letters to his son, 1748-第17章

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　and　are　only　blemished　and　lowered；　in　the　opinions　of　all　reasonable　people；　and　of　their　own；　in　time；　by　these　genteel　and　fashionable　vices。　　A　whoremaster；　in　a　flux；　or　without　a　nose；　is　a　very　genteel　person；　indeed；　and　well　worthy　of　imitation。　　A　drunkard；　vomiting　up　at　night　the　wine　of　the　day；　and　stupefied　by　the　headache　all　the　next；　is；　doubtless；　a　fine　model　to　copy　from。　　And　a　gamester；　tearing　his　hair；　and　blaspheming；　for　having　lost　more　than　he　had　in　the　world；　is　surely　a　most　amiable　character。　　No；　these　are　alloys；　and　great　ones　too；　which　can　never　adorn　any　character；　but　will　always　debase　the　best。　　To　prove　this；　suppose　any　man；　without　parts　and　some　other　good　qualities；　to　be　merely　a　whoremaster；　a　drunkard；　or　a　gamester；　how　will　he　be　looked　upon　by　all　sorts　of　people？　　Why；　as　a　most　contemptible　and　vicious　animal。　　Therefore　it　is　plain；　that　in　these　mixed　characters；　the　good　part　only　makes　people　forgive；　but　not　approve；　the　bad。

I　will　hope　and　believe　that　you　will　have　no　vices；　but　if；　unfortunately；　you　should　have　any；　at　least　I　beg　of　you　to　be　content　with　your　own；　and　to　adopt　no　other　body's。

The　adoption　of　vice　has；　I　am　convinced；　ruined　ten　times　more　young　men　than　natural　inclinations。

As　I　make　no　difficulty　of　confessing　my　past　errors；　where　I　think　the　confession　may　be　of　use　to　you；　I　will　own　that　when　I　first　went　to　the　university；　I　drank　and　smoked；　notwithstanding　the　aversion　I　had　to　wine　and　tobacco；　only　because　I　thought　it　genteel；　and　that　it　made　me　look　like　a　man。　　When　I　went　abroad；　I　first　went　to　The　Hague；　where　gaming　was　much　in　fashion；　and　where　I　observed　that　many　people　of　shining　rank　and　character　gamed　too。　　I　was　then　young　enough；　and　silly　enough；　to　believe　that　gaming　was　one　of　their　accomplishments；　and；　as　I　aimed　at　perfection；　I　adopted　gaming　as　a　necessary　step　to　it。　　Thus　I　acquired　by　error　the　habit　of　a　vice　which；　far　from　adorning　my　character；　has；　I　am　conscious；　been　a　great　blemish　in　it。

Imitate　then；　with　discernment　and　judgment；　the　real　perfections　of　the　good　company　into　which　you　may　get；　copy　their　politeness；　their　carriage；　their　address；　and　the　easy　and　well…bred　turn　of　their　conversation；　but　remember　that；　let　them　shine　ever　so　bright；　their　vices；　if　they　have　any；　are　so　many　spots　which　you　would　no　more　imitate；　than　you　would　make　an　artificial　wart　upon　your　face；　because　some　very　handsome　man　had　the　misfortune　to　have　a　natural　one　upon　his：　but；　on　the　contrary；　think　how　much　handsomer　he　would　have　been　without　it。

Having　thus　confessed　some　of　my　'egaremens'；　I　will　now　show　you　a　little　of　my　right　side。　　I　always　endeavored　to　get　into　the　best　company　wherever　I　was；　and　commonly　succeeded。　　There　I　pleased　to　some　degree　by　showing　a　desire　to　please。　　I　took　care　never　to　be　absent　or　'distrait'；　but　on　the　contrary；　attended　to　everything　that　was　said；　done；　or　even　looked；　in　company；　I　never　failed　in　the　minutest　attentions　and　was　never　'journalier'。　　These　things；　and　not　my　'egaremens'；　made　me　fashionable。　　Adieu！　　This　letter　is　full　long　enough。




LETTER　LIV

BATH；　October　19；　O。　S。　　1748。

DEAR　BOY：　　Having　in　my　last　pointed　out　what　sort　of　company　you　should　keep；　I　will　now　give　you　some　rules　for　your　conduct　in　it；　rules　which　my　own　experience　and　observation　enable　me　to　lay　down；　and　communicate　to　you；　with　some　degree　of　confidence。　　I　have　often　given　you　hints　of　this　kind　before；　but　then　it　has　been　by　snatches；　I　will　now　be　more　regular　and　methodical。　　I　shall　say　nothing　with　regard　to　your　bodily　carriage　and　address；　but　leave　them　to　the　care　of　your　dancing…master；　and　to　your　own　attention　to　the　best　models；　remember；　however；　that　they　are　of　consequence。

Talk　often；　but　never　long：　in　that　case；　if　you　do　not　please；　at　least　you　are　sure　not　to　tire　your　hearers。　　Pay　your　own　reckoning；　but　do　not　treat　the　whole　company；　this　being　one　of　the　very　few　cases　in　which　people　do　not　care　to　be　treated；　everyone　being　fully　convinced　that　he　has　wherewithal　to　pay。

Tell　stories　very　seldom；　and　absolutely　never　but　where　they　are　very　apt　and　very　short。　　Omit　every　circumstance　that　is　not　material；　and　beware　of　digressions。　　To　have　frequent　recourse　to　narrative　betrays　great　want　of　imagination。

Never　hold　anybody　by　the　button　or　the　hand；　in　order　to　be　heard　out；　for；　if　people　are　not　willing　to　hear　you；　you　had　much　better　hold　your　tongue　than　them。

Most　long　talkers　single　out　some　one　unfortunate　man　in　company　（commonly　him　whom　they　observe　to　be　the　most　silent；　or　their　next　neighbor）　to　whisper；　or　at　least　in　a　half　voice；　to　convey　a　continuity　of　words　to。　　This　is　excessively　ill…bred；　and　in　some　degree　a　fraud；　conversation…stock　being　a　joint　and　common　property。　　But；　on　the　other　hand；　if　one　of　these　unmerciful　talkers　lays　hold　of　you；　hear　him　with　patience　（and　at　least　seeming　attention）；　if　he　is　worth　obliging；　for　nothing　will　oblige　him　more　than　a　patient　hearing；　as　nothing　would　hurt　him　more　than　either　to　leave　him　in　the　midst　of　his　discourse；　or　to　discover　your　impatience　under　your　affliction。

Take；　rather　than　give；　the　tone　of　the　company　you　are　in。　　If　you　have　parts；　you　will　show　them；　more　or　less；　upon　every　subject；　and　if　you　have　not；　you　had　better　talk　sillily　upon　a　subject　of　other　people's　than　of　your　own　choosing。

Avoid　as　much　as　you　can；　in　mixed　companies；　argumentative；　polemical　conversations；　which；　though　they　should　not；　yet　certainly　do；　indispose　for　a　time　the　contending　parties　toward　each　other；　and；　if　the　controversy　grows　warm　and　noisy；　endeavor　to　put　an　end　to　it　by　some　genteel　levity　or　joke。　　I　quieted　such　a　conversation…hubbub　once；　by　representing　to　them　that；　though　I　was　persuaded　none　there　present　would　repeat；　out　of　company；　what　passed　in　it；　yet　I　could　not　answer　for　the　discretion　of　the　passengers　in　the　street；　who　must　necessarily　hear　all　that　was　said。

Above　all　things；　and　upon　all　occasions；　avoid　speaking　of　yourself；　if　it　be　possible。　　Such　is　the　natural　pride　and　vanity　of　our　hearts；　that　it　perpetually　breaks　out；　even　in　people　of　the　best　parts；　in　all　the　various　modes　and　figures　of　the　egotism。

Some；　abruptly；　speak　advantageously　of　themselves；　without　either　pretense　or　provocation。　　They　are　impudent。　　Others　proceed　more　artfully；　as　they　imagine；　and　forge　accusations　against　themselves；　complain　of　calumnies　which　they　never　heard；　in　order　to　justify　themselves；　by　exhibiting　a　catalogue　of　their　many　virtues。　　They　acknowledge　it　may；　indeed；　seem　odd　that　they　should　talk　in　that　manner　of　themselves；　it　is　what　they　do　not　like；　and　what　they　never　would　have　done；　no；　no　tortures　should　ever　have　forced　it　from　them；　if　they　had；　not　been　thus　unjustly　and　monstrously　accused。　　But；　in　these　cases；　justice　is　surely　due　to　one's　self；　as　well　as　to　others；　and　when　our　character　is　attacked；　we　may　say　in　our　own　justification；　what　otherwise　we　never　would　have　said。　　This　thin　veil　of　Modesty　drawn　before　Vanity；　is　much　too　transparent　to　conceal　it；　even　from　very　moderate　discernment。

Others　go　more　modestly　and　more　slyly　still　（as　they　think）　to　work；　but　in　my　mind　still　more　ridiculously。　　They　confess　themselves　（not　without　some　degree　of　shame　and　confusion）　into　all　the　Cardinal　Virtues；　by　first　degrading　them　into　weaknesses　and　then　owning　their　misfortune　in　being　made　up　of　those　weaknesses。　　They　cannot　see　people　suffer　without　sympathizing　with；　and　endeavoring　to　help　them。　　They　cannot　see　people　want；　without　relieving　them；　though　truly　their　own　circumstances　cannot　very　well　afford　it。　　They　cannot　help　speaking　truth；　though　they　know　all　the　imprudence　of　it。　　In　short；　they　know　that；　with　all　these　weaknesses；　they　are　not　fit　to　live　in　the　world；　much　less　to　thrive　in　it。　　But　they　are　now　too　old　to　change；　and　must　rub　on　as　well　as　they　can。　　This　sounds　too　ridiculous　and　'outre'；　almost；　for　the　stage；　and　yet；　take　my　word　for　it；　you　will　frequently　meet　with　it　upon　the　common　stage　of　the　world。　　And　here　I　will　observe；　by　the　bye；　that　you　will　often　meet　with　characters　in　nature　so　extravagant；　that　a　discreet　dramatist　would　not　venture　to　set　them　upon　the　stage　in　their　true　and　high　coloring。

This　principle　of　vanity　and　pride　is　so　strong　in　human　nature　that　it　descends　even　to　the　lowest　objects；　and　one　often　sees　people　angling　for　praise；　where；　admitting　all　they　say　to　be　true　（which；　by　the　way；　it　seldom　is）；　no　just　praise　is　to　be　caught。　　One　man　affirms　that　he　has　rode　post　an　hundred　miles　in　six　hours；　probably　it　is　a　lie：　but　supposing　it　to　be　true；　what　then？　　Why　he　is　a　very　good　post…boy；　that　is　all。　　Another　asserts；　and　probably　not　without　oaths；　that　he　has　drunk　six　or　eight　bottles　of　wine　at　a　sitting；　out　of　charity；　I　will　believe　him　a　liar；　for；　if　I　do　not；　I　must　think　him　a　beast。

Such；　and　a　thousand　more；　are　the　follies　and　extravagances；　which　vanity　draws　people　into；　and　which　always　defeat　their　own　purpose；　and　as　Waller　says；　upon　another　subject；

　　　　　　　　　　〃Make　the　wretch　the　most　despised；　　　　　　　　　　　Where　most　he　wishes　to　be　prized。〃

The　only　sure　way　of　avoiding　these　evils；　is　never　to　speak　of　yourself　at　all。　　But　when；　historically；　you　are　obliged　to　mention　yourself；　take　care　not　to　drop　one　single　word　that　can　directly　or　indirectly　be　construed　as　fishing　for　applause。　　Be　your　character　what　it　will；　it　will　be　known；　and　nobody　will　take　it　upon　your　own　word。　　Never　imagine　that　anything　you　can　say　yourself　will　varnish　your　defects；　or　add　lustre　to　your　perfections！　but；　on　the　contrary；　it　may；　and　nine　times　in　ten；　will；　make　the　former　more　glaring　and　the　latter　obscure。　　If　you　are　silent　upon　your　own　subject；　neither　envy；　indignation；　nor　ridicule；　will　obstruct　or　allay　the　applause　which　you　may　really　deserve；　but　if　you　publish　your　own　panegyric　upon　any　occasion；　or　in　any　shape　whatsoever；　and　however　artfully　dressed　or　disguised；　they　will　all　conspire　against　you；　and　you　will　be　disappointed　of　the　very　end　you　aim　at。

Take　care　never　to　seem　dark　and　mysterious；　which　is　not　only　a　very　unamiable　character；　but　a　very　suspicious　one　too；　if　you　seem　mysterious　with　others；　they　will　be　really　so　with　you；　and　you　will　know　nothing。　　The　height　of　abilities　is　to　have　'volto　sciolto'　and　'pensieri　stretti'；　that　is；　a　frank；　open；　and　ingenuous　exterior；　with　a　prudent　interior；　to　be　upon　your　own　guard；　and　yet；　by　a　seeming　natural　openness；　to　put　people　off　theirs。　　Depend　upon　it　nine　in　ten　of　every　company　you　are　in　will　avail　themselves　of　every　indiscreet　and　unguarded　expression　of　yours；　if　they　can　turn　it　to　their　own　advantage。　　A　prudent　reserve　is　therefore　as　necessary　as　a　seeming　openness　is　prudent。　　Always　look　people　in　the　face　when　you　speak　to　them：　the　not　doing　it　is　thought　to　imply　conscious　guilt；　besides　that　you　lose　the　advantage　of　serving　by　their　countenances　what　impression　your　discourse　makes　upon　them。　　In　order　to　know　people's　real　sentiments；　I　trust　much　more　to　my