vanity fair(名利场)-第76章

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between　her　family　and　Miss　Crawleyadvantages　both
worldly　and　spiritual；　he　said：　　for　Miss　Crawley　was　now
quite　alone；　the　monstrous　dissipation　and　alliance　of　his
brother　Rawdon　had　estranged　her　affections　from　that
reprobate　young　man；　the　greedy　tyranny　and　avarice　of
Mrs。　Bute　Crawley　had　caused　the　old　lady　to　revolt
against　the　exorbitant　pretensions　of　that　part　of　the
family；　and　though　he　himself　had　held　off　all　his　life　from
cultivating　Miss　Crawley's　friendship；　with　perhaps　an
improper　pride；　he　thought　now　that　every　becoming
means　should　be　taken；　both　to　save　her　soul　from
perdition；　and　to　secure　her　fortune　to　himself　as　the　head　of
the　house　of　Crawley。
The　strong…minded　Lady　Southdown　quite　agreed　in
both　proposals　of　her　son…in…law；　and　was　for　converting
Miss　Crawley　off…hand。　　At　her　own　home；　both　at
Southdown　and　at　Trottermore　Castle；　this　tall　and　awful
missionary　of　the　truth　rode　about　the　country　in　her
barouche　with　outriders；　launched　packets　of　tracts　among
the　cottagers　and　tenants；　and　would　order　Gaffer　Jones
to　be　converted；　as　she　would　order　Goody　Hicks　to　take
a　James's　powder；　without　appeal；　resistance；　or　benefit　of
clergy。　　My　Lord　Southdown；　her　late　husband；　an　epileptic
and　simple…minded　nobleman；　was　in　the　habit　of
approving　of　everything　which　his　Matilda　did　and
thought。　　So　that　whatever　changes　her　own　belief　might
undergo　（and　it　accommodated　itself　to　a　prodigious
variety　of　opinion；　taken　from　all　sorts　of　doctors　among
the　Dissenters）　she　had　not　the　least　scruple　in　ordering
all　her　tenants　and　inferiors　to　follow　and　believe　after
her。　　Thus　whether　she　received　the　Reverend　Saunders
McNitre；　the　Scotch　divine；　or　the　Reverend　Luke　Waters；
the　mild　Wesleyan；　or　the　Reverend　Giles　Jowls；　the
illuminated　Cobbler；　who　dubbed　himself　Reverend　as
Napoleon　crowned　himself　Emperorthe　household；
children；　tenantry　of　my　Lady　Southdown　were　expected　to
go　down　on　their　knees　with　her　Ladyship；　and　say　Amen
to　the　prayers　of　either　Doctor。　　During　these　exercises　old
Southdown；　on　account　of　his　invalid　condition；　was
allowed　to　sit　in　his　own　room；　and　have　negus　and　the
paper　read　to　him。　　Lady　Jane　was　the　old　Earl's　favourite
daughter；　and　tended　him　and　loved　him　sincerely：　　as　for
Lady　Emily；　the　authoress　of　the　〃Washerwoman　of
Finchley　Common；〃　her　denunciations　of　future　punishment
（at　this　period；　for　her　opinions　modified　afterwards）
were　so　awful　that　they　used　to　frighten　the　timid
old　gentleman　her　father；　and　the　physicians　declared　his
fits　always　occurred　after　one　of　her　Ladyship's　sermons。
〃I　will　certainly　call；〃　said　Lady　Southdown　then；　in
reply　to　the　exhortation　of　her　daughter's　pretendu；　Mr。
Pitt　Crawley〃Who　is　Miss　Crawley's　medical　man？〃
Mr。　Crawley　mentioned　the　name　of　Mr。　Creamer。
〃A　most　dangerous　and　ignorant　practitioner；　my　dear
Pitt。　　I　have　providentially　been　the　means　of　removing
him　from　several　houses：　　though　in　one　or　two
instances　I　did　not　arrive　in　time。　　I　could　not　save　poor
dear　General　Glanders；　who　was　dying　under　the　hands　of
that　ignorant　mandying。　　He　rallied　a　little　under　the
Podgers'　pills　which　I　administered　to　him；　but　alas！　　it
was　too　late。　　His　death　was　delightful；　however；　and　his
change　was　only　for　the　better；　Creamer；　my　dear　Pitt；
must　leave　your　aunt。〃
Pitt　expressed　his　perfect　acquiescence。　　He；　too；　had
been　carried　along　by　the　energy　of　his　noble　kinswoman；
and　future　mother…in…law。　　He　had　been　made　to　accept
Saunders　McNitre；　Luke　Waters；　Giles　Jowls；　Podgers'
Pills；　Rodgers'　Pills；　Pokey's　Elixir；　every　one　of　her
Ladyship's　remedies　spiritual　or　temporal。　　He　never　left
her　house　without　carrying　respectfully　away　with　him
piles　of　her　quack　theology　and　medicine。　　O；　my　dear
brethren　and　fellow…sojourners　in　Vanity　Fair；　which
among　you　does　not　know　and　suffer　under　such
benevolent　despots？　　It　is　in　vain　you　say　to　them；　〃Dear
Madam；　I　took　Podgers'　specific　at　your　orders　last　year；
and　believe　in　it。　　Why；　why　am　I　to　recant　and　accept　the
Rodgers'　articles　now？〃　　There　is　no　help　for　it；　the　faithful　
proselytizer；　if　she　cannot　convince　by　argument；
bursts　into　tears；　and　the　refusant　finds　himself；　at　the
end　of　the　contest；　taking　down　the　bolus；　and　saying；
〃Well；　well；　Rodgers'　be　it。〃
〃And　as　for　her　spiritual　state；〃　continued　the　Lady；
〃that　of　course　must　be　looked　to　immediately：　　with
Creamer　about　her；　she　may　go　off　any　day：　　and　in　what
a　condition；　my　dear　Pitt；　in　what　a　dreadful　condition！
I　will　send　the　Reverend　Mr。　Irons　to　her　instantly。　　Jane；
write　a　line　to　the　Reverend　Bartholomew　Irons；　in　the
third　person；　and　say　that　I　desire　the　pleasure　of　his
company　this　evening　at　tea　at　half…past　six。　　He　is　an
awakening　man；　he　ought　to　see　Miss　Crawley　before　she
rests　this　night。　　And　Emily；　my　love；　get　ready　a　packet
of　books　for　Miss　Crawley。　　Put　up　'A　Voice　from　the
Flames；'　'A　Trumpet…warning　to　Jericho；'　and　the
'Fleshpots　Broken；　or；　the　Converted　Cannibal。'　〃
〃And　the　'Washerwoman　of　Finchley　Common；'
Mamma；〃　said　Lady　Emily。　　〃It　is　as　well　to　begin
soothingly　at　first。〃
〃Stop；　my　dear　ladies；〃　said　Pitt；　the　diplomatist。
〃With　every　deference　to　the　opinion　of　my　beloved　and
respected　Lady　Southdown；　I　think　it　would　be　quite
unadvisable　to　commence　so　early　upon　serious　topics　with
Miss　Crawley。　　Remember　her　delicate　condition；　and　how
little；　how　very　little　accustomed　she　has　hitherto　been
to　considerations　connected　with　her　immortal　welfare。〃
〃Can　we　then　begin　too　early；　Pitt？〃　said　Lady　Emily；
rising　with　six　little　books　already　in　her　hand。
〃If　you　begin　abruptly；　you　will　frighten　her　altogether。
I　know　my　aunt's　worldly　nature　so　well　as　to　be　sure
that　any　abrupt　attempt　at　conversion　will　be　the　very
worst　means　that　can　be　employed　for　the　welfare　of　that
unfortunate　lady。　　You　will　only　frighten　and　annoy　her。
She　will　very　likely　fling　the　books　away；　and　refuse　all
acquaintance　with　the　givers。〃
〃You　are　as　worldly　as　Miss　Crawley；　Pitt；〃　said　Lady
Emily；　tossing　out　of　the　room；　her　books　in　her　hand。
〃And　I　need　not　tell　you；　my　dear　Lady　Southdown；〃
Pitt　continued；　in　a　low　voice；　and　without　heeding　the
interruption；　〃how　fatal　a　little　want　of　gentleness　and
caution　may　be　to　any　hopes　which　we　may　entertain　with
regard　to　the　worldly　possessions　of　my　aunt。　　Remember
she　has　seventy　thousand　pounds；　think　of　her　age；　and
her　highly　nervous　and　delicate　condition；　I　know　that　she
has　destroyed　the　will　which　was　made　in　my　brother's
（Colonel　Crawley's）　favour：　　it　is　by　soothing　that
wounded　spirit　that　we　must　lead　it　into　the　right　path；
and　not　by　frightening　it；　and　so　I　think　you　will　agree
with　me　thatthat'
〃Of　course；　of　course；〃　Lady　Southdown　remarked。
〃Jane；　my　love；　you　need　not　send　that　note　to　Mr。　Irons。
If　her　health　is　such　that　discussions　fatigue　her；　we　will
wait　her　amendment。　　I　will　call　upon　Miss　Crawley
tomorrow。〃
〃And　if　I　might　suggest；　my　sweet　lady；〃　Pitt　said　in　a
bland　tone；　〃it　would　be　as　well　not　to　take　our　precious
Emily；　who　is　too　enthusiastic；　but　rather　that　you　should
be　accompanied　by　our　sweet　and　dear　Lady　Jane。〃
〃Most　certainly；　Emily　would　ruin　everything；〃　Lady
Southdown　said；　and　this　time　agreed　to　forego　her　usual
practice；　which　was；　as　we　have　said；　before　she　bore
down　personally　upon　any　individual　whom　she　proposed
to　subjugate；　to　fire　in　a　quantity　of　tracts　upon　the
menaced　party　（as　a　charge　of　the　French　was　always
preceded　by　a　furious　cannonade）。　　Lady　Southdown；　we
say；　for　the　sake　of　the　invalid's　health；　or　for　the　sake
of　her　soul's　ultimate　welfare；　or　for　the　sake　of　her
money；　agreed　to　temporise。
The　next　day；　the　great　Southdown　female　family
carriage；　with　the　Earl's　coronet　and　the　lozenge　（upon
which　the　three　lambs　trottant　argent　upon　the　field　vert
of　the　Southdowns；　were　quartered　with　sable　on　a　bend
or；　three　snuff…mulls　gules；　the　cognizance　of　the　house　of
Binkie）；　drove　up　in　state　to　Miss　Crawley's　door；　and
the　tall　serious　footman　handed　in　to　Mr。　Bowls　her
Ladyship's　cards　for　Miss　Crawley；　and　one　likewise　for
Miss　Briggs。　　By　way　of　compromise；　Lady　Emily　sent　in　a
packet　in　the　evening　for　the　latter　lady；　containing
copies　of　the　〃Washerwoman；〃　and　other　mild　and　favourite
tracts　for　Miss　B。's　own　perusal；　and　a　few　for　the
servants'　hall；　viz。：　　〃Crumbs　from　the　Pantry；〃　〃The
Frying　Pan　and　the　Fire；〃　and　〃The　Livery　of　Sin；〃　of　a
much　stronger　kind。

CHAPTER　XXXIV
James　Crawley's　Pipe　Is　Put　Out
The　amiable　behaviour　of　Mr。　Crawley；　and　Lady　Jane's
kind　reception　of　her；　highly　flattered　Miss　Briggs；　who
was　enabled　to　speak　a　good　word　for　the　latter；　after
the　cards　of　the　Southdown　family　had　been　presented　to
Miss　Crawley。　　A　Countess's　card　left　personally　too　for
her；　Briggs；　was　not　a　little　pleasing　to　the　poor　friendless
companion。　　〃What　could　Lady　Southdown　mean　by
leaving　a　card　upon　you；　I　wonder；　Miss　Briggs？〃　said
the　republican　Miss　Crawley；　upon　which　the　companion
meekly　said　〃that　she　hoped　there　could　be　no　harm　in　a
lady　of　rank　taking　notice　of　a　poor　gentlewoman；〃　and
she　put　away　this　card　in　her　work…box　amongst　her　most
cherished　personal　treasures。　　Furthermore；　Miss　Briggs
explained　how　she　had　met　Mr。　Crawley　walking　with　his
cousin　and　long　affianced　bride　the　day　before：　　and　she
told　how　kind　and　gentle…looking　the　lady　was；　and　what
a　plain；　not　to　say　common；　dress　she　had；　all　the　articles
of　which；　from　the　bonnet　down　to　the　boots；　she
described　and　estimated　with　female　accuracy。
Miss　Crawley　allowed　Briggs　to　prattle　on　without
interrupting　her　too　much。　　As　she　got　well；　she　was　pining
for　society。　　Mr。　Creamer；　her　medical　man；　would　not
hear　of　her　returning　to　her　old　haunts　and　dissipation　in
London。　　The　old　spinster　was　too　glad　to　find　any
companionship　at　Brighton；　and　not　only　were　the　cards
acknowledged　the　very　next　day；　but　Pitt　Crawley　was
graciously　invited　to　come　and　see　his　aunt。　　He　came；
bringing　with　him　Lady　Southdown　and　her　daughter。　　The
dowager　did　not　say　a　word　about　the　state　of　Miss
Crawley's　soul；　but　talked　with　much　discretion　about　the
weather：　　about　the　war　and　the　downfall　of　the　monster
Bonaparte：　　and　above　all；　about　doctors；　quacks；　and　the
particular　merits　of　Dr。　Podgers；　whom　she　then
patronised。
During　their　interview　Pitt　Crawley　made　a　great
stroke；　and　one　which　showed　that；　had　his　diplomatic
career　not　been　blighted　by　early　neglect；　he　might　have
risen　to　a　high　rank　in　his　profession。　　When　the　Countess
Dowager　of　Southdown　fell　foul　of　the　Corsican　upstart；
as　the　fashion　was　in　those　days；　and　showed　that　he　was
a　monster　stained　with　every　conceivable　crime；　a　coward
and　a　tyrant　not　fit　to　live；　one　whose　fall　was　predicted；
&c。；　Pitt　Crawley　suddenly　took　up　the　cudgels　in　favour
of　the　man　of　Destiny。　　He　described　the　First　Consul　as
he　saw　him　at　Paris　at　the　peace　of　Amiens；　when　he；　Pitt
Crawley；　had　the　gratification　of　making　the　acquaintance
of　the　great　and　good　Mr。　Fox；　a　statesman　whom；
however　much　he　might　differ　with　him；　it　was　impossible　not
to　adm