anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第8章

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s　most　so　when　the　idea　is　connected　with　the　idea　of　number；　for　the　notion　of　infinite　numberand　infinite　number　we　know　there　isstretches　one's　capacity　still　more　than　the　idea　of　infinite　space。　　〃Such　a　notion；　indeed；〃　adds　he；　〃can　scarcely　find　room　in　the　human　mind。〃　　Our　English　author；　on　the　other　hand；　exclaims；　let　no　man　give　himself　leave　to　talk　about　infinite　number；　for　infinite　number　is　a　contradiction　in　terms；　whatever　is　once　numbered；　we　all　see；　cannot　be　infinite。　　〃I　think；〃　said　Mr。　Johnson；　after　a　pause；　〃we　must　settle　the　matter　thus：　　numeration　is　certainly　infinite；　for　eternity　might　be　employed　in　adding　unit　to　unit；　but　every　number　is　in　itself　finite；　as　the　possibility　of　doubling　it　easily　proves；　besides；　stop　at　what　point　you　will；　you　find　yourself　as　far　from　infinitude　as　ever。〃　　These　passages　I　wrote　down　as　soon　as　I　had　heard　them；　and　repent　that　I　did　not　take　the　same　method　with　a　dissertation　he　made　one　other　day　that　he　was　very　ill；　concerning　the　peculiar　properties　of　the　number　sixteen；　which　I　afterwards　tried；　but　in　vain；　to　make　him　repeat。

As　ethics　or　figures；　or　metaphysical　reasoning；　was　the　sort　of　talk　he　most　delighted　in；　so　no　kind　of　conversation　pleased　him　less；　I　think；　than　when　the　subject　was　historical　fact　or　general　polity。　　〃What　shall　we　learn　from　THAT　stuff？〃　said　he。　　〃Let　us　not　fancy；　like　Swift；　that　we　are　exalting　a　woman's　character　by　telling　how　she

　　　　　〃'Could　name　the　ancient　heroes　round；　　　　　　　　Explain　for　what　they　were　renowned；'　etc。〃

I　must　not；　however；　lead　my　readers　to　suppose　that　he　meant　to　reserve　such　talk　for　men's　company　as　a　proof　of　pre…eminence。　　〃He　never；〃　as　he　expressed　it；　〃desired　to　hear　of　the　Punic　War　while　he　lived；　such　conversation　was　lost　time；〃　he　said；　〃and　carried　one　away　from　common　life；　leaving　no　ideas　behind　which　could　serve　LIVING　WIGHT　as　warning　or　direction。〃

　　　　　〃How　I　should　act　is　not　the　case；　　　　　　　But　how　would　Brutus　in　my　place。〃

〃And　now；〃　cries　Mr。　Johnson；　laughing　with　obstreperous　violence；　〃if　these　two　foolish　lines　can　be　equalled　in　folly；　except　by　the　two　succeeding　onesshow　them　me。〃

I　asked　him　once　concerning　the　conversation　powers　of　a　gentleman　with　whom　I　was　myself　unacquainted。　　〃He　talked　to　me　at　club　one　day；〃　replies　our　Doctor；　〃concerning　Catiline's　conspiracy；　so　I　withdrew　my　attention；　and　thought　about　Tom　Thumb。〃

Modern　politics　fared　no　better。　　I　was　one　time　extolling　the　character　of　a　statesman；　and　expatiating　on　the　skill　required　to　direct　the　different　currents；　reconcile　the　jarring　interests；　etc。　　〃Thus；〃　replies　he；　〃a　mill　is　a　complicated　piece　of　mechanism　enough；　but　the　water　is　no　part　of　the　workmanship。〃　　On　another　occasion；　when　some　one　lamented　the　weakness　of　a　then　present　minister；　and　complained　that　he　was　dull　and　tardy；　and　knew　little　of　affairs：　　〃You　may　as　well　complain；　sir；〃　says　Johnson；　〃that　the　accounts　of　time　are　kept　by　the　clock；　for　he　certainly　does　stand　still　upon　the　stair…headand　we　all　know　that　he　is　no　great　chronologer。〃　　In　the　year　1777；　or　thereabouts；　when　all　the　talk　was　of　an　invasion；　he　said　most　pathetically　one　afternoon；　〃Alas！　alas！　how　this　unmeaning　stuff　spoils　all　my　comfort　in　my　friends'　conversation！　　Will　the　people　have　done　with　it；　and　shall　I　never　hear　a　sentence　again　without　the　FRENCH　in　it？　　Here　is　no　invasion　coming；　and　you　KNOW　there　is　none。　　Let　the　vexatious　and　frivolous　talk　alone；　or　suffer　it　at　least　to　teach　you　ONE　truth；　and　learn　by　this　perpetual　echo　of　even　unapprehended　distress　how　historians　magnify　events　expected　or　calamities　endured；　when　you　know　they　are　at　this　very　moment　collecting　all　the　big　words　they　can　find；　in　which　to　describe　a　consternation　never　felt；　for　a　misfortune　which　never　happened。　　Among　all　your　lamentations；　who　eats　the　lesswho　sleeps　the　worse；　for　one　general's　ill…success；　or　another's　capitulation？　　OH；　PRAY　let　us　hear　no　more　of　it！〃　　No　man；　however；　was　more　zealously　attached　to　his　party；　he　not　only　loved　a　Tory　himself；　but　he　loved　a　man　the　better　if　he　heard　he　hated　a　Whig。　　〃Dear　Bathurst；〃　said　he　to　me　one　day；　〃was　a　man　to　my　very　heart's　content：　　he　hated　a　fool；　and　he　hated　a　rogue；　and　he　hated　a　WHIG；　he　was　a　very　good　HATER。〃

Some　one　mentioned　a　gentleman　of　that　party　for　having　behaved　oddly　on　an　occasion　where　faction　was　not　concerned：　　〃Is　he　not　a　citizen　of　London；　a　native　of　North　America；　and　a　Whig？〃　says　Johnson。　　〃Let　him　be　absurd；　I　beg　you　of　you；　when　a　monkey　is　TOO　like　a　man；　it　shocks　one。〃

Severity　towards　the　poor　was；　in　Dr。　Johnson's　opinion　（as　is　visible　in　his　〃Life　of　Addison〃　particularly）；　an　undoubted　and　constant　attendant　or　consequence　upon　Whiggism；　and　he　was　not　contented　with　giving　them　relief；　he　wished　to　add　also　indulgence。　　He　loved　the　poor　as　I　never　yet　saw　any　one　else　do；　with　an　earnest　desire　to　make　them　happy。　　〃What　signifies；〃　says　some　one；　〃giving　halfpence　to　common　beggars？　they　only　lay　it　out　in　gin　or　tobacco。〃　　〃And　why　should　they　be　denied　such　sweeteners　of　their　existence？〃　says　Johnson；　〃it　is　surely　very　savage　to　refuse　them　every　possible　avenue　to　pleasure；　reckoned　too　coarse　for　our　own　acceptance。　　Life　is　a　pill　which　none　of　us　can　bear　to　swallow　without　gilding；　yet　for　the　poor　we　delight　in　stripping　it　still　barer；　and　are　not　ashamed　to　show　even　visible　displeasure　if　ever　the　bitter　taste　is　taken　from　their　mouths。〃　　In　consequence　of　these　principles　he　nursed　whole　nests　of　people　in　his　house；　where　the　lame；　the　blind；　the　sick；　and　the　sorrowful　found　a　sure　retreat　from　all　the　evils　whence　his　little　income　could　secure　them：　　and　commonly　spending　the　middle　of　the　week　at　our　house；　he　kept　his　numerous　family　in　Fleet　Street　upon　a　settled　allowance；　but　returned　to　them　every　Saturday；　to　give　them　three　good　dinners；　and　his　company；　before　he　came　back　to　us　on　the　Monday　nighttreating　them　with　the　same；　or　perhaps　more　ceremonious　civility　than　he　would　have　done　by　as　many　people　of　fashionmaking　the　Holy　Scriptures　thus　the　rule　of　his　conduct；　and　only　expecting　salvation　as　he　was　able　to　obey　its　precepts。

While　Dr。　Johnson　possessed；　however；　the　strongest　compassion　for　poverty　or　illness；　he　did　not　even　pretend　to　feel　for　those　who　lamented　the　loss　of　a　child；　a　parent；　or　a　friend。　　〃These　are　the　distresses　of　sentiment；〃　he　would　reply；　〃which　a　man　who　is　really　to　be　pitied　has　no　leisure　to　feel。　　The　sight　of　people　who　want　food　and　raiment　is　so　common　in　great　cities；　that　a　surly　fellow　like　me　has　no　compassion　to　spare　for　wounds　given　only　to　vanity　or　softness。〃　　No　man；　therefore；　who　smarted　from　the　ingratitude　of　his　friends；　found　any　sympathy　from　our　philosopher。　　〃Let　him　do　good　on　higher　motives　next　time；〃　would　be　the　answer；　〃he　will　then　be　sure　of　his　reward。〃　　It　is　easy　to　observe　that　the　justice　of　such　sentences　made　them　offensive；　but　we　must　be　careful　how　we　condemn　a　man　for　saying　what　we　know　to　be　true；　only　because　it　IS　so。　　I　hope　that　the　reason　our　hearts　rebelled　a　little　against　his　severity　was　chiefly　because　it　came　from　a　living　mouth。　　Books　were　invented　to　take　off　the　odium　of　immediate　superiority；　and　soften　the　rigour　of　duties　prescribed　by　the　teachers　and　censors　of　human　kind　setting　at　least　those　who　are　acknowledged　wiser　than　ourselves　at　a　distance。　　When　we　recollect；　however；　that　for　this　very　reason　THEY　are　seldom　consulted　and　little　obeyed；　how　much　cause　shall　his　contemporaries　have　to　rejoice　that　their　living　Johnson　forced　them　to　feel　there　proofs　due　to　vice　and　folly；　while　Seneca　and　Tillotson　were　no　longer　able　to　make　impressionexcept　on　our　shelves！　　Few　things；　indeed；　which　pass　well　enough　with　others　would　do　with　him：　　he　had　been　a　great　reader　of　Mandeville；　and　was　ever　on　the　watch　to　spy　out　those　stains　of　original　corruption　so　easily　discovered　by　a　penetrating　observer　even　in　the　purest　minds。　　I　mentioned　an　event；　which　if　it　had　happened　would　greatly　have　injured　Mr。　Thrale　and　his　family〃and　then；　dear　sir；〃　said　I；　〃how　sorry　you　would　have　been！〃　　〃I　HOPE；〃　replied　he；　after　a　long　pause；　〃I　should　have　been　VERY　sorry；　but　remember　Rochefoucault's　maxim。〃

〃I　would　rather；〃　answered　I；　〃remember　Prior's　verses；　and　ask

　　　　　'What　need　of　books　these　truths　to　tell；　　　　　　　Which　folks　perceive　that　cannot　spell？　　　　　　　And　must　we　spectacles　apply；　　　　　　　To　see　what　hurts　our　naked　eye？'

Will　ANYBODY'S　mind　bear　this　eternal　microscope　that　you　place　upon　your　own　so？〃　　〃I　never；〃　replied　he；　〃saw　one　that　WOULD；　except　that　of　my　dear　Miss　Reynoldsand　hers　is　very　near　to　purity　itself。〃　　Of　slighter　evils；　and　friends　more　distant　than　our　own　household；　he　spoke　less　cautiously。　　An　acquaintance　lost　the　almost　certain　hope　of　a　good　estate　that　had　been　long　expected。　　〃Such　a　one　will　grieve；〃　said　I；　〃at　her　friend's　disappointment。〃　　〃She　will　suffer　as　much；　perhaps；〃　said　he；　〃as　your　horse　did　when　your　cow　miscarried。〃　　I　professed　myself　sincerely　grieved　when　accumulated　distresses　crushed　Sir　George　Colebrook's　family；　and　I　was　so。　　〃Your　own　prosperity；〃　said　he；　〃may　possibly　have　so　far　increased　the　natural　tenderness　of　your　heart；　that　for　aught　I　know　you　MAY　be　a　LITTLE　SORRY；　but　it　is　sufficient　for　a　plain　man　if　he　does　not　laugh　when　he　sees　a　fine　new　house　tumble　down　all　on　a　sudden；　and　a　snug　cottage　stand　by　ready　to　receive　the　owner；　whose　birth　entitled　him　to　nothing　better；　and　whose　limbs　are　left　him　to　go　to　work　again　with。〃

I　tried　to　tell　him　in　jest　that　his　morality　was　easily　contented；　and　when　I　have　said　something　as　if　the　wickedness　of　the　world　gave　me　concern；　he　would　cry　out　aloud　against　canting；　and　protest　that　he　thought　there　was　very　little　gross　wickedness　in　the　world；　and　still　less　of　extraordinary　virtue。　　Nothing；　indeed；　more　surely　disgusted　Dr。　Johnson　than　hyperbole；　he　loved　not　to　be　told　of　sallies　of　excellence；　which　he　said　were　seldom　valuable；　and　seldom　true。　　〃Heroic　virtues；〃　said　he；　〃are　the　bons　mots　of　life；　they　do　not　appear　often；　and　when　they　do　appear　are　too　much　prized；　I　think；　like　the　aloe…tree；　which　shoots　and　flowers　once　in　a　hundred　years。　　But　life　is　made　up　of　little　things；　and　that　character　is　the　best　which　does　little　but　repeated　acts　of　beneficence；　as　that　conversation　is　the　best　which　consists　in　elegant　and　pleasing　thoughts　expressed　in　natural　and　pleasing　terms。　　With　regard　to　my　own　notions　of　moral　virtue；〃　continued　he；　〃I　hope　I　have　not　lost　my　sensibility　of　wrong；　but　I　hope；　likewise；　that　I　have　lived　long　enough　in　the　world　to　prevent　me　from　expecting　to　find　any　action　of　which　both　the　original　motive　and　all　the　parts　were　good。〃

The　piety　of　Dr。　Johnson　was　exemplary　and　edifying；　he　was　punctiliously　exact　to　perform　every　public　duty　enjoined　by　the　Church；　and　his　spirit　of　devotion　had　an　energy　that　affected　all　who　ever　saw　him　pray　in　private。　　The　coldest　and　most　languid　hearer　of　the　Word　must　have　felt　themselves　animated　by　his　manner　of　reading　the　Holy　Scriptures；　and　to　pra