anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第20章

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haps　needless　to　add　that　this　visitor　came　no　more。〃

Mr。　Johnson　had；　indeed；　a　real　abhorrence　of　a　person　that　had　ever　before　him　treated　a　little　thing　like　a　great　one；　and　he　quoted　this　scrupulous　gentleman　with　his　packthread　very　often；　in　ridicule　of　a　friend　who；　looking　out　on　Streatham　Common　from　our　windows；　one　day；　lamented　the　enormous　wickedness　of　the　times　because　some　bird…catchers　were　busy　there　one　fine　Sunday　morning。　　〃While　half　the　Christian　world　is　permitted；〃　said　he；　〃to　dance　and　sing　and　celebrate　Sunday　as　a　day　of　festivity；　how　comes　your　Puritanical　spirit　so　offended　with　frivolous　and　empty　deviations　from　exactness？　　Whoever　loads　life　with　unnecessary　scruples；　sir；〃　continued　he；　〃provokes　the　attention　of　others　on　his　conduct；　and　incurs　the　censure　of　singularity　without　reaping　the　reward　of　superior　virtue。〃

I　must　not；　among　the　anecdotes　of　Dr。　Johnson's　life；　omit　to　relate　a　thing　that　happened　to　him　one　day；　which　he　told　me　of　himself。　　As　he　was　walking　along　the　Strand　a　gentleman　stepped　out　of　some　neighbouring　tavern；　with　his　napkin　in　his　hand；　and　no　hat；　and　stopping　him　as　civily　as　he　could；　〃I　beg　your　pardon；　sir；　but　you　are　Dr。　Johnson；　I　believe？〃　〃　Yes；　sir。〃　　〃We　have　a　wager　depending　on　your　reply。　　Pray；　sir；　is　it　irr_e_parable　or　irrep_air_able　that　one　should　say？〃　　〃The　LAST；　I　think；　sir；〃　answered　Dr。　Johnson；　〃for　the　adverb　ought　to　follow　the　verb；　but　you　had　better　consult　my　'Dictionary'　than　me；　for　that　was　the　result　of　more　thought　than　you　will　now　give　me　time　for。〃　　〃No；　no；〃　replied　the　gentleman；　gaily；　〃the　book　I　have　no　certainty　at　all　of；　but　here　is　the　AUTHOR；　to　whom　I　referred。　　Is　he　not；　sir？〃to　a　friend　with　him。　　〃I　have　won　my　twenty　guineas　quite　fairly；　and　am　much　obliged　to　you；　sir；〃　and　so　shaking　Mr。　Johnson　kindly　by　the　hand；　he　went　back　to　finish　his　dinner　or　dessert。

Another　strange　thing　he　told　me　once　which　there　was　no　danger　of　forgetting；　how　a　young　gentleman　called　on　him　one　morning；　and　told　him　that　his　father　having；　just　before　his　death；　dropped　suddenly　into　the　enjoyment　of　an　ample　fortune；　he　（the　son）　was　willing　to　qualify　himself　for　genteel　society　by　adding　some　literature　to　his　other　endowments；　and　wished　to　be　put　in　an　easy　way　of　obtaining　it。　　Dr。　Johnson　recommended　the　university；　〃for　you　read　Latin；　sir；　with　FACILITY？〃　　〃　I　read　it　a　little；　to　be　sure；　sir。〃　　〃　But　do　you　read　it　WITH　FACILITY；　I　say？〃　〃Upon　my　word；　sir；　I　do　not　very　well　know；　but　I　rather　believe　not。〃　Mr。　Johnson　now　began　to　recommend　other　branches　of　science；　when　he　found　languages　at　such　an　immeasurable　distance；　and　advising　him　to　study　natural　history；　there　arose　some　talk　about　animals；　and　their　divisions　into　oviparous　and　viviparous。　　〃And　the　cat　here；　sir；〃　said　the　youth；　who　wished　for　instruction；　〃pray　in　what　class　is　she？〃　　Our　Doctor's　patience　and　desire　of　doing　good　began　now　to　give　way　to　the　natural　roughness　of　his　temper。　　〃You　would　do　well；〃　said　he；　〃to　look　for　some　person　to　be　always　about　you；　sir；　who　is　capable　of　explaining　such　matters；　and　not　come　to　us〃there　were　some　literary　friends　present；　as　I　recollect〃to　know　whether　the　cat　lays　eggs　or　not。　　Get　a　discreet　man　to　keep　you　company：　　there　are　so　many　who　would　be　glad　of　your　table　and　fifty　pounds　a　year。〃　　The　young　gentleman　retired；　and　in　less　than　a　week　informed　his　friends　that　he　had　fixed　on　a　preceptor　to　whom　no　objections　could　be　made；　but　when　he　named　as　such　one　of　the　most　distinguished　characters　in　our　age　or　nation；　Mr。　Johnson　fairly　gave　himself　up　to　an　honest　burst　of　laughter；　and　seeing　this　youth　at　such　a　surprising　distance　from　common　knowledge　of　the　world；　or　of　anything　in　it；　desired　to　see　his　visitor　no　more。

He　had　not　much　better　luck　with　two　boys　that　he　used　to　tell　of；　to　whom　he　had　taught　the　classics；　〃so　that；〃　he　said；　〃they　were　no　incompetent　or　mean　scholars。〃　　It　was　necessary；　however；　that　something　more　familiar　should　be　known；　and　he　bid　them　read　the　History　of　England。　　After　a　few　months　had　elapsed　he　asked　them；　〃If　they　could　recollect　who　first　destroyed　the　monasteries　in　our　island？〃　　One　modestly　replied　that　he　did　not　know；　the　other　said　JESUS　CHRIST！

Of　the　truth　of　stories　which　ran　currently　about　the　town　concerning　Dr。　Johnson　it　was　impossible　to　be　certain；　unless　one　asked　him　himself；　and　what　he　told；　or　suffered　to　be　told；　before　his　face　without　contradicting；　has　every　public　mark；　I　think；　of　real　and　genuine　authenticity。　　I　made；　one　day；　very　minute　inquiries　about　the　tale　of　his　knocking　down　the　famous　Tom　Osborne　with　his　own　〃Dictionary〃　in　the　man's　own　house。　　〃And　how　was　that　affair？　　In　earnest？　　Do　tell　me；　Mr。　Johnson？〃　　〃There　is　nothing　to　tell；　dearest　lady；　but　that　he　was　insolent；　and　I　beat　him；　and　that　he　was　a　blockhead；　and　told　of　it；　which　I　should　never　have　done。　　So　the　blows　have　been　multiplying　and　the　wonder　thickening　for　all　these　years；　as　Thomas　was　never　a　favourite　with　the　public。　　I　have　beat　many　a　fellow；　but　the　rest　had　the　wit　to　hold　their　tongues。〃

I　have　heard　Mr。　Murphy　relate　a　very　singular　story；　while　he　was　present；　greatly　to　the　credit　of　his　uncommon　skill　and　knowledge　of　life　and　manners。　　When　first　the　〃Ramblers〃　came　out　in　separate　numbers；　as　they　were　the　objects　of　attention　to　multitudes　of　people；　they　happened；　as　it　seems；　particularly　to　attract　the　notice　of　a　society　who　met　every　Saturday　evening　during　the　summer　at　Romford　in　Essex；　and　were　known　by　the　name　of　the　Bowling…Green　Club。　　These　men　seeing　one　day　the　character　of　Leviculus；　the　fortune…hunter；　or　Tetrica；　the　old　maid：　　another　day　some　account　of　a　person　who　spent　his　life　in　hoping　for　a　legacy；　or　of　him　who　is　always　prying　into　other　folks'　affairs；　began　sure　enough　to　think　they　were　betrayed；　and　that　some　of　the　coterie　sate　down　to　divert　himself　by　giving　to　the　public　the　portrait　of　all　the　rest。　　Filled　with　wrath　against　the　traitor　of　Romford；　one　of　them　resolved　to　write　to　the　printer；　and　inquire　the　author's　name。　　Samuel　Johnson；　was　the　reply。　　No　more　was　necessary；　Samuel　Johnson　was　the　name　of　the　curate；　and　soon　did　each　begin　to　load　him　with　reproaches　for　turning　his　friends　into　ridicule　in　a　manner　so　cruel　and　unprovoked。　　In　vain　did　the　guiltless　curate　protest　his　innocence；　one　was　sure　that　Aligu　meant　Mr。　Twigg；　and　that　Cupidus　was　but　another　name　for　neighbour　Baggs；　till　the　poor　parson；　unable　to　contend　any　longer；　rode　to　London；　and　brought　them　full　satisfaction　concerning　the　writer；　who；　from　his　own　knowledge　of　general　manners；　quickened　by　a　vigorous　and　warm　imagination；　had　happily　delineated；　though　unknown　to　himself；　the　members　of　the　Bowling…Green　Club。

Mr。　Murphy　likewise　used　to　tell　before　Dr。　Johnson；　of　the　first　time　THEY　met；　and　the　occasion　of　their　meeting；　which　he　related　thus。　　That　being　in　those　days　engaged　in　a　periodical　paper；　he　found　himself　at　a　friend's　house　out　of　town；　and　not　being　disposed　to　lose　pleasure　for　the　sake　of　business；　wished　rather　to　content　his　bookseller　by　sending　some　unstudied　essay　to　London　by　the　servant；　than　deny　himself　the　company　of　his　acquaintance；　and　drive　away　to　his　chambers　for　the　purpose　of　writing　something　more　correct。　　He　therefore　took　up　a　French　Journal　Litteraire　that　lay　about　the　room；　and　translating　something　he　liked　from　it；　sent　it　away　without　further　examination。　　Time；　however；　discovered　that　he　had　translated　from　the　French　a　〃Rambler〃　of　Johnson's；　which　had　been　but　a　month　before　taken　from　the　English；　and　thinking　it　right　to　make　him　his　personal　excuses；　he　went　next　day；　and　found　our　friend　all　covered　with　soot　like　a　chimney…sweeper；　in　a　little　room；　with　an　intolerable　heat　and　strange　smell；　as　if　he　had　been　acting　Lungs　in　the　'Alchymist；'　making　aether。　　〃Come；　come；〃　says　Dr。　Johnson；　〃dear　Mur；　the　story　is　black　enough　now；　and　it　was　a　very　happy　day　for　me　that　brought　you　first　to　my　house；　and　a　very　happy　mistake　about　the　'Ramblers。'〃

Dr。　Johnson　was　always　exceeding　fond　of　chemistry；　and　we　made　up　a　sort　of　laboratory　at　Streatham　one　summer；　and　diverted　ourselves　with　drawing　essences　and　colouring　liquors。　　But　the　danger　Mr。　Thrale　found　his　friend　in　one　day　when　I　was　driven　to　London；　and　he　had　got　the　children　and　servants　round　him　to　see　some　experiments　performed；　put　an　end　to　all　our　entertainment；　so　well　was　the　master　of　the　house　persuaded　that　his　short　sight　would　have　been　his　destruction　in　a　moment；　by　bringing　him　close　to　a　fierce　and　violent　flame。　　Indeed；　it　was　a　perpetual　miracle　that　he　did　not　set　himself　on　fire　reading　a…bed；　as　was　his　constant　custom；　when　exceedingly　unable　even　to　keep　clear　of　mischief　with　our　best　help；　and　accordingly　the　fore…top　of　all　his　wigs　were　burned　by　the　candle　down　to　the　very　net　work。　　Mr。　Thrale's　valet　de　chambre；　for　that　reason；　kept　one　always　in　his　own　hands；　with　which　he　met　him　at　the　parlour…door　when　the　bell　had　called　him　down　to　dinner；　and　as　he　went　upstairs　to　sleep　in　the　afternoon；　the　same　man　constantly　followed　him　with　another。

Future　experiments　in　chemistry；　however；　were　too　dangerous；　and　Mr。　Thrale　insisted　that　we　should　do　no　more　towards　finding　the　Philosopher's　Stone。

Mr。　Johnson's　amusements　were　thus　reduced　to　the　pleasures　of　conversation　merely。　　And　what　wonder　that　he　should　have　an　avidity　for　the　sole　delight　he　was　able　to　enjoy？　　No　man　conversed　so　well　as　he　on　every　subject；　no　man　so　acutely　discerned　the　reason　of　every　fact；　the　motive　of　every　action；　the　end　of　every　design。　　He　was　indeed　often　pained　by　the　ignorance　or　causeless　wonder　of　those　who　knew　less　than　himself；　though　he　seldom　drove　them　away　with　apparent　scorn；　unless　he　thought　they　added　presumption　to　stupidity。　　And　it　was　impossible　not　to　laugh　at　the　patience　he　showed；　when　a　Welsh　parson　of　mean　abilities；　though　a　good　heart；　struck　with　reverence　at　the　sight　of　Dr。　Johnson；　whom　he　had　heard　of　as　the　greatest　man　living；　could　not　find　any　words　to　answer　his　inquiries　concerning　a　motto　round　somebody's　arms　which　adorned　a　tombstone　in　Ruabon　churchyard。　　If　I　remember　right　the　words　were

　　　　　〃Heb　Dw；　Heb　Dym；　　　　　　　Dw　o'　diggon。〃

And　though　of　no　very　difficult　construction；　the　gentleman　seemed　wholly　confounded；　and　unable　to　explain　them；　till　Mr。　Johnson；　having　picked　out　the　meaning　by　little　and　little；　said　to　the　man；　〃Heb　is　a　preposition；　I　believe；　sir；　is　it　not？〃　　My　countryman　recovering　some　spirits　upon　the　sudden　question；　cried　out；　〃So　I　humbly　presume；　sir；〃　very　comically。

Stories　of　humour　do　not　tell　well　in　books；　and　what　made　impression　on　the　friends　who　heard　a　jest　will　seldom　much　delight　the　distant　acquaintance　or　sullen　critic　who　reads　it。　　The　cork　model　of　Paris　is　not　more　despicable　as　a　resemblance　of　a　great　city；　than　this　book；　levior　cortice；　as　a　specimen　of　Johnson's　character。　　Yet　everybody　naturally　likes　to　gather　little　specimens　of　the　rarities　found　in　a　great　country；　and　could　I　carry　home　from　Italy　square　pieces