april hopes-第45章

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sense　of　the　tragedy　of　doing　so。

He　would　have　liked　to　ask　for　Mrs。　Pasmer　first；　and　interpose　a　moment
of　her　cheerful　unreality　between　himself　and　his　interview　with　Alice；
but　he　decided　that　he　had　better　not　do　this；　and　they　met　at　once；　with
the　width　of　the　room　between　them。　　Her　look　was　one　that　made　it
impassable　to　the　simple　impulse　he　usually　had　to　take　her　in　his　arms
and　kiss　her。　　But　as　she　stood　holding　out　a　letter　to　him；　with　the
apparent　intention　that　he　should　come　and　take　it；　he　traversed　the
intervening　space　and　took　it。

〃Why；　it's　from　mother！〃　he　said　joyously；　with　a　glance　at　the
handwriting。

〃Will　you　please　explain　it？〃　said　Alice；　and　Dan　began　to　read　it。

It　began　with　a　good　many　excuses　for　not　having　written　before；　and　went
on　with　a　pretty　expression　of　interest　in　Alice's　letters　and　gratitude
for　them；　Mrs。　Mavering　assured　the　girl　that　she　could　not　imagine　what　a
pleasure　they　had　been　to　her。　　She　promised　herself　that　they　should　be
great　friends；　and　she　said　that　she　looked　forward　eagerly　to　the　time；
now　drawing　near；　when　Dan　should　bring　her　home　to　them。　　She　said　she
knew　Alice　would　find　it　dull　at　the　Falls　except　for　him；　but　they　would
all　do　their　best；　and　she　would　find　the　place　very　different　from　what
she　had　seen　it　in　the　winter。　　Alice　could　make　believe　that　she　was
there　just　for　the　summer；　and　Mrs。　Mavering　hoped　that　before　the　summer
was　gone　she　would　be　so　sorry　for　a　sick　old　woman　that　she　would　not
even　wish　to　go　with　it。　　This　part　of　the　letter；　which　gave　Dan　away　so
hopelessly；　as　he　felt；　was　phrased　so　touchingly；　that　he　looked　up　from
it　with　moist　eyes　to　the　hard　cold　judgment　in　the　eyes　of　Alice。

〃Will　you　please　explain　it？〃　she　repeated。

He　tried　to　temporise。　　〃Explain　what？〃

Alice　was　prompt　to　say；　〃Had　you　promised　your　mother　to　take　me　home　to
live？〃

Dan　did　not　answer。

〃You　promised　my　mother　to　go　abroad。　　What　else　have　you　promised？〃　　He
continued　silent；　and　she　added；　〃You　are　a　faithless　man。〃　　They　were　the
words　of　Romola；　in　the　romance；　to　Tito；　she　had　often　admired　them；　and
they　seemed　to　her　equally　the　measure　of　Dan's　offence。

〃Alice〃

〃Here　are　your　letters　and　remembrances；　Mr。　Mavering。〃　　Dan　mechanically
received　the　packet　she　had　been　holding　behind　her；　with　a　perverse　freak
of　intelligence　he　observed　that；　though　much　larger　now；　it　was　tied　up
with　the　same　ribbon　which　had　fastened　it　when　Alice　returned　his　letters
and　gifts　before。　　〃Good…bye。　　I　wish　you　every　happiness　consistent　with
your　nature。〃

She　bowed　coldly；　and　was　about　to　leave　him；　as　she　had　planned；　but　she
had　not　arranged　that　he　should　be　standing　in　front　of　the　door；　and　he
was　there；　with　no　apparent　intention　of　moving。

〃Will　you　allow　me　to　pass？〃　she　was　forced　to　ask；　however；　haughtily。

〃No！〃　he　retorted；　with　a　violence　that　surprised　him。　　〃I　will　not　let
you　pass　till　you　have　listened　to　metill　you　tell　me　why　you　treat　me
so。　　I　won't　stand　itI've　had　enough　of　this　kind　of　thing。〃

It　surprised　Alice　too　a　little；　and　after　a　moment's　hesitation　she　said；
〃I　will　listen　to　you；〃　so　much　more　gently　than　she　had　spoken　before
that　Dan　relaxed　his　imperative　tone；　and　began　to　laugh。　　〃But；〃　she
added；　and　her　face　clouded　again；　〃it　will　be　of　no　use。　　My　mind　is　made
up　this　time。　　Why　should　we　talk？〃

Why；　because　mine　isn't；〃　said　Dan。　　〃What　is　the　matter；　Alice？　　Do　you
think　I　would　force　you；　or　even　ask　you；　to　go　home　with　me　to　live
unless　you　were　entirely　willing？　　It　could　only　be　a　temporary
arrangement　anyway。〃

〃That　isn't　the　question；〃　she　retorted。　　〃The　question　is　whether　you've
promised　your　mother　one　thing　and　me　another。〃

〃Well；　I　don't　know　about　promising；〃　said　Dan；　laughing　a　little　more
uneasily；　but　still　laughing。　　〃As　nearly　as　I　can　remember；　I　wasn't
consulted　about　the　matter。　　Your　mother　proposed　one　thing；　and　my　mother
proposed　another。〃

〃And　you　agreed　to　both。　　That　is　quite　enoughquite　characteristic！〃

Dan　flushed；　and　stopped　laughing。　　〃I　don't　know　what　you　mean　by
characteristic。　　The　thing　didn't　have　to　be　decided　at　once；　and　I　didn't
suppose　it　would　be　difficult　for　either　side　to　give　way；　if　it　was
judged　best。　　I　was　sure　my　mother　wouldn't　insist。〃

〃It　seems　very　easy　for　your　family　to　make　sacrifices　that　are　not　likely
to　be　required　of　them。〃

〃You　mustn't　criticise　my　mother！〃　cried　Dan。

〃I　have　not　criticised　her。　　You　insinuate　that　we　would　be　too　selfish　to
give　up；　if　it　were　for　the　best。〃

〃I　do　nothing　of　the　kind；　and　unless　you　are　determined　to　quarrel　with
me　you　wouldn't　say　so。〃

〃I　don't　wish　a　quarrel；　none　is　necessary；〃　said　Alice　coldly。

〃You　accuse　me　of　being　treacherous〃

〃I　didn't　say　treacherous！〃

〃Faithless；　then。　　It's　a　mere　quibble　about　words。　　I　want　you　to　take
that　back。〃

〃I　can't　take　it　back；　it's　the　truth。　　Aren't　you　faithless；　if　you　let
us　go　on　thinking　that　you're　going　to　Europe；　and　let　your　mother　think
that　we're　coming　home　to　live　after　we're　married？〃

〃No！　　I'm　simply　leaving　the　question　open！〃

〃Yes；〃　said　the　girlsadly；　〃you　like　to　leave　questions　open。　　That's
your　way。〃

〃Well；　I　suppose　I　do　till　it's　necessary　to　decide　them。　　It　saves　the
needless　effusion　of　talk；〃　said　Dan；　with　a　laugh；　and　then；　as　people　do
in　a　quarrel；　he　went　back　to　his　angry　mood；　and　said　〃Besides；　I
supposed　you　would　be　glad　of　the　chance　to　make　some　sacrifice　for　me。
You're　always　asking　for　it。〃

〃Thank　you；　Mr。　Mavering；〃　said　Alice；　〃for　reminding　me　of　it；　nothing　is
sacred　to　you；　it　seems。　　I　can't　say　that　you　have　ever　sought　any
opportunities　of　self…sacrifice。〃

〃I　wasn't　allowed　time　to　do　so；　they　were　always　presented。〃

〃Thank　you　again；　Mr。　Mavering。　　All　this　is　quite　a　revelation。　　I'm　glad
to　know　how　you　really　felt　about　things　that　you　seemed　so　eager　for。〃

〃Alice；　you　know　that　I　would　do　anything　for　you！〃　cried　Dan；　rueing　his
precipitate　words。

〃Yes；　that's　what　you've　repeatedly　told　me。　　I　used　to　believe　it。〃

〃And　I　always　believed　what　you　said。　　You　said　at　the　picnic　that　day
that　you　thought　I　would　like　to　live　at　Ponkwasset　Falls　if　my　business
was　there〃

〃That　is　not　the　point！〃

〃And　now　you　quarrel　with　me　because　my　mother　wishes　me　to　do　so。〃

Alice　merely　said：　〃I　don't　know　why　I　stand　here　allowing　you　to
intimidate　me　in　my　father's　house。　　I　demand　that　you　shall　stand　aside
and　let　me　pass。〃

〃I'll　not　oblige　you　to　leave　the　room；〃　said　Dan。　　〃I　will　go。　　But　if　I
go；　you　will　understand　that　I　don't　come　back。〃

〃I　hope　that；〃　said　the　girl。

〃Very　well。　　Good　morning；　Miss　Pasmer。〃

She　inclined　her　head　slightly　in　acknowledgment　of　his　bow；　and　he
whirled　out　of　the　room　and　down　the　dim　narrow　passageway　into　the　arms
of　Mrs。　Pasmer；　who　had　resisted　as　long　as　she　could　her　curiosity　to
know　what　the　angry　voices　of　himself　and　Alice　meant。

〃0　Mr。　Mavering；　is　it　you？〃　she　buzzed；　and　she　flung　aside　one　pretence
for　another　in　adding；　〃Couldn't　Alice　make　you　stay　to　breakfast？〃

Dan　felt　a　rush　of　tenderness　in　his　heart　at　the　sound　of　the　kind；
humbugging　little　voice。　　〃No；　thank　you；　Mrs。　Pasmer；　I　couldn't　stay；
thank　you。　　II　thank　you　very　much。　　Igood…bye；　Mrs。　Pasmer。〃　　He
wrung　her　hand；　and　found　his　way　out　of　the　apartment　door；　leaving　her
to　clear　up　the　mystery　of　his　flight　and　his　broken　words　as　she　could。

〃Alice；〃　she　said；　as　she　entered　the　room；　where　the　girl　had　remained；
〃what　have　you　been　doing　now？〃

〃Oh；　nothing；〃　she　said；　with　a　remnant　of　her　scorn　for　Dan　qualifying
her　tone　and　manner　to　her　mother。　　〃I've　dismissed　Mr。　Mavering。〃

〃Then　you　want　him　to　come　to　lunch？〃　asked　her　mother。　　〃I　should　advise
him　to　refuse。〃

〃I　don't　think　he'd　accept；〃　said　Alice。　　Then；　as　Mrs。　Pasmer　stood　in
the　door；　preventing　her　egress；　as　Dan　had　done　before；　she　asked　meekly
〃Will　you　let　me　pass；　mamma？　　My　head　aches。〃

Mrs。　Pasmer；　whose　easy　triumphs　in　so　many　difficult　circumstances　kept
her　nearly　always　in　good　temper；　let　herself　go；　at　these　words；　in
vexation　very　uncommon　with　her。　　〃Indeed　I　shall　not！〃　she　retorted。
〃And　you　will　please　sit　down　here　and　tell　me　what　you　mean　by　dismissing
Mr。　Mavering。　　I'm　tired　of　your　whims　and　caprices。〃

〃I　can't　talk；〃　began　the　girl　stubbornly。

〃Yes；　I　think　you　can；〃　said　her　mother。　　〃At　any　rate；　I　can。　　Now　what
is　it　all？〃

〃Perhaps　this　letter；　will　explain；〃　said　Alice；　continuing　to　dignify　her
enforced　submission　with　a　tone　of　unabated　hauteur；　and　she　gave　her
mother　Mrs。　Mavering's　letter；　which　Dan　had　mechanically　restored　to　her。

Mrs。　Pasmer　read　it；　not　only　without　indignation；　but　apparently　without
displeasure。　　But；　she　understood　perfectly　what　the　trouble　was；　when　she
looked　up　and　asked；　cheerfully；　〃Well？〃

〃Well！〃　repeated　Alice；　with　a　frown　of　astonishment。　　〃Don't　you　see　that
he's　promised　us　one　thing　and　her　another；　and　that　he's　false　to　both？〃

〃I　don't　know；〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer；　recovering　her　good…humour　in　view　of　a
situation　that　she　felt　herself　able　to　cope　with。　　〃Of　course　he　has　to
temporise；　to　manage　a　little。　　She's　an　invalid；　and　of　course　she's　very
exacting。　　He　has　to　humour　her。　　How　do　you　know　he　has　promised　her？　　He
hasn't　promised　us。〃

〃Hasn't　promised　us？〃　Alice　gasped。

〃No。　　He's　simply　fallen　in　with　what　we've　said。　　It's　because　he's　so
sweet　and　yielding；　and　can't　bear　to　refuse。　　I　can　understand　it
perfectly。〃

〃Then　if　he　hasn't　promised　us；　he's　deceived　us　all　the　more　shamefully；
for　he's　made　us　think　he　had。〃

〃He　hasn't　me；〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer；　smiling　at　the　stormy　virtue　in　her
daughter's　face。　　〃And　what　if　you　should　go　home　awhile　with　himfor　the
summer；　say？　　It　couldn't　last　longer；　much；　and　it　wouldn't　hurt　us　to
wait。　　I　suppose　he　hoped　for　something　of　that　kind。〃

〃Oh；　it　isn't　that；〃　groaned　the　girl；　in　a　kind　of　bewilderment。　　〃I
could　have　gone　there　with　him　joyfully；　and　lived　all　my　days；　if　he'd
only　been　frank　with　me。〃

〃Oh　no；　you　couldn't；〃　said　her　mother；　with　cosy　security。　〃When　it　comes
to　it；　you　don't　like　giving　up　any　more　than　other　people。　　It's　very
hard　for　you　to　give　up；　he　sees　thathe　knows　it；　and　he　doesn't　really
like　to　ask　any　sort　of　sacrifice　from　you。　　He's　afraid　of　you。〃

〃Don't　I　know　that？〃　demanded　Alice　desolately：　〃I've　known　it　from　the
first；　and　I've　felt　it　all　the　time。　　It's　all　a　mistake；　and　has　been。
We　never　could　understand　each　other。　　We're　too　different。〃

〃That　needn't　prevent　you　understanding　him。　　It　needn't　prevent　you　from
seeing　how　really　kind　and　good　he　ishow　faithful　and　constant　he　is。〃

〃Oh；　you　say　thatyou　praise　himbecause　you　like　him。〃

〃Of　course　I　do。　　And　can't　you？〃

〃No。　　The　least　grain　of　deceitof　temporising；　you　call　itspoils
everything。　　It's　over；〃　said　the　girl；　rising；　with　a　sigh；　from　the
chair　she　had　dropped　into。　　〃We're　best　apart；　we　could　only　have　been
wretched　and　wicked　together。〃

〃What　did　you　say　to　him；　Alice？〃　asked　her　mother；　unshaken　by