anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第21章

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　specimens　of　the　rarities　found　in　a　great　country；　and　could　I　carry　home　from　Italy　square　pieces　of　all　the　curious　marbles　which　are　the　just　glory　of　this　surprising　part　of　the　world；　I　could　scarcely　contrive；　perhaps；　to　arrange　them　so　meanly　as　not　to　gain　some　attention　from　the　respect　due　to　the　places　they　once　belonged　to。　　Such　a　piece　of　motley　Mosaic　work　will　these　anecdotes　inevitably　make。　　But　let　the　reader　remember　that　he　was　promised　nothing　better；　and　so　be　as　contented　as　he　can。

An　Irish　trader　at　our　house　one　day　heard　Dr。　Johnson　launch　out　into　very　great　and　greatly　deserved　praises　of　Mr。　Edmund　Burke。　　Delighted　to　find　his　countryman　stood　so　high　in　the　opinion　of　a　man　he　had　been　told　so　much　of；　〃Sir；〃　said　he；　〃give　ME　leave　to　tell　something　of　Mr。　Burke　now。〃　　We　were　all　silent；　and　the　honest　Hibernian　began　to　relate　how　Mr。　Burke　went　to　see　the　collieries　in　a　distant　province；　and　he　would　go　down　into　the　bowels　of　the　earth　（in　a　bag）；　and　he　would　examine　everything。　　〃He　went　in　a　bag；　sir；　and　ventured　his　health　and　his　life　for　knowledge：　　but　he　took　care　of　his　clothes；　that　they　should　not　be　spoiled；　for　he　went　down　in　a　bag。〃　　〃Well；　sir；〃　says　Mr。　Johnson；　good…humouredly；　〃if　our　friend　Mund　should　die　in　any　of　these　hazardous　exploits；　you　and　I　would　write　his　life　and　panegyric　together；　and　your　chapter　of　it　should　be　entitled　thus：　　'Burke　in　a　Bag。'〃

He　had　always　a　very　great　personal　regard　and　particular　affection　for　Mr。　Edmund　Burke；　as　well　as　an　esteem　difficult　for　me　to　repeat；　though　for　him　only　easy　to　express。　　And　when　at　the　end　of　the　year　1774　the　General　Election　called　us　all　different　ways；　and　broke　up　the　delightful　society　in　which　we　had　spent　some　time　at　Beaconsfield；　Dr。　Johnson　shook　the　hospitable　master　of　the　house　kindly　by　the　hand；　and　said；　〃Farewell；　my　dear　sir；　and　remember　that　I　wish　you　all　the　success　which　ought　to　be　wished　you；　which　can　possibly　be　wished　you；　indeedBY　AN　HONEST　MAN。〃

I　must　here　take　leave　to　observe；　that　in　giving　little　memoirs　of　Mr。　Johnson's　behaviour　and　conversation；　such　as　I　saw　and　heard　it；　my　book　lies　under　manifest　disadvantages；　compared　with　theirs；　who　having　seen　him　in　various　situations；　and　observed　his　conduct　in　numberless　cases；　are　able　to　throw　stronger　and　more　brilliant　lights　upon　his　character。　Virtues　are　like　shrubs；　which　yield　their　sweets　in　different　manners　according　to　the　circumstances　which　surround　them；　and　while　generosity　of　soul　scatters　its　fragrance　like　the　honeysuckle；　and　delights　the　senses　of　many　occasional　passengers；　who　feel　the　pleasure；　and　half　wonder　how　the　breeze　has　blown　it　from　so　far；　the　more　sullen　but　not　less　valuable　myrtle　waits　like　fortitude　to　discover　its　excellence；　till　the　hand　arrives　that　will　CRUSH　it；　and　force　out　that　perfume　whose　durability　well　compensates　the　difficulty　of　production。

I　saw　Mr。　Johnson　in　none　but　a　tranquil；　uniform　state；　passing　the　evening　of　his　life　among　friends；　who　loved；　honoured；　and　admired　him。　　I　saw　none　of　the　things　he　did；　except　such　acts　of　charity　as　have　been　often　mentioned　in　this　book；　and　such　writings　as　are　universally　known。　What　he　said　is　all　I　can　relate；　and　from　what　he　said；　those　who　think　it　worth　while　to　read　these　anecdotes　must　be　contented　to　gather　his　character。　　Mine　is　a　mere　CANDLE…LIGHT　picture　of　his　latter　days；　where　everything　falls　in　dark　shadow　except　the　face；　the　index　of　the　mind；　but　even　that　is　seen　unfavourably；　and　with　a　paleness　beyond　what　nature　gave　it。

When　I　have　told　how　many　follies　Dr。　Johnson　knew　of　others；　I　must　not　omit　to　mention　with　how　much　fidelity　he　would　always　have　kept　them　concealed；　could　they　of　whom　he　knew　the　absurdities　have　been　contented；　in　the　common　phrase；　to　keep　their　own　counsel。　　But　returning　home　one　day　from　dining　at　the　chaplain's　table；　he　told　me　that　Dr。　Goldsmith　had　given　a　very　comical　and　unnecessarily　exact　recital　there　of　his　own　feelings　when　his　play　was　hissed：　　telling　the　company　how　he　went；　indeed；　to　the　Literary　Club　at　night；　and　chatted　gaily　among　his　friends；　as　if　nothing　had　happened　amiss；　that　to　impress　them　still　more　forcibly　with　an　idea　of　his　magnanimity；　he　even　sung　his　favourite　song　about　an　old　woman　tossed　in　a　blanket　seventeen　times　as　high　as　the　moon；　〃but　all　this　while　I　was　suffering　horrid　tortures；〃　said　he；　〃and　verily　believe　that　if　I　had　put　a　bit　in　my　mouth　it　would　have　strangled　me　on　the　spot；　I　was　so　excessively　ill。　　But　I　made　more　noise　than　usual　to　cover　all　that；　and　so　they　never　perceived　my　not　eating；　nor　I　believe　at　all　imaged　to　themselves　the　anguish　of　my　heart；　but　when　all　were　gone　except　Johnson　here；　I　burst　out　a…crying；　and　even　swore　by　…　that　I　would　never　write　again。〃　　〃All　which；　Doctor；〃　says　Mr。　Johnson；　amazed　at　his　odd　frankness；　〃I　thought　had　been　a　secret　between　you　and　me；　and　I　am　sure　I　would　not　have　said　anything　about　it　for　the　world。　　Now　see；〃　repeated　he；　when　he　told　the　story；　〃what　a　figure　a　man　makes　who　thus　unaccountably　chooses　to　be　the　frigid　narrator　of　his　own　disgrace。　　Il　volto　sciolto；　ed　i　pensieri　stretti；　was　a　proverb　made　on　purpose　for　such　mortals；　to　keep　people；　if　possible；　from　being　thus　the　heralds　of　their　own　shame；　for　what　compassion　can　they　gain　by　such　silly　narratives？　　No　man　should　be　expected　to　sympathise　with　the　sorrows　of　vanity。　　If；　then；　you　are　mortified　by　any　ill…usage；　whether　real　or

supposed；　keep　at　least　the　account　of　such　mortifications　to　yourself；　and　forbear　to　proclaim　how　meanly　you　are　thought　on　by　others；　unless　you　desire　to　be　meanly　thought　of　by　all。〃

The　little　history　of　another　friend's　superfluous　ingenuity　will　contribute　to　introduce　a　similar　remark。　　He　had　a　daughter　of　about　fourteen　years　old；　as　I　remember；　fat　and　clumsy；　and　though　the　father　adored；　and　desired　others　to　adore　her；　yet　being　aware；　perhaps；　that　she　was　not　what　the　French　call　paitrie　des　graces；　and　thinking；　I　suppose；　that　the　old　maxim　of　beginning　to　laugh　at　yourself　first　when　you　have　anything　ridiculous　about　you　was　a　good　one；　he　comically　enough　called　his　girl　TRUNDLE　when　he　spoke　of　her；　and　many　who　bore　neither　of　them　any　ill…will　felt　disposed　to　laugh　at　the　happiness　of　the　appellation。　〃See；　now；〃　says　Dr。　Johnson；　〃what　haste　people　are　in　to　be　hooted。　Nobody　ever　thought　of　this　fellow　nor　of　his　daughter；　could　he　but　have　been　quiet　himself；　and　forborne　to　call　the　eyes　of　the　world　on　his　dowdy　and　her　deformity。　　But　it　teaches　one　to　see　at　least　that　if　nobody　else　will　nickname　one's　children；　the　parents　will　e'en　do　it　themselves。〃

All　this　held　true　in　matters　to　Mr。　Johnson　of　more　serious　consequence。　When　Sir　Joshua　Reynolds　had　painted　his　portrait　looking　into　the　slit　of　his　pen；　and　holding　it　almost　close　to　his　eye；　as　was　his　general　custom；　he　felt　displeased；　and　told　me　〃he　would　not　be　known　by　posterity　for　his　DEFECTS　only；　let　Sir　Joshua　do　his　worst。〃　　I　said　in　reply　that　Reynolds　had　no　such　difficulties　about　himself；　and　that　he　might　observe　the　picture　which　hung　up　in　the　room　where　we　were　talking　represented　Sir　Joshua　holding　his　ear　in　his　hand　to　catch　the　sound。　　〃He　may　paint　himself　as　deaf　if　he　chooses；〃　replied　Johnson；　〃but　I　will　not　be　BLINKING　SAM。〃

It　is　chiefly　for　the　sake　of　evincing　the　regularity　and　steadiness　of　Mr。　Johnson's　mind　that　I　have　given　these　trifling　memoirs；　to　show　that　his　soul　was　not　different　from　that　of　another　person；　but；　as　it　was；　greater；　and　to　give　those　who　did　not　know　him　a　just　idea　of　his　acquiescence　in　what　we　call　vulgar　prejudices；　and　of　his　extreme　distance　from　those　notions　which　the　world　has　agreed；　I　know　not　very　well　why；　to　call　romantic。　　It　is　indeed　observable　in　his　preface　to　Shakespeare；　that　while　other　critics　expatiate　on　the　creative　powers　and　vivid　imagination　of　that　matchless　poet；　Dr。　Johnson　commends　him　for　giving　so　just　a　representation　of　human　manners；　〃that　from　his　scenes　a　hermit　might　estimate　the　value　of　society；　and　a　confessor　predict　the　progress　of　the　passions。〃　　I　have　not　the　book　with　me　here；　but　am　pretty　sure　that　such　is　his　expression。

The　general　and　constant　advice　he　gave；　too；　when　consulted　about　the　choice　of　a　wife；　a　profession；　or　whatever　influences　a　man's　particular　and　immediate　happiness；　was　always　to　reject　no　positive　good　from　fears　of　its　contrary　consequences。　　〃Do　not；〃　said　he；　〃forbear　to　marry　a　beautiful　woman　if　you　can　find　such；　out　of　a　fancy　that　she　will　be　less　constant　than　an　ugly　one；　or　condemn　yourself　to　the　society　of　coarseness　and　vulgarity　for　fear　of　the　expenses　or　other　dangers　of　elegance　and　personal　charms；　which　have　been　always　acknowledged　as　a　positive　good；　and　for　the　want　of　which　there　should　be　always　given　some　weighty　compensation。　　I　have；　however；〃　continued　Mr。　Johnson；　〃seen　some　prudent　fellows　who　forbore　to　connect　themselves　with　beauty　lest　coquetry　should　be　near；　and　with　wit　or　birth　lest　insolence　should　lurk　behind　them；　till　they　have　been　forced　by　their　discretion　to　linger　life　away　in　tasteless　stupidity；　and　choose　to　count　the　moments　by　remembrance　of　pain　instead　of　enjoyment　of　pleasure。〃

When　professions　were　talked　of；　〃Scorn；〃　said　Mr。　Johnson；　〃to　put　your　behaviour　under　the　dominion　of　canters；　never　think　it　clever　to　call　physic　a　mean　study；　or　law　a　dry　one；　or　ask　a　baby　of　seven　years　old　which　way　his　GENIUS　leads　him；　when　we　all　know　that　a　boy　of　seven　years　old　has　no　GENIUS　for　anything　except　a　pegtop　and　an　apple…pie；　but　fix　on　some　business　where　much　money　may　be　got；　and　little　virtue　risked：　follow　that　business　steadily；　and　do　not　live　as　Roger　Ascham　says　the　wits　do；　'men　know　not　how；　and　at　last　die　obscurely；　men　mark　not　where。'〃

Dr。　Johnson　had　indeed　a　veneration　for　the　voice　of　mankind　beyond　what　most　people　will　own；　and　as　he　liberally　confessed　that　all　his　own　disappointments　proceeded　from　himself；　he　hated　to　hear　others　complain　of　general　injustice。　　I　remember　when　lamentation　was　made　of　the　neglect　showed　to　Jeremiah　Markland；　a　great　philologist；　as　some　one　ventured　to　call　him。　　〃He　is　a　scholar；　undoubtedly；　sir；〃　replied　Dr。　Johnson；　〃but　remember　that　he　would　run　from　the　world；　and　that　it　is　not　the　world's　business　to　run　after　him。　　I　hate　a　fellow　whom　pride；　or　cowardice；　or　laziness　drives　into　a　corner；　and　does　nothing　when　he　is　there　but　sit　and　GROWL；　let　him　come　out　as　I　do；　and　BARK。　　The　world；〃　added　he；　〃is　chiefly　unjust　and　ungenerous　in　this；　that　all　are　ready　to　encourage　a　man　who　once　talks　of　leaving　it；　and　few　things　do　really　provoke　me　more　than　to　hear　people　prate　of　retirement；　when　they　have　neither　skill　to　discern　their　own　motives；　or　penetration　to　estimate　the　consequences。　But　while　a　fellow　is　active　to　gain　either　power　or　wealth；〃　continued　he；　〃everybody　produces　some　hindrance　to　his　advancement；　some　sage　remark；　or　some　unfavourable　prediction；　but　let　him　once　say　slightly；　I　have　had　enough　of　this　troublesome；　bustling　world；　'tis　time　to　leave　it　now：　'Ah；