northanger abbey-第41章

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and　with　a　mind　so　occupied　in　the　contemplation　of



actual　and　natural　evil；　the　solitude　of　her　situation；



the　darkness　of　her　chamber；　the　antiquity　of　the　building；



were　felt　and　considered　without　the　smallest　emotion；



and　though　the　wind　was　high；　and　often　produced　strange



and　sudden　noises　throughout　the　house；　she　heard　it



all　as　she　lay　awake；　hour　after　hour；　without　curiosity



or　terror。　







　　　　　Soon　after　six　Eleanor　entered　her　room；　eager　to　show



attention　or　give　assistance　where　it　was　possible；　but　very



little　remained　to　be　done。　　Catherine　had　not　loitered；



she　was　almost　dressed；　and　her　packing　almost　finished。　



The　possibility　of　some　conciliatory　message　from



the　general　occurred　to　her　as　his　daughter　appeared。　



What　so　natural；　as　that　anger　should　pass　away　and



repentance　succeed　it？　And　she　only　wanted　to　know　how　far；



after　what　had　passed；　an　apology　might　properly　be　received



by　her。　　But　the　knowledge　would　have　been　useless　here；



it　was　not　called　for；　neither　clemency　nor　dignity



was　put　to　the　trialEleanor　brought　no　message。　



Very　little　passed　between　them　on　meeting；　each　found



her　greatest　safety　in　silence；　and　few　and　trivial　were



the　sentences　exchanged　while　they　remained　upstairs；



Catherine　in　busy　agitation　completing　her　dress；



and　Eleanor　with　more　goodwill　than　experience　intent　upon



filling　the　trunk。　　When　everything　was　done　they　left



the　room；　Catherine　lingering　only　half　a　minute　behind



her　friend　to　throw　a　parting　glance　on　every　well…known；



cherished　object；　and　went　down　to　the　breakfast…parlour；



where　breakfast　was　prepared。　　She　tried　to　eat；　as　well



to　save　herself　from　the　pain　of　being　urged　as　to　make



her　friend　comfortable；　but　she　had　no　appetite；　and　could



not　swallow　many　mouthfuls。　　The　contrast　between　this



and　her　last　breakfast　in　that　room　gave　her　fresh　misery；



and　strengthened　her　distaste　for　everything　before　her。　



It　was　not　four　and　twenty　hours　ago　since　they　had



met　there　to　the　same　repast；　but　in　circumstances



how　different！　With　what　cheerful　ease；　what　happy；



though　false；　security；　had　she　then　looked　around　her；



enjoying　everything　present；　and　fearing　little　in　future；



beyond　Henry's　going　to　Woodston　for　a　day！　Happy；



happy　breakfast！　For　Henry　had　been　there；　Henry　had　sat



by　her　and　helped　her。　　These　reflections　were　long



indulged　undisturbed　by　any　address　from　her　companion；



who　sat　as　deep　in　thought　as　herself；　and　the　appearance



of　the　carriage　was　the　first　thing　to　startle　and　recall



them　to　the　present　moment。　　Catherine's　colour　rose　at　the



sight　of　it；　and　the　indignity　with　which　she　was　treated；



striking　at　that　instant　on　her　mind　with　peculiar　force；



made　her　for　a　short　time　sensible　only　of　resentment。　



Eleanor　seemed　now　impelled　into　resolution　and　speech。　







　　　　　〃You　must　write　to　me；　Catherine；〃　she　cried；



〃you　must　let　me　hear　from　you　as　soon　as　possible。　



Till　I　know　you　to　be　safe　at　home；　I　shall　not　have



an　hour's　comfort。　　For　one　letter；　at　all　risks；



all　hazards；　I　must　entreat。　　Let　me　have　the　satisfaction



of　knowing　that　you　are　safe　at　Fullerton；　and　have　found



your　family　well；　and　then；　till　I　can　ask　for　your



correspondence　as　I　ought　to　do；　I　will　not　expect　more。　



Direct　to　me　at　Lord　Longtown's；　and；　I　must　ask　it；



under　cover　to　Alice。〃







　　　　　〃No；　Eleanor；　if　you　are　not　allowed　to　receive



a　letter　from　me；　I　am　sure　I　had　better　not　write。　



There　can　be　no　doubt　of　my　getting　home　safe。〃







　　　　　Eleanor　only　replied；　〃I　cannot　wonder　at　your　feelings。　



I　will　not　importune　you。　　I　will　trust　to　your　own　kindness



of　heart　when　I　am　at　a　distance　from　you。〃　But　this；



with　the　look　of　sorrow　accompanying　it；　was　enough　to　melt



Catherine's　pride　in　a　moment；　and　she　instantly　said；



〃Oh；　Eleanor；　I　will　write　to　you　indeed。〃







　　　　　There　was　yet　another　point　which　Miss　Tilney　was　anxious



to　settle；　though　somewhat　embarrassed　in　speaking　of。　



It　had　occurred　to　her　that　after　so　long　an　absence　from　home；



Catherine　might　not　be　provided　with　money　enough　for　the



expenses　of　her　journey；　and；　upon　suggesting　it　to　her



with　most　affectionate　offers　of　accommodation；　it　proved



to　be　exactly　the　case。　　Catherine　had　never　thought　on



the　subject　till　that　moment；　but；　upon　examining　her　purse；



was　convinced　that　but　for　this　kindness　of　her　friend；



she　might　have　been　turned　from　the　house　without　even



the　means　of　getting　home；　and　the　distress　in　which　she



must　have　been　thereby　involved　filling　the　minds　of　both；



scarcely　another　word　was　said　by　either　during　the　time



of　their　remaining　together。　　Short；　however；　was　that　time。　



The　carriage　was　soon　announced　to　be　ready；　and　Catherine；



instantly　rising；　a　long　and　affectionate　embrace　supplied



the　place　of　language　in　bidding　each　other　adieu；



and；　as　they　entered　the　hall；　unable　to　leave　the　house



without　some　mention　of　one　whose　name　had　not　yet　been



spoken　by　either；　she　paused　a　moment；　and　with　quivering



lips　just　made　it　intelligible　that　she　left　〃her　kind



remembrance　for　her　absent　friend。〃　But　with　this



approach　to　his　name　ended　all　possibility　of　restraining



her　feelings；　and；　hiding　her　face　as　well　as　she　could



with　her　handkerchief；　she　darted　across　the　hall；



jumped　into　the　chaise；　and　in　a　moment　was　driven　from　the　door。　















CHAPTER　29











　　　　　Catherine　was　too　wretched　to　be　fearful。　　The　journey



in　itself　had　no　terrors　for　her；　and　she　began　it　without



either　dreading　its　length　or　feeling　its　solitariness。　



Leaning　back　in　one　comer　of　the　carriage；　in　a　violent



burst　of　tears；　she　was　conveyed　some　miles　beyond



the　walls　of　the　abbey　before　she　raised　her　head；



and　the　highest　point　of　ground　within　the　park　was　almost



closed　from　her　view　before　she　was　capable　of　turning



her　eyes　towards　it。　　Unfortunately；　the　road　she　now



travelled　was　the　same　which　only　ten　days　ago　she　had



so　happily　passed　along　in　going　to　and　from　Woodston；



and；　for　fourteen　miles；　every　bitter　feeling　was　rendered



more　severe　by　the　review　of　objects　on　which　she　had



first　looked　under　impressions　so　different。　　Every　mile；



as　it　brought　her　nearer　Woodston；　added　to　her　sufferings；



and　when　within　the　distance　of　five；　she　passed　the



turning　which　led　to　it；　and　thought　of　Henry；　so　near；



yet　so　unconscious；　her　grief　and　agitation　were　excessive。　







　　　　　The　day　which　she　had　spent　at　that　place　had



been　one　of　the　happiest　of　her　life。　　It　was　there；



it　was　on　that　day；　that　the　general　had　made　use　of　such



expressions　with　regard　to　Henry　and　herself；　had　so　spoken



and　so　looked　as　to　give　her　the　most　positive　conviction



of　his　actually　wishing　their　marriage。　　Yes；　only　ten



days　ago　had　he　elated　her　by　his　pointed　regardhad　he



even　confused　her　by　his　too　significant　reference！　And



nowwhat　had　she　done；　or　what　had　she　omitted　to　do；



to　merit　such　a　change？







　　　　　The　only　offence　against　him　of　which　she　could　accuse



herself　had　been　such　as　was　scarcely　possible　to　reach



his　knowledge。　　Henry　and　her　own　heart　only　were　privy



to　the　shocking　suspicions　which　she　had　so　idly　entertained；



and　equally　safe　did　she　believe　her　secret　with　each。　



Designedly；　at　least；　Henry　could　not　have　betrayed　her。　



If；　indeed；　by　any　strange　mischance　his　father　should　have



gained　intelligence　of　what　she　had　dared　to　think　and　look　for；



of　her　causeless　fancies　and　injurious　examinations；



she　could　not　wonder　at　any　degree　of　his　indignation。　



If　aware　of　her　having　viewed　him　as　a　murderer；　she　could



not　wonder　at　his　even　turning　her　from　his　house。　



But　a　justification　so　full　of　torture　to　herself；



she　trusted；　would　not　be　in　his　power。　







　　　　　Anxious　as　were　all　her　conjectures　on　this　point；



it　was　not；　however；　the　one　on　which　she　dwelt　most。　



There　was　a　thought　yet　nearer；　a　more　prevailing；



more　impetuous　concern。　　How　Henry　would　think；　and　feel；



and　look；　when　he　returned　on　the　morrow　to　Northanger



and　heard　of　her　being　gone；　was　a　question　of　force　and



interest　to　rise　over　every　other；　to　be　never　ceasing；



alternately　irritating　and　soothing；　it　sometimes　suggested



the　dread　of　his　calm　acquiescence；　and　at　others　was　answered



by　the　sweetest　confidence　in　his　regret　and　resentment。　



To　the　general；　of　course；　he　would　not　dare　to　speak；



but　to　Eleanorwhat　might　he　not　say　to　Eleanor　about



her？







　　　　　In　this　unceasing　recurrence　of　doubts　and　inquiries；



on　any　one　article　of　which　her　mind　was　incapable　of　more



than　momentary　repose；　the　hours　passed　away；　and　her　journey



advanced　much　faster　than　she　looked　for。　　The　pressing



anxieties　of　thought；　which　prevented　her　from　noticing



anything　before　her；　when　once　beyond　the　neighbourhood



of　Woodston；　saved　her　at　the　same　time　from　watching



her　progress；　and　though　no　object　on　the　road　could　engage



a　moment's　attention；　she　found　no　stage　of　it　tedious。　



From　this；　she　was　preserved　too　by　another　cause；



by　feeling　no　eagerness　for　her　journey's　conclusion；



for　to　return　in　such　a　manner　to　Fullerton　was　almost



to　destroy　the　pleasure　of　a　meeting　with　those　she



loved　best；　even　after　an　absence　such　as　hersan



eleven　weeks'　absence。　　What　had　she　to　say　that　would



not　humble　herself　and　pain　her　family；　that　would　not



increase　her　own　grief　by　the　confession　of　it；　extend　an



useless　resentment；　and　perhaps　involve　the　innocent



with　the　guilty　in　undistinguishing　ill　will？　She　could



never　do　justice　to　Henry　and　Eleanor's　merit；　she　felt　it



too　strongly　for　expression；　and　should　a　dislike　be　taken



against　them；　should　they　be　thought　of　unfavourably；



on　their　father's　account；　it　would　cut　her　to　the　heart。　







　　　　　With　these　feelings；　she　rather　dreaded　than　sought



for　the　first　view　of　that　well…known　spire　which　would



announce　her　within　twenty　miles　of　home。　　Salisbury　she



had　known　to　be　her　point　on　leaving　Northanger；　but　after



the　first　stage　she　had　been　indebted　to　the　post…masters



for　the　names　of　the　places　which　were　then　to　conduct



her　to　it；　so　great