a new england girlhood-第26章

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Merry　maiden；　who　art　idly　wasting　the　precious　moments　so　bountifully　bestowed　upon　thee；　see　in　the　thoughtless　child　an　emblem　of　thyself！　Each　moment　is　a　perfumed　flower。　Let　its　fragrance　be　diffused　in　blessings　around　thee；　and　ascend　as　sweet　incense　to　the　beneficent　Giver！

Else；　when　thou　hast　carelessly　flung　them　from　thee；　and　seest　them　receding　on　the　swift　waters　of　Time；　thou　wilt　cry；　in　tones　more　sorrowful　than　those　of　the　weeping　child；　〃Bring　back　my　flowers！〃　And　thy　only　answer　will　be　an　echo　from　the　shadowy　Past；〃Bring　back　my　flowers！〃

In　the　above；　a　reminiscence　of　my　German　studies　comes　back　to　me。　I　was　an　admirer　of　Jean　Paul；　and　one　of　my　earliest　attempts　at　translation　was　his　〃New　Year's　Night　of　an　Unhappy　Man；〃　with　its　yet　haunting　glimpse　of　〃a　fair　long　paradise　beyond　the　mountains。〃　I　am　not　sure　but　the　idea　of　trying　my　hand　at　a　〃prose…poem〃　came　to　me　from　Richter；　though　it　may　have　been　from　Herder　or　Krummacher；　whom　I　also　enjoyed　and　attempted　to　translate。

I　have　a　manuscript…book　still；　filled　with　these　youthful　efforts。　I　even　undertook　to　put　German　verse　into　English　verse；　not　wincing　at　the　greatestGoetlie　and　Schiller。　These　studies　were　pursued　in　the　pleasant　days　of　cloth…room　leisure；　when　my　work　claimed　me　only　seven　or　eight　hours　in　a　day。

I　suppose　I　should　have　tried　to　write；perhaps　I　could　not　very　well　have　helped　attempting　it；under　any　circumstances。　My　early　efforts　would　not；　probably；　have　found　their　way　into　print；　however；　but　for　the　coincident　publication　of　the　two　mill…girls'　magazines；　just　as　I　entered　my　teens。　I　fancy　that　almost　everything　any　of　us　offered　them　was　published；　though　I　never　was　let　in　to　editorial　secrets。　The　editors　of　both　magazines　were　my　seniors；　and　I　felt　greatly　honored　by　their　approval　of　my　contributions。

One　of　the　〃Offering〃　editors　was　a　Unitarian　clergyman's　daughter；　and　had　received　an　excellent　education。　The　other　was　a　remarkably　brilliant　and　original　young　woman；　who　wrote　novels　that　were　published　by　the　Harpers　of　New　York　while　she　was　employed　at　Lowell。　The　two　had　rooms　together　for　a　time；　where　the　members　of　the　〃Improvement　Circle；〃　chiefly　composed　of　〃Offering〃　writers；　were　hospitably　received。

The　〃Operatives'　Magazine〃　and　the　〃Lowell　Offerig〃　were　united　in　the　year　1842；　under　the　title　of　the　〃Lowell　Offering　and　Ma…　gazine。〃

（Andto　correct　a　mistake　which　has　crept　into　printI　will　say　that　I　never　attained　the　honor　of　being　editor　of　either　of　these　magazines。　I　was　only　one　of　their　youngest　contributors。　The　〃Lowell　Offering〃　closed　its　existence　when　I　was　a　little　more　than　twenty　years　old。　The　only　continuous　editing　I　have　ever　been　engaged　in　was　upon　〃Our　Young　Folks。〃　About　twenty　years　ago　I　was　editor…in…charge　of　that　magazine　for　a　year　or　more；　and　I　had　previously　been　its　assistant…editor　from　its　beginning。　These　explanatory　items；　however；　do　not　quite　belong　to　my　narrative；　and　I　return　to　our　magazines。）

We　did　not　receive　much　criticism；　perhaps　it　would　have　been　better　for　us　if　we　had。　But　then　we　did　lot　set　ourselves　up　to　be　literary；　though　we　enjoyed　the　freedom　of　writing　what　we　pleased；　and　seeing　how　it　looked　in　print。　It　was　good　practice　for　us；　and　that　was　all　that　we　desired。　We　were　complimented　and　quoted。　When　a　Philadelphia　paper　copied　one　of　my　little　poems；　suggesting　some　verbal　improvements；　and　predicting　recognition　for　me　in　the　future；　I　felt　for　the　first　time　that　there　might　be　such　a　thing　as　public　opinion　worth　caring　for；　in　addition　to　doing　one's　best　for　its　own　sake。

Fame；　indeed；　never　had　much　attraction　for　me；　except　as　it　took　the　form　of　friendly　recognition　and　the　sympathetic　approval　of　worthy　judges。　I　wished　to　do　good　and　true　things；　but　not　such　as　would　subject　me　to　the　stare　of　coldly　curious　eyes。　I　could　never　imagine　a　girl　feeling　any　pleasure　in　placing　herself　〃before　the　public。〃　The　privilege　of　seclusion　must　be　the　last　one　a　woman　can　willingly　sacrifice。　And；　indeed；　what　we　wrote　was　not　remarkable；perhaps　no　more　so　than　the　usual　school　compositions　of　intelligent　girls。　It　would　hardly　be　worth　while　to　refer　to　it　particularly；　had　not　the　Lowell　girls　and　their　magazines　been　so　frequently　spoken　of　as　something　phenomenal。　But　it　was　a　perfectly　natural　out…　growth　of　those　girls'　previous　life。　For　what　were　we？　　Girls　who　were　working　in　a　factory　for　the　time；　to　be　sure；　but　none　of　us　had　the　least　idea　of　continuing　at　that　kind　of　work　permanently。　Our　composite　photograph；　had　it　been　taken；　would　have　been　the　representative　New　England　girlhood　of　those　days。　We　had　all　been　fairly　educated　at　public　or　private　schools；　and　many　of　us　were　resolutely　bent　upon　obtaining　a　better　education。　Very　few　were　among　us　without　some　distinct　plan　for　bettering　the　condition　of　themselves　and　those　they　loved。　For　the　first　time；　our　young　women　had　come　forth　from　their　home　retirement　in　a　throng；　each　with　her　own　individual　purpose。　For　twenty　years　or　so；　Lowell　might　have　been　looked　upon　as　a　rather　select　industrial　school　for　young　people。　The　girls　there　were　just　such　girls　as　are　knocking　at　the　doors　of　young　women's　colleges　to…day。　They　had　come　to　work　with　their　hands；　but　they　could　not　hinder　the　working　of　their　minds　also。　Their　mental　activity　was　overflowing　at　every　possible　outlet。

Many　of　them　were　supporting　themselves　at　schools　like　Bradford　Academy　or　Ipswich　Seminary　half　the　year；　by　working　in　the　mills　the　other　half。　Mount　Holyoke　Seminary　broke　upon　the　thoughts　of　many　of　them　as　a　vision　of　hope；I　remember　being　dazzled　by　it　myself　for　a　while；and　Mary　Lyon's　name　was　honored　nowhere　more　than　among　the　Lowell　mill…girls。　Meanwhile　they　were　improving　themselves　and　preparing　for　their　future　in　every　possible　way；　by　purchasing　and　reading　standard　books；　by　attending　lectures；　and　evening　classes　of　their　own　getting　up；　and　by　meeting　each　other　for　reading　and　conversation。

That　they　should　write　was　no　more　strange　than　that　they　should　study；　or　read；　or　think。　And　yet　there　were　those　to　whom　it　seemed　incredible　that　a　girl　could；　in　the　pauses　of　her　work；　put　together　words　with　her　pen　that　it　would　do　to　print；　and　after　a　while　the　assertion　was　circulated；　through　some　distant　newspaper；　that　our　magazine　was　not　written　by　ourselves　at　all；　but　by　〃Lowell　lawyers。〃　This　seemed　almost　too　foolish　a　suggestion　to　contradict；　but　the　editor　of　the　〃Offering〃　thought　it　best　to　give　the　name　and　occupation　of　some　of　the　writers　by　way　of　refutation。　It　was　for　this　reason　（much　against　my　own　wish）　that　my　real　name　was　first　attached　to　anything　I　wrote。　I　was　then　book…keeper　in　the　cloth…room　of　the　Lawrence　Mills。　We　had　all　used　any　fanciful　signature　we　chose；　varying　it　as　we　pleased。　After　I　began　to　read　and　love　Wordsworth；　my　favorite　nom　de　plume　was　〃Rotha。〃　In　the　later　numbers　of　the　magazine；　the　editor　more　frequently　made　us　of　my　initials。　One　day　I　was　surprised　by　seeing　my　name　in　full　in　Griswold's　〃Female　Poet's；〃no　great　distinction；　however；　since　there　were　a　hundred　names　or　so；　besides。

It　seemed　necessary　to　give　these　gossip　items　about　myself；　but　the　real　interest　of　every　separate　life…story　is　involved　in　the　larger　life…history　which　is　going　on　around　it。　We　do　not　know　ourselves　without　our　companions　and　surroundings。　I　cannot　narrate　my　workmates'　separate　experiences；　but　I　know　that　because　of　having　lived　among　them；　and　because　of　having　felt　the　beauty　and　power　of　their　lives；　I　am　different　from　what　I　should　otherwise　have　been；　and　it　is　my　own　fault　if　I　am　not　better　for　my　life　with　them。

In　recalling　those　years　of　my　girlhood　at　Lowell；　I　often　think　that　I　knew　then　what　real　society　is　better　perhaps　than　ever　since。　For　in　that　large　gathering　together　of　young　womanhood　there　were　many　choice　natures…some　of　the　choicest　in　all　our　excellent　New　England；　and　there　were　no　false　social　standards　to　hold　them　apart。　It　is　the　best　society　when　people　meet　sincerely；　on　the　ground　of　their　deepest　sympathies　and　highest　aspirations；　without　conventionality　or　cliques　or　affectation；　and　it　was　in　that　way　that　these　young　girls　met　and　became　acquainted　with　each　other；　almost　of　necessity。

There　were　all　varieties　of　woman…nature　among　them；　all　degrees　of　refinement　and　cultivation；　and；　of　course；　many　sharp　contrasts　of　agreeable　and　disagreeable。　It　was　not　always　the　most　cultivated；　however；　who　were　the　most　companionable。　　There　were　gentle；　untaught　girls；　as　fresh　and　simple　as　wild　flowers；　whose　unpretending　goodness　of　heart　was　better　to　have　than　bookishness；　girls　who　loved　everybody；　and　were　loved　by　everybody。　Those　are　the　girls　that　I　remember　best；　and　their　memory　is　sweet　as　a　breeze　from　the　clover　fields。

As　I　recall　the　throngs　of　unknown　girlish　forms　that　used　to　pass　and　repass　me　on　the　familiar　road　to　the　mill…gates；　and　also　the　few　that　I　knew　so　well；　those　with　whom　I　worked；　thought；　read；　wrote；　studied；　and　worshiped；　my　thoughts　send　a　heartfelt　greeting　to　them　all；　wherever　in　God's　beautiful；　busy　universe　they　may　now　be　scattered：

〃I　am　glad　I　have　lived　in　the　world　with　you！〃

XI。

READING　AND　STUDYING。

My　return　to　mill…work　involved　making　acquaintance　with　a　new　kind　of　machinery。　The　spinning…room　was　the　only　one　I　had　hitherto　known　anything　about。　Now　my　sister　Emilie　found　a　place　for　me　in　the　dressing…room；　beside　herself。　It　was　more　airy；　and　fewer　girls　were　in　the　room；　for　the　dressing…frame　itself　was　a　large；　clumsy　affair；　that　occupied　a　great　deal　of　space。　Mine　seemed　to　me　as　unmanageable　as　an　overgrown　spoilt　child。　It　had　to　be　　watched　in　a　dozen　directions　every　minute；　and　even　then　it　was　always　getting　itself　and　me　into　trouble。　I　felt　as　if　the　half…live　creature；　with　its　great；　groaning　joints　and　whizzing　fan；　was　aware　of　my　incapacity　to　manage　it；　and　had　a　fiendish　spite　against　me。　I　contracted　an　unconquer…　able　dislike　to　it；　indeed；　I　had　never　liked；　and　never　could　learn　to　like；　any　kind　of　machinery。　And　this　machine　finally　conquered　me。　It　was　humiliating；　but　I　had　to　acknowledge　that　there　were　some　things　I　could　not　do；　and　I　retired　from　the　field；　vanquished。

The　two　things　I　had　enjoyed　in　this　room　were　that　my　sister　was　with　me；　and　that　our　windows　looked　toward　the　west。　When　the　work　was　running　smoothly；　we　looked　out　together　and　quoted　to　each　other　all　the　sunset…poetry　we　could　remember。　Our　tastes　did　not　quite　agree。　Her　favorite　description　of　the　clouds　was　from　Pollok：

〃They　seemed　like　chariots　of　saints；　By　fiery　coursers　drawn；　as　brightly　hued　As　if　the　glorious；　bushy；　golden　locks　Of　thousand　cherubim　had　been　shorn　off；　And　on　the　temples　hung　of　morn　and　even。〃

I　liked　better　a　translation　from　the　German；　beginning

〃Methinks　it　were　no　pain　to　die　On　such　an　eve；　while　such　a　sky　O'ercanopies　the　west。〃

And　she　generally　had　to　hear　the　whole　poem；　for　I　was　very　fond　of　it；　though　the　especial　verse　that　I　contrasted　with　hers　was；

〃There's　peace　and　welcome　in　yon　sea　Of　endless　blue