an unsocial socialist-第34章

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〃I　wish　I　dared　hope　so。　The　happiness　of　my　visit　has　been　due
to　you　entirely。〃

〃Indeed；〃　said　Gertrude；　wincing　as　all　the　hard　things　Trefusis
had　told　her　of　herself　came　into　her　mind　at　the　heels　of
Erskine's　unfortunate　allusion　to　her　power　of　enjoying　herself。

〃I　hope　I　am　not　paining　you；〃　he　said　earnestly。

〃I　don't　know　what　you　are　talking　about；〃　she　said；　standing
erect　with　sudden　impatience。　〃You　seem　to　think　that　it　is　very
easy　to　pain　me。〃

〃No；〃　he　said　timidly；　puzzled　by　the　effect　he　had　produced。　〃I
fear　you　misunderstand　me。　I　am　very　awkward。　Perhaps　I　had
better　say　no　more；　Gertrude；　by　turning　away　to　put　up　her　cue；
signified　that　that　was　a　point　for　him　to　consider；　she　not
intending　to　trouble　herself　about　it。　When　she　faced　him　again；
he　was　motionless　and　dejected；　with　a　wistful　expression　like
that　of　a　dog　that　has　proffered　a　caress　and　received　a　kick。
Remorse；　and　a　vague　sense　that　there　was　something　base　in　her
attitude　towards　him；　overcame　her。　She　looked　at　him　for　an
instant　and　left　the　room。

The　look　excited　him。　He　did　not　understand　it；　nor　attempt　to
understand　it；　but　it　was　a　look　that　he　had　never　before　seen　in
her　face　or　in　that　of　any　other　woman。　It　struck　him　as　a
momentary　revelation　of　what　he　had　written　of　in　〃The　Patriot
Martyrs〃　as

〃The　glorious　mystery　of　a　woman's　heart；〃

and　it　made　him　feel　unfit　for　ordinary　social　intercourse。　He
hastened　from　the　house；　walked　swiftly　down　the　avenue　to　the
lodge；　where　he　kept　his　bicycle；　left　word　there　that　he　was
going　for　an　excursion　and　should　probably　not　return　in　time　for
dinner；　mounted；　and　sped　away　recklessly　along　the　Riverside
Road。　In　less　than　two　minutes　he　passed　the　gate　of　Sallust's
House；　where　he　nearly　ran　over　an　old　woman　laden　with　a　basket
of　coals；　who　put　down　her　burthen　to　scream　curses　after　him。
Warned　by　this　that　his　headlong　pace　was　dangerous；　he　slackened
it　a　little；　and　presently　saw　Trefusis　lying　prone　on　the　river
bank；　with　his　cheeks　propped　on　his　elbows；　reading　intently。
Erskine；　who　had　presented　him；　a　few　days　before；　with　a　copy　of
〃The　Patriot　Martyrs　and　other　Poems；〃　tried　to　catch　a　glimpse
of　the　book　over　which　Trefusis　was　so　serious。　It　was　a　Blue
Book；　full　of　figures。　Erskine　rode　on　in　disgust；　consoling
himself　with　the　recollection　of　Gertrude's　face。

The　highway　now　swerved　inland　from　the　river；　and　rose　to　a
steep　acclivity；　at　the　brow　of　which　he　turned　and　looked　back。
The　light　was　growing　ruddy；　and　the　shadows　were　lengthening。
Trefusis　was　still　prostrate　in　the　meadow；　and　the　old　woman　was
in　a　field；　gathering　hemlock。

Erskine　raced　down　the　hill　at　full　speed；　and　did　not　look
behind　him　again　until　he　found　himself　at　nightfall　on　the
skirts　of　a　town；　where　he　purchased　some　beer　and　a　sandwich；
which　he　ate　with　little　appetite。　Gertrude　had　set　up　a
disturbance　within　him　which　made　him　impatient　of　eating。

It　was　now　dark。　He　was　many　miles　from　Brandon　Beeches；　and　not
sure　of　the　way　back。　Suddenly　he　resolved　to　complete　his
unfinished　declaration　that　evening。　He　now　could　not　ride　back
fast　enough　to　satisfy　his　impatience。　He　tried　a　short　cut；　lost
himself；　spent　nearly　an　hour　seeking　the　highroad；　and　at　last
came　upon　a　railway　station　just　in　time　to　catch　a　train　that
brought　him　within　a　mile　of　his　destination。

When　he　rose　from　the　cushions　of　the　railway　carriage　he　found
himself　somewhat　fatigued；　and　he　mounted　the　bicycle　stiffly。
But　his　resolution　was　as　ardent　as　ever；　and　his　heart　beat
strongly　as；　after　leaving　his　bicycle　at　the　lodge；　he　walked　up
the　avenue　through　the　deep　gloom　beneath　the　beeches。　Near　the
house；　the　first　notes　of　〃Grudel　perche　finora〃　reached　him；　and
he　stepped　softly　on　to　the　turf　lest　his　footsteps　on　the　gravel
should　rouse　the　dogs　and　make　them　mar　the　harmony　by　barking。　A
rustle　made　him　stop　and　listen。　Then　Gertrude's　voice　whispered
through　the　darkness：

〃What　did　you　mean　by　what　you　said　to　me　within？〃

An　extraordinary　sensation　shook　Erskine；　confused　ideas　of
fairyland　ran　through　his　imagination。　A　bitter　disappointment；
like　that　of　waking　from　a　happy　dream；　followed　as　Trefusis's
voice；　more　finely　tuned　than　he　had　ever　heard　it　before；
answered；

〃Merely　that　the　expanse　of　stars　above　us　is　not　more
illimitable　than　my　contempt　for　Miss　Lindsay；　nor　brighter　than
my　hopes　of　Gertrude。〃

〃Miss　Lindsay　always　to　you；　if　you　please；　Mr。　Trefusis。〃

〃Miss　Lindsay　never　to　me；　but　only　to　those　who　cannot　see
through　her　to　the　soul　within；　which　is　Gertrude。　There　are　a
thousand　Miss　Lindsays　in　the　world；　formal　and　false。　There　is
but　one　Gertrude。〃

〃I　am　an　unprotected　girl；　Mr。　Trefusis；　and　you　can　call　me　what
you　please。〃

It　occurred　to　Erskine　that　this　was　a　fit　occasion　to　rush
forward　and　give　Trefusis；　whose　figure　he　could　now　dimly
discern；　a　black　eye。　But　he　hesitated；　and　the　opportunity
passed。

〃Unprotected！〃　said　Trefusis。　〃Why；　you　are　fenced　round　and
barred　in　with　conventions；　laws；　and　lies　that　would　frighten
the　truth　from　the　lips　of　any　man　whose　faith　in　Gertrude　was
less　strong　than　mine。　Go　to　Sir　Charles　and　tell　him　what　I　have
said　to　Miss　Lindsay；　and　within　ten　minutes　I　shall　have　passed
these　gates　with　a　warning　never　to　approach　them　again。　I　am　in
your　power；　and　were　I　in　Miss　Lindsay's　power　alone；　my　shrift
would　be　short。　Happily；　Gertrude；　though　she　sees　as　yet　but
darkly；　feels　that　Miss　Lindsay　is　her　bitterest　foe。〃

〃It　is　ridiculous。　I　am　not　two　persons；　I　am　only　one。　What　does
it　matter　to　me　if　your　contempt　for　me　is　as　illimitable　as　the
stars？〃

〃Ah；　you　remember　that；　do　you？　Whenever　you　hear　a　man　talking
about　the　stars　you　may　conclude　that　he　is　either　an　astronomer
or　a　fool。　But　you　and　a　fine　starry　night　would　make　a　fool　of
any　man。〃

〃I　don't　understand　you。　I　try　to；　but　I　cannot；　or；　if　I　guess；
I　cannot　tell　whether　you　are　in　earnest　or　not。〃

〃I　am　very　much　in　earnest。　Abandon　at　once　and　for　ever　all
misgivings　that　I　am　trifling　with　you；　or　passing　an　idle　hour
as　men　do　when　they　find　themselves　in　the　company　of　beautiful
women。　I　mean　what　I　say　literally；　and　in　the　deepest　sense。　You
doubt　me；　we　have　brought　society　to　such　a　state　that　we　all
suspect　one　another。　But　whatever　is　true　will　command　belief
sooner　or　later　from　those　who　have　wit　enough　to　comprehend
truth。　Now　let　me　recall　Miss　Lindsay　to　consciousness　by
remarking　that　we　have　been　out　for　ten　minutes；　and　that　our
hostess　is　not　the　woman　to　allow　our　absence　to　pass　without
comment。〃

〃Let　us　go　in。　Thank　you　for　reminding　me。〃

〃Thank　you　for　forgetting。〃

Erskine　heard　their　footsteps　retreating；　and　presently　saw　the
two　enter　the　glow　of　light　that　shone　from　the　open　window　of
the　billiard　room；　through　which　they　went　indoors。　Trefusis；　a
man　whom　he　had　seen　that　day　in　a　beautiful　landscape；　blind　to
everything　except　a　row　of　figures　in　a　Blue　Book；　was　his
successful　rival；　although　it　was　plain　from　the　very　sound　of
his　voice　that　he　did　notcould　notlove　Gertrude。　Only　a　poet
could　do　that。　Trefusis　was　no　poet；　but　a　sordid　brute　unlikely
to　inspire　interest　in　anything　more　human　than　a　public　meeting；
much　less　in　a　woman；　much　less　again　in　a　woman　so　ethereal　as
Gertrude。　She　was　proud　too；　yet　she　had　allowed　the　fellow　to
insult　herhad　forgiven　him　for　the　sake　of　a　few　broad
compliments。　Erskine　grew　angry　and　cynical。　The　situation　did
not　suit　his　poetry。　Instead　of　being　stricken　to　the　heart　with
a　solemn　sorrow；　as　a　Patriot　Martyr　would　have　been　under
similar　circumstances；　he　felt　slighted　and　ridiculous。　He　was
hardly　convinced　of　what　had　seemed　at　first　the　most　obvious
feature　of　the　case；　Trefusis's　inferiority　to　himself。

He　stood　under　the　trees　until　Trefusis　reappeared　on　his　way
home；　making；　Erskine　thought；　as　much　noise　with　his　heels　on
the　gravel　as　a　regiment　of　delicately　bred　men　would　have　done。
He　stopped　for　a　moment　to　make　inquiry　at　the　lodge　as　he　went
out；　then　his　footsteps　died　away　in　the　distance。

Erskine；　chilled；　stiff；　and　with　a　sensation　of　a　bad　cold
coming　on；　went　into　the　house；　and　was　relieved　to　find　that
Gertrude　had　retired；　and　that　Lady　Brandon；　though　she　had　been
sure　that　he　had　ridden　into　the　river　in　the　dark；　had
nevertheless　provided　a　warm　supper　for　him。



CHAPTER　XV

Erskine　soon　found　plenty　of　themes　for　his　newly　begotten
cynicism。　Gertrude's　manner　towards　him　softened　so　much　that　he；
believing　her　heart　given　to　his　rival；　concluded　that　she　was
tempting　him　to　make　a　proposal　which　she　had　no　intention　of
accepting。　Sir　Charles；　to　whom　he　told　what　he　had　overheard　in
the　avenue；　professed　sympathy；　but　was　evidently　pleased　to
learn　that　there　was　nothing　serious　in　the　attentions　Trefusis
paid　to　Agatha。　Erskine　wrote　three　bitter　sonnets　on　hollow
friendship　and　showed　them　to　Sir　Charles；　who；　failing　to　apply
them　to　himself；　praised　them　highly　and　showed　them　to　Trefusis
without　asking　the　author's　permission。　Trefusis　remarked　that　in
a　corrupt　society　expressions　of　dissatisfaction　were　always
creditable　to　a　writer's　sensibility；　but　he　did　not　say　much　in
praise　of　the　verse。

〃Why　has　he　taken　to　writing　in　this　vein？〃　he　said。　〃Has　he　been
disappointed　in　any　way　of　late？　Has　he　proposed　to　Miss　Lindsay
and　been　rejected？〃

〃No；〃　said　Sir　Charles　surprised　by　this　blunt　reference　to　a
subject　they　had　never　before　discussed。　〃He　does　not　intend　to
propose　to　Miss　Lindsay。〃

〃But　he　did　intend　to。〃

〃He　certainly　did；　but　he　has　given　up　the　idea。〃

〃Why？〃　said　Trefusis；　apparently　disapproving　strongly　of　the
renunciation。

Sir　Charles　shrugged　his　shoulders　and　did　not　reply。

〃I　am　sorry　to　hear　it。　I　wish　you　could　induce　him　to　change　his
mind。　He　is　a　nice　fellow；　with　enough　to　live　on　comfortably；
whilst　he　is　yet　what　is　called　a　poor　man；　so　that　she　could
feel　perfectly　disinterested　in　marrying　him。　It　will　do　her　good
to　marry　without　making　a　pecuniary　profit　by　it；　she　will
respect　herself　the　more　afterwards；　and　will　neither　want　bread
and　butter　nor　be　ashamed　of　her　husband's　origin；　in　spite　of
having　married　for　love　alone。　Make　a　match　of　it　if　you　can。　I
take　an　interest　in　the　girl；　she　has　good　instincts。〃

Sir　Charles's　suspicion　that　Trefusis　was　really　paying　court　to
Agatha　returned　after　this　conversation；　which　he　repeated　to
Erskine；　who；　much　annoyed　because　his　poems　had　been　shown　to　a
reader　of　Blue　Books；　thought　it　only　a　blind　for　Trefusis's
design　upon　Gertrude。　Sir　Charles　pooh…poohed　this　view；　and　the
two　friends　were　sharp　with　one　another　in　discussing　it。　After
dinner；　when　the　ladies　had　left　them；　Sir　Charles；　repentant　and
cordial；　urged　Erskine　to　speak　to　Gertrude　without　troubling
himself　as　to　the　sincerity　of　Trefusis。　But　Erskine；　knowing
himself　ill　able　to　brook　a　refusal；　was　loth　to　expose　himself
to　o


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〃If　you　had　heard　the　tone　of　her　voice　when　she　asked　him
whether　he　was　in　earnest；　you　would　not　talk　to