitly。　　That's　why　I
wished　to　join　you。〃

〃Are　youwere　you　going　away？〃

〃I'm　going　by　the　next　boat。　　What's　the　use　of　staying？　　I　should　only
make　bad　worse。　　Yesterday　I　hoped　　But　last　night　spoiled　everything。
〃Miss　Pasmer；〃　he　broke　out；　with　a　rush　of　feeling；　〃you　must　know　why　I
came　up　here　to　Campobello。〃

His　steps　took　him　a　little　ahead　of　her；　and　he　could　look　back　into　her
face　as　he　spoke。　　But　apparently　he　saw　nothing　in　it　to　give　him
courage　to　go　on；　for　he　stopped；　and　then　continued；　lightly：　〃And　I'm
going　away　because　I　feel　that　I've　made　a　failure　of　the　expedition。　　I
knew　that　you　were　supremely　disgusted　with　me　last　night；　but　it　will　be
a　sort　of　comfort　if　you'll　tell　me　so。〃

〃Oh；〃　said　Alice；　〃everybody　thought　it　was　very　brilliant；　I'm　sure。〃

〃And　you　thought　it　was　a　piece　of　buffoonery。　　Well；　it　was。　　I　wish
you'd　say　so；　Miss　Pasmer；　though　I　didn't　mean　the　playing　entirely。　　It
would　be　something　to　start　from；　and　I　want　to　make　a　beginningturn
over　a　new　leaf。　　Can't　you　help　me　to　inscribe　a　good　resolution　of　the
most　iron…clad　description　on　the　stainless　page？　　I've　lain　awake　all
night　composing　one。　　Wouldn't　you　like　to　hear　it？〃

〃I　can't　see　what　good　that　would　do；〃　she　said；　with　some　relenting
toward　a　smile；　in　which　he　instantly　prepared　himself　to　bask。

〃But　you　will　when　I've　done　it。　　Now　listen！〃

〃Please　don't　go　on。〃　　She　cut　him　short　with　a　return　to　her　severity；
which　he　would　not　recognise。

〃Well；　perhaps　I'd　better　not；〃　he　consented。　　〃It's　rather　a　long
resolution；　and　I　don't　know　that　I've　committed　it　perfectly　yet。　　But　I
do　assure　you　that　if　you　were　disgusted　last　night；　you　were　not　the
only　one。　　I　was　immensely　disgusted　myself；　and　why　I　wanted　you　to　tell
me　so；　was　because　when　I　have　a　strong　pressure　brought　to　bear　I　can
brace　up；　and　do　almost　anything；〃　he　said；　dropping　into　earnest。　　Then
he　rose　lightly　again；　and　added；　〃You　have　no　idea　how　unpleasant　it　is
to　lie　awake　all　night　throwing　dust　in　the　eyes　of　an　accusing
conscience。〃

〃It　must　have　been；　if　you　didn't　succeed；〃　said　Alice　drily。

〃Yes；　that's　itthat's　just　the　point。　　If　I'd　succeeded；　I　should　be
all　right；　don't　you　see。　　But　it　was　a　difficult　case。〃　　She　turned　her
face　away；　but　he　saw　the　smile　on　her　cheek；　and　he　laughed　as　if　this
were　what　he　had　been　trying　to　make　her　do。　　〃I　got　beaten。　　I　had　to
give　up；　and　own　it。　　I　had　to　say　that　I　had　thrown　my　chance　away；
and　I　had　better　take　myself　off。〃　　He　looked　at　her　with　a　real　anxiety
in　his　gay　eyes。

〃The　boat　goes　just　after　lunch；　I　believe；〃　she　said　indifferently。

〃Oh　yes；　I　shall　have　time　to　get　lunch　before　I　go；〃　he　said；　with
bitterness。　　〃But　lunch　isn't　the　only　thing；　it　isn't　even　the　main
thing；　Miss　Pasmer。〃

〃No？〃　　She　hardened　her　heart。

He　waited　for　her　to　say　something　more；　and　then　he　went　on。　　〃The
question　is　whether　there's　time　to　undo　last　night；　abolish　it；　erase　it
from　the　calendar　of　recorded　timesponge　it　out；　in　shortand　get　back
to　yesterday　afternoon。〃　　She　made　no　reply　to　this。　　〃Don't　you　think　it
was　a　very　pleasant　picnic；　Miss　Pasmer？〃　he　asked；　with　pensive
respectfulness。

〃Very；〃　she　answered　drily。

He　cast　a　glance　at　the　woods　that　bordered　the　road　on　either　side。
〃That　weird　forestI　shall　never　forget　it。〃

〃No；　it　was　something　to　remember；〃　she　said。

〃And　the　blueberry　patch？　　We　mustn't　forget　the　blueberry　patch。〃

〃There　were　a　great　many　blueberries。〃

She　walked　on；　and　he　said；　〃And　that　bridgeyou　don't　have　that　feeling
of　having　been　here　before？〃

〃No。〃

〃Am　I　walking　too　fast　for　you；　Miss　Pasmer？〃

〃No；　I　like　to　walk　fast。〃

〃But　wouldn't　you　like　to　sit　down？　　On　this　wayside　log；　for　example？〃
He　pointed　it　out　with　his　stick。　　〃It　seems　to　invite　repose；　and　I　know
you　must　be　tired。〃

〃I'm　not　tired。〃

〃Ah；　that　shows　that　you　didn't　lie　awake　grieving　over　your　follies　all
night。　　I　hope　you　rested　well；　Miss　Pasmer。〃　　She　said　nothing。　　〃If　I
thoughtif　I　could　hope　that　you　hadn't；　it　would　be　a　bond　of　sympathy；
and　I　would　give　almost　anything　for　a　bond　of　sympathy　just　now；　Miss
Pasmer。　　Alice！〃　he　said；　with　sudden　seriousness。　　〃I　know　that　I'm　not
worthy　even　to　think　of　you；　and　that　you're　whole　worlds　above　me　in
every　way。　　It's　that　that　takes　all　heart　out　of　me；　and　leaves　me
without　a　word　to　say　when　I'd　like　to　say　so　much。　　I　would　like　to
speaktell　you〃

She　interrupted　him。　　〃I　wish　to　speak　to　you；　Mr。　Mavering；　and　tell　you
thatI'm　very　tired；　and　I'm　going　back　to　the　hotel。　　I　must　ask　you　to
let　me　go　back　alone。〃

〃Alice；　I　love　you。〃

〃I'm　sorry　you　said　itsorry；　sorry。〃

〃Why？〃　he　asked；　with　hopeless　futility。

〃Because　there　can　be　no　love　between　usnot　friendship　evennot
acquaintance。〃

〃I　shouldn't　have　asked　for　your　acquaintance；　your　friendship；　if〃
His　words　conveyed　a　delicate　reproach；　and　they　stung　her；　because　they
put　her　in　the　wrong。

〃No　matter；〃　she　began　wildly。　　〃I　didn't　mean　to　wound　you。　　But　we　must
part；　and　we　must　never　see　each　other　again：〃

He　stood　confused；　as　if　he　could　not　make　it　out　or　believe　it。　　〃But
yesterday〃

〃It's　to…day　now。〃

〃Ah；　no！　　It's　last　night。　　And　I　can　explain。〃

〃No！〃　she　cried。　　〃You　shall　not　make　me　out　so　mean　and　vindictive。　　I
don't　care　for　last　night；　nor　for　anything　that　happened。〃　　This　was　not
true；　but　it　seemed　so　to　her　at　the　moment；　she　thought　that　she　really
no　longer　resented　his　association　with　Miss　Anderson　and　his　separation
from　herself　in　all　that　had　taken　place。

〃Then　what　is　it？〃

〃I　can't　tell　you。　　But　everything　is　over　between　usthat's　all。〃

〃But　yesterdayand　all　these　days　pastyou　seemed〃

〃It's　unfair　of　you　to　insistit's　ungenerous；　ungentlemanly。〃

That　word；　which　from　a　woman's　tongue　always　strikes　a　man　like　a　blow
in　the　face；　silenced　Mavering。　　He　set　his　lips　and　bowed；　and　they
parted。　　She　turned　upon　her　way；　and　he　kept　the　path　which　she　had　been
going。

It　was　not　the　hour　when　the　piazzas　were　very　full；　and　she　slipped　into
the　dim　hotel　corridor　undetected；　or　at　least　undetained。　　She　flung
into　her　room；　and　confronted　her　mother。

Mrs。　Pasmer　was　there　looking　into　a　trunk　that　had　overflowed　from　her
own　chamber。　　〃What　is　the　matter？〃　she　said　to　her　daughter's　excited
face。

〃Mr。　Mavering〃

〃Well？〃

〃And　I　refused　him。〃

Mrs。　Pasmer　was　one　of　those　ladies　who　in　any　finality　have　a　keen
retrovision　of　all　the　advantages　of　a　different　conclusion。　　She　had
been　thinking；　since　she　told　Dan　Mavering　which　way　Alice　had　gone　to
walk；　that　if　he　were　to　speak　to　her　now；　and　she　were　to　accept　him；　it
would　involve　a　great　many　embarrassing　consequences；　but　she　had
consoled　herself　with　the　probability　that　he　would　not　speak　so　soon
after　the　effects　of　last　night；　but　would　only　try　at　the　furthest　to
make　his　peace　with　Alice。　　Since　he　had　spoken；　though；　and　she　had
refused　him；　Mrs。　Pasmer　instantly　saw　all　the　pleasant　things　that　would
have　followed　in　another　event。　　〃Refused　him？〃　she　repeated
provisionally；　while　she　gathered　herself　for　a　full　exploration　of　all
the　facts。

〃Yes；　mamma；　and　I　can't　talk　about　it。　　I　wish　never　to　hear　his　name
again；　or　to　see　him；　or　to　speak　to　him。〃

〃Why；　of　course　not；〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer；　with　a　fine　smile；　from　the
vantage…ground　of　her　superior　years；　〃if　you've　refused　him。〃　　She　left
the　trunk　which　she　had　been　standing　over；　and　sat　down；　while　Alice
swept　to　and　fro　before　her　excitedly。　　〃But　why　did　you　refuse　him；　my
dear？〃

〃Why？　　Because　he's　detestableperfectly　ignoble。〃

Her　mother　probably　knew　how　to　translate　these　exalted　expressions　into
the　more　accurate　language　of　maturer　life。　　〃Do　you　mean　last　night？〃

〃Last　night？〃　cried　Alice　tragically。　　〃No。　　Why　should　I　care　for　last
night？〃

〃Then　I　don't　understand　what　you　mean；〃　retorted　Mrs。　Pasmer。　　〃What　did
he　say？〃　she　demanded；　with　authority。

〃Mamma；　I　can't　talk　about　itI　won't。〃

〃But　you　must；　Alice。　　It's　your　duty。　　Of　course　I　must　know　about　it。
What　did　he　say？〃

Alice　walked　up　and　down　the　room　with　her　lips　firmly　closedlike
Mavering's　lips；　it　occurred　to　her；　and　then　she　opened　them；　but
without　speaking。

〃What　did　he　say？〃　persisted　her　mother；　and　her　persistence　had　its
effect。

〃Say？〃　exclaimed　the　girl　indignantly。　　〃He　tried　to　make　me　say。〃

〃I　see；〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer。　　〃Well？〃

〃But　I　forced　him　to　speak；　and　thenI　rejected　him。　　That's　all。〃

〃Poor　fellow！〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer。　　〃He　was　afraid　of　you。〃

〃And　that's　what　made　it　the　more　odious。　　Do　you　think　I　wished　him　to
be　afraid　of　me？　　Wou