vanity fair(名利场)-第66章

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presents；　which　you　made　in　happier　days　to　me；　and　I
am　to　write　to　you　for　the　last　time。　　I　think；　I　know　you
feel　as　much　as　I　do　the　blow　which　has　come　upon　us。
It　is　I　that　absolve　you　from　an　engagement　which　is
impossible　in　our　present　misery。　　I　am　sure　you　had　no
share　in　it；　or　in　the　cruel　suspicions　of　Mr。　Osborne；
which　are　the　hardest　of　all　our　griefs　to　bear。　　Farewell。
Farewell。　　I　pray　God　to　strengthen　me　to　bear　this　and
other　calamities；　and　to　bless　you　always。　　　　　A。
I　shall　often　play　upon　the　pianoyour　piano。　　It　was
like　you　to　send　it。
Dobbin　was　very　soft…hearted。　　The　sight　of　women
and　children　in　pain　always　used　to　melt　him。　　The　idea
of　Amelia　broken…hearted　and　lonely　tore　that　good…
natured　soul　with　anguish。　　And　he　broke　out　into　an
emotion；　which　anybody　who　likes　may　consider　unmanly。
He　swore　that　Amelia　was　an　angel；　to　which　Osborne
said　aye　with　all　his　heart。　　He；　too；　had　been　reviewing
the　history　of　their　livesand　had　seen　her　from　her
childhood　to　her　present　age；　so　sweet；　so　innocent；
so　charmingly　simple；　and　artlessly　fond　and　tender。
What　a　pang　it　was　to　lose　all　that：　to　have　had　it　and
not　prized　it！　　A　thousand　homely　scenes　and　recollections
crowded　on　himin　which　he　always　saw　her　good
and　beautiful。　　And　for　himself；　he　blushed　with　remorse
and　shame；　as　the　remembrance　of　his　own　selfishness
and　indifference　contrasted　with　that　perfect　purity。　　For
a　while；　glory；　war；　everything　was　forgotten；　and　the
pair　of　friends　talked　about　her　only。
〃Where　are　they？〃　Osborne　asked；　after　a　long　talk；
and　a　long　pauseand；　in　truth；　with　no　little　shame　at
thinking　that　he　had　taken　no　steps　to　follow　her。　　〃Where
are　they？　There's　no　address　to　the　note。〃
Dobbin　knew。　　He　had　not　merely　sent　the　piano；　but
had　written　a　note　to　Mrs。　Sedley；　and　asked　permission
to　come　and　see　herand　he　had　seen　her；　and　Amelia
too；　yesterday；　before　he　came　down　to　Chatham；　and；
what　is　more；　he　had　brought　that　farewell　letter　and
packet　which　had　so　moved　them。
The　good…natured　fellow　had　found　Mrs。　Sedley　only
too　willing　to　receive　him；　and　greatly　agitated　by　the
arrival　of　the　piano；　which；　as　she　conjectured；　MUST　have
come　from　George；　and　was　a　signal　of　amity　on　his
part。　　Captain　Dobbin　did　not　correct　this　error　of　the
worthy　lady；　but　listened　to　all　her　story　of　complaints
and　misfortunes　with　great　sympathycondoled　with
her　losses　and　privations；　and　agreed　in　reprehending　the
cruel　conduct　of　Mr。　Osborne　towards　his　first　benefactor。　
When　she　had　eased　her　overflowing　bosom　somewhat；
and　poured　forth　many　of　her　sorrows；　he　had　the
courage　to　ask　actually　to　see　Amelia；　who　was　above　in
her　room　as　usual；　and　whom　her　mother　led　trembling
downstairs。
Her　appearance　was　so　ghastly；　and　her　look　of　despair
so　pathetic；　that　honest　William　Dobbin　was　frightened
as　he　beheld　it；　and　read　the　most　fatal　forebodings　in
that　pale　fixed　face。　　After　sitting　in　his　company　a　minute
or　two；　she　put　the　packet　into　his　hand；　and　said；
〃Take　this　to　Captain　Osborne；　if　you　please；　andand　I
hope　he's　quite　welland　it　was　very　kind　of　you　to
come　and　see　usand　we　like　our　new　house　very　much。
And　II　think　I'll　go　upstairs；　Mamma；　for　I'm　not　very
strong。〃　And　with　this；　and　a　curtsey　and　a　smile；　the
poor　child　went　her　way。　　The　mother；　as　she　led　her　up；
cast　back　looks　of　anguish　towards　Dobbin。　　The　good
fellow　wanted　no　such　appeal。　　He　loved　her　himself　too
fondly　for　that。　　Inexpressible　grief；　and　pity；　and　terror
pursued　him；　and　he　came　away　as　if　he　was　a　criminal
after　seeing　her。
When　Osborne　heard　that　his　friend　had　found　her；
he　made　hot　and　anxious　inquiries　regarding　the　poor
child。　　How　was　she？　　How　did　she　look？　　What　did　she
say？　　His　comrade　took　his　hand；　and　looked　him　in　the
face。
〃George；　she's　dying；〃　William　Dobbin　saidand　could
speak　no　more。
There　was　a　buxom　Irish　servant…girl；　who　performed
all　the　duties　of　the　little　house　where　the　Sedley　family
had　found　refuge：　and　this　girl　had　in　vain；　on　many
previous　days；　striven　to　give　Amelia　aid　or　consolation。
Emmy　was　much　too　sad　to　answer；　or　even　to　be　aware
of　the　attempts　the　other　was　making　in　her　favour。
Four　hours　after　the　talk　between　Dobbin　and　Osborne；
this　servant…maid　came　into　Amelia's　room；　where　she
sate　as　usual；　brooding　silently　over　her　lettersher
little　treasures。　　The　girl；　smiling；　and　looking　arch　and
happy；　made　many　trials　to　attract　poor　Emmy's
attention；　who；　however；　took　no　heed　of　her。
〃Miss　Emmy；〃　said　the　girl。
〃I'm　coming；〃　Emmy　said；　not　looking　round。
〃There's　a　message；〃　the　maid　went　on。　　〃There's
somethingsomebodysure；　here's　a　new　letter　for　you
don't　be　reading　them　old　ones　any　more。〃　And　she　gave
her　a　letter；　which　Emmy　took；　and　read。
〃I　must　see　you；〃　the　letter　said。　　〃Dearest　Emmy
dearest　lovedearest　wife；　come　to　me。〃
George　and　her　mother　were　outside；　waiting　until　she
had　read　the　letter。

CHAPTER　XXX
〃The　Girl　I　Left　Behind　Me〃
We　do　not　claim　to　rank　among　the　military　novelists。
Our　place　is　with　the　non…combatants。　　When　the　decks
are　cleared　for　action　we　go　below　and　wait　meekly。　　We
should　only　be　in　the　way　of　the　manoeuvres　that　the
gallant　fellows　are　performing　overhead。　　We　shall　go　no
farther　with　the　th　than　to　the　city　gate：　　and　leaving
Major　O'Dowd　to　his　duty；　come　back　to　the　Major's
wife；　and　the　ladies　and　the　baggage。
Now　the　Major　and　his　lady；　who　had　not　been　invited
to　the　ball　at　which　in　our　last　chapter　other　of　our
friends　figured；　had　much　more　time　to　take　their
wholesome　natural　rest　in　bed；　than　was　accorded　to　people
who　wished　to　enjoy　pleasure　as　well　as　to　do　duty。　　〃It's
my　belief；　Peggy；　my　dear；〃　said　he；　as　he　placidly　pulled
his　nightcap　over　his　ears；　〃that　there　will　be　such　a　ball
danced　in　a　day　or　two　as　some　of　'em　has　never　heard
the　chune　of〃；　and　he　was　much　more　happy　to　retire　to
rest　after　partaking　of　a　quiet　tumbler；　than　to　figure　at
any　other　sort　of　amusement。　　Peggy；　for　her　part；　would
have　liked　to　have　shown　her　turban　and　bird　of
paradise　at　the　ball；　but　for　the　information　which　her
husband　had　given　her；　and　which　made　her　very　grave。
〃I'd　like　ye　wake　me　about　half　an　hour　before　the　assembly
beats；〃　the　Major　said　to　his　lady。　　〃Call　me　at　half…
past　one；　Peggy　dear；　and　see　me　things　is　ready。　　May　be
I'll　not　come　back　to　breakfast；　Mrs。　O'D。〃　　With　which
words；　which　signified　his　opinion　that　the　regiment　would
march　the　next　morning；　the　Major　ceased　talking；　and
fell　asleep。
Mrs。　O'Dowd；　the　good　housewife；　arrayed　in　curl
papers　and　a　camisole；　felt　that　her　duty　was　to　act；　and
not　to　sleep；　at　this　juncture。　　〃Time　enough　for　that；〃　she
said；　〃when　Mick's　gone〃；　and　so　she　packed　his　travelling
valise　ready　for　the　march；　brushed　his　cloak；　his　cap；　and
other　warlike　habiliments；　set　them　out　in　order　for　him；
and　stowed　away　in　the　cloak　pockets　a　light　package　of
portable　refreshments；　and　a　wicker…covered　flask　or
pocket…pistol；　containing　near　a　pint　of　a　remarkably
sound　Cognac　brandy；　of　which　she　and　the　Major　approved
very　much；　and　as　soon　as　the　hands　of　the
〃repayther〃　pointed　to　half…past　one；　and　its　interior
arrangements　（it　had　a　tone　quite　equal　to　a　cathaydral；　its
fair　owner　considered）　knelled　forth　that　fatal　hour；　Mrs。
O'Dowd　woke　up　her　Major；　and　had　as　comfortable　a
cup　of　coffee　prepared　for　him　as　any　made　that　morning
in　Brussels。　　And　who　is　there　will　deny　that　this　worthy
lady's　preparations　betokened　affection　as　much　as　the
fits　of　tears　and　hysterics　by　which　more　sensitive　females
exhibited　their　love；　and　that　their　partaking　of　this　coffee；
which　they　drank　together　while　the　bugles　were　sounding
the　turn…out　and　the　drums　beating　in　the　various　quarters
of　the　town；　was　not　more　useful　and　to　the　purpose　than
the　outpouring　of　any　mere　sentiment　could　be？　　The
consequence　was；　that　the　Major　appeared　on　parade　quite
trim；　fresh；　and　alert；　his　well…shaved　rosy　countenance；
as　he　sate　on　horseback；　giving　cheerfulness　and　confidence
to　the　whole　corps。　　All　the　officers　saluted　her
when　the　regiment　marched　by　the　balcony　on　which　this
brave　woman　stood；　and　waved　them　a　cheer　as　they
passed；　and　I　daresay　it　was　not　from　want　of　courage；
but　from　a　sense　of　female　delicacy　and　propriety；　that
she　refrained　from　leading　the　gallant　th　personally
into　action。
On　Sundays；　and　at　periods　of　a　solemn　nature；　Mrs。
O'Dowd　used　to　read　with　great　gravity　out　of　a　large
volume　of　her　uncle　the　Dean's　sermons。　　It　had　been　of
great　comfort　to　her　on　board　the　transport　as　they　were
coming　home；　and　were　very　nearly　wrecked；　on　their
return　from　the　West　Indies。　　After　the　regiment's
departure　she　betook　herself　to　this　volume　for　meditation；
perhaps　she　did　not　understand　much　of　what　she　was
reading；　and　her　thoughts　were　elsewhere：　　but　the　sleep
project；　with　poor　Mick's　nightcap　there　on　the　pillow；
was　quite　a　vain　one。　　So　it　is　in　the　world。　　Jack　or　Donald
marches　away　to　glory　with　his　knapsack　on　his　shoulder；
stepping　out　briskly　to　the　tune　of　〃The　Girl　I　Left　Behind
Me。〃　It　is　she　who　remains　and　suffersand　has　the
leisure　to　think；　and　brood；　and　remember。
Knowing　how　useless　regrets　are；　and　how　the　indulgence
of　sentiment　only　serves　to　make　people　more　miserable；
Mrs。　Rebecca　wisely　determined　to　give　way　to　no
vain　feelings　of　sorrow；　and　bore　the　parting　from　her
husband　with　quite　a　Spartan　equanimity。　　Indeed　Captain
Rawdon　himself　was　much　more　affected　at　the　leave…
taking　than　the　resolute　little　woman　to　whom　he　bade
farewell。　　She　had　mastered　this　rude　coarse　nature；
and　he　loved　and　worshipped　her　with　all　his　faculties　of
regard　and　admiration。　　In　all　his　life　he　had　never　been　so
happy；　as；　during　the　past　few　months；　his　wife　had　made
him。　　All　former　delights　of　turf；　mess；　hunting…field；　and
gambling…table；　all　previous　loves　and　courtships　of
milliners；　opera…dancers；　and　the　like　easy　triumphs　of　the
clumsy　military　Adonis；　were　quite　insipid　when
compared　to　the　lawful　matrimonial　pleasures　which　of　late　he
had　enjoyed。　　She　had　known　perpetually　how　to　divert
him；　and　he　had　found　his　house　and　her　society　a
thousand　times　more　pleasant　than　any　place　or　company
which　he　had　ever　frequented　from　his　childhood　until
now。　　And　he　cursed　his　past　follies　and　extravagances；
and　bemoaned　his　vast　outlying　debts　above　all；　which
must　remain　for　ever　as　obstacles　to　prevent　his　wife's
advancement　in　the　world。　　He　had　often　groaned　over
these　in　midnight　conversations　with　Rebecca；　although　as
a　bachelor　they　had　never　given　him　any　disquiet。　　He
himself　was　struck　with　this　phenomenon。　　〃Hang　it；〃
he　would　say　（or　perhaps　use　a　still　stronger　expression
out　of　his　simple　vocabulary）；　〃before　I　was　married　I
didn't　care　what　bills　I　put　my　name　to；　and　so　long　as
Moses　would　wait　or　Levy　would　renew　for　three　months；
I　kept　on　never　minding。　　But　since　I'm　married；　except
renewing；　of　course；　I　give　you　my　honour　I've　not
touched　a　bit　of　stamped　paper。〃
Rebecca　always　knew　how　to　conjure　away　these
moods　of　melancholy。　　〃Why；