april hopes-第50章

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〃Oh；　I　don't　think　that's　her　character；〃　said　Miss　Cotton；　ruffling　her
feathers　defensively。

〃Neither　do　I。　　She　has　no　fixed　character。　　No　girl　has。　　Nobody　has。　　We
all　have　twenty　different　charactersmore　characters　than　gownsand　we
put　them　on　and　take　them　off　just　as　often　for　different　occasions。　　I
know　you　think　each　person　is　permanently　this　or　that；　but　my　experience
is　that　half　the　time　they're　the　other　thing。〃

〃Then　why；〃　said　Miss　Cotton；　winking　hard；　as　some　weak　people　do　when
they　thick　they　are　making　a　point；　〃do　you　say　that　Alice　is　dull　and
selfish？〃

〃I　don'tnot　always；　or　not　simply　so。　　That's　the　character　of　the
Pasmer　blood；　but　it's　crossed　with　twenty　different　currents　in　her；　and
from　some　body　that　the　Pasmer　dulness　and　selfishness　must　have　driven
mad　she　got　a　crazy　streak　of　piety；　and　that's　got　mixed　up　in　her　again
with　a　nonsensical　ideal　of　duty；　and　everything　she　does　she　not　only
thinks　is　right；　but　she　thinks　it's　religious；　and　she　thinks　it's
unselfish。〃

〃If　you'd　seen　her；　if　you'd　heard　her；　this　morning；〃　said　Miss　Cotton；
〃you　wouldn't　say　that；　Mrs。　Brinkley。〃

Mrs。　Brinkley　refused　this　with　an　impatient　gesture。　　〃It　isn't　what　she
is　now；　or　seems　to　be；　or　thinks　she　is。　　It's　what　she's　going　to
finally　harden　intowhat's　going　to　be　her　prevailing　character。　　Now　Dan
Mavering　has　just　the　faults　that　will　make　such　a　girl　think　her　own
defects　are　virtues；　because　they're　so　different。　　I　tell　you　Alice
Pasmer　has　neither　the　head　nor　the　heart　to　appreciate　the　goodness；　the
loveliness；　of　a　fellow　like　Dan　Mavering。〃

〃I　think　she　feels　his　sweetness　fully；〃　urged　Miss　Cotton。　　〃But　she
couldn't　endure　his　uncertainty。　　With　her　the　truth　is　first　of　all
things。〃

〃Then　she's　a　little　goose。　　If　she　had　the　sense　to　know　it；　she　would
know　that　he　might　delay　and　temporise　and　beat　about　the　bush；　but　he
would　be　true　when　it　was　necessary。　　I　haven't　the　least　doubt　in　the
world　but　that　poor　fellow　was　going　on　in　perfect　security；　because　he
felt　that　it　would　be　so　easy　for　him　to　give　up；　and　supposed　it　would　be
just　as　easy　for　her。　　I　don't　suppose　he　had　a　misgiving；　and　it　must
have　come　upon　him　like　a　thunder…clap。〃

〃Don't　you　think；〃　timidly　suggested　Miss　Cotton；　〃that　truth　is　the　first
essential　in　marriage？〃

〃Of　course　it　is。　　And　if　this　girl　was　worthy　of　Dan　Mavering；　if　she
were　capable　of　loving　him　or　anybody　else　unselfishly；　she　would　have
felt　his　truth　even　if　she　couldn't　have　seen　it。　　I　believe　this　minute
that　that　manoeuvring；　humbugging　mother　of　hers　is　a　better　woman；　a
kinder　woman；　than　she　is。〃

〃Alice　says　her　mother　took　his　part；〃　said　Miss　Cotton；　with　a　sigh。
〃She　took　your　view　of　it。〃

〃She's　a　sensible　woman。　　But　I　hope　she　won't　be　able　to　get　him　into　her
toils　again；〃　continued　Mrs。　Brinkley；　recurring　to　the　conventional
estimate　of　Mrs。　Pasmer。

〃I　can't　help　feelingbelievingthat　they'll　come　together　somehow
still；〃　murmured　Miss　Cotton。　　It　seemed　to　her　that　she　had　all　along
wished　this；　and　she　tried　to　remember　if　what　she　had　said　to　comfort
Alice　might　be　construed　as　adverse　to　a　reconciliation。

〃I　hope　they　won't；　then；〃　said　Mrs。　Brinkley；　〃for　they　couldn't　help
being　unhappy　together；　with　their　temperaments。　　There's　one　thing；　Miss
Cotton；　that's　more　essential　in　marriage　than　Miss　Pasmer's　instantaneous
honesty；　and　that's　patience。〃

〃Patience　with　wrong？〃　demanded　Miss　Cotton。

〃Yes；　even　with　wrong；　but　I　meant　patience　with　each　other。　　Marriage　is
a　perpetual　pardon；　concession；　surrender；　it's　an　everlasting　giving　up；
that's　the　divine　thing　about　it；　and　that's　just　what　Miss　Passer　could
never　conceive　of；　because　she　is　self…righteous　and　conceited　and
unyielding。　　She　would　make　him　miserable。〃

Miss　Cotton　rose　in　a　bewilderment　which　did　not　permit　her　to　go　at　once。
There　was　something　in　her　mind　which　she　wished　to　urge；　but　she　could
not　make　it　out；　though　she　fingered　in　vague　generalities。　　When　she　got
a　block　away　from　the　house　it　suddenly　came　to　her。　Love！　　If　they　loved
each　other；　would　not　all　be　well　with　them？　　She　would　have　liked　to　run
back　and　put　that　question　to　Mrs。　Brinkley；　but　just　then　she　met
Brinkley　lumbering　heavily　homeward；　she　heard　his　hard　breathing　from　the
exertion　of　bowing　to　her　as　he　passed。

His　wife　met　him　in　the　hall；　and　went　up　to　kiss　him。　　He　smelt
abominably　of　tobacco　smoke。

〃Hullo！〃　said　her　husband。　　〃What　are　you　after？〃

〃Nothing；〃　said　his　wife；　enjoying　his　joke。　　〃Come　in　here；　I　want　to
tell　you　how　I　have　just　sat　upon　Miss　Cotton。〃




XLVIII。

The　relations　between　Dan　and　his　father　had　always　been　kindly　and
trustful；　they　now　became；　in　a　degree　that　touched　and　flattered　the
young　fellow；　confidential。　　With　the　rest　of　the　family　there　soon　ceased
to　be　any　reference　to　his　engagement；　his　sisters　were　glad；　each　in　her
way；　to　have　him　back　again；　and；　whatever　they　may　have　said　between
themselves；　they　said　nothing　to　him　about　Alice。　　His　mother　appeared　to
have　finished　with　the　matter　the　first　night；　she　had　her　theory；　and　she
did　it　justice；　and　when　Mrs。　Mavering　had　once　done　a　thing　justice；　she
did　not　bring　it　up　again　unless　somebody　disputed　it。　　But　nobody　had
defended　Mrs。　Pasmer　after　Dan's　feeble　protest　in　her　behalf；　Mrs。
Mavering's　theory　was　accepted　with　obedience　if　not　conviction；　the　whole
affair　dropped；　except　between　Dan　and　his　father。

Dan　was　certainly　not　so　gay　as　he　used　to　be；　he　was　glad　to　find　that　he
was　not　so　gay。　　There　had　been　a　sort　of　mercy　in　the　suddenness　of　the
shock；　it　benumbed　him；　and　the　real　stress　and　pain　came　during　the　long
weeks　that　followed；　when　nothing　occurred　to　vary　the　situation　in　any
manner；　he　did　not　hear　a　word　about　Alice　from　Boston；　nor　any　rumour　of
her　people。

At　first　he　had　intended　to　go　back　with　Boardman　and　face　it　out；　but
there　seemed　no　use　in　this；　and　when　it　came　to　the　point　he　found　it
impossible。　　Boardman　went　back　alone；　and　he　put　Dan's　things　together　in
his　rooms　at　Boston　and　sent　them　to　him；　so　that　Dan　remained　at　home。

He　set　about　helping　his　father　at　the　business　with　unaffected　docility。
He　tried　not　to　pose；　and　he　did　his　best　to　bear　his　loss　and　humiliation
with　manly　fortitude。　　But　his　whole　life　had　not　set　so　strongly　in　one
direction　that　it　could　be　sharply　turned　aside　now；　and　not　in　moments　of
forgetfulness　press　against　the　barriers　almost　to　bursting。　　Now　and
then；　when　he　came　to　himself　from　the　wonted　tendency；　and　remembered
that　Alice　and　he；　who　had　been　all　in　all　to　each　other；　were　now
nothing；　the　pain　was　so　sharp；　so　astonishing；　that　he　could　not　keep
down　a　groan；　which　he　then　tried　to　turn　off　with　a　cough；　or　a　snatch　of
song；　or　a　whistle；　looking　wildly　round　to　see　if　any　one　had　noticed。

Once　this　happened　when　his　father　and　he　were　walking　silently　home　from
the　works；　and　his　father　said；　without　touching　him　or　showing　his
sympathy　except　in　his　tone　of　humorously　frank　recognition；　〃Does　it
still　hurt　a　little　occasionally；　Dan？〃

〃Yes；　sir；　it　hurts；〃　said　the　son；　and　he　turned　his　face　aside；　and
whistled　through　his　teeth。

〃Well；　it's　a　trial；　I　suppose；〃　said　his　father；　with　his　gentle；　soft
half…lisp。　　〃But　there　are　greater　trials。〃

〃How；　greater？〃　asked　Dan；　with　sad　incredulity。　　〃I've　lost　all　that　made
life　worth　living；　and　it's　all　my　own　fault；　too。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　his　father；　〃I　think　she　was　a　good　girl。〃

〃Good！〃　cried　Dan；　the　word　seemed　to　choke　him。

〃Still；　I　doubt　if　it's　all　your　fault。〃　　Dan　looked　round　at　him。　　He
added；　〃And　I　think　it's　perhaps　for　the　best　as　it　is。〃

Dan　halted；　and　then　said；　〃Oh；　I　suppose　so；〃　with　dreary　resignation；　as
they　walked　on。

〃Let　us　go　round　by　the　paddock；〃　said　his　father；　〃and　see　if　Pat's　put
the　horses　up　yet。　　You　can　hardly　remember　your　mother；　before　she　became
an　invalid；　I　suppose；〃　he　added；　as　Dan　mechanically　turned　aside　with
him　from　the　path　that　led　to　the　house　into　that　leading　to　the　barn。

〃No；　I　was　such　a　little　fellow；〃　said　Dan。

〃Women　give　up　a　great　deal　when　they　marry；〃　said　the　elder。　　〃It's　not
strange　that　they　exaggerate　the　sacrifice；　and　expect　more　in　return　than
it's　in　the　nature　of　men　to　give　them。　　I　should　have　been　sorry　to　have
you　marry　a　woman　of　an　exacting　disposition。〃

〃I'm　afraid　she　was　exacting；〃　said　Dan。　　〃But　she　never　asked　more　than
was　right。〃

〃And　it's　difficult　to　do　all　that's　right；〃　suggested　the　elder。

〃I'm　sure　you　always　have；　father；〃　said　the　son。

The　father　did　not　respond。　　〃I　wish　you　could　remember　your　mother　when
she　was　well；〃　he　said。　　　Presently　he　added；　〃I　think　it　isn't　best　for　a
woman　to　be　too　much　in　love　with　her　husband。〃

Dan　took　this　to　himself；　and　he　laughed　harshly。　　〃She's　been　able　to
dissemble　her　love　at　last。〃

His　father　went　on；　〃Women　keep　the　romantic　feeling　longer　than　men；　it
dies　out　of　us　very　soonperhaps　too　soon。〃


〃You　think　I　couldn't　have　come　to　time？〃　asked　Dan。　　〃Well；　as　it's
turned　out；　I　won't　have　to。〃

〃No　man　can　be　all　a　woman　wishes　him　to　be；〃　said　his　father。　　〃It's
better　for　the　disappointment　to　come　before　it's　too　late。〃

〃I　was　to　blame；〃　said　Dan　stoutly。　　〃She　was　all　right。〃

〃You　were　to　blame　in　the　particular　instance；〃　his　father　answered。　　〃But
in　general　the　fault　was　in　heror　her　temperament。　　As　long　as　the
romance　lasted　she　might　have　deluded　herself；　and　believed　you　were　all
she　imagined　you；　but　romance　can't　last；　even　with　women。　　I　don　like
your　faults；　and　I　don't　want　you　to　excuse　them　to　yourself。　　I　don't
like　your　chancing　things；　and　leaving　them　to　come　out　all　right　of
themselves；　but　I've　always　tried　to　make　you　children　see　all　your
qualities　in　their　true　proportion　and　relation。〃

〃Yes；　I　know　that；　sir；〃　said　Dan。

〃Perhaps；〃　continued　his　father；　as　they　swung　easily　along；　shoulder　to
shoulder；　〃I　may　have　gone　too　far　in　that　direction　because　I　was　afraid
that　you　might　take　your　mother　too　seriously　in　the　otherthat　you　might
not　understand　that　she　judged　you　from　her　nerves　and　not　her
convictions。　　It's　part　of　her　malady；　of　her　suffering；　that　her
inherited　Puritanism　clouds　her　judgment；　and　makes　her　see　all　faults　as
of　one　size　and　equally　damning。　　I　wish　you　to　know　that　she　was　not
always　so；　but　was　once　able　to　distinguish　differences　in　error；　and　to
realise　that　evil　is　of　ill…will。〃

〃Yes；　I　know　that；〃　said　Dan。　　〃She　is　nowwhen　she　feels　well。〃

〃Harm　comes　from　many　things；　but　evil　is　of　the　heart。　　I　wouldn't　have
you　condemn　yourself　too　severely　for　harm　that　you　didn't　intendthat's
remorsethat's　insanity；　and　I　wouldn't　have　you　fall　under　the
condemnation　of　another's　invalid　judgment。〃

〃Thank　you；　father；〃　said　Dan。

They　had　come　up　to　the　paddock　behind　the　barn；　and　they　laid　their　arms
on　the　fence　while　they　looked　over　at　the　horses；　which　were　still　there。
The　beasts；　in　their　rough　winter　coats；　some　bedaubed　with　frozen　clots
of　the　mud　in　which　they　had　been　rolling　ear