anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第9章

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the　Word　must　have　felt　themselves　animated　by　his　manner　of　reading　the　Holy　Scriptures；　and　to　pray　by　his　sick…bed　required　strength　of　body　as　well　as　of　mind；　so　vehement　were　his　manners；　and　his　tones　of　voice　so　pathetic。　　I　have　many　times　made　it　my　request　to　Heaven　that　I　might　be　spared　the　sight　of　his　death；　and　I　was　spared　it。

Mr。　Johnson；　though　in　general　a　gross　feeder；　kept　fast　in　Lent；　particularly　the　Holy　Week；　with　a　rigour　very　dangerous　to　his　general　health；　but　though　he　had　left　off　wine　（for　religious　motives；　as　I　always　believed；　though　he　did　not　own　it）；　yet　he　did　not　hold　the　commutation　of　offences　by　voluntary　penance；　or　encourage　others　to　practise　severity　upon　themselves。　　He　even　once　said　〃that　he　thought　it　an　error　to　endeavour　at　pleasing　God　by　taking　the　rod　of　reproof　out　of　His　hands。〃　And　when　we　talked　of　convents；　and　the　hardships　suffered　in　them：　〃Remember　always；〃　said　he；　〃that　a　convent　is　an　idle　place；　and　where　there　is　nothing　to　be　DONE　something　must　be　ENDURED：　　mustard　has　a　bad　taste　per　se；　you　may　observe；　but　very　insipid　food　cannot　be　eaten　without　it。〃

His　respect；　however；　for　places　of　religious　retirement　was　carried　to　the　greatest　degree　of　earthly　veneration；　the　Benedictine　convent　at　Paris　paid　him　all　possible　honours　in　return；　and　the　Prior　and　he　parted　with　tears　of　tenderness。　　Two　of　that　college　being　sent　to　England　on　the　mission　some　years　after；　spent　much　of　their　time　with　him　at　Bolt　Court；　I　know；　and　he　was　ever　earnest　to　retain　their　friendship；　but　though　beloved　by　all　his　Roman　Catholic　acquaintance；　particularly　Dr。　Nugent；　for　whose　esteem　he　had　a　singular　value；　yet　was　Mr。　Johnson　a　most　unshaken　Church　of　England　man；　and　I　think；　or　at　least　I　once　DID　think；　that　a　letter　written　by　him　to　Mr。　Barnard；　the　King's　Librarian；　when　he　was　in　Italy　collecting　books；　contained　some　very　particular　advice　to　his　friend　to　be　on　his　guard　against　the　seductions　of　the　Church　of　Rome。

The　settled　aversion　Dr。　Johnson　felt　towards　an　infidel　he　expressed　to　all　ranks；　and　at　all　times；　without　the　smallest　reserve；　for　though　on　common　occasions　he　paid　great　deference　to　birth　or　title；　yet　his　regard　for　truth　and　virtue　never　gave　way　to　meaner　considerations。　　We　talked　of　a　dead　wit　one　evening；　and　somebody　praised　him。　　〃Let　us　never　praise　talents　so　ill　employed；　sir；　we　foul　our　mouths　by　commending　such　infidels；〃　said　he。　　〃Allow　him　the　lumieres　at　least；〃　entreated　one　of　the　company。　　〃I　do　allow　him；　sir；〃　replied　Johnson；　〃just　enough　to　light　him　to　hell。〃　　Of　a　Jamaica　gentleman；　then　lately　dead：　　〃He　will　not；　whither　he　is　now　gone；〃　said　Johnson；　〃find　much　difference；　I　believe；　either　in　the　climate　or　the　company。〃　　The　Abbe　Reynal　probably　remembers　that；　being　at　the　house　of　a　common　friend　in　London；　the　master　of　it　approached　Johnson　with　that　gentleman　so　much　celebrated　in　his　hand；　and　this　speech　in　his　mouth：　　〃Will　you　permit　me；　sir；　to　present　to　you　the　Abbe　Reynal？〃　　〃NO；　SIR；〃　replied　the　Doctor　very　loud；　and　suddenly　turned　away　from　them　both。

Though　Mr。　Johnson　had　but　little　reverence　either　for　talents　or　fortune　when　he　found　them　unsupported　by　virtue；　yet　it　was　sufficient　to　tell　him　a　man　was　very　pious；　or　very　charitable；　and　he　would　at　least　BEGIN　with　him　on　good　terms；　however　the　conversation　might　end。　　He　would　sometimes；　too；　good…naturedly　enter　into　a　long　chat　for　the　instruction　or　entertainment　of　people　he　despised。　　I　perfectly　recollect　his　condescending　to　delight　my　daughter's　dancing…master　with　a　long　argument　about　HIS　art；　which　the　man　protested；　at　the　close　of　the　discourse；　the　Doctor　knew　more　of　than　himself；　who　remained　astonished；　enlightened；　and　amused　by　the　talk　of　a　person　little　likely　to　make　a　good　disquisition　upon　dancing。　　I　have　sometimes；　indeed；　been　rather　pleased　than　vexed　when　Mr。　Johnson　has　given　a　rough　answer　to　a　man　who　perhaps　deserved　one　only　half　as　rough；　because　I　knew　he　would　repent　of　his　hasty　reproof；　and　make　us　all　amends　by　some　conversation　at　once　instructive　and　entertaining；　as　in　the　following　cases。　　A　young　fellow　asked　him　abruptly　one　day；　〃Pray；　sir；　what　and　where　is　Palmyra？　　I　heard　somebody　talk　last　night　of　the　ruins　of　Palmyra。〃　　〃'Tis　a　hill　in　Ireland；〃　replies　Johnson；　〃with　palms　growing　on　the　top；　and　a　bog　at　the　bottom；　and　so　they　call　it　PALM…MIRA。〃　　Seeing；　however；　that　the　lad　thought　him　serious；　and　thanked　him　for　the　information；　he　undeceived　him　very　gently　indeed：　told　him　the　history；　geography；　and　chronology　of　Tadmor　in　the　wilderness；　with　every　incident　that　literature　could　furnish；　I　think；　or　eloquence　express；　from　the　building　of　Solomon's　palace　to　the　voyage　of　Dawkins　and　Wood。

On　another　occasion；　when　he　was　musing　over　the　fire　in　our　drawing…room　at　Streatham；　a　young　gentleman　called　to　him　suddenly；　and　I　suppose　he　thought　disrespectfully；　in　these　words：　　〃Mr。　Johnson；　would　you　advise　me　to　marry？〃　　〃I　would　advise　no　man　to　marry；　sir；〃　returns　for　answer　in　a　very　angry　tone　Dr。　Johnson；　〃who　is　not　likely　to　propagate　understanding；〃　and　so　left　the　room。　　Our　companion　looked　confounded；　and　I　believe　had　scarce　recovered　the　consciousness　of　his　own　existence；　when　Johnson　came　back；　and　drawing　his　chair　among　us；　with　altered　looks　and　a　softened　voice；　joined　in　the　general　chat；　insensibly　led　the　conversation　to　the　subject　of　marriage；　where　he　laid　himself　out　in　a　dissertation　so　useful；　so　elegant；　so　founded　on　the　true　knowledge　of　human　life；　and　so　adorned　with　beauty　of　sentiment；　that　no　one　ever　recollected　the　offence；　except　to　rejoice　in　its　consequences。　　He　repented　just　as　certainly；　however；　if　he　had　been　led　to　praise　any　person　or　thing　by　accident　more　than　he　thought　it　deserved；　and　was　on　such　occasions　comically　earnest　to　destroy　the　praise　or　pleasure　he　had　unintentionally　given。

Sir　Joshua　Reynolds　mentioned　some　picture　as　excellent。　　〃It　has　often　grieved　me；　sir；〃　said　Mr。　Johnson；　〃to　see　so　much　mind　as　the　science　of　painting　requires　laid　out　upon　such　perishable　materials。　　Why　do　not　you　oftener　make　use　of　copper？　　I　could　wish　your　superiority　in　the　art　you　profess　to　be　preserved　in　stuff　more　durable　than　canvas。〃　　Sir　Joshua　urged　the　difficulty　of　procuring　a　plate　large　enough　for　historical　subjects；　and　was　going　to　raise　further　observations。　　〃What　foppish　obstacles　are　these！〃　exclaims　on　a　sudden　Dr。　Johnson。　　〃Here　is　Thrale　has　a　thousand　tun　of　copper；　you　may　paint　it　all　round　if　you　will；　I　suppose；　it　will　serve　him　to　brew　in　afterwards。　　Will　it　not；　sir？〃　（to　my　husband；　who　sat　by）。　　Indeed；　Dr。　Johnson's　utter　scorn　of　painting　was　such　that　I　have　heard　him　say　that　he　should　sit　very　quietly　in　a　room　hung　round　with　the　works　of　the　greatest　masters；　and　never　feel　the　slightest　disposition　to　turn　them　if　their　backs　were　outermost；　unless　it　might　be　for　the　sake　of　telling　Sir　Joshua　that　he　HAD　turned　them。　　Such　speeches　may　appear　offensive　to　many；　but　those　who　knew　he　was　too　blind　to　discern　the　perfections　of　an　art　which　applies　itself　immediately　to　our　eyesight　must　acknowledge　he　was　not　in　the　wrong。

He　delighted　no　more　in　music　than　in　painting；　he　was　almost　as　deaf　as　he　was　blind；　travelling　with　Dr。　Johnson　was　for　these　reasons　tiresome　enough。　　Mr。　Thrale　loved　prospects；　and　was　mortified　that　his　friend　could　not　enjoy　the　sight　of　those　different　dispositions　of　wood　and　water；　hill　and　valley；　that　travelling　through　England　and　France　affords　a　man。　　But　when　he　wished　to　point　them　out　to　his　companion：　　〃Never　heed　such　nonsense；〃　would　be　the　reply；　〃a　blade　of　grass　is　always　a　blade　of　grass；　whether　in　one　country　or　another。　　Let　us；　if　we　DO　talk；　talk　about　something；　men　and　women　are　my　subjects　of　inquiry；　let　us　see　how　these　differ　from　those　we　have　left　behind。〃

When　we　were　at　Rouen　together；　he　took　a　great　fancy　to　the　Abbe　Roffette；　with　whom　he　conversed　about　the　destruction　of　the　order　of　Jesuits；　and　condemned　it　loudly　as　a　blow　to　the　general　power　of　the　Church；　and　likely　to　be　followed　with　many　and　dangerous　innovations；　which　might　at　length　become　fatal　to　religion　itself；　and　shake　even　the　foundation　of　Christianity。　　The　gentleman　seemed　to　wonder　and　delight　in　his　conversation。　　The　talk　was　all　in　Latin；　which　both　spoke　fluently；　and　Mr。　Johnson　pronounced　a　long　eulogium　upon　Milton　with　so　much　ardour；　eloquence；　and　ingenuity；　that　the　Abbe　rose　from　his　seat　and　embraced　him。　　My　husband；　seeing　them　apparently　so　charmed　with　the　company　of　each　other；　politely　invited　the　Abbe　to　England；　intending　to　oblige　his　friend；　who；　instead　of　thanking；　reprimanded　him　severely　before　the　man　for　such　a　sudden　burst　of　tenderness　towards　a　person　he　could　know　nothing　at　all　of；　and　thus　put　a　sudden　finish　to　all　his　own　and　Mr。　Thrale's　entertainment　from　the　company　of　the　Abbe　Roffette。

When　at　Versailles　the　people　showed　us　the　theatre。　　As　we　stood　on　the　stage　looking　at　some　machinery　for　playhouse　purposes：　　〃Now　we　are　here；　what　shall　we　act；　Mr。　JohnsonThe　Englishman　at　Paris？〃　　〃No；　no；〃　replied　he；　〃we　will　try　to　act　Harry　the　Fifth。〃　　His　dislike　to　the　French　was　well　known　to　both　nations；　I　believe；　but　he　applauded　the　number　of　their　books　and　the　graces　of　their　style。　　〃They　have　few　sentiments；〃　said　he；　〃but　they　express　them　neatly；　they　have　little　meat；　too；　but　they　dress　it　well。〃　　Johnson's　own　notions　about　eating；　however；　were　nothing　less　than　delicate：　　a　leg　of　pork　boiled　till　it　dropped　from　the　bone；　a　veal　pie　with　plums　and　sugar；　or　the　outside　cut　of　a　salt　buttock　of　beef；　were　his　favourite　dainties。　　With　regard　to　drink；　his　liking　was　for　the　strongest；　as　it　was　not　the　flavour；　but　the　effect；　he　sought　for；　and　professed　to　desire；　and　when　I　first　knew　him；　he　used　to　pour　capillaire　into　his　port　wine。　　For　the　last　twelve　years；　however；　he　left　off　all　fermented　liquors。　　To　make　himself　some　amends；　indeed；　he　took　his　chocolate　liberally；　pouring　in　large　quantities　of　cream；　or　even　melted　butter；　and　was　so　fond　of　fruit；　that　though　he　usually　ate　seven　or　eight　large　peaches　of　a　morning　before　breakfast　began；　and　treated　them　with　proportionate　attention　after　dinner　again；　yet　I　have　heard　him　protest　that　he　never　had　quite　as　much　as　he　wished　of　wall…fruit；　except　once　in　his　life；　and　that　was　when　we　were　all　together　at　Ombersley；　the　seat　of　my　Lord　Sandys。　　I　was　saying　to　a　friend　one　day；　that　I　did　not　like　goose；　〃one　smells　it　so　while　it　is　roasting；〃　said　I。　　〃But　you；　madam；〃　replies　the　Doctor；　〃have　been　at　all　times　a　fortunate　woman；　having　always　had　your　hunger　so　forestalled　by　indulgence；　that　you　never　experienced　the　delight　of　smelling　your　dinner　beforehand。〃　　〃Which　pleasure；〃　answered　I　pertly；　〃is　to　be　enjoyed　in　perfection　by　such　as　have　the　happiness　to　pass　through　Porridge　Island　of　a　morning。〃　　〃Come；　come；〃　says　he；　gravely；　〃let's　have　no　sneering　at　what　is　serious　to　so　many。　　Hundreds　of　your　fellow…creatures；　dear　lady；　turn　another　way；　that　they　may　not　be　tempted　by　the　luxuries　of