the vicar of tours-第3章

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wide　and　handsome　easy…chair　of　his　late　friend；　but　there　was

something　mournful　in　the　movement　with　which　he　dropped　upon　it。　The

good　soul　was　crushed　by　a　presentiment　of　coming　calamity。　His　eyes

roved　successively　to　the　handsome　tall　clock；　the　bureau；　curtains；

chairs；　carpets；　to　the　stately　bed；　the　basin　of　holy…water；　the

crucifix；　to　a　Virgin　by　Valentin；　a　Christ　by　Lebrun；in　short；　to

all　the　accessories　of　this　cherished　room；　while　his　face　expressed

the　anguish　of　the　tenderest　farewell　that　a　lover　ever　took　of　his

first　mistress；　or　an　old　man　of　his　lately　planted　trees。　The　vicar

had　just　perceived；　somewhat　late　it　is　true；　the　signs　of　a　dumb

persecution　instituted　against　him　for　the　last　three　months　by

Mademoiselle　Gamard；　whose　evil　intentions　would　doubtless　have　been

fathomed　much　sooner　by　a　more　intelligent　man。　Old　maids　have　a

special　talent　for　accentuating　the　words　and　actions　which　their

dislikes　suggest　to　them。　They　scratch　like　cats。　They　not　only　wound

but　they　take　pleasure　in　wounding；　and　in　making　their　victim　see

that　he　is　wounded。　A　man　of　the　world　would　never　have　allowed

himself　to　be　scratched　twice；　the　good　abbe；　on　the　contrary；　had

taken　several　blows　from　those　sharp　claws　before　he　could　be　brought

to　believe　in　any　evil　intention。



But　when　he　did　perceive　it；　he　set　to　work；　with　the　inquisitorial

sagacity　which　priests　acquire　by　directing　consciences　and　burrowing

into　the　nothings　of　the　confessional；　to　establish；　as　though　it　were

a　matter　of　religious　controversy；　the　following　proposition：

〃Admitting　that　Mademoiselle　Gamard　did　not　remember　it　was　Madame　de

Listomere's　evening；　and　that　Marianne　did　think　I　was　home；　and　did

really　forget　to　make　my　fire；　it　is　impossible；　inasmuch　as　I　myself

took　down　my　candlestick　this　morning；　that　Mademoiselle　Gamard；

seeing　it　in　her　salon；　could　have　supposed　I　had　gone　to　bed。　Ergo；

Mademoiselle　Gamard　intended　that　I　should　stand　out　in　the　rain；　and；

by　carrying　my　candlestick　upstairs；　she　meant　to　make　me　understand

it。　What　does　it　all　mean？〃　he　said　aloud；　roused　by　the　gravity　of

these　circumstances；　and　rising　as　he　spoke　to　take　off　his　damp

clothes；　get　into　his　dressing…gown；　and　do　up　his　head　for　the　night。

Then　he　returned　from　the　bed　to　the　fireplace；　gesticulating；　and

launching　forth　in　various　tones　the　following　sentences；　all　of　which

ended　in　a　high　falsetto　key；　like　notes　of　interjection：



〃What　the　deuce　have　I　done　to　her？　Why　is　she　angry　with　me？　Marianne

did　NOT　forget　my　fire！　Mademoiselle　told　her　not　to　light　it！　I　must

be　a　child　if　I　can't　see；　from　the　tone　and　manner　she　has　been

taking　to　me；　that　I've　done　something　to　displease　her。　Nothing　like

it　ever　happened　to　Chapeloud！　I　can't　live　in　the　midst　of　such

torments　asAt　my　age〃



He　went　to　bed　hoping　that　the　morrow　might　enlighten　him　on　the

causes　of　the　dislike　which　threatened　to　destroy　forever　the

happiness　he　had　now　enjoyed　two　years　after　wishing　for　it　so　long。

Alas！　the　secret　reasons　for　the　inimical　feelings　Mademoiselle　Gamard

bore　to　the　luckless　abbe　were　fated　to　remain　eternally　unknown　to

him；not　that　they　were　difficult　to　fathom；　but　simply　because　he

lacked　the　good　faith　and　candor　by　which　great　souls　and　scoundrels

look　within　and　judge　themselves。　A　man　of　genius　or　a　trickster　says

to　himself；　〃I　did　wrong。〃　Self…interest　and　native　talent　are　the

only　infallible　and　lucid　guides。　Now　the　Abbe　Birotteau；　whose

goodness　amounted　to　stupidity；　whose　knowledge　was　only；　as　it　were；

plastered　on　him　by　dint　of　study；　who　had　no　experience　whatever　of

the　world　and　its　ways；　who　lived　between　the　mass　and　the

confessional；　chiefly　occupied　in　dealing　the　most　trivial　matters　of

conscience　in　his　capacity　of　confessor　to　all　the　schools　in　town　and

to　a　few　noble　souls　who　rightly　appreciated　him；the　Abbe　Birotteau

must　be　regarded　as　a　great　child；　to　whom　most　of　the　practices　of

social　life　were　utterly　unknown。　And　yet；　the　natural　selfishness　of

all　human　beings；　reinforced　by　the　selfishness　peculiar　to　the

priesthood　and　that　of　the　narrow　life　of　the　provinces　had

insensibly；　and　unknown　to　himself；　developed　within　him。　If　any　one

had　felt　enough　interest　in　the　good　man　to　probe　his　spirit　and　prove

to　him　that　in　the　numerous　petty　details　of　his　life　and　in　the

minute　duties　of　his　daily　existence　he　was　essentially　lacking　in　the

self…sacrifice　he　professed；　he　would　have　punished　and　mortified

himself　in　good　faith。　But　those　whom　we　offend　by　such　unconscious

selfishness　pay　little　heed　to　our　real　innocence；　what　they　want　is

vengeance；　and　they　take　it。　Thus　it　happened　that　Birotteau；　weak

brother　that　he　was；　was　made　to　undergo　the　decrees　of　that　great

distributive　Justice　which　goes　about　compelling　the　world　to　execute

its　judgments；called　by　ninnies　〃the　misfortunes　of　life。〃



There　was　this　difference　between　the　late　Chapeloud　and　the　vicar；

one　was　a　shrewd　and　clever　egoist；　the　other　a　simple…minded　and

clumsy　one。　When　the　canon　went　to　board　with　Mademoiselle　Gamard　he

knew　exactly　how　to　judge　of　his　landlady's　character。　The

confessional　had　taught　him　to　understand　the　bitterness　that　the

sense　of　being　kept　outside　the　social　pale　puts　into　the　heart　of　an

old　maid；　he　therefore　calculated　his　own　treatment　of　Mademoiselle

Gamard　very　wisely。　She　was　then　about　thirty…eight　years　old；　and

still　retained　a　few　pretensions；　which；　in　well…behaved　persons　of

her　condition；　change；　rather　later；　into　strong　personal　self…esteem。

The　canon　saw　plainly　that　to　live　comfortably　with　his　landlady　he

must　pay　her　invariably　the　same　attentions　and　be　more　infallible

than　the　pope　himself。　To　compass　this　result；　he　allowed　no　points　of

contact　between　himself　and　her　except　those　that　politeness　demanded；

and　those　which　necessarily　exist　between　two　persons　living　under　the

same　roof。　Thus；　though　he　and　the　Abbe　Troubert　took　their　regular

three　meals　a　day；　he　avoided　the　family　breakfast　by　inducing

Mademoiselle　Gamard　to　send　his　coffee　to　his　own　room。　He　also

avoided　the　annoyance　of　supper　by　taking　tea　in　the　houses　of　friends

with　whom　he　spent　his　evenings。　In　this　way　he　seldom　saw　his

landlady　except　at　dinner；　but　he　always　came　down　to　that　meal　a　few

minutes　in　advance　of　the　hour。　During　this　visit　of　courtesy；　as　it

may　be　called；　he　talked　to　her；　for　the　twelve　years　he　had　lived

under　her　roof；　on　nearly　the　same　topics；　receiving　from　her　the　same

answers。　How　she　had　slept；　her　breakfast；　the　trivial　domestic

events；　her　looks；　her　health；　the　weather；　the　time　the　church

services　had　lasted；　the　incidents　of　the　mass；　the　health　of　such　or

such　a　priest；these　were　the　subjects　of　their　daily　conversation。

During　dinner　he　invariably　paid　her　certain　indirect　compliments；　the

fish　had　an　excellent　flavor；　the　seasoning　of　a　sauce　was　delicious；

Mademoiselle　Gamard's　capacities　and　virtues　as　mistress　of　a

household　were　great。　He　was　sure　of　flattering　the　old　maid's　vanity

by　praising　the　skill　with　which　she　made　or　prepared　her　preserves

and　pickles　and　pates　and　other　gastronomical　inventions。　To　cap　all；

the　wily　canon　never　left　his　landlady's　yellow　salon　after　dinner

without　remarking　that　there　was　no　house　in　Tours　where　he　could　get

such　good　coffee　as　that　he　had　just　imbibed。



Thanks　to　this　thorough　understanding　of　Mademoiselle　Gamard's

character；　and　to　the　science　of　existence　which　he　had　put　in

practice　for　the　last　twelve　years；　no　matter　of　discussion　on　the

internal　arrangements　of　the　household　had　ever　come　up　between　them。

The　Abbe　Chapeloud　had　taken　note　of　the　spinster's　angles；

asperities；　and　crabbedness；　and　had　so　arranged　his　avoidance　of　her

that　he　obtained　without　the　least　difficulty　all　the　concessions　that

were　necessary　to　the　happiness　and　tranquility　of　his　life。　The

result　was　that　Mademoiselle　Gamard　frequently　remarked　to　her　friends

and　acquaintances　that　the　Abbe　Chapeloud　was　a　very　amiable　man；

extremely　easy　to　live　with；　and　a　fine　mind。



As　to　her　other　lodger；　the　Abbe　Troubert；　she　said　absolutely　nothing

about　him。　Completely　involved　in　the　round　of　her　life；　like　a

satellite　in　the　orbit　of　a　planet；　Troubert　was　to　her　a　sort　of

intermediary　creature　between　the　individuals　of　the　human　species　and

those　of　the　canine　species；　he　was　classed　in　her　heart　next；　but

directly　before；　the　place　intended　for　friends　but　now　occupied　by　a

fat　and　wheezy　pug　which　she　tenderly　loved。　She　ruled　Troubert

completely；　and　the　intermingling　of　their　interests　was　so　obvious

that　many　persons　of　her　social　sphere　believed　that　the　Abbe　Troubert

had　designs　on　the　old　maid's　property；　and　was　binding　her　to　him

unawares　with　infinite　patience；　and　really　directing　her　while　he

seemed　to　be　obeying　without　ever　letting　her　percieve　in　him　the

slightest　wish　on　his　part　to　govern　her。



When　the　Abbe　Chapeloud　died；　the　old　maid；　who　desired　a　lodger　with

quiet　ways；　naturally　thought　of　the　vicar。　Before　the　canon's　will

was　made　known　she　had　meditated　offering　his　rooms　to　the　Abbe

Troubert；　who　was　not　very　comfortable　on　the　ground…floor。　But　when

the　Abbe　Birotteau；　on　receiving　his　legacy；　came　to　settle　in　writing

the　terms　of　his　board　she　saw　he　was　so　in　love　with　the　apartment；

for　which　he　might　now　admit　his　long　cherished　desires；　that　she

dared　not　propose　the　exchange；　and　accordingly　sacrificed　her

sentiments　of　friendship　to　the　demands　of　self…interest。　But　in　order

to　console　her　beloved　canon；　Mademoiselle　took　up　the　large　white

Chateau…Renaud　bricks　that　made　the　floors　of　his　apartment　and

replaced　them　by　wooden　floors　laid　in　〃point　de　Hongrie。〃　She　also

rebuilt　a　smoky　chimney。



For　twelve　years　the　Abbe　Birotteau　had　seen　his　friend　Chapeloud　in

that　house　without　ever　giving　a　thought　to　the　motive　of　the　canon's

extreme　circumspection　in　his　relations　to　Mademoiselle　Gamard。　When

he　came　himself　to　live　with　that　saintly　woman　he　was　in　the

condition　of　a　lover　on　the　point　of　being　made　happy。　Even　if　he　had

not　been　by　nature　purblind　of　intellect；　his　eyes　were　too　dazzled　by

his　new　happiness　to　allow　him　to　judge　of　the　landlady；　or　to　reflect

on　the　limits　which　he　ought　to　impose　on　their　daily　intercourse。

Mademoiselle　Gamard；　seen　from　afar　and　through　the　prism　of　those

material　felicities　which　the　vicar　dreamed　of　enjoying　in　her　house；

seemed　to　him　a　perfect　being；　a　faultless　Christian；　essentially

charitable；　the　woman　of　the　Gospel；　the　wise　virgin；　adorned　by　all

those　humble　and　modest　virtues　which　shed　celestial　fragrance　upon

life。



So；　with　the　enthusiasm　of　one　who　attains　an　object　long　desired；

with　the　candor　of　a　child；　and　the　blundering　foolishness　of　an　old

man　ut