vanity fair(名利场)-第12章

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having　attended　under　the　gilt　cockle…shell；　while　Mrs。
Salmon　performed　the　Battle　of　Borodino　（a　savage
cantata　against　the　Corsican　upstart；　who　had　lately　met
with　his　Russian　reverses）Mr。　Dobbin　tried　to　hum　it
as　he　walked　away；　and　found　he　was　hummingthe　tune
which　Amelia　Sedley　sang　on　the　stairs；　as　she　came
down　to　dinner。
He　burst　out　laughing　at　himself；　for　the　truth　is；　he
could　sing　no　better　than　an　owl。
It　is　to　be　understood；　as　a　matter　of　course；　that　our
young　people；　being　in　parties　of　two　and　two；　made　the
most　solemn　promises　to　keep　together　during　the　evening；
and　separated　in　ten　minutes　afterwards。　　Parties　at
Vauxhall　always　did　separate；　but　'twas　only　to　meet
again　at　supper…time；　when　they　could　talk　of　their　mutual
adventures　in　the　interval。
　　
What　were　the　adventures　of　Mr。　Osborne　and　Miss
Amelia？　That　is　a　secret。　　But　be　sure　of　thisthey　were
perfectly　happy；　and　correct　in　their　behaviour；　and　as
they　had　been　in　the　habit　of　being　together　any　time　these
fifteen　years；　their　tete…a…tete　offered　no　particular
novelty。
But　when　Miss　Rebecca　Sharp　and　her　stout　companion
lost　themselves　in　a　solitary　walk；　in　which　there　were　not
above　five　score　more　of　couples　similarly　straying；　they
both　felt　that　the　situation　was　extremely　tender　and
critical；　and　now　or　never　was　the　moment　Miss　Sharp
thought；　to　provoke　that　declaration　which　was　trembling
on　the　timid　lips　of　Mr。　Sedley。　　They　had　previously　been
to　the　panorama　of　Moscow；　where　a　rude　fellow；　treading
on　Miss　Sharp's　foot；　caused　her　to　fall　back　with　a　little
shriek　into　the　arms　of　Mr。　Sedley；　and　this　little　incident
increased　the　tenderness　and　confidence　of　that　gentleman
to　such　a　degree；　that　he　told　her　several　of　his　favourite
Indian　stories　over　again　for；　at　least；　the　sixth　time。
〃How　I　should　like　to　see　India！〃　said　Rebecca。
〃SHOULD　you？〃　said　Joseph；　with　a　most　killing　tenderness；
and　was　no　doubt　about　to　follow　up　this　artful　
interrogatory　by　a　question　still　more　tender　（for　he　puffed
and　panted　a　great　deal；　and　Rebecca's　hand；　which　was
placed　near　his　heart；　could　count　the　feverish　pulsations
of　that　organ）；　when；　oh；　provoking！　the　bell　rang　for　the
fireworks；　and；　a　great　scuffling　and　running　taking　place；
these　interesting　lovers　were　obliged　to　follow　in　the
stream　of　people。
Captain　Dobbin　had　some　thoughts　of　joining　the　party
at　supper：　as；　in　truth；　he　found　the　Vauxhall
amusements　not　particularly　livelybut　he　paraded
twice　before　the　box　where　the　now　united　couples　were
met；　and　nobody　took　any　notice　of　him。　　Covers　were　laid　for
four。　　The　mated　pairs　were　prattling　away　quite　happily；
and　Dobbin　knew　he　was　as　clean　forgotten　as　if　he　had
never　existed　in　this　world。
〃I　should　only　be　de　trop；〃　said　the　Captain；　looking　at
them　rather　wistfully。　　〃I'd　best　go　and　talk　to　the　hermit；〃
and　so　he　strolled　off　out　of　the　hum　of　men；　and　noise；
and　clatter　of　the　banquet；　into　the　dark　walk；　at　the　end
of　which　lived　that　well…known　pasteboard　Solitary。　　It
wasn't　very　good　fun　for　Dobbinand；　indeed；　to　be
alone　at　Vauxhall；　I　have　found；　from　my　own　experience；
to　be　one　of　the　most　dismal　sports　ever　entered　into　by　a
bachelor。
The　two　couples　were　perfectly　happy　then　in　their
box：　where　the　most　delightful　and　intimate　conversation
took　place。　　Jos　was　in　his　glory；　ordering　about　the　waiters
with　great　majesty。　　He　made　the　salad；　and　uncorked
the　Champagne；　and　carved　the　chickens；　and　ate　and
drank　the　greater　part　of　the　refreshments　on　the　tables。
Finally；　he　insisted　upon　having　a　bowl　of　rack　punch；
everybody　had　rack　punch　at　Vauxhall。　　〃Waiter；　rack
punch。〃
That　bowl　of　rack　punch　was　the　cause　of　all　this
history。　　And　why　not　a　bowl　of　rack　punch　as　well　as　any
other　cause？　Was　not　a　bowl　of　prussic　acid　the　cause　of
Fair　Rosamond's　retiring　from　the　world？　Was　not　a　bowl
of　wine　the　cause　of　the　demise　of　Alexander　the　Great；
or；　at　least；　does　not　Dr。　Lempriere　say　so？so　did　this
bowl　of　rack　punch　influence　the　fates　of　all　the　principal
characters　in　this　〃Novel　without　a　Hero；〃　which　we　are
now　relating。　　It　influenced　their　life；　although　most　of
them　did　not　taste　a　drop　of　it。
The　young　ladies　did　not　drink　it；　Osborne　did　not
like　it；　and　the　consequence　was　that　Jos；　that　fat
gourmand；　drank　up　the　whole　contents　of　the　bowl；
and　the　consequence　of　his　drinking　up　the　whole　contents
of　the　bowl　was　a　liveliness　which　at　first　was　astonishing；
and　then　became　almost　painful；　for　he　talked　and　laughed　so
loud　as　to　bring　scores　of　listeners　round　the　box；　much
to　the　confusion　of　the　innocent　party　within　it；　and；
volunteering　to　sing　a　song　（which　he　did　in　that　maudlin
high　key　peculiar　to　gentlemen　in　an　inebriated　state）；　he
almost　drew　away　the　audience　who　were　gathered　round
the　musicians　in　the　gilt　scollop…shell；　and　received　from
his　hearers　a　great　deal　of　applause。
〃Brayvo；　Fat　un！〃　said　one；　〃Angcore；　Daniel　Lambert！〃
said　another；　〃What　a　figure　for　the　tight…rope！〃
exclaimed　another　wag；　to　the　inexpressible　alarm　of
the　ladies；　and　the　great　anger　of　Mr。　Osborne。
〃For　Heaven's　sake；　Jos；　let　us　get　up　and　go；〃　cried
that　gentleman；　and　the　young　women　rose。
〃Stop；　my　dearest　diddle…diddle…darling；〃　shouted　Jos；
now　as　bold　as　a　lion；　and　clasping　Miss　Rebecca　round
the　waist。　　Rebecca　started；　but　she　could　not　get　away　her
hand。　　The　laughter　outside　redoubled。　　Jos　continued　to
drink；　to　make　love；　and　to　sing；　and；　winking　and　waving
his　glass　gracefully　to　his　audience；　challenged　all　or　any
to　come　in　and　take　a　share　of　his　punch。
Mr。　Osborne　was　just　on　the　point　of　knocking　down　a
gentleman　in　top…boots；　who　proposed　to　take　advantage
of　this　invitation；　and　a　commotion　seemed　to　be
inevitable；　when　by　the　greatest　good　luck　a　gentleman
of　the　name　of　Dobbin；　who　had　been　walking　about　the
gardens；　stepped　up　to　the　box。　　〃Be　off；　you　fools！〃　said
this　gentlemanshouldering　off　a　great　number　of　the　crowd；
who　vanished　presently　before　his　cocked　hat　and　fierce
appearanceand　he　entered　the　box　in　a　most　agitated　state。
〃Good　Heavens！　Dobbin；　where　have　you　been？〃　0sborne
said；　seizing　the　white　cashmere　shawl　from　his
friend's　arm；　and　huddling　up　Amelia　in　it。〃Make
yourself　useful；　and　take　charge　of　Jos　here；　whilst　I
take　the　ladies　to　the　carriage。〃
Jos　was　for　rising　to　interferebut　a　single　push　from
Osborne's　finger　sent　him　puffing　back　into　his　seat　again；
and　the　lieutenant　was　enabled　to　remove　the　ladies　in
safety。　　Jos　kissed　his　hand　to　them　as　they　retreated；　and
hiccupped　out　〃Bless　you！　Bless　you！〃　Then；　seizing
Captain　Dobbin's　hand；　and　weeping　in　the　most　pitiful　way；
he　confided　to　that　gentleman　the　secret　of　his　loves。　　He
adored　that　girl　who　had　just　gone　out；　he　had　broken
her　heart；　he　knew　he　had；　by　his　conduct；　he　would　marry
her　next　morning　at　St。　George's；　Hanover　Square；　he'd
knock　up　the　Archbishop　of　Canterbury　at　Lambeth：　he
would；　by　Jove！　and　have　him　in　readiness；　and；　acting　on
this　hint；　Captain　Dobbin　shrewdly　induced　him　to　leave
the　gardens　and　hasten　to　Lambeth　Palace；　and；　when　once
out　of　the　gates；　easily　conveyed　Mr。　Jos　Sedley　into　a
hackney…coach；　which　deposited　him　safely　at　his　lodgings。
George　Osborne　conducted　the　girls　home　in　safety：
and　when　the　door　was　closed　upon　them；　and　as　he
walked　across　Russell　Square；　laughed　so　as　to　astonish
the　watchman。　　Amelia　looked　very　ruefully　at　her　friend；
as　they　went　up　stairs；　and　kissed　her；　and　went　to　bed
without　any　more　talking。
〃He　must　propose　to…morrow；〃　thought　Rebecca。　　〃He
called　me　his　soul's　darling；　four　times；　he　squeezed　my
hand　in　Amelia's　presence。　　He　must　propose　to…morrow。〃
And　so　thought　Amelia；　too。　　And　I　dare　say　she　thought
of　the　dress　she　was　to　wear　as　bridesmaid；　and　of　the
presents　which　she　should　make　to　her　nice　little　sister…in…
law；　and　of　a　subsequent　ceremony　in　which　she　herself
might　play　a　principal　part；　&c。；　and　&c。；　and　&c。；　and　&c。
Oh；　ignorant　young　creatures！　How　little　do　you　know
the　effect　of　rack　punch！　What　is　the　rack　in　the　punch；
at　night；　to　the　rack　in　the　head　of　a　morning？　To　this
truth　I　can　vouch　as　a　man；　there　is　no　headache　in　the
world　like　that　caused　by　Vauxhall　punch。　　Through　the
lapse　of　twenty　years；　I　can　remember　the　consequence
of　two　glasses！two　wine…glasses！but　two；　upon　the
honour　of　a　gentleman；　and　Joseph　Sedley；　who　had　a
liver　complaint；　had　swallowed　at　least　a　quart　of　the
abominable　mixture。
That　next　morning；　which　Rebecca　thought　was　to
dawn　upon　her　fortune；　found　Sedley　groaning　in　agonies
which　the　pen　refuses　to　describe。　　Soda…water　was　not
invented　yet。　　Small　beerwill　it　be　believed！was　the
only　drink　with　which　unhappy　gentlemen　soothed　the
fever　of　their　previous　night's　potation。　　With　this　mild
beverage　before　him；　George　Osborne　found　the　ex…
Collector　of　Boggley　Wollah　groaning　on　the　sofa　at
his　lodgings。　　Dobbin　was　already　in　the　room；　good…
naturedly　tending　his　patient　of　the　night　before。　　The　two
officers；　looking　at　the　prostrate　Bacchanalian；　and
askance　at　each　other；　exchanged　the　most　frightful
sympathetic　grins。　　Even　Sedley's　valet；　the　most　solemn
and　correct　of　gentlemen；　with　the　muteness　and　gravity　of
an　undertaker；　could　hardly　keep　his　countenance　in
order；　as　he　looked　at　his　unfortunate　master。
〃Mr。　Sedley　was　uncommon　wild　last　night；　sir；〃　he
whispered　in　confidence　to　Osborne；　as　the　latter　mounted
the　stair。　　〃He　wanted　to　fight　the　'ackney…coachman；　sir。
The　Capting　was　obliged　to　bring　him　upstairs　in　his
harms　like　a　babby。〃　A　momentary　smile　flickered　over
Mr。　Brush's　features　as　he　spoke；　instantly；　however；　they
relapsed　into　their　usual　unfathomable　calm；　as　he　flung
open　the　drawing…room　door；　and　announced　〃Mr。
Hosbin。〃
〃How　are　you；　Sedley？〃　that　young　wag　began；　after
surveying　his　victim。　　〃No　bones　broke？　There's　a
hackney…coachman　downstairs　with　a　black　eye；　and　a
tied…up　head；　vowing　he'll　have　the　law　of　you。〃
〃What　do　you　meanlaw？〃　Sedley　faintly　asked。
〃For　thrashing　him　last　nightdidn't　he；　Dobbin？　You
hit　out；　sir；　like　Molyneux。　　The　watchman　says　he　never
saw　a　fellow　go　down　so　straight。　　Ask　Dobbin。〃
〃You　DID　have　a　round　with　the　coachman；〃　Captain
Dobbin　said；　〃and　showed　plenty　of　fight　too。〃
〃And　that　fellow　with　the　white　coat　at　Vauxhall！　How
Jos　drove　at　him！　How　the　women　screamed！　By　Jove；
sir；　it　did　my　heart　good　to　see　you。　　I　thought　you　civilians
had　no　pluck；　but　I'll　never　get　in　your　way　when　you
are　in　your　cups；　Jos。〃
〃I　believe　I'm　very　terrible；　when　I'm　roused；〃
ejaculated　Jos　from　the　sofa；　and　made　a　grimace　so
dreary　and　ludicrous；　that　the　Captain's　politeness　could
restrain　him　no　longer；　and　he　and　Osborne　fired　off　a
ringing　volley　of　laughter。
Osborne　pursued　his　advantage　pitilessly。　　He　thought
Jos　a　milksop。　　He　had　been　revolving　in　his　mind　the
marriage　question　pending　between　Jos　and　Rebecca；　and
was　not　over　well　pleased　that　a　member　of　a　family　into
which　he；　George　Osborne；　of　the　th；　was　going
to　marry；　should　make　a　mesalliance　with　a　little　nobody
a　little　upstart　gov