anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第23章

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　fasten　the　rope。〃　　Walking　in　a　wood　when　it　rained　was；　I　think；　the　only　rural　image　he　pleased　his　fancy　with；　〃for；〃　says　he；　〃after　one　has　gathered　the　apples　in　an　orchard；　one　wishes　them　well　baked；　and　removed　to　a　London　eating…house　for　enjoyment。〃

With　such　notions；　who　can　wonder　he　passed　his　time　uncomfortably　enough　with　us；　who　he　often　complained　of　for　living　so　much　in　the　country；　〃feeding　the　chickens；〃　as　he　said　I　did；　〃till　I　starved　my　own　understanding。　　Get；　however；〃　said　he；　〃a　book　about　gardening；　and　study　it　hard；　since　you　will　pass　your　life　with　birds　and　flowers；　and　learn　to　raise　the　LARGEST　turnips；　and　to　breed　the　BIGGEST　fowls。〃　　It　was　vain　to　assure　him　that　the　goodness　of　such　dishes　did　not　depend　upon　their　size。　He　laughed　at　the　people　who　covered　their　canals　with　foreign　fowls；　〃when；〃　says　he；　〃our　own　geese　and　ganders　are　twice　as　large。　　If　we　fetched　better　animals　from　distant　nations；　there　might　be　some　sense　in　the　preference；　but　to　get　cows　from　Alderney；　or　water…fowl　from　China；　only　to　see　nature　degenerating　round　one；　is　a　poor　ambition　indeed。〃

Nor　was　Mr。　Johnson　more　merciful　with　regard　to　the　amusements　people　are　contented　to　call　such。　　〃You　hunt　in　the　morning；〃　says　he；　〃and　crowd　to　the　public　rooms　at　night；　and　call　it　DIVERSION；　when　your　heart　knows　it　is　perishing　with　poverty　of　pleasures；　and　your　wits　get　blunted　for　want　of　some　other　mind　to　sharpen　them　upon。　　There　is　in　this　world　no　real　delight　（excepting　those　of　sensuality）；　but　exchange　of　ideas　in　conversation；　and　whoever　has　once　experienced　the　full　flow　of　London　talk；　when　he　retires　to　country　friendships；　and　rural　sports；　must　either　be　contented　to　turn　baby　again　and　play　with　the　rattle；　or　he　will　pine　away　like　a　great　fish　in　a　little　pond；　and　die　for　want　of　his　usual　food。〃　　〃Books　without　the　knowledge　of　life　are　useless；〃　I　have　heard　him　say；　〃for　what　should　books　teach　but　the　art　of　LIVING？　　To　study　manners；　however；　only　in　coffee…houses；　is　more　than　equally　imperfect；　the　minds　of　men　who　acquire　no　solid　learning；　and　only　exist　on　the　daily　forage　that　they　pick　up　by　running　about；　and　snatching　what　drops　from　their　neighbours　as　ignorant　as　themselves；　will　never　ferment　into　any　knowledge　valuable　or　durable；　but　like　the　light　wines　we　drink　in　hot　countries；　please　for　the　moment；　though　incapable　of　keeping。　　In　the　study　of　mankind　much　will　be　found　to　swim　as　froth；　and　much　must　sink　as　feculence；　before　the　wine　can　have　its　effect；　and　become　that　noblest　liquor　which　rejoices　the　heart；　and　gives　vigour　to　the　imagination。〃

I　am　well　aware　that　I　do　not　and　cannot　give　each　expression　of　Dr。　Johnson　with　all　its　force　or　all　its　neatness；　but　I　have　done　my　best　to　record　such　of　his　maxims；　and　repeat　such　of　his　sentiments；　as　may　give　to　those　who　know　him　not　a　just　idea　of　his　character　and　manner　of　thinking。　　To　endeavour　at　adorning；　or　adding；　or　softening；　or　meliorating　such　anecdotes；　by　any　tricks　my　inexperienced　pen　could　play；　would　be　weakness　indeed；　worse　than　the　Frenchman　who　presides　over　the　porcelain　manufactory　at　Seve；　to　whom；　when　some　Greek　vases　were　given　him　as　models；　he　lamented　la　tristesse　de　telles　formes；　and　endeavoured　to　assist　them　by　clusters　of　flowers；　while　flying　Cupids　served　for　the　handles　of　urns　originally　intended　to　contain　the　ashes　of　the　dead。　　The　misery　is；　that　I　can　recollect　so　few　anecdotes；　and　that　I　have　recorded　no　more　axioms　of　a　man　whose　every　word　merited　attention；　and　whose　every　sentiment　did　honour　to　human　nature。　　Remote　from　affectation　as　from　error　or　falsehood；　the　comfort　a　reader　has　in　looking　over　these　papers　is　the　certainty　that　these　were　really　the　opinions　of　Johnson；　which　are　related　as　such。

Fear　of　what　others　may　think　is　the　great　cause　of　affectation；　and　he　was　not　likely　to　disguise　his　notions　out　of　cowardice。　　He　hated　disguise；　and　nobody　penetrated　it　so　readily。　　I　showed　him　a　letter　written　to　a　common　friend；　who　was　at　some　loss　for　the　explanation　of　it。　　〃Whoever　wrote　it；〃　says　our　doctor；　〃could；　if　he　chose　it；　make　himself　understood；　but　'tis　the　letter　of　an　EMBARRASSED　MAN　sir；〃　and　so　the　event　proved　it　to　be。

Mysteriousness　in　trifles　offended　him　on　every　side。　　〃It　commonly　ended　in　guilt；〃　he　said；　〃for　those　who　begin　by　concealment　of　innocent　things　will　soon　have　something　to　hide　which　they　dare　not　bring　to　light。〃　　He　therefore　encouraged　an　openness　of　conduct；　in　women　particularly；　〃who；〃　he　observed；　〃were　often　led　away　when　children；　by　their　delight　and　power　of　surprising。〃　　He　recommended；　on　something　like　the　same　principle；　that　when　one　person　meant　to　serve　another；　he　should　not　go　about　it　slily；　or　as　we　say；　underhand；　out　of　a　false　idea　of　delicacy；　to　surprise　one's　friend　with　an　unexpected　favour；　〃which；　ten　to　one；〃　says　he；　〃fails　to　oblige　your　acquaintance；　who　had　some　reasons　against　such　a　mode　of　obligation；　which　you　might　have　known　but　for　that　superfluous　cunning　which　you　think　an　elegance。　　Oh！　never　be　seduced　by　such　silly　pretences；〃　continued　he；　〃if　a　wench　wants　a　good　gown；　do　not　give　her　a　fine　smelling…bottle；　because　that　is　more　delicate：　　as　I　once　knew　a　lady　lend　the　key　of　her　library　to　a　poor　scribbling　dependant；　as　if　she　took　the　woman　for　an　ostrich　that　could　digest　iron。〃　　He　said；　indeed；　〃that　women　were　very　difficult　to　be　taught　the　proper　manner　of　conferring　pecuniary　favours；　that　they　always　gave　too　much　money　or　too　little；　for　that　they　had　an　idea　of　delicacy　accompanying　their　gifts；　so　that　they　generally　rendered　them　either　useless　or　ridiculous。〃

He　did；　indeed；　say　very　contemptuous　things　of　our　sex；　but　was　exceedingly　angry　when　I　told　Miss　Reynolds　that　he　said　〃It　was　well　managed　of　some　one　to　leave　his　affairs　in　the　hands　of　his　wife；　because；　in　matters　of　business；〃　said　he；　〃no　woman　stops　at　integrity。〃　　This　was；　I　think；　the　only　sentence　I　ever　observed　him　solicitous　to　explain　away　after　he　had　uttered　it。　　He　was　not　at　all　displeased　at　the　recollection　of　a　sarcasm　thrown　on　a　whole　profession　at　once；　when　a　gentleman　leaving　the　company；　somebody　who　sat　next　Dr。　Johnson　asked　him；　who　he　was？　　〃I　cannot　exactly　tell　you；　sir；〃　replied　he；　〃and　I　would　be　loth　to　speak　ill　of　any　person　who　I　do　not　know　deserves　it；　but　I　am　afraid　he　is　an　ATTORNEY。〃　　He　did　not；　however；　encourage　general　satire；　and　for　the　most　part　professed　himself　to　feel　directly　contrary　to　Dr。　Swift；　〃who；〃　says　he；　〃hates　the　world；　though　he　loves　John　and　Robert；　and　certain　individuals。〃

Johnson　said　always；　〃that　the　world　was　well　constructed；　but　that　the　particular　people　disgraced　the　elegance　and　beauty　of　the　general　fabric。〃　In　the　same　manner　I　was　relating　once　to　him　how　Dr。　Collier　observed　that　the　love　one　bore　to　children　was　from　the　anticipation　one's　mind　made　while　one　contemplated　them。　　〃We　hope；〃　says　he；　〃that　they　will　sometime　make　wise　men　or　amiable　women；　and　we　suffer　'em　to　take　up　our　affection　beforehand。　　One　cannot　love　LUMPS　OF　FLESH；　and　little　infants　are　nothing　more。〃　　〃On　the　contrary；〃　says　Johnson；　〃one　can　scarcely　help　wishing；　while　one　fondles　a　baby；　that　it　may　never　live　to　become　a　man；　for　it　is　so　probable　that　when　he　becomes　a　man；　he　should　be　sure　to　end　in　a　scoundrel。〃　　Girls　were　less　displeasing　to　him；　〃for　as　their　temptations　were　fewer；〃　he　said；　〃their　virtue　in　this　life；　and　happiness　in　the　next；　were　less　improbable；　and　he　loved；〃　he　said；　〃to　see　a　knot　of　little　misses　dearly。〃

Needlework　had　a　strenuous　approver　in　Dr。　Johnson；　who　said　〃that　one　of　the　great　felicities　of　female　life　was　the　general　consent　of　the　world　that　they　might　amuse　themselves　with　petty　occupations；　which　contributed　to　the　lengthening　their　lives；　and　preserving　their　minds　in　a　state　of　sanity。〃　　〃A　man　cannot　hem　a　pocket…handkerchief；〃　said　a　lady　of　quality　to　him　one　day；　〃and　so　he　runs　mad；　and　torments　his　family　and　friends。〃　The　expression　struck　him　exceedingly；　and　when　one　acquaintance　grew　troublesome；　and　another　unhealthy；　he　used　to　quote　Lady　Frances's　observation；　〃That　a　man　cannot　hem　a　pocket…handkerchief。〃

The　nice　people　found　no　mercy　from　Mr。　Johnson；　such；　I　mean；　as　can　only　dine　at　four　o'clock；　who　cannot　bear　to　be　waked　at　an　unusual　hour；　or　miss　a　stated　meal　without　inconvenience。　　HE　had　no　such　prejudices　himself；　and　with　difficulty　forgave　them　in　another。　　〃Delicacy　does　not　surely　consist；〃　says　he；　〃in　impossibility　to　be　pleased；　and　that　is　false　dignity　indeed　which　is　content　to　depend　upon　others。〃

The　saying　of　the　old　philosopher　who　observes；　〃That　he　who　wants　least　is　most　like　the　gods；　who　want　nothing；〃　was　a　favourite　sentence　with　Dr。　Johnson；　who　on　his　own　part　required　less　attendance；　sick　or　well；　than　ever　I　saw　any　human　creature。　　Conversation　was　all　he　required　to　make　him　happy；　and　when　he　would　have　tea　made　at　two　o'clock　in　the　morning；　it　was　only　that　there　might　be　a　certainty　of　detaining　his　companions　round　him。　　On　that　principle　it　was　that　he　preferred　winter　to　summer；　when　the　heat　of　the　weather　gave　people　an　excuse　to　stroll　about　and　walk　for　pleasure　in　the　shade；　while　he　wished　to　sit　still　on　a　chair　and　chat　day　after　day；　till　somebody　proposed　a　drive　in　the　coach；　and　that　was　the　most　delicious　moment　of　his　life。　　〃But　the　carriage　must　stop　some　time；〃　he　said；　〃and　the　people　would　come　home　at　last；〃　so　his　pleasure　was　of　short　duration。

I　asked　him　why　he　doated　on　a　coach　so？　and　received　for　answer；　〃That　in　the　first　place　the　company　were　shut　in　with　him　THERE；　and　could　not　escape；　as　out　of　a　room。　　In　the　next　place；　he　heard　all　that　was　said　in　a　carriage；　where　it　was　my　turn　to　be　deaf；〃　and　very　impatient　was　he　at　my　occasional　difficulty　of　hearing。　　On　this　account　he　wished　to　travel　all　over　the　world；　for　the　very　act　of　going　forward　was　delightful　to　him；　and　he　gave　himself　no　concern　about　accidents；　which　he　said　never　happened。　　Nor　did　the　running　away　of　the　horses　on　the　edge　of　a　precipice　between　Vernon　and　St。　Denis；　in　France；　convince　him　to　the　contrary；　〃for　nothing　came　of　it；〃　he　said；　〃except　that　Mr。　Thrale　leaped　out　of　the　carriage　into　a　chalk…pit；　and　then　came　up　again　looking　AS　WHITE！〃　　When　the　truth　was；　all　their　lives　were　saved　by　the　greatest　Providence　ever　exerted　in　favour　of　three　human　creatures；　and　the　part　Mr。　Thrale　took　from　desperation　was　the　likeliest　thing　in　the　world　to　produce　broken　limbs　and　death。

Fear　was　indeed　a　sensation　to　which　Mr。　Johnson　was　an　utter　stranger；　excepting　when　some　sudden　apprehensions　seized　him　that　he　was　going　to　die；　and　even　then　he　kept　all　his　wits　about　him　to　express　the　most　humble　and　pathetic　petitions　to　the　Almighty。　　And　when　the　first　paralytic　stroke　took　his　speech　from　him；　he　instantly　set　about　composing　a　prayer　in　Latin；　at　once　to　deprecate　God's　mercy；　to　satisfy　himself　that　his　mental　powers　remained　unimpaired；　and　to　keep　them　in　exercise；　that　they　might　not　perish　by　permitted　stagnation。　　This　was　after　we　parted；　but　he　wrote　me