an unsocial socialist-第20章

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romantic　fool；　but　he　is　very　much　in　love　with　me；　and　I　wish　I
could　return　it　as　he　deserves。　The　French　say　that　one　person
turns　the　cheek　and　the　other　kisses　it。　It　has　not　got　quite　so
far　as　that　with　us；　indeed；　since　he　declared　what　he　felt　he
has　only　been　able　to　snatch　a　few　words　with　me　when　I　have　been
skating　or　walking。　But　there　has　always　been　at　least　one　word
or　look　that　meant　a　great　deal。

〃And　now；　who　do　you　think　he　is？　He　says　he　knows　you。　Can　you
guess？　He　says　you　know　all　his　secrets。　He　says　he　knows　your
husband　well；　that　he　treated　you　very　badly；　and　that　you　are
greatly　to　be　pitied。　Can　you　guess　now？　He　says　he　has　kissed
youfor　shame；　Hetty！　Have　you　guessed　yet？　He　was　going　to　tell
me　something　more　when　we　were　interrupted；　and　I　have　not　seen
him　since　except　at　a　distance。　He　is　the　man　with　whom　you
eloped　that　day　when　you　gave　us　all　such　a　frightMr。　Sidney。　I
was　the　first　to　penetrate　his　disguise；　and　that　very　morning　I
had　taxed　him　with　it；　and　he　had　confessed　it。　He　said　then　that
he　was　hiding　from　a　woman　who　was　in　love　with　him；　and　I　should
not　be　surprised　if　it　turned　out　to　be　true；　for　he　is
wonderfully　originalin　fact　what　makes　me　like　him　is　that　he
is　by　far　the　cleverest　man　I　have　ever　met；　and　yet　he　thinks
nothing　of　himself。　I　cannot　imagine　what　he　sees　in　me　to　care
for；　though　he　is　evidently　ensnared　by　my　charms。　I　hope　he
won't　find　out　how　silly　I　am。　He　called　me　his　golden　idol〃

Henrietta；　with　a　scream　of　rage；　tore　the　letter　across；　and
stamped　upon　it。　When　the　paroxysm　subsided　she　picked　up　the
pieces；　held　them　together　as　accurately　as　her　trembling　hands
could；　and　read　on。

〃but　he　is　not　all　honey；　and　will　say　the　most　severe　things
sometimes　if　he　thinks　he　ought　to。　He　has　made　me　so　ashamed　of
my　ignorance　that　I　am　resolved　to　stay　here　for　another　term　at
least；　and　study　as　hard　as　I　can。　I　have　not　begun　yet；　as　it　is
not　worth　while　at　the　eleventh　hour　of　this　term；　but　when　I
return　in　January　I　will　set　to　work　in　earnest。　So　you　may　see
that　his　influence　over　me　is　an　entirely　good　one。　I　will　tell
you　all　about　him　when　we　meet；　for　I　have　no　time　to　say
anything　now；　as　the　girls　are　bothering　me　to　go　skating　with
them。　He　pretends　to　be　a　workman；　and　puts　on　our　skates　for　us；
and　Jane　Carpenter　believes　that　he　is　in　love　with　her。　Jane　is
exceedingly　kindhearted；　but　she　has　a　talent　for　making　herself
ridiculous　that　nothing　can　suppress。　The　ice　is　lovely；　and　the
weather　jolly；　we　do　not　mind　the　cold　in　the　least。　They　are
threatening　to　go　without　megood…bye！

〃Ever　your　affectionate

〃Agatha。〃

Henrietta　looked　round　for　something　sharp。　She　grasped　a　pair　of
scissors　greedily　and　stabbed　the　air　with　them。　Then　she　became
conscious　of　her　murderous　impulse；　and　she　shuddered　at　it；　but
in　a　moment　more　her　jealousy　swept　back　upon　her。　She　cried；　as
if　suffocating；　〃I　don't　care；　I　should　like　to　kill　her！〃　But
she　did　not　take　up　the　scissors　again。

At　last　she　rang　the　bell　violently　and　asked　for　a　railway
guide。　On　being　told　that　there　was　not　one　in　the　house；　she
scolded　her　maid　so　unreasonably　that　the　girl　said　pertly　that
if　she　were　to　be　spoken　to　like　that　she　should　wish　to　leave
when　her　month　was　up。　This　check　brought　Henrietta　to　her
senses。　She　went　upstairs　and　put　on　the　first　cloak　at　hand；
which　was　fortunately　a　heavy　fur　one。　Then　she　took　her　bonnet
and　purse；　left　the　house；　hailed　a　passing　hansom；　and　bade　the
cabman　drive　her　to　St。　Pancras。

When　the　night　came　the　air　at　Lyvern　was　like　iron　in　the
intense　cold。　The　trees　and　the　wind　seemed　ice…bound；　as　the
water　was；　and　silence；　stillness；　and　starlight；　frozen　hard；
brooded　over　the　country。　At　the　chalet；　Smilash；　indifferent　to
the　price　of　coals；　kept　up　a　roaring　fire　that　glowed　through
the　uncurtained　windows；　and　tantalized　the　chilled　wayfarer　who
did　not　happen　to　know；　as　the　herdsmen　of　the　neighborhood　did；
that　he　was　welcome　to　enter　and　warm　himself　without　risk　of
rebuff　from　the　tenant。　Smilash　was　in　high　spirits。　He　had
become　a　proficient　skater；　and　frosty　weather　was　now　a　luxury
to　him。　It　braced　him；　and　drove　away　his　gloomy　fits；　whilst　his
sympathies　were　kept　awake　and　his　indignation　maintained　at　an
exhilarating　pitch　by　the　sufferings　of　the　poor；　who；　unable　to
afford　fires　or　skating；　warmed　themselves　in　such　sweltering
heat　as　overcrowding　produces　in　all　seasons。

It　was　Smilash's　custom　to　make　a　hot　drink　of　oatmeal　and　water
for　himself　at　half…past　nine　o'clock　each　evening；　and　to　go　to
bed　at　ten。　He　opened　the　door　to　throw　out　some　water　that
remained　in　the　saucepan　from　its　last　cleansing。　It　froze　as　it
fell　upon　the　soil。　He　looked　at　the　night；　and　shook　himself　to
throw　off　an　oppressive　sensation　of　being　clasped　in　the　icy
ribs　of　the　air；　for　the　mercury　had　descended　below　the　familiar
region　of　crisp　and　crackly　cold　and　marked　a　temperature　at
which　the　numb　atmosphere　seemed　on　the　point　of　congealing　into
black　solidity。　Nothing　was　stirring。

〃By　George！〃　he　said；　〃this　is　one　of　those　nights　on　which　a
rich　man　daren't　think！〃

He　shut　the　door；　hastened　back　to　his　fire；　and　set　to　work　at
his　caudle；　which　he　watched　and　stirred　with　a　solicitude　that
would　have　amused　a　professed　cook。　When　it　was　done　he　poured　it
into　a　large　mug；　where　it　steamed　invitingly。　He　took　up　some　in
a　spoon　and　blew　upon　it　to　cool　it。　Tap；　tap；　tap；　tap！
hurriedly　at　the　door。

〃Nice　night　for　a　walk；〃　he　said；　putting　down　the　spoon；　then
shouting；　〃Come　in。〃

The　latch　rose　unsteadily；　and　Henrietta；　with　frozen　tears　on
her　cheeks；　and　an　unintelligible　expression　of　wretchedness　and
rage；　appeared。　After　an　instant　of　amazement；　he　sprang　to　her
and　clasped　her　in　his　arms；　and　she；　against　her　will；　and
protesting　voicelessly；　stumbled　into　his　embrace。

〃You　are　frozen　to　death；〃　he　exclaimed；　carrying　her　to　the
fire。　〃This　seal　jacket　is　like　a　sheet　of　ice。　So　is　your　face〃
（kissing　it）。　〃What　is　the　matter？　Why　do　you　struggle　so？〃

〃Let　me　go；〃　she　gasped；　in　a　vehement　whisper。　〃I　hhate　you。〃

〃My　poor　love；　you　are　too　cold　to　hate　anyone　even　your
husband。　You　must　let　me　take　off　these　atrocious　French　boots。
Your　feet　must　be　perfectly　dead。〃

By　this　time　her　voice　and　tears　were　thawing　in　the　warmth　of
the　chalet　and　of　his　caresses。　〃You　shall　not　take　them　off；〃
she　said；　crying　with　cold　and　sorrow。　〃Let　me　alone。　Don't　touch
me。　I　am　going　awaystraight　back。　I　will　not　speak　to　you；　nor
take　off　my　things　here；　nor　touch　anything　in　the　house。〃

〃No；　my　darling；〃　he　said；　putting　her　into　a　capacious　wooden
armchair　and　busily　unbuttoning　her　boots；　〃you　shall　do　nothing
that　you　don't　wish　to　do。　Your　feet　are　like　stones。　Yes；　yes；
my　dear；　I　am　a　wretch　unworthy　to　live。　I　know　it。〃

〃Let　me　alone；〃　she　said　piteously。　〃I　don't　want　your
attentions。　I　have　done　with　you　for　ever。〃

〃Come；　you　must　drink　some　of　this　nasty　stuff。　You　will　need
strength　to　tell　your　husband　all　the　unpleasant　things　your　soul
is　charged　with。　Take　just　a　little。〃

She　turned　her　face　away　and　would　not　answer。　He　brought　another
chair　and　sat　down　beside　her。　〃My　lost；　forlorn；　betrayed　one〃

〃I　am；〃　she　sobbed。　〃You　don't　mean　it；　but　I　am。〃

〃You　are　also　my　dearest　and　best　of　wives。　If　you　ever　loved　me；
Hetty；　do；　for　my　once　dear　sake；　drink　this　before　it　gets
cold。〃

She　pouted；　sobbed；　and　yielded　to　some　gentle　force　which　he
used；　as　a　child　allows　herself　to　be　half　persuaded；　half
compelled；　to　take　physic。

〃Do　you　feel　better　and　more　comfortable　now？〃　he　said。

〃No；〃　she　replied；　angry　with　herself　for　feeling　both。

〃Then；〃　he　said　cheerfully；　as　if　she　had　uttered　a　hearty
affirmative；　〃I　will　put　some　more　coals　on　the　fire；　and　we
shall　be　as　snug　as　possible。　It　makes　me　wildly　happy　to　see　you
at　my　fireside；　and　to　know　that　you　are　my　own　wife。〃

〃I　wonder　how　you　can　look　me　in　the　face　and　say　so；〃　she　cried。

〃I　should　wonder　at　myself　if　I　could　look　at　your　face　and　say
anything　else。　Oatmeal　is　a　capital　restorative；　all　your　energy
is　coming　back。　There；　that　will　make　a　magnificent　blaze
presently。〃

〃I　never　thought　you　deceitful；　Sidney；　whatever　other　faults　you
might　have　had。〃

〃Precisely；　my　love。　I　understand　your　feelings。　Murder；
burglary；　intemperance；　or　the　minor　vices　you　could　have　borne；
but　deceit　you　cannot　abide。〃

〃I　will　go　away；〃　she　said　despairingly；　with　a　fresh　burst　of
tears。　〃I　will　not　be　laughed　at　and　betrayed。　I　will　go
barefooted。〃　She　rose　and　attempted　to　reach　the　door；　but　he
intercepted　her　and　said：

〃My　love；　there　is　something　serious　the　matter。　What　is　it？
Don't　be　angry　with　me。〃

He　brought　her　back　to　the　chair。　She　took　Agatha's　letter　from
the　pocket　of　her　fur　cloak；　and　handed　it　to　him　with　a　faint
attempt　to　be　tragic。

〃Read　that；〃　she　said。　〃And　never　speak　to　me　again。　All　is　over
between　us。〃

He　took　it　curiously；　and　turned　it　to　look　at　the　signature。
〃Aha！〃　he　said；　〃my　golden　idol　has　been　making　mischief；　has
she？〃

〃There！〃　exclaimed　Henrietta。　〃You　have　said　it　to　my　face！　You
have　convicted　yourself　out　of　your　own　mouth！〃

〃Wait　a　moment；　my　dear。　I　have　not　read　the　letter　yet。〃

He　rose　and　walked　to　and　fro　through　the　room；　reading。　She
watched　him；　angrily　confident　that　she　should　presently　see　him
change　countenance。　Suddenly　he　drooped　as　if　his　spine　had
partly　given　way；　and　in　this　ungraceful　attitude　he　read　the
remainder　of　the　letter。　When　he　had　finished　he　threw　it　on　the
table；　thrust　his　hands　deep　into　his　pockets；　and　roared　with
laughter；　huddling　himself　together　as　if　he　could　concentrate
the　joke　by　collecting　himself　into　the　smallest　possible
compass。　Henrietta；　speechless　with　indignation；　could　only　look
her　feelings。　At　last　he　came　and　sat　down　beside　her。

〃And　so；〃　he　said；　〃on　receiving　this　you　rushed　out　in　the　cold
and　came　all　the　way　to　Lyvern。　Now；　it　seems　to　me　that　you　must
either　love　me　very　much…　…〃

〃I　don't。　I　hate　you。〃

〃Or　else　love　yourself　very　much。〃

〃Oh！〃　And　she　wept　afresh。　〃You　are　a　selfish　brute；　and　you　do
just　as　you　like　without　considering　anyone　else。　No　one　ever
thinks　of　me。　And　now　you　won't　even　take　the　trouble　to　deny
that　shameful　letter。〃

〃Why　should　I　deny　it？　It　is　true。　Do　you　not　see　the　irony　of
all　this？　I　amuse　myself　by　paying　a　few　compliments　to　a
schoolgirl　for　whom　I　do　not　care　two　straws　more　than　for　any
agreeable　and　passably　clever　woman　I　meet。　Nevertheless；　I
occasionally　feel　a　pang　of　remorse　because　I　think　that　she　may
love　me　seriously；　although　I　am　only　playing　with　her。　I　pity
the　poor　heart　I　have　wantonly　ensnared。　And；　all　the　time；　she
is　pitying　me　for　exactly　the　same　reason！　She　is
conscience…stricken　because　she　is　only　indulging　in　the　luxury
of　being　adored　'by　far　the　cleverest　man　she　has　ever　met；'　and
is　as　heart…whole　as　I　am！　Ha；　ha！　That　is　the　basis　of　the
religion　of　love　of　which　poets　are　the　high…priests。　Each
worshipper　knows　that　hi