an unsocial socialist-第44章

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consciousness　of　having　lost　his　head　and　acted　foolishly　in　the
afternoon。　Sir　Charles　did　not　pretend　to　ignore　the　suspense
they　were　all　in　pending　intelligence　of　the　journey　to　London；
he　ate　and　drank　and　said　nothing。　Agatha；　disgusted　with　herself
and　with　Gertrude；　and　undecided　whether　to　be　disgusted　with
Trefusis　or　to　trust　him　affectionately；　followed　the　example　of
her　host。　After　dinner　she　accompanied　him　in　a　series　of　songs
by　Schubert。　This　proved　an　aggravation　instead　of　a　relief。　Sir
Charles；　excelling　in　the　expression　of　melancholy；　preferred
songs　of　that　character；　and　as　his　musical　ideas；　like　those　of
most　Englishmen；　were　founded　on　what　he　had　heard　in　church　in
his　childhood；　his　style　was　oppressively　monotonous。　Agatha　took
the　first　excuse　that　presented　itself　to　leave　the　piano。　Sir
Charles　felt　that　his　performance　had　been　a　failure；　and
remarked；　after　a　cough　or　two；　that　he　had　caught　a　touch　of
cold　returning　from　the　station。　Erskine　sat　on　a　sofa　with　his
head　drooping；　and　his　palms　joined　and　hanging　downward　between
his　knees。　Agatha　stood　at　the　window；　looking　at　the　late　summer
afterglow。　Jane　yawned；　and　presently　broke　the　silence。

〃You　look　exactly　as　you　used　at　school；　Agatha。　I　could　almost
fancy　us　back　again　in　Number　Six。〃

Agatha　shook　her　head。

〃Do　I　ever　look　like　thatlike　myself；　as　I　used　to　be？〃

〃Never；〃　said　Agatha　emphatically；　turning　and　surveying　the
figure　of　which　Miss　Carpenter　had　been　the　unripe　antecedent。

〃But　why？〃　said　Jane　querulously。　〃I　don't　see　why　I　shouldn't。　I
am　not　so　changed。〃

〃You　have　become　an　exceedingly　fine　woman；　Jane；〃　said　Agatha
gravely；　and　then；　without　knowing　why；　turned　her　attentive　gaze
upon　Sir　Charles；　who　bore　it　uneasily；　and　left　the　room。　A
minute　later　he　returned　with　two　buff　envelopes　in　his　hand。

〃A　telegram　for　you；　Miss　Wylie；　and　one　for　Chester。〃　Erskine
started　up；　white　with　vague　fears。　Agatha's　color　went；　and　came
again　with　increased　richness　as　she　read：

〃I　have　arrived　safe　and　ridiculously　happy。　Read　a　thousand
things　between　the　lines。　I　will　write　tomorrow。　Good　night。〃

〃You　may　read　it；〃　said　Agatha；　handing　it　to　Jane。

〃Very　pretty；〃　said　Jane。　〃A　shilling's　worth　of
attentionexactly　twenty　words！　He　may　well　call　himself　an
economist。〃

Suddenly　a　crowing　laugh　from　Erskine　caused　them　to　turn　and
stare　at　him。　〃What　nonsense！〃　he　said；　blushing。　〃What　a　fellow
he　is！　I　don't　attach　the　slightest　importance　to　this。〃

Agatha　took　a　corner　of　his　telegram　and　pulled　it　gently。

〃No；　no；〃　he　said；　holding　it　tightly。　〃It　is　too　absurd。　I　don't
think　I　ought〃

Agatha　gave　a　decisive　pull；　and　read　the　message　aloud。　It　was
from　Trefusis；　thus：

〃I　forgive　your　thoughts　since　Brandon's　return。　Write　her
to…night；　and　follow　your　letter　to　receive　an　affirmative　answer
in　person。　I　promised　that　you　might　rely　on　me。　She　loves　you。〃

〃I　never　heard　of　such　a　thing　in　my　life；〃　said　Jane。　〃Never！〃

〃He　is　certainly　a　most　unaccountable　man；〃　said　Sir　Charles。

〃I　am　glad；　for　my　own　sake；　that　he　is　not　so　black　as　he　is
painted；〃　said　Agatha。　〃You　may　believe　every　word　of　it；　Mr。
Erskine。　Be　sure　to　do　as　he　tells　you。　He　is　quite　certain　to　be
right。〃

〃Pooh！〃　said　Erskine；　crumpling　the　telegram　and　thrusting　it
into　his　pocket　as　if　it　were　not　worth　a　second　thought。
Presently　he　slipped　away；　and　did　not　reappear。　When　they　were
about　to　retire；　Sir　Charles　asked　a　servant　where　he　was。

〃In　the　library；　Sir　Charles；　writing。〃

They　looked　significantly　at　one　another　and　went　to　bed　without
disturbing　him。



CHAPTER　XVIII

When　Gertrude　found　herself　beside　Trefusis　in　the　Pullman；　she
wondered　how　she　came　to　be　travelling　with　him　against　her
resolution；　if　not　against　her　will。　In　the　presence　of　two　women
scrutinizing　her　as　if　they　suspected　her　of　being　there　with　no
good　purpose；　a　male　passenger　admiring　her　a　little　further　off；
her　maid　reading　Trefusis's　newspapers　just　out　of　earshot；　an
uninterested　country　gentleman　looking　glumly　out　of　window；　a
city　man　preoccupied　with　the　〃Economist；〃　and　a　polite　lady　who
refrained　from　staring　but　not　from　observing；　she　felt　that　she
must　not　make　a　scene；　yet　she　knew　he　had　not　come　there　to　hold
an　ordinary　conversation。　Her　doubt　did　not　last　long。　He　began
promptly；　and　went　to　the　point　at　once。

〃What　do　you　think　of　this　engagement　of　mine？〃

This　was　more　than　she　could　bear　calmly。　〃What　is　it　to　me？〃　she
said　indignantly。　〃I　have　nothing　to　do　with　it。〃

〃Nothing！　You　are　a　cold　friend　to　me　then。　I　thought　you　one　of
the　surest　I　possessed。〃

She　moved　as　if　about　to　look　at　him；　but　checked　herself；　closed
her　lips；　and　fixed　her　eyes　on　the　vacant　seat　before　her。　The
reproach　he　deserved　was　beyond　her　power　of　expression。

〃I　cling　to　that　conviction　still；　in　spite　of　Miss　Lindsay's
indifference　to　my　affairs。　But　I　confess　I　hardly　know　how　to
bring　you　into　sympathy　with　me　in　this　matter。　In　the　first
place；　you　have　never　been　married；　I　have。　In　the　next；　you　are
much　younger　than　I；　in　more　respects　than　that　of　years。　Very
likely　half　your　ideas　on　the　subject　are　derived　from　fictions
in　which　happy　results　are　tacked　on　to　conditions　very
ill…calculated　to　produce　themwhich　in　real　life　hardly　ever　do
produce　them。　If　our　friendship　were　a　chapter　in　a　novel；　what
would　be　the　upshot　of　it？　Why；　I　should　marry　you；　or　you　break
your　heart　at　my　treachery。〃

Gertrude　moved　her　eyes　as　if　she　had　some　intention　of　taking　to
flight。

〃But　our　relations　being　those　of　real　lifefar　sweeter；　after
allI　never　dreamed　of　marrying　you；　having　gained　and　enjoyed
your　friendship　without　that　eye　to　business　which　our　nineteenth
century　keeps　open　even　whilst　it　sleeps。　You；　being　equally
disinterested　in　your　regard　for　me；　do　not　think　of　breaking
your　heart；　but　you　are；　I　suppose；　a　little　hurt　at　my
apparently　meditating　and　resolving　on　such　a　serious　step　as
marriage　with　Agatha　without　confiding　my　intention　to　you。　And
you　punish　me　by　telling　me　that　you　have　nothing　to　do　with　it
that　it　is　nothing　to　you。　But　I　never　meditated　the　step；　and　so
had　nothing　to　conceal　from　you。　It　was　conceived　and　executed　in
less　than　a　minute。　Although　my　first　marriage　was　a　silly　love
match　and　a　failure；　I　have　always　admitted　to　myself　that　I
should　marry　again。　A　bachelor　is　a　man　who　shirks
responsibilities　and　duties；　I　seek　them；　and　consider　it　my
duty；　with　my　monstrous　superfluity　of　means；　not　to　let　the
individualists　outbreed　me。　Still；　I　was　in　no　hurry；　having
other　things　to　occupy　me；　and　being　fond　of　my　bachelor　freedom；
and　doubtful　sometimes　whether　I　had　any　right　to　bring　more
idlers　into　the　world　for　the　workers　to　feed。　Then　came　the
usual　difficulty　about　the　lady。　I　did　not　want　a　helpmeet；　I　can
help　myself。　Nor　did　I　expect　to　be　loved　devotedly；　for　the　race
has　not　yet　evolved　a　man　lovable　on　thorough　acquaintance；　even
my　self…love　is　neither　thorough　nor　constant。　I　wanted　a　genial
partner　for　domestic　business；　and　Agatha　struck　me　quite
suddenly　as　being　the　nearest　approach　to　what　I　desired　that　I
was　likely　to　find　in　the　marriage　market；　where　it　is　extremely
hard　to　suit　oneself；　and　where　the　likeliest　bargains　are　apt　to
be　snapped　up　by　others　if　one　hesitates　too　long　in　the　hope　of
finding　something　better。　I　admire　Agatha's　courage　and
capability；　and　believe　I　shall　be　able　to　make　her　like　me；　and
that　the　attachment　so　begun　may　turn　into　as　close　a　union　as　is
either　healthy　or　necessary　between　two　separate　individuals。　I
may　mistake　her　character；　for　I　do　not　know　her　as　I　know　you；
and　have　scarcely　enough　faith　in　her　as　yet　to　tell　her　such
things　as　I　have　told　you。　Still；　there　is　a　consoling　dash　of
romance　in　the　transaction。　Agatha　has　charm。　Do　you　not　think
so？〃

Gertrude's　emotion　was　gone。　She　replied　with　cool　scorn；　〃Very
romantic　indeed。　She　is　very　fortunate。〃

Trefusis　half　laughed；　half　sighed　with　relief　to　find　her　so
self…possessed。　〃It　sounds　likeand　indeed　isthe　selfish
calculation　of　a　disilluded　widower。　You　would　not　value　such　an
offer；　or　envy　the　recipient　of　it？〃

〃No；〃　said　Gertrude　with　quiet　contempt。

〃Yet　there　is　some　calculation　behind　every　such　offer。　We　marry
to　satisfy　our　needs；　and　the　more　reasonable　our　needs　are；　the
more　likely　are　we　to　get　them　satisfied。　I　see　you　are　disgusted
with　me；　I　feared　as　much。　You　are　the　sort　of　woman　to　admit　no
excuse　for　my　marriage　except　lovepure　emotional　love；
blindfolding　reason。〃

〃I　really　do　not　concern　myself〃

〃Do　not　say　so；　Gertrude。　I　watch　every　step　you　take　with
anxiety；　and　I　do　not　believe　you　are　indifferent　to　the
worthiness　of　my　conduct。　Believe　me；　love　is　an　overrated
passion；　it　would　be　irremediably　discredited　but　that　young
people；　and　the　romancers　who　live　upon　their　follies；　have　a
perpetual　interest　in　rehabilitating　it。　No　relation　involving
divided　duties　and　continual　intercourse　between　two　people　can
subsist　permanently　on　love　alone。　Yet　love　is　not　to　be　despised
when　it　comes　from　a　fine　nature。　There　is　a　man　who　loves　you
exactly　as　you　think　I　ought　to　love　Agathaand　as　I　don't　love
her。〃

Gertrude's　emotion　stirred　again；　and　her　color　rose。　〃You　have
no　right　to　say　these　things　now；〃　she　said。

〃Why　may　I　not　plead　the　cause　of　another？　I　speak　of　Erskine。〃
Her　color　vanished；　and　he　continued；　〃I　want　you　to　marry　him。
When　you　are　married　you　will　understand　me　better；　and　our
friendship；　shaken　just　now；　will　be　deepened；　for　I　dare　assure
you；　now　that　you　can　no　longer　misunderstand　me；　that　no　living
woman　is　dearer　to　me　than　you。　So　much　for　the　inevitable
selfish　reason。　Erskine　is　a　poor　man；　and　in　his　comfortable
povertysave　the　marklies　your　salvation　from　the　baseness　of
marrying　for　wealth　and　position；　a　baseness　of　which　women　of
your　class　stand　in　constant　peril。　They　court　it；　you　must　shun
it。　The　man　is　honorable　and　loves　you；　he　is　young；　healthy；　and
suitable。　What　more　do　you　think　the　world　has　to　offer　you？〃

〃Much　more；　I　hope。　Very　much　more。〃

〃I　fear　that　the　names　I　give　things　are　not　romantic　enough。　He
is　a　poet。　Perhaps　he　would　be　a　hero　if　it　were　possible　for　a
man　to　be　a　hero　in　this　nineteenth　century；　which　will　be
infamous　in　history　as　a　time　when　the　greatest　advances　in　the
power　of　man　over　nature　only　served　to　sharpen　his　greed　and
make　famine　its　avowed　minister。　Erskine　is　at　least　neither　a
gambler　nor　a　slave…driver　at　first　hand；　if　he　lives　upon
plundered　labor　he　can　no　more　help　himself　than　I。　Do　not　say
that　you　hope　for　much　more；　but　tell　me；　if　you　can；　what　more
you　have　any　chance　of　getting？　Mind；　I　do　not　ask　what　more　you
desire；　we　all　desire　unutterable　things。　I　ask　you　what　more　you
can　obtain！〃

〃I　have　not　found　Mr。　Erskine　such　a　wonderful　person　as　you　seem
to　think　him。〃

〃He　is　only　a　man。　Do　you　know　anybody　more　wonderful？〃

〃Besides；　my　family　might　not　approve。〃

〃They　most　certainly　will　not。　If　you　wish　to　please　them；　you
must　sell　y