painted windows-第1章

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Painted　Windows

by　Elia　W。　Peattie







Will　you　come　with　me　into　the　chamber　of　memory
and　lift　your　eyes　to　the　painted　windows　where　the　figures
and　scenes　of　childhood　appear？　Perhaps　by　looking　with
kindly　eyes　at　those　from　out　my　past；　long　wished…for
visions　of　your　own　youth　will　appear　to　heal　the　wounds
from　which　you　suffer；　and　to　quiet　your　stormy　and
restless　heart。




CONTENTS


　　I　NIGHT

　II　SOLITUDE

III　FRIENDSHIP

　IV　FAME

　　V　REMORSE

　VI　TRAVEL




PAINTED　WINDOWS

I

NIGHT

YOUNG　people　believe　very　little
that　they　hear　about　the　compen…
sations　of　growing　old；　and　of　living
over　again　in　memory　the　events　of　the
past。　Yet　there　really　are　these　com…
pensations　and　pleasures；　and　although
they　are　not　so　vivid　and　breathless　as
the　pleasures　of　youth；　they　have　some…
thing　delicate　and　fine　about　them　that
must　be　experienced　to　be　appreciated。

Few　of　us　would　exchange　our　mem…
ories　for　those　of　others。　They　have
become　a　part　of　our　personality；　and
we　could　not　part　with　them　without
losing　something　of　ourselves。　Neither
would　we　part　with　our　own　particular
childhood；　which；　however　difficult　it
may　have　been　at　times；　seems　to　each
of　us　more　significant　than　the　child…
hood　of　any　one　else。　I　can　run　over
in　my　mind　certain　incidents　of　my
childhood　as　if　they　were　chapters　in　a
much…loved　book；　and　when　I　am　wake…
ful　at　night；　or　bored　by　a　long　journey；
or　waiting　for　some　one　in　the　railway…
station；　I　take　them　out　and　go　over
them　again。

Nor　is　my　book　of　memories　without
its　illustrations。　I　can　see　little　vil…
lages；　and　a　great　city；　and　forests　and
planted　fields；　and　familiar　faces；　and
all　have　this　advantage：　they　are　not
fixed　and　without　motion；　like　the　pic…
tures　in　the　ordinary　book。　People
are　walking　up　the　streets　of　the　vil…
lage；　the　trees　are　tossing；　the　tall
wheat　and　corn　in　the　fields　salute　me。
I　can　smell　the　odour　of　the　gathered
hay；　and　the　faces　in　my　dream…book
smile　at　me。

Of　all　of　these　memories　I　like　best
the　one　in　the　pine　forest。

I　was　at　that　age　when　children　think
of　their　parents　as　being　all…powerful。
I　could　hardly　have　imagined　any　cir…
cumstances；　however　adverse；　that　my
father　could　not　have　met　with　his
strength　and　wisdom　and　skill。　All　chil…
dren　have　such　a　period　of　hero…wor…
ship；　I　suppose；　when　their　father
stands　out　from　the　rest　of　the　world
as　the　best　and　most　powerful　man
living。　So；　feeling　as　I　did；　I　was　made
happier　than　I　can　say　when　my　father
decided；　because　I　was　looking　pale　and
had　a　poor　appetite；　to　take　me　out　of
school　for　a　while；　and　carry　me　with
him　on　a　driving　trip。　We　lived　in
Michigan；　where　there　were；　in　the　days
of　which　I　am　writing；　not　many　rail…
roads；　and　when　my　father；　who　was
attorney　for　a　number　of　wholesale　mer…
cantile　firms　in　Detroit；　used　to　go
about　the　country　collecting　money　due；
adjusting　claims；　and　so　on；　he　had　no
choice　but　to　drive。

And　over　what　roads！　Now　it　was
a　strip　of　corduroy；　now　a　piece　of　well…
graded　elevation　with　clay　subsoil　and
gravel　surface；　now　a　neglected　stretch
full　of　dangerous　holes；　and　worst　of
all；　running　through　the　great　forests；
long　pieces　of　road　from　which　the
stumps　had　been　only　partly　extracted；
and　where　the　sunlight　barely　pene…
trated。　Here　the　soaked　earth　became
little　less　than　a　quagmire。

But　father　was　too　well　used　to　hard
journeys　to　fear　them；　and　I　felt　that；
in　going　with　him；　I　was　safe　from　all
possible　harm。　The　journey　had　all　the
allurement　of　an　adventure；　for　we
would　not　know　from　day　to　day　where
we　should　eat　our　meals　or　sleep　at
night。　So；　to　provide　against　trouble；
we　carried　father's　old　red…and…blue…
checked　army　blankets；　a　bag　of　feed
for　Sheridan；　the　horse；　plenty　of　bread；
bacon；　jam；　coffee　and　prepared　cream；
and　we　hung　pails　of　pure　water　and
buttermilk　from　the　rear　of　our　buggy。

We　had　been　out　two　weeks　without
failing　once　to　eat　at　a　proper　table　or
to　sleep　in　a　comfortable　bed。　Some…
times　we　put　up　at　the　stark…looking　ho…
tels　that　loomed；　raw　and　uninviting；
in　the　larger　towns；　sometimes　we　had
the　pleasure　of　being　welcomed　at　a
little　inn；　where　the　host　showed　us　a
personal　hospitality；　but　oftener　we
were　forced　to　make　ourselves　〃paying
guests〃　at　some　house。　We　cared　noth…
ing　whether　we　slept　in　the　spare　rooms
of　a　fine　frame　〃residence〃　or　crept
into　bed　beneath　the　eaves　of　the　attic
in　a　log　cabin。　I　had　begun　to　feel　that
our　journey　would　be　almost　too　tame
and　comfortable；　when　one　night　some…
thing　really　happened。

Father　lost　his　bearings。　　He　was
hoping　to　reach　the　town　of　Gratiot　by
nightfall；　and　he　attempted　to　make　a
short　cut。　To　do　this　he　turned　into
a　road　that　wound　through　a　magnifi…
cent　forest；　at　first　of　oak　and　butter…
nut；　ironwood　and　beech；　then　of
densely　growing　pines。　When　we　en…
tered　the　wood　it　was　twilight；　but　no
sooner　were　we　well　within　the　shadow
of　these　sombre　trees　than　we　were
plunged　in　darkness；　and　within　half　an
hour　this　darkness　deepened；　so　that
we　could　see　nothing　　not　even　the
horse。

〃The　sun　doesn't　get　in　here　the
year　round；〃　said　father；　trying　his
best　to　guide　the　horse　through　the
mire。　So　deep　was　the　mud　that　it
seemed　as　if　it　literally　sucked　at　the
legs　of　the　horse　and　the　wheels　of　the
buggy；　and　I　began　to　wonder　if　we
should　really　be　swallowed；　and　to　fear
that　we　had　met　with　a　difficulty　that
even　my　father　could　not　overcome。　I
can　hardly　make　plain　what　a　tragic
thought　that　was！　The　horse　began　to
give　out　sighs　and　groans；　and　in　the
intervals　of　his　struggles　to　get　on；　I
could　feel　him　trembling。　There　was
a　note　of　anxiety　in　father's　voice　as
he　called　out；　with　all　the　authority　and
cheer　he　could　command；　to　poor　Sheri…
dan。　The　wind　was　rising；　and　the　long
sobs　of　the　pines　made　cold　shivers　run
up　my　spine。　　My　teeth　chattered；
partly　from　cold；　but　more　from　fright。

〃What　are　we　going　to　do？〃　I　asked；
my　voice　quivering　with　tears。

〃Well；　we　aren't　going　to　cry；　what…
ever　else　we　do！〃　answered　father；
rather　sharply。　　　He　snatched　the
lighted　lantern　from　its　place　on　the
dashboard　and　leaped　out　into　the　road。
I　could　hear　him　floundering　round　in
that　terrible　mire　and　soothing　the
horse。　The　next　thing　I　realised　was
that　the　horse　was　unhitched；　that　fa…
ther　had　　for　the　first　time　during　our
journey　　laid　the　lash　across　Sheri…
dan's　back；　and　that；　with　a　leap　of　in…
dignation；　the　horse　had　reached　the
firm　ground　of　the　roadside。　Father
called　out　to　him　to　stand　still；　and　a
moment　later　I　found　myself　being
swung　from　the　buggy　into　father's
arms。　He　staggered　along；　plunging
and　almost　falling；　and　presently　I；　too；
stood　beneath　the　giant　pines。

〃One　journey　more；〃　said　father；
〃for　our　supper；　and　then　we'll　bivouac
right　here。〃

Now　that　I　was　away　from　the　buggy
that　was　so　familiar　to　me；　and　that
seemed　like　a　little　movable　piece　of
home；　I　felt；　as　I　had　not　felt　before；
the　vastness　of　the　solitude。　Above　me
in　the　rising　wind　tossed　the　tops　of　the
singing　trees；　about　me　stretched　the
soft　blackness；　and　beneath　the　dense；
interlaced　branches　it　was　almost　as
calm　and　still　as　in　a　room。　I　could　see
that　the　clouds　were　breaking　and　the
stars　beginning　to　come　out；　and　that
comforted　me　a　little。

Father　was　keeping　up　a　stream　of
cheerful　talk。

〃Now；　sir；〃　he　was　saying　to　Sheri…
dan；　〃stand　still　while　I　get　this　har…
ness　off　you。　I'll　tie　you　and　blanket
you；　and　you　can　lie　or　stand　as　you
please。　Here's　your　nose…bag；　with
some　good　supper　in　it；　and　if　you　don't
have　drink；　it's　not　my　fault。　Anyway；
it　isn't　so　long　since　you　got　a　good　nip
at　the　creek。〃

I　was　watching　by　the　faint　light　of
the　lantern；　and　noticing　how　unnat…
ural　father　and　Sheridan　looked。　They
seemed　to　be　blocked　out　in　a　rude　kind
of　way；　like　some　wooden　toys　I　had　at
home。

〃Here　we　are；〃　said　father；　〃like
Robinson　Crusoes。　It　was　hard　luck
for　Robinson；　not　having　his　little　girl
along。　He'd　have　had　her　to　pick　up
sticks　and　twigs　to　make　a　fire；　and　that
would　have　been　a　great　help　to　him。〃

Father　began　breaking　fallen
branches　over　his　knee；　and　I　groped
round　and　filled　my　arms　again　and
again　with　little　fagots。　So　after　a　few
minutes　we　had　a　fine　fire　crackling　in
a　place　where　it　could　not　catch　the
branches　of　the　trees。　Father　had
scraped　the　needles　of　the　pines　to…
gether　in　such　a　way　that　a　bare　rim　of
earth　was　left　all　around　the　fire；　so　that
it　could　not　spread　along　the　ground；
and　presently　the　coffee…pot　was　over
the　fire　and　bacon　was　sizzling　in　the
frying…pan。　The　good；　hearty　odours
came　out　to　mingle　with　the　delicious
scent　of　the　pines；　and　I；　setting　out
our　dishes；　began　to　feel　a　happiness
different　from　anything　I　had　ever
known。

Pioneers　and　wanderers　and　soldiers
have　joys　of　their　own　　joys　of　which
I　had　heard　often　enough；　for　there　had
been　more　stories　told　than　read　in　our
house。　But　now　for　the　first　time　I
knew　what　my　grandmother　and　my
uncles　had　meant　when　they　told　me
about　the　way　they　had　come　into　the
wilderness；　and　about　the　great　happi…
ness　and　freedom　of　those　first　days。　I；
too；　felt　this　freedom；　and　it　seemed　to
me　as　if　I　never　again　wanted　walls　to
close　in　on　me。　All　my　fear　was　gone；
and　I　felt　wild　and　glad。　I　could　not
believe　that　I　was　only　a　little　girl。　I
felt　taller　even　than　my　father。

Father's　mood　was　like　mine　in　a
way。　He　had　memories　to　add　to　his
emotion；　but　then；　on　the　other　hand；
he　lacked　the　sense　of　discovery　I　had；
for　he　had　known　often　such　feelings
as　were　coming　to　me　for　the　first　time。
When　he　was　a　young　man　he　had　been
a　colporteur　for　the　American　Bible　So…
ciety　among　the　Lake　Superior　Indians；
and　in　that　way　had　earned　part　of　the
money　for　his　course　at　the　University
of　Michigan；　afterward　he　had　gone
with　other　gold…seekers　to　Pike's　Peak；
and　had　crossed　the　plains　with　oxen；
in　the　company　of　many　other　adven…
turers；　then；　when　President　Lincoln
called　for　troops；　he　had　returned　to
enlist　with　the　Michigan　men；　and　had
served　more　than　three　years　with　Mc…
Clellan　and　Grant。

So；　naturally；　there　was　nothing　he
did　not　know　about　making　himself
comfortable　in　the　open。　He　knew　all
the　sorrow　and　all　the　joy　of　the　home…
less　man；　and　now；　as　he　cooked；　he　be…
gan　to　sing　the　old　songs　　〃Marching
Through　Georgia；〃　and　〃Bury　Me　Not
on　the　Lone　Prairie；〃　and　〃In　the
Prison　Cell　I　Sit。〃　He　had　been　in　a
Southern　prison　after　the　Battle　of　the
Wilderness；　and　so　he　knew　how　to　sing
that　song　with　particular　feeling。

I　had　heard　war　stories　all　my　life；
though　usually　father　told　such　tales　in
a　half…joking　way；　as　if　to　make　light　of
everything　he　had　gone　through。　But
now；　as　we　ate　there　under　the　tossing
pines；　and　the　wild　chorus　in　the　tree…
tops　swelled　like　a　rising　sea；　the　spirit
of　the　old　days　came　over　him。　He　was
a　good　〃stump　speaker；〃　and　he　knew
how　to　make　a　story　come　to　life；　and
never　did　all　his　simple　natural　gifts
show　themse