an unsocial socialist-第19章

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influence　of　moral　force　and　the　movement　for　the　higher
education　of　women？〃

〃By　your　own　admission；　the　fault　seems　to　lie　upon　your　moral
training　and　not　upon　hers。〃

〃The　fault　was　in　the　conditions　of　our　association。　Why　they
should　have　attracted　me　so　strongly　at　first；　and　repelled　me　so
horribly　afterwards；　is　one　of　those　devil's　riddles　which　will
not　be　answered　until　we　shall　have　traced　all　the　yet
unsuspected　reactions　of　our　inveterate　dishonesty。　But　I　am
wasting　your　time；　I　fear。　You　sent　for　Smilash；　and　I　have
responded　by　practically　annihilating　him。　In　public；　however；
you　must　still　bear　with　his　antics。　One　moment　more。　I　had
forgotten　to　ask　you　whether　you　are　interested　in　the　shepherd
whose　wife　you　sheltered　on　the　night　of　the　storm？〃

〃He　assured　me；　before　he　took　his　wife　away；　that　he　was
comfortably　settled　in　a　lodging　in　Lyvern。〃

〃Yes。　Very　comfortably　settled　indeed。　For　half…a…crown　a　week　he
obtained　permission　to　share　a　spacious　drawing…room　with　two
other　families　in　a　ten…roomed　house　in　not　much　better　repair
than　his　blown…down　hovel。　This　house　yields　to　its　landlord　over
two　hundred　a　year；　or　rather　more　than　the　rent　of　a　commodious
mansion　in　South　Kensington。　It　is　a　troublesome　rent　to　collect；
but　on　the　other　hand　there　is　no　expenditure　for　repairs　or
sanitation；　which　are　not　considered　necessary　in　tenement
houses。　Our　friend　has　to　walk　three　miles　to　his　work　and　three
miles　back。　Exercise　is　a　capital　thing　for　a　student　or　a　city
clerk；　but　to　a　shepherd　who　has　been　in　the　fields　all　day；　a
long　walk　at　the　end　of　his　work　is　somewhat　too　much　of　a　good
thing。　He　begged　for　an　increase　of　wages　to　compensate　him　for
the　loss　of　the　hut；　but　Sir　John　pointed　out　to　him　that　if　he
was　not　satisfied　his　place　could　be　easily　filled　by　less
exorbitant　shepherds。　Sir　John　even　condescended　to　explain　that
the　laws　of　political　economy　bind　employers　to　buy　labor　in　the
cheapest　market；　and　our　poor　friend；　just　as　ignorant　of
economics　as　Sir　John；　of　course　did　not　know　that　this　was
untrue。　However；　as　labor　is　actually　so　purchased　everywhere
except　in　Downing　Street　and　a　few　other　privileged　spots；　I
suggested　that　our　friend　should　go　to　some　place　where　his
market　price　would　be　higher　than　in　merry　England。　He　was
willing　enough　to　do　so；　but　unable　from　want　of　means。　So　I　lent
him　a　trifle；　and　now　he　is　on　his　way　to　Australia。　Workmen　are
the　geese　that　lay　the　golden　eggs；　but　they　fly　away　sometimes。
I　hear　a　gong　sounding；　to　remind　me　of　the　fight　of　time　and　the
value　of　your　share　of　it。　Good…morning！〃

Miss　Wilson　was　suddenly　moved　not　to　let　him　go　without　an
appeal　to　his　better　nature。　〃Mr。　Trefusis；〃　she　said；　〃excuse
me；　but　are　you　not；　in　your　generosity　to　others　a　little
forgetful　of　your　duty　to　yourself；　and〃

〃The　first　and　hardest　of　all　duties！〃　he　exclaimed。　〃I　beg　your
pardon　for　interrupting　you。　It　was　only　to　plead　guilty。〃

〃I　cannot　admit　that　it　is　the　first　of　all　duties；　but　it　is
sometimes　perhaps　the　hardest；　as　you　say。　Still；　you　could
surely　do　yourself　more　justice　without　any　great　effort。　If　you
wish　to　live　humbly；　you　can　do　so　without　pretending　to　be　an
uneducated　man　and　without　taking　an　irritating　and　absurd　name。
Why　on　earth　do　you　call　yourself　Smilash？〃

〃I　confess　that　the　name　has　been　a　failure。　I　took　great　pains；
in　constructing　it；　to　secure　a　pleasant　impression。　It　is　not　a
mere　invention；　but　a　compound　of　the　words　smile　and　eyelash。　A
smile　suggests　good　humor；　eyelashes　soften　the　expression　and
are　the　only　features　that　never　blemish　a　face。　Hence　Smilash　is
a　sound　that　should　cheer　and　propitiate。　Yet　it　exasperates。　It
is　really　very　odd　that　it　should　have　that　effect；　unless　it　is
that　it　raises　expectations　which　I　am　unable　to　satisfy。〃

Miss　Wilson　looked　at　him　doubtfully。　He　remained　perfectly
grave。　There　was　a　pause。　Then；　as　if　she　had　made　up　her　mind　to
be　offended；　she　said；　〃Good…morning；〃　shortly。

〃Good…morning；　Miss　Wilson。　The　son　of　a　millionaire；　like　the
son　of　a　king；　is　seldom　free　from　mental　disease。　I　am　just　mad
enough　to　be　a　mountebank。　If　I　were　a　little　madder；　I　should
perhaps　really　believe　myself　Smilash　instead　of　merely　acting
him。　Whether　you　ask　me　to　forget　myself　for　a　moment；　or　to
remember　myself　for　a　moment；　I　reply　that　I　am　the　son　of　my
father；　and　cannot。　With　my　egotism；　my　charlatanry；　my　tongue；
and　my　habit　of　having　my　own　way；　I　am　fit　for　no　calling　but
that　of　saviour　of　mankindjust　of　the　sort　they　like。〃　After　an
impressive　pause　he　turned　slowly　and　left　the　room。

〃I　wonder；〃　he　said；　as　he　crossed　the　landing；　〃whether；　by
judiciously　losing　my　way；　I　can　catch　a　glimpse　of　that　girl　who
is　like　a　golden　idol？〃

Downstairs；　on　his　way　to　the　door；　he　saw　Agatha　coming　towards
him；　occupied　with　a　book　which　she　was　tossing　up　to　the　ceiling
and　catching。　Her　melancholy　expression；　habitual　in　her　lonely
moments；　showed　that　she　was　not　amusing　herself；　but　giving　vent
to　her　restlessness。　As　her　gaze　travelled　upward；　following　the
flight　of　the　volume；　it　was　arrested　by　Smilash。　The　book　fell
to　the　floor。　He　picked　it　up　and　handed　it　to　her；　saying：

〃And；　in　good　time；　here　is　the　golden　idol！〃

〃What？〃　said　Agatha；　confused。

〃I　call　you　the　golden　idol；〃　he　said。　〃When　we　are　apart　I
always　imagine　your　face　as　a　face　of　gold；　with　eyes　and　teeth
of　bdellium；　or　chalcedony；　or　agate；　or　any　wonderful　unknown
stones　of　appropriate　colors。〃

Agatha；　witless　and　dumb；　could　only　look　down　deprecatingly。

〃You　think　you　ought　to　be　angry　with　me；　and　you　do　not　know
exactly　how　to　make　me　feel　that　you　are　so。　Is　that　it？〃

〃No。　Quite　the　contrary。　At　leastI　mean　that　you　are　wrong。　I
am　the　most　commonplace　person　you　can　imagineif　you　only　knew。
No　matter　what　I　may　look；　I　mean。〃

〃How　do　you　know　that　you　are　commonplace？〃

〃Of　course　I　know；〃　said　Agatha；　her　eyes　wandering　uneasily。

〃Of　course　you　do　not　know；　you　cannot　see　yourself　as　others　see
you。　For　instance；　you　have　never　thought　of　yourself　as　a　golden
idol。〃

〃But　that　is　absurd。　You　are　quite　mistaken　about　me。〃

〃Perhaps　so。　I　know；　however；　that　your　face　is　not　really　made
of　gold　and　that　it　has　not　the　same　charm　for　you　that　it　has
for　othersfor　me。〃

〃I　must　go；〃　said　Agatha；　suddenly　in　haste。

〃When　shall　we　meet　again？〃

〃I　don't　know；〃　she　said；　with　a　growing　sense　of　alarm。　〃I
really　must　go。〃

〃Believe　me；　your　hurry　is　only　imaginary。　Do　you　fancy　that　you
are　behaving　in　a　manner　quite　ubdued　ardor　that　affected　Agatha
strangely。　〃But　first　tell　me　whether　it　is　new　to　you　or　not。〃

〃It　is　not　an　emotion　at　all。　I　did　not　say　that　it　was。〃

〃Do　not　be　afraid　of　it。　It　is　only　being　alone　with　a　man　whom
you　have　bewitched。　You　would　be　mistress　of　the　situation　if　you
only　knew　how　to　manage　a　lover。　It　is　far　easier　than　managing　a
horse；　or　skating；　or　playing　the　piano；　or　half　a　dozen　other
feats　of　which　you　think　nothing。〃

Agatha　colored　and　raised　her　head。

〃Forgive　me；〃　he　said；　interrupting　the　action。　〃I　am　trying　to
offend　you　in　order　to　save　myself　from　falling　in　love　with　you；
and　I　have　not　the　heart　to　let　myself　succeed。　On　your　life；　do
not　listen　to　me　or　believe　me。　I　have　no　right　to　say　these
things　to　you。　Some　fiend　enters　into　me　when　I　am　at　your　side。
You　should　wear　a　veil；　Agatha。〃

She　blushed；　and　stood　burning　and　tingling；　her　presence　of　mind
gone；　and　her　chief　sensation　one　of　relief　to　hearfor　she　did
not　dare　to　seethat　he　was　departing。　Her　　consciousness　was　in
a　delicious　confusion；　with　the　one　definite　thought　in　it　that
she　had　won　her　lover　at　last。　The　tone　of　Trefusis's　voice；　rich
with　truth　and　earnestness；　his　quick　insight；　and　his　passionate
warning　to　her　not　to　heed　him；　convinced　her　that　she　had
entered　into　a　relation　destined　to　influence　her　whole　life。

〃And　yet；〃　she　said　remorsefully；　〃I　cannot　love　him　as　he　loves
me。　I　am　selfish；　cold；　calculating；　worldly；　and　have　doubted
until　now　whether　such　a　thing　as　love　really　existed。　If　I　could
only　love　him　recklessly　and　wholly；　as　he　loves　me！〃

Smilash　was　also　soliloquizing　as　he　went　on　his　way。

〃Now　I　have　made　the　poor　childwho　was　so　anxious　that　I　should
not　mistake　her　for　a　supernaturally　gifted　and　lovely　woman　as
happy　as　an　angel；　and　so　is　that　fine　girl　whom　they　call　Jane
Carpenter。　I　hope　they　won't　exchange　confidences　on　the
subject。〃



CHAPTER　VIII

Mrs。　Trefusis　found　her　parents　so　unsympathetic　on　the　subject
of　her　marriage　that　she　left　their　house　shortly　after　her　visit
to　Lyvern；　and　went　to　reside　with　a　hospitable　friend。　Unable　to
remain　silent　upon　the　matter　constantly　in　her　thoughts；　she
discussed　her　husband's　flight　with　this　friend；　and　elicited　an
opinion　that　the　behavior　of　Trefusis　was　scandalous　and　wicked。
Henrietta　could　not　bear　this；　and　sought　shelter　with　a
relative。　The　same　discussion　arising；　the　relative　said：

〃Well；　Hetty；　if　I　am　to　speak　candidly；　I　must　say　that　I　have
known　Sidney　Trefusis　for　a　long　time；　and　he　is　the　easiest
person　to　get　on　with　I　ever　met。　And　you　know；　dear；　that　you
are　very　trying　sometimes。〃

〃And　so；〃　cried　Henrietta；　bursting　into　tears；　〃after　the
infamous　way　he　has　treated　me　I　am　to　be　told　that　it　is　all　my
own　fault。〃

She　left　the　house　next　day；　having　obtained　another　invitation
from　a　discreet　lady　who　would　not　discuss　the　subject　at　all。
This　proved　quite　intolerable；　and　Henrietta　went　to　stay　with
her　uncle　Daniel　Jansenius；　a　jolly　and　indulgent　man。　He　opined
that　things　would　come　right　as　soon　as　both　parties　grew　more
sensible；　and；　as　to　which　of　them　was；　in　fault；　his　verdict
was；　six　of　one　and　half　a　dozen　of　the　other。　Whenever　he　saw
his　niece　pensive　or　tearful　he　laughed　at　her　and　called　her　a
grass　widow。　Henrietta　found　that　she　could　endure　anything
rather　than　this。　Declaring　that　the　world　was　hateful　to　her；
she　hired　a　furnished　villa　in　St。　John's　Wood；　whither　she　moved
in　December。　But；　suffering　much　there　from　loneliness；　she　soon
wrote　a　pathetic　letter　to　Agatha；　entreating　her　to　spend　the
approaching　Christmas　vacation　with　her；　and　promising　her　every
luxury　and　amusement　that　boundless　affection　could　suggest　and
boundless　means　procure。　Agatha's　reply　contained　some
unlooked…for　information。

〃Alton　College；　Lyvern；

〃14th　December。

〃Dearest　Hetty：　I　don't　think　I　can　do　exactly　what　you　want；　as
I　must　spend　Xmas　with　Mamma　at　Chiswick；　but　I　need　not　get
there　until　Xmas　Eve；　and　we　break　up　here　on　yesterday　week；　the
20th。　So　I　will　go　straight　to　you　and　bring　you　with　me　to
Mamma's；　where　you　will　spend　Xmas　much　better　than　moping　in　a
strange　house。　It　is　not　quite　settled　yet　about　my　leaving　the
college　after　this　term。　You　must　promise　not　to　tell　anyone；　but
I　have　a　new　friend　herea　lover。　Not　that　I　am　in　love　with
him；　though　I　think　very　highly　of　himyou　know　I　am　not　a
romantic　fool；　but　he　is　very　much　in　love　with　me；　and　I　wish　I
could　return　it　as　he　deserve