beasts and superbeasts-第20章

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course；　when　you　were　on　outwardly　friendly　terms　with　

the　object　of　your　dislike。　　That　greedy　little　Agnes　

Blaik；　for　instance；　who　thinks　of　nothing　but　her　food；　

it　would　be　quite　simple　to　ask　her　to　a　picnic　in　some　

wild　woodland　spot　and　lose　her　just　before　lunch　was　

served；　when　you　found　her　again　every　morsel　of　food　

could　have　been　eaten　up。〃



〃It　would　require　no　ordinary　human　strategy　to　lose　

Agnes　Blaik　when　luncheon　was　imminent：　in　fact；　I　don't　

believe　it　could　be　done。〃



〃Then　have　all　the　other　guests；　people　whom　you　

dislike；　and　lose　the　luncheon。　　It　could　have　been　sent　

by　accident　in　the　wrong　direction。〃



〃It　would　be　a　ghastly　picnic；〃　said　Mrs。　

Thackenbury。



〃For　them；　but　not　for　you；〃　said　Clovis；　〃you　would　

have　had　an　early　and　comforting　lunch　before　you　

started；　and　you　could　improve　the　occasion　by　mentioning　

in　detail　the　items　of　the　missing　banquet　…　the　lobster　

Newburg　and　the　egg　mayonnaise；　and　the　curry　that　was　to　

have　been　heated　in　a　chafing…dish。　　Agnes　Blaik　would　be　

delirious　long　before　you　got　to　the　list　of　wines；　and　

in　the　long　interval　of　waiting；　before　they　had　quite　

abandoned　hope　of　the　lunch　turning　up；　you　could　induce　

them　to　play　silly　games；　such　as　that　idiotic　one　of　

'the　Lord　Mayor's　dinner…party；'　in　which　every　one　has　

to　choose　the　name　of　a　dish　and　do　something　futile　when　

it　is　called　out。　　In　this　case　they　would　probably　burst　

into　tears　when　their　dish　is　mentioned。　　It　would　be　a　

heavenly　picnic。〃



Mrs。　Thackenbury　was　silent　for　a　moment；　she　was　

probably　making　a　mental　list　of　the　people　she　would　

like　to　invite　to　the　Duke　Humphrey　picnic。　　Presently　

she　asked：　〃And　that　odious　young　man；　Waldo　Plubley；　who　

is　always　coddling　himself　…　have　you　thought　of　anything　

that　one　could　do　to　him？〃　　Evidently　she　was　beginning　

to　see　the　possibilities　of　Nemesis　Day。



〃If　there　was　anything　like　a　general　observance　of　

the　festival；〃　said　Clovis；　〃Waldo　would　be　in　such　

demand　that　you　would　have　to　bespeak　him　weeks　

beforehand；　and　even　then；　if　there　were　an　east　wind　

blowing　or　a　cloud　or　two　in　the　sky　he　might　be　too　

careful　of　his　precious　self　to　come　out。　　It　would　be　

rather　jolly　if　you　could　lure　him　into　a　hammock　in　the　

orchard；　just　near　the　spot　where　there　is　a　wasps'　nest　

every　summer。　　A　comfortable　hammock　on　a　warm　afternoon　

would　appeal　to　his　indolent　tastes；　and　then；　when　he　

was　getting　drowsy；　a　lighted　fusee　thrown　into　the　nest　

would　bring　the　wasps　out　in　an　indignant　mass；　and　they　

would　soon　find　a　'home　away　from　home'　on　Waldo's　fat　

body。　　It　takes　some　doing　to　get　out　of　a　hammock　in　a　

hurry。〃



〃They　might　sting　him　to　death；〃　protested　Mrs。　

Thackenbury。



〃Waldo　is　one　of　those　people　who　would　be　

enormously　improved　by　death；〃　said　Clovis；　〃but　if　you　

didn't　want　to　go　as　far　as　that；　you　could　have　some　wet　

straw　ready　to　hand；　and　set　it　alight　under　the　hammock　

at　the　same　time　that　the　fusee　was　thrown　into　the　nest；　

the　smoke　would　keep　all　but　the　most　militant　of　the　

wasps　just　outside　the　stinging　line；　and　as　long　as　

Waldo　remained　within　its　protection　he　would　escape　

serious　damage；　and　could　be　eventually　restored　to　his　

mother；　kippered　all　over　and　swollen　in　places；　but　

still　perfectly　recognisable。〃



〃His　mother　would　be　my　enemy　for　life；〃　said　Mrs。　

Thackenbury。



〃That　would　be　one　greeting　less　to　exchange　at　

Christmas；〃　said　Clovis。





THE　DREAMER





IT　was　the　season　of　sales。　　The　august　

establishment　of　Walpurgis　and　Nettlepink　had　lowered　its　

prices　for　an　entire　week　as　a　concession　to　trade　

observances；　much　as　an　Arch…duchess　might　protestingly　

contract　an　attack　of　influenza　for　the　unsatisfactory　

reason　that　influenza　was　locally　prevalent。　　Adela　

Chemping；　who　considered　herself　in　some　measure　superior　

to　the　allurements　of　an　ordinary　bargain　sale；　made　a　

point　of　attending　the　reduction　week　at　Walpurgis　and　

Nettlepink's。



〃I'm　not　a　bargain　hunter；〃　she　said；　〃but　I　like　to　

go　where　bargains　are。〃



Which　showed　that　beneath　her　surface　strength　of　

character　there　flowed　a　gracious　undercurrent　of　human　

weakness。



With　a　view　to　providing　herself　with　a　male　escort　

Mrs。　Chemping　had　invited　her　youngest　nephew　to　

accompany　her　on　the　first　day　of　the　shopping　

expedition；　throwing　in　the　additional　allurement　of　a　

cinematograph　theatre　and　the　prospect　of　light　

refreshment。　　As　Cyprian　was　not　yet　eighteen　she　hoped　

he　might　not　have　reached　that　stage　in　masculine　

development　when　parcel…carrying　is　looked　on　as　a　thing　

abhorrent。



〃Meet　me　just　outside　the　floral　department；〃　she　

wrote　to　him；　〃and　don't　be　a　moment　later　than　eleven。〃



Cyprian　was　a　boy　who　carried　with　him　through　early　

life　the　wondering　look　of　a　dreamer；　the　eyes　of　one　who　

sees　things　that　are　not　visible　to　ordinary　mortals；　and　

invests　the　commonplace　things　of　this　world　with　

qualities　unsuspected　by　plainer　folk　…　the　eyes　of　a　

poet　or　a　house　agent。　　He　was　quietly　dressed　…　that　

sartorial　quietude　which　frequently　accompanies　early　

adolescence；　and　is　usually　attributed　by　novel…writers　

to　the　influence　of　a　widowed　mother。　　His　hair　was　

brushed　back　in　a　smoothness　as　of　ribbon　seaweed　and　

seamed　with　a　narrow　furrow　that　scarcely　aimed　at　being　

a　parting。　　His　aunt　particularly　noted　this　item　of　his　

toilet　when　they　met　at　the　appointed　rendezvous；　because　

he　was　standing　waiting　for　her　bare…headed。



〃Where　is　your　hat？〃　she　asked。



〃I　didn't　bring　one　with　me；〃　he　replied。



Adela　Chemping　was　slightly　scandalised。



〃You　are　not　going　to　be　what　they　call　a　Nut；　are　

you？〃　she　inquired　with　some　anxiety；　partly　with　the　

idea　that　a　Nut　would　be　an　extravagance　which　her　

sister's　small　household　would　scarcely　be　justified　in　

incurring；　partly；　perhaps；　with　the　instinctive　

apprehension　that　a　Nut；　even　in　its　embryo　stage；　would　

refuse　to　carry　parcels。



Cyprian　looked　at　her　with　his　wondering；　dreamy　

eyes。



〃I　didn't　bring　a　hat；〃　he　said；　〃because　it　is　such　

a　nuisance　when　one　is　shopping；　I　mean　it　is　so　awkward　

if　one　meets　anyone　one　knows　and　has　to　take　one's　hat　

off　when　one's　hands　are　full　of　parcels。　　If　one　hasn't　

got　a　hat　on　one　can't　take　it　off。〃



Mrs。　Chemping　sighed　with　great　relief；　her　worst　

fear　had　been　laid　at　rest。



〃It　is　more　orthodox　to　wear　a　hat；〃　she　observed；　

and　then　turned　her　attention　briskly　to　the　business　in　

hand。



〃We　will　go　first　to　the　table…linen　counter；〃　she　

said；　leading　the　way　in　that　direction；　〃I　should　like　

to　look　at　some　napkins。〃



The　wondering　look　deepened　in　Cyprian's　eyes　as　he　

followed　his　aunt；　he　belonged　to　a　generation　that　is　

supposed　to　be　over…fond　of　the　role　of　mere　spectator；　

but　looking　at　napkins　that　one　did　not　mean　to　buy　was　a　

pleasure　beyond　his　comprehension。　　Mrs。　Chemping　held　

one　or　two　napkins　up　to　the　light　and　stared　fixedly　at　

them；　as　though　she　half　expected　to　find　some　

revolutionary　cypher　written　on　them　in　scarcely　visible　

ink；　then　she　suddenly　broke　away　in　the　direction　of　the　

glassware　department。



〃Millicent　asked　me　to　get　her　a　couple　of　decanters　

if　there　were　any　going　really　cheap；〃　she　explained　on　

the　way；　〃and　I　really　do　want　a　salad　bowl。　　I　can　come　

back　to　the　napkins　later　on。〃



She　handled　and　scrutinised　a　large　number　of　

decanters　and　a　long　series　of　salad　bowls；　and　finally　

bought　seven　chrysanthemum　vases。



〃No　one　uses　that　kind　of　vase　nowadays；〃　she　

informed　Cyprian；　〃but　they　will　do　for　presents　next　

Christmas。〃



Two　sunshades　that　were　marked　down　to　a　price　that　

Mrs。　Chemping　considered　absurdly　cheap　were　added　to　her　

purchases。



〃One　of　them　will　do　for　Ruth　Colson；　she　is　going　

out　to　the　Malay　States；　and　a　sunshade　will　always　be　

useful　there。　　And　I　must　get　her　some　thin　writing　

paper。　　It　takes　up　no　room　in　one's　baggage。〃



Mrs。　Chemping　bought　stacks　of　writing　paper；　it　was　

so　cheap；　and　it　went　so　flat　in　a　trunk　or　portmanteau。　　

She　also　bought　a　few　envelopes　…　envelopes　somehow　

seemed　rather　an　extragavance　compared　with　notepaper。



〃Do　you　think　Ruth　will　like　blue　or　grey　paper？〃　

she　asked　Cyprian。



〃Grey；〃　said　Cyprian；　who　had　never　met　the　lady　in　

question。



〃Have　you　any　mauve　notepaper　of　this　quality？〃　

Adela　asked　the　assistant。



〃We　haven't　any　mauve；〃　said　the　assistant；　〃but　

we've　two　shades　of　green　and　a　darker　shade　of　grey。〃



Mrs。　Chemping　inspected　the　greens　and　the　darker　

grey；　and　chose　the　blue。



〃Now　we　can　have　some　lunch；〃　she　said。



Cyprian　behaved　in　an　exemplary　fashion　in　the　

refreshment　department；　and　cheerfully　accepted　a　fish　

cake　and　a　mince　pie　and　a　small　cup　of　coffee　as　

adequate　restoratives　after　two　hours　of　concentrated　

shopping。　　He　was　adamant；　however；　in　resisting　his　

aunt's　suggestion　that　a　hat　should　be　bought　for　him　at　

the　counter　where　men's　headwear　was　being　disposed　of　at　

temptingly　reduced　prices。



〃I've　got　as　many　hats　as　I　want　at　home；〃　he　said；　

〃and　besides；　it　rumples　one's　hair　so；　trying　them　on。〃



Perhaps　he　was　going　to　develop　into　a　Nut　after　

all。　　It　was　a　disquieting　symptom　that　he　left　all　the　

parcels　in　charge　of　the　cloak…room　attendant。



〃We　shall　be　getting　more　parcels　presently；〃　he　

said；　〃so　we　need　not　collect　these　till　we　have　finished　

our　shopping。〃



His　aunt　was　doubtfully　appeased；　some　of　the　

pleasure　and　excitement　of　a　shopping　expedition　seemed　

to　evaporate　when　one　was　deprived　of　immediate　personal　

contact　with　one's　purchases。



〃I'm　going　to　look　at　those　napkins　again；〃　she　

said；　as　they　descended　the　stairs　to　the　ground　floor。　　

〃You　need　not　come；〃　she　added；　as　the　dreaming　look　in　

the　boy's　eyes　changed　for　a　moment　into　one　of　mute　

protest；　〃you　can　meet　me　afterwards　in　the　cutlery　

department；　I've　just　remembered　that　I　haven't　a　

corkscrew　in　the　house　that　can　be　depended　on。〃



Cyprian　was　not　to　be　found　in　the　cutlery　

department　when　his　aunt　in　due　course　arrived　there；　but　

in　the　crush　and　bustle　of　anxious　shoppers　and　busy　

attendants　it　was　an　easy　matter　to　miss　anyone。　　It　was　

in　the　leather　goods　department　some　quarter　of　an　hour　

later　that　Adela　Chemping　caught　sight　of　her　nephew；　

separated　from　her　by　a　rampart　of　suit…cases　and　

portmanteaux　and　hemmed　in　by　the　jostling　crush　of　human　

beings　that　now　invaded　every　corner　of　the　great　

shopping　emporium。　　She　was　just　in　time　to　witness　a　

pardonable　but　rather　embarrassing　mistake　on　the　part　of