anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第5章

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The　〃False　Alarm；〃　his　first　and　favourite　pamphlet；　was　written　at　our　house　between　eight　o'clock　on　Wednesday　night　and　twelve　o'clock　on　Thursday　night。　　We　read　it　to　Mr。　Thrale　when　he　came　very　late　home　from　the　House　of　Commons；　the　other　political　tracts　followed　in　their　order。　I　have　forgotten　which　contains　the　stroke　at　Junius；　but　shall　for　ever　remember　the　pleasure　it　gave　him　to　have　written　it。　　It　was；　however；　in　the　year　1775　that　Mr。　Edmund　Burke　made　the　famous　speech　in　Parliament　that　struck　even　foes　with　admiration；　and　friends　with　delight。　　Among　the　nameless　thousands　who　are　contented　to　echo　those　praises　they　have　not　skill　to　invent；　_I_　ventured；　before　Dr。　Johnson　himself；　to　applaud　with　rapture　the　beautiful　passage　in　it　concerning　Lord　Bathurst　and　the　Angel；　which；　said　our　Doctor；　had　I　been　in　the　house；　I　would　have　answered　THUS：

〃Suppose；　Mr。　Speaker；　that　to　Wharton　or　to　Marlborough；　or　to　any　of　the　eminent　Whigs　of　the　last　age；　the　devil　had；　not　with　any　great　impropriety；　consented　to　appear；　he　would；　perhaps；　in　somewhat　like　these　words；　have　commenced　the　conversation：

〃'You　seem；　my　lord；　to　be　concerned　at　the　judicious　apprehension　that　while　you　are　sapping　the　foundations　of　royalty　at　home；　and　propagating　here　the　dangerous　doctrine　of　resistance；　the　distance　of　America　may　secure　its　inhabitants　from　your　arts；　though　active。　　But　I　will　unfold　to　you　the　gay　prospects　of　futurity。　　This　people；　now　so　innocent　and　harmless；　shall　draw　the　sword　against　their　mother　country；　and　bathe　its　point　in　the　blood　of　their　benefactors；　this　people；　now　contented　with　a　little；　shall　then　refuse　to　spare　what　they　themselves　confess　they　could　not　miss；　and　these　men；　now　so　honest　and　so　grateful；　shall；　in　return　for　peace　and　for　protection；　see　their　vile　agents　in　the　House　of　Parliament；　there　to　sow　the　seeds　of　sedition；　and　propagate　confusion；　perplexity；　and　pain。　　Be　not　dispirited；　then；　at　the　contemplation　of　their　present　happy　state：　　I　promise　you　that　anarchy；　poverty；　and　death　shall；　by　my　care；　be　carried　even　across　the　spacious　Atlantic；　and　settle　in　America　itself；　the　sure　consequences　of　our　beloved　Whiggism。'〃

This　I　thought　a　thing　so　very　particular　that　I　begged　his　leave　to　write　it　down　directly；　before　anything　could　intervene　that　might　make　me　forget　the　force　of　the　expressions。　　A　trick　which　I　have；　however；　seen　played　on　common　occasions；　of　sitting　steadily　down　at　the　other　end　of　the　room　to　write　at　the　moment　what　should　be　said　in　company；　either　BY　Dr。　Johnson　or　TO　him；　I　never　practised　myself；　nor　approved　of　in　another。　There　is　something　so　ill…bred；　and　so　inclining　to　treachery　in　this　conduct；　that　were　it　commonly　adopted　all　confidence　would　soon　be　exiled　from　society；　and　a　conversation　assembly…room　would　become　tremendous　as　a　court　of　justice。　　A　set　of　acquaintance　joined　in　familiar　chat　may　say　a　thousand　things　which；　as　the　phrase　is；　pass　well　enough　at　the　time；　though　they　cannot　stand　the　test　of　critical　examination；　and　as　all　talk　beyond　that　which　is　necessary　to　the　purposes　of　actual　business　is　a　kind　of　game；　there　will　be　ever　found　ways　of　playing　fairly　or　unfairly　at　it；　which　distinguish　the　gentleman　from　the　juggler。　　Dr。　Johnson；　as　well　as　many　of　my　acquaintance；　knew　that　I　kept　a　common…place　book；　and　he　one　day　said　to　me　good…humouredly　that　he　would　give　me　something　to　write　in　my　repository。　　〃I　warrant；〃　said　he；　〃there　is　a　great　deal　about　me　in　it。　　You　shall　have　at　least　one　thing　worth　your　pains；　so　if　you　will　get　the　pen　and　ink　I　will　repeat　to　you　Anacreon's　'Dove'　directly；　but　tell　at　the　same　time　that　as　I　never　was　struck　with　anything　in　the　Greek　language　till　I　read　THAT；　so　I　never　read　anything　in　the　same　language　since　that　pleased　me　as　much。　　I　hope　my　translation；〃　continued　he；　〃is　not　worse　than　that　of　Frank　Fawkes。〃　　Seeing　me　disposed　to　laugh；　〃Nay；　nay；〃　said　he；　〃Frank　Fawkes　has　done　them　very　finely。〃

　　　　　〃Lovely　courier　of　the　sky；　　　　　　　Whence　and　whither　dost　thou　fly？　　　　　　　Scatt'ring；　as　thy　pinions　play；　　　　　　　Liquid　fragrance　all　the　way。　　　　　　　Is　it　business？　is　it　love？　　　　　　　Tell　me；　tell　me；　gentle　Dove。　　　　　　　'Soft　Anacreon's　vows　I　bear；　　　　　　　Vows　to　Myrtale　the　fair；　　　　　　　Graced　with　all　that　charms　the　heart；　　　　　　　Blushing　nature；　smiling　art。　　　　　　　Venus；　courted　by　an　ode；　　　　　　　On　the　bard　her　Dove　bestowed。　　　　　　　Vested　with　a　master's　right　　　　　　　Now　Anacreon　rules　my　flight；　　　　　　　His　the　letters　that　you　see；　　　　　　　Weighty　charge　consigned　to　me；　　　　　　　Think　not　yet　my　service　hard；　　　　　　　Joyless　task　without　reward；　　　　　　　Smiling　at　my　master's　gates；　　　　　　　Freedom　my　return　awaits。　　　　　　　But　the　liberal　grant　in　vain　　　　　　　Tempts　me　to　be　wild　again。　　　　　　　Can　a　prudent　Dove　decline　　　　　　　Blissful　bondage　such　as　mine？　　　　　　　Over　hills　and　fields　to　roam；　　　　　　　Fortune's　guest　without　a　home；　　　　　　　Under　leaves　to　hide　one's　head；　　　　　　　Slightly　sheltered；　coarsely　fed；　　　　　　　Now　my　better　lot　bestows　　　　　　　Sweet　repast；　and　soft　repose；　　　　　　　Now　the　generous　bowl　I　sip　　　　　　　As　it　leaves　Anacreon's　lip；　　　　　　　Void　of　care；　and　free　from　dread；　　　　　　　From　his　fingers　snatch　his　bread；　　　　　　　Then　with　luscious　plenty　gay；　　　　　　　Round　his　chamber　dance　and　play；　　　　　　　Or　from　wine；　as　courage　springs；　　　　　　　O'er　his　face　extend　my　wings；　　　　　　　And　when　feast　and　frolic　tire；　　　　　　　Drop　asleep　upon　his　lyre。　　　　　　　This　is　all；　be　quick　and　go；　　　　　　　More　than　all　thou　canst　not　know；　　　　　　　Let　me　now　my　pinions　ply；　　　　　　　I　have　chattered　like　a　pie。'〃

When　I　had　finished；　〃But　you　must　remember　to　add；〃　says　Mr。　Johnson；　〃that　though　these　verses　were　planned；　and　even　begun；　when　I　was　sixteen　years　old；　I　never　could　find　time　to　make　an　end　of　them　before　I　was　sixty…eight。〃

This　facility　of　writing；　and　this　dilatoriness　ever　to　write；　Mr。　Johnson　always　retained；　from　the　days　that　he　lay　abed　and　dictated　his　first　publication　to　Mr。　Hector；　who　acted　as　his　amanuensis；　to　the　moment　he　made　me　copy　out　those　variations　in　Pope's　〃Homer〃　which　are　printed　in　the　〃Poets'　Lives。〃　　〃And　now；〃　said　he；　when　I　had　finished　it　for　him；　〃I　fear　not　Mr。　Nicholson　of　a　pin。〃　　The　fine　'Rambler；'　on　the　subject　of　Procrastination；　was　hastily　composed；　as　I　have　heard；　in　Sir　Joshua　Reynolds's　parlour；　while　the　boy　waited　to　carry　it　to　press；　and　numberless　are　the　instances　of　his　writing　under　immediate　pressure　of　importunity　or　distress。　　He　told　me　that　the　character　of　Sober　in　the　'Idler'　was　by　himself　intended　as　his　own　portrait；　and　that　he　had　his　own　outset　into　life　in　his　eye　when　he　wrote　the　Eastern　story　of　〃Gelaleddin。〃　Of　the　allegorical　papers　in　the　'Rambler；'　Labour　and　Rest　was　his　favourite；　but　Scrotinus；　the　man　who　returns　late　in　life　to　receive　honours　in　his　native　country；　and　meets　with　mortification　instead　of　respect；　was　by　him　considered　as　a　masterpiece　in　the　science　of　life　and　manners。　　The　character　of　Prospero　in　the　fourth　volume　Garrick　took　to　be　his；　and　I　have　heard　the　author　say　that　he　never　forgave　the　offence。　　Sophron　was　likewise　a　picture　drawn　from　reality；　and　by　Gelidus；　the　philosopher；　he　meant　to　represent　Mr。　Coulson；　a　mathematician；　who　formerly　lived　at　Rochester。　　The　man　immortalised　for　purring　like　a　cat　was；　as　he　told　me；　one　Busby；　a　proctor　in　the　Commons。　He　who　barked　so　ingeniously；　and　then　called　the　drawer　to　drive　away　the　dog；　was　father　to　Dr。　Salter；　of　the　Charterhouse。　　He　who　sang　a　song；　and　by　correspondent　motions　of　his　arm　chalked　out　a　giant　on　the　wall；　was　one　Richardson；　an　attorney。　　The　letter　signed　〃Sunday〃　was　written　by　Miss　Talbot；　and　he　fancied　the　billets　in　the　first　volume　of　the　'Rambler'　were　sent　him　by　Miss　Mulso；　now　Mrs。　Chapone。　　The　papers　contributed　by　Mrs。　Carter　had　much　of　his　esteem；　though　he　always　blamed　me　for　preferring　the　letter　signed　〃Chariessa〃　to　the　allegory；　where　religion　and　superstition　are　indeed　most　masterly　delineated。

When　Dr。　Johnson　read　his　own　satire；　in　which　the　life　of　a　scholar　is　painted；　with　the　various　obstructions　thrown　in　his　way　to　fortune　and　to　fame；　he　burst　into　a　passion　of　tears　one　day。　　The　family　and　Mr。　Scott　only　were　present；　who；　in　a　jocose　way；　clapped　him　on　the　back；　and　said；　〃What's　all　this；　my　dear　sir？　　Why；　you　and　I　and　HERCULES；　you　know；　were　all　troubled　with　MELANCHOLY。〃　　As　there　are　many　gentlemen　of　the　same　name；　I　should　say；　perhaps；　that　it　was　a　Mr。　Scott　who　married　Miss　Robinson；　and　that　I　think　I　have　heard　Mr。　Thrale　call　him　George　Lowis；　or　George　Augustus；　I　have　forgot　which。　　He　was　a　very　large　man；　however；　and　made　out　the　triumvirate　with　Johnson　and　Hercules　comically　enough。　The　Doctor　was　so　delighted　at　his　odd　sally　that　he　suddenly　embraced　him；　and　the　subject　was　immediately　changed。　　I　never　saw　Mr。　Scott　but　that　once　in　my　life。

Dr。　Johnson　was　liberal　enough　in　granting　literary　assistance　to　others；　I　think；　and　innumerable　are　the　prefaces；　sermons；　lectures；　and　dedications　which　he　used　to　make　for　people　who　begged　of　him。　　Mr。　Murphy　related　in　his　and　my　hearing　one　day；　and　he　did　not　deny　it；　that　when　Murphy　joked　him　the　week　before　for　having　been　so　diligent　of　late　between　Dodd's　sermon　and　Kelly's　prologue；　Dr。　Johnson　replied；　〃Why；　sir；　when　they　come　to　me　with　a　dead　staymaker　and　a　dying　parson；　what　can　a　man　do？〃　　He　SAID；　however；　that　〃he　hated　to　give　away　literary　performances；　or　even　to　sell　them　too　cheaply。　　The　next　generation　shall　not　accuse　me；〃　added　he；　〃of　beating　down　the　price　of　literature。　　One　hates；　besides；　ever　to　give　that　which　one　has　been　accustomed　to　sell。　　Would　not　you；　sir；〃　turning　to　Mr。　Thrale；　〃rather　give　away　money　than　porter？〃

Mr。　Johnson　had　never；　by　his　own　account；　been　a　close　student；　and　used　to　advise　young　people　never　to　be　without　a　book　in　their　pocket；　to　be　read　at　bye…times　when　they　had　nothing　else　to　do。　　〃It　has　been　by　that　means；〃　said　he　to　a　boy　at　our　house　one　day；　〃that　all　my　knowledge　has　been　gained；　except　what　I　have　picked　up　by　running　about　the　world　with　my　wits　ready　to　observe；　and　my　tongue　ready　to　talk。　　A　man　is　seldom　in　a　humour　to　unlock　his　bookcase；　set　his　desk　in　order；　and　betake　himself　to　serious　study；　but　a　retentive　memory　will　do　something；　and　a　fellow　shall　have　strange　credit　given　him；　if　he　can　but　recollect　striking　passages　from　different　books；　keep　the　authors　separate　in　his　head；　and　bring　his　stock　of　knowledge　artfully　into　play。　　How　else；〃　added　he；　〃do　the　gamesters　manage　when　they　play　for　more　money　than　they　are　worth？〃　His　Dictionary；　however；　could　not；　one　would　think；　have　been　written　by　running　up　and　down；　but　he　really　did　not　consider　it　as　a　great　performance；　and　used　to　say　〃that　he　might　have　done　it　easily　in　two　years　had　not　his　health　received　several　shocks　during　the　time。〃

When　Mr。　Thrale；　in　consequence　of　this　declaration；　teased　him　in　the　year　1768　to　give　a　new　edition　of　it；　because；　said　he；　there　are　four　or　five　gross　faults：　　〃Alas！　sir；〃　replied　Johnson；　〃there　are　four　or　five　hundred　faults　instead　of　four　or　five；