the magic skin-第13章

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among　the　fantastic　absurdities　before　them；　or　what　foundation　there

was　for　the　impossible　pictures　that　passed　unceasingly　before　their

weary　eyes。　The　strangest　phenomena　of　dreams　beset　them；　the　lowering

heavens；　the　fervid　sweetness　caught　by　faces　in　our　visions；　and

unheard…of　agility　under　a　load　of　chains；all　these　so　vividly；　that

they　took　the　pranks　of　the　orgy　about　them　for　the　freaks　of　some

nightmare　in　which　all　movement　is　silent；　and　cries　never　reach　the

ear。　The　valet　de　chambre　succeeded　just　then；　after　some　little

difficulty；　in　drawing　his　master　into　the　ante…chamber　to　whisper　to

him：



〃The　neighbors　are　all　at　their　windows；　complaining　of　the　racket；

sir。〃



〃If　noise　alarms　them；　why　don't　they　lay　down　straw　before　their

doors？〃　was　Taillefer's　rejoinder。



Raphael's　sudden　burst　of　laughter　was　so　unseasonable　and　abrupt；

that　his　friend　demanded　the　reason　of　his　unseemly　hilarity。



〃You　will　hardly　understand　me；〃　he　replied。　〃In　the　first　place；　I

must　admit　that　you　stopped　me　on　the　Quai　Voltaire　just　as　I　was

about　to　throw　myself　into　the　Seine；　and　you　would　like　to　know；　no

doubt；　my　motives　for　dying。　And　when　I　proceed　to　tell　you　that　by　an

almost　miraculous　chance　the　most　poetic　memorials　of　the　material

world　had　but　just　then　been　summed　up　for　me　as　a　symbolical

interpretation　of　human　wisdom；　whilst　at　this　minute　the　remains　of

all　the　intellectual　treasures　ravaged　by　us　at　table　are　comprised　in

these　two　women；　the　living　and　authentic　types　of　folly；　would　you　be

any　the　wiser？　Our　profound　apathy　towards　men　and　things　supplied　the

half…tones　in　a　crudely　contrasted　picture　of　two　theories　of　life　so

diametrically　opposed。　If　you　were　not　drunk；　you　might　perhaps　catch

a　gleam　of　philosophy　in　this。〃



〃And　if　you　had　not　both　feet　on　that　fascinating　Aquilina；　whose

heavy　breathing　suggests　an　analogy　with　the　sounds　of　a　storm　about

to　burst；〃　replied　Emile；　absently　engaged　in　the　harmless　amusement

of　winding　and　unwinding　Euphrasia's　hair；　〃you　would　be　ashamed　of

your　inebriated　garrulity。　Both　your　systems　can　be　packed　in　a

phrase；　and　reduced　to　a　single　idea。　The　mere　routine　of　living

brings　a　stupid　kind　of　wisdom　with　it；　by　blunting　our　intelligence

with　work；　and　on　the　other　hand；　a　life　passed　in　the　limbo　of　the

abstract　or　in　the　abysses　of　the　moral　world；　produces　a　sort　of

wisdom　run　mad。　The　conditions　may　be　summed　up　in　brief；　we　may

extinguish　emotion；　and　so　live　to　old　age；　or　we　may　choose　to　die

young　as　martyrs　to　contending　passions。　And　yet　this　decree　is　at

variance　with　the　temperaments　with　which　we　were　endowed　by　the

bitter　jester　who　modeled　all　creatures。〃



〃Idiot！〃　Raphael　burst　in。　〃Go　on　epitomizing　yourself　after　that

fashion；　and　you　will　fill　volumes。　If　I　attempted　to　formulate　those

two　ideas　clearly；　I　might　as　well　say　that　man　is　corrupted　by　the

exercise　of　his　wits；　and　purified　by　ignorance。　You　are　calling　the

whole　fabric　of　society　to　account。　But　whether　we　live　with　the　wise

or　perish　with　the　fool；　isn't　the　result　the　same　sooner　or　later？

And　have　not　the　prime　constituents　of　the　quintessence　of　both

systems　been　before　expressed　in　a　couple　of　wordsCarymary；

Carymara。〃



〃You　make　me　doubt　the　existence　of　a　God；　for　your　stupidity　is

greater　than　His　power；〃　said　Emile。　〃Our　beloved　Rabelais　summed　it

all　up　in　a　shorter　word　than　your　'Carymary；　Carymara'；　from　his

Peut…etre　Montaigne　derived　his　own　Que　sais…je？　After　all；　this　last

word　of　moral　science　is　scarcely　more　than　the　cry　of　Pyrrhus　set

betwixt　good　and　evil；　or　Buridan's　ass　between　the　two　measures　of

oats。　But　let　this　everlasting　question　alone；　resolved　to…day　by　a

'Yes'　and　a　'No。'　What　experience　did　you　look　to　find　by　a　jump　into

the　Seine？　Were　you　jealous　of　the　hydraulic　machine　on　the　Pont　Notre

Dame？〃



〃Ah；　if　you　but　knew　my　history！〃



〃Pooh；〃　said　Emile；　〃I　did　not　think　you　could　be　so　commonplace；　that

remark　is　hackneyed。　Don't　you　know　that　every　one　of　us　claims　to

have　suffered　as　no　other　ever　did？〃



〃Ah！〃　Raphael　sighed。



〃What　a　mountebank　art　thou　with　thy　'Ah'！　Look　here；　now。　Does　some

disease　of　the　mind　or　body；　by　contracting　your　muscles；　bring　back

of　a　morning　the　wild　horses　that　tear　you　in　pieces　at　night；　as　with

Damiens　once　upon　a　time？　Were　you　driven　to　sup　off　your　own　dog　in　a

garret；　uncooked　and　without　salt？　Have　your　children　ever　cried；　'I

am　hungry'？　Have　you　sold　your　mistress'　hair　to　hazard　the　money　at

play？　Have　you　ever　drawn　a　sham　bill　of　exchange　on　a　fictitious

uncle　at　a　sham　address；　and　feared　lest　you　should　not　be　in　time　to

take　it　up？　Come　now；　I　am　attending！　If　you　were　going　to　drown

yourself　for　some　woman；　or　by　way　of　a　protest；　or　out　of　sheer

dulness；　I　disown　you。　Make　your　confession；　and　no　lies！　I　don't　at

all　want　a　historical　memoir。　And；　above　all　things；　be　as　concise　as

your　clouded　intellect　permits；　I　am　as　critical　as　a　professor；　and

as　sleepy　as　a　woman　at　her　vespers。〃



〃You　silly　fool！〃　said　Raphael。　〃When　has　not　suffering　been　keener

for　a　more　susceptible　nature？　Some　day　when　science　has　attained　to　a

pitch　that　enables　us　to　study　the　natural　history　of　hearts；　when

they　are　named　and　classified　in　genera；　sub…genera；　and　families；

into　crustaceae；　fossils；　saurians；　infusoria；　or　whatever　it　is；

then；　my　dear　fellow；　it　will　be　ascertained　that　there　are　natures　as

tender　and　fragile　as　flowers；　that　are　broken　by　the　slight　bruises

that　some　stony　hearts　do　not　even　feel〃



〃For　pity's　sake；　spare　me　thy　exordium；〃　said　Emile；　as；　half

plaintive；　half　amused；　he　took　Raphael's　hand。







II



A　WOMAN　WITHOUT　A　HEART



After　a　moment's　silence；　Raphael　said　with　a　careless　gesture：



〃Perhaps　it　is　an　effect　of　the　fumes　of　punchI　really　cannot　tell

this　clearness　of　mind　that　enables　me　to　comprise　my　whole　life　in　a

single　picture；　where　figures　and　hues；　lights；　shades；　and　half…tones

are　faithfully　rendered。　I　should　not　have　been　so　surprised　at　this

poetical　play　of　imagination　if　it　were　not　accompanied　with　a　sort　of

scorn　for　my　past　joys　and　sorrows。　Seen　from　afar；　my　life　appears　to

contract　by　some　mental　process。　That　long；　slow　agony　of　ten　years'

duration　can　be　brought　to　memory　to…day　in　some　few　phrases；　in　which

pain　is　resolved　into　a　mere　idea；　and　pleasure　becomes　a

philosophical　reflection。　Instead　of　feeling　things；　I　weigh　and

consider　them〃



〃You　are　as　tiresome　as　the　explanation　of　an　amendment；〃　cried　Emile。



〃Very　likely；〃　said　Raphael　submissively。　〃I　spare　you　the　first

seventeen　years　of　my　life　for　fear　of　abusing　a　listener's　patience。

Till　that　time；　like　you　and　thousands　of　others；　I　had　lived　my　life

at　school　or　the　lycee；　with　its　imaginary　troubles　and　genuine

happinesses；　which　are　so　pleasant　to　look　back　upon。　Our　jaded

palates　still　crave　for　that　Lenten　fare；　so　long　as　we　have　not　tried

it　afresh。　It　was　a　pleasant　life；　with　the　tasks　that　we　thought　so

contemptible；　but　which　taught　us　application　for　all　that。　。　。　。〃



〃Let　the　drama　begin；〃　said　Emile；　half…plaintively；　half…comically。



〃When　I　left　school；〃　Raphael　went　on；　with　a　gesture　that　claimed　the

right　of　speaking；　〃my　father　submitted　me　to　a　strict　discipline；　he

installed　me　in　a　room　near　his　own　study；　and　I　had　to　rise　at　five

in　the　morning　and　be　in　bed　by　nine　at　night。　He　meant　me　to　take　my

law　studies　seriously。　I　attended　the　Schools；　and　read　with　an

advocate　as　well；　but　my　lectures　and　work　were　so　narrowly

circumscribed　by　the　laws　of　time　and　space；　and　my　father　required

such　a　strict　account　of　my　doings；　at　dinner；　that　。　。　。〃



〃What　is　this　to　me？〃　asked　Emile。



〃The　devil　take　you！〃　said　Raphael。　〃How　are　you　to　enter　into　my

feelings　if　I　do　not　relate　the　facts　that　insensibly　shaped　my

character；　made　me　timid；　and　prolonged　the　period　of　youthful

simplicity？　In　this　manner　I　cowered　under　as　strict　a　despotism　as　a

monarch's　till　I　came　of　age。　To　depict　the　tedium　of　my　life；　it　will

be　perhaps　enough　to　portray　my　father　to　you。　He　was　tall；　thin；　and

slight；　with　a　hatchet　face；　and　pale　complexion；　a　man　of　few　words；

fidgety　as　an　old　maid；　exacting　as　a　senior　clerk。　His　paternal

solicitude　hovered　over　my　merriment　and　gleeful　thoughts；　and　seemed

to　cover　them　with　a　leaden　pall。　Any　effusive　demonstration　on　my

part　was　received　by　him　as　a　childish　absurdity。　I　was　far　more

afraid　of　him　than　I　had　been　of　any　of　our　masters　at　school。



〃I　seem　to　see　him　before　me　at　this　moment。　In　his　chestnut…brown

frock…coat　he　looked　like　a　red　herring　wrapped　up　in　the　cover　of　a

pamphlet；　and　he　held　himself　as　erect　as　an　Easter　candle。　But　I　was

fond　of　my　father；　and　at　heart　he　was　right　enough。　Perhaps　we　never

hate　severity　when　it　has　its　source　in　greatness　of　character　and

pure　morals；　and　is　skilfully　tempered　with　kindness。　My　father；　it　is

true；　never　left　me　a　moment　to　myself；　and　only　when　I　was　twenty

years　old　gave　me　so　much　as　ten　francs　of　my　own；　ten　knavish

prodigals　of　francs；　such　a　hoard　as　I　had　long　vainly　desired；　which

set　me　a…dreaming　of　unutterable　felicity；　yet；　for　all　that　he　sought

to　procure　relaxations　for　me。　When　he　had　promised　me　a　treat

beforehand；　he　would　take　me　to　Les　Boufoons；　or　to　a　concert　or　ball；

where　I　hoped　to　find　a　mistress。　。　。　。　A　mistress！　that　meant

independence。　But　bashful　and　timid　as　I　was；　knowing　nobody；　and

ignorant　of　the　dialect　of　drawing…rooms；　I　always　came　back　as

awkward　as　ever；　and　swelling　with　unsatisfied　desires；　to　be　put　in

harness　like　a　troop　horse　next　day　by　my　father；　and　to　return　with

morning　to　my　advocate；　the　Palais　de　Justice；　and　the　law。　To　have

swerved　from　the　straight　course　which　my　father　had　mapped　out　for

me；　would　have　drawn　down　his　wrath　upon　me；　at　my　first　delinquency；

he　threatened　to　ship　me　off　as　a　cabin…boy　to　the　Antilles。　A

dreadful　shiver　ran　through　me　if　I　had　ventured　to　spend　a　couple　of

hours　in　some　pleasure　party。



〃Imagine　the　most　wandering　imagination　and　passionate　temperament；

the　tenderest　soul　and　most　artistic　nature；　dwelling　continually　in

the　presence　of　the　most　flint…hearted；　atrabilious；　and　frigid　man　on

earth；　think　of　me　as　a　young　girl　married　to　a　skeleton；　and　you　will

understand　the　life　whose　curious　scenes　can　only　be　a　hearsay　tale　to

you；　the　plans　for　running　away　that　perished　at　the　sight　of　my

father；　the　despair　soothed　by　slumber；　the　dark　broodings　charmed

away　by　music。　I　breathed　my　sorrows　forth　in　melodies。　Beethoven　or

Mozart　would　keep　my　confidences　sacred。　Nowadays；　I　smile　at

recollections　of　the　scruples　which　burdened　my　conscience　at　that

epoch　of　innocence　and　virtue。



〃If　I　set　foot　in　a