a new england girlhood-第28章

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er　work…hours　seemed　to　give　us　a　slight　advantage　over　the　toilers　in　the　mills　opposite；　and　we　occasionally　heard　ourselves　spoken　of　as　〃the　cloth…room　aristocracy。〃　But　that　was　only　in　fun。　Most　of　us　had　served　an　apprenticeship　in　the　mills；　and　many　of　our　best　friends　were　still　there；　preferring　their　work　because　it　brought　them　more　money　than　we　could　earn。

For　myself；　no　amount　of　money　would　have　been　a　temptation；　compared　with　my　precious　daytime　freedom。　Whole　hours　of　sunshine　for　reading；　for　walking；　for　studying；　for　writing；　for　anything　that　I　wanted　to　do！　The　days　were　so　lovely　and　so　long！　and　yet　how　fast　they　slipped　away！　I　had　not　given　up　my　dream　of　a　better　education；　and　as　I　could　not　go　to　school；　I　began　to　study　by　myself。

I　had　received　a　pretty　thorough　drill　in　the　common　English　branches　at　the　grammar　school；　and　at　my　employment　I　only　needed　a　little　simple　arithmetic。　A　few　of　my　friends　were　studying　algebra　in　an　evening　class；　but　I　had　no　fancy　for　mathematics。　My　first　wish　was　to　learn　about　English　Literature；　to　go　back　to　its　very　beginnings。　It　was　not　then　studied　even　in　the　higher　schools；　and　I　knew　no　one　who　could　give　me　any　assistance　in　it；　as　a　teacher。　〃Percy's　Reliques〃　and　〃Chambers'　Cyclopoedia　of　English　Literature　〃　were　in　the　city　library；　and　I　used　them；　making　extracts　from　Chaucer　and　Spenser；　to　fix　their　peculiarities　in　my　memory；　though　there　was　only　a　taste　of　them　to　be　had　from　the　Cyclopaedia。

Shakespeare　I　had　read　from　childhood；　in　a　fragmentary　way。　〃The　Tempest；〃　and　〃Midsummer　Night's　Dream；〃　and　〃King　Lear；〃　I　had　swallowed　among　my　fairy　tales。　Now　I　discovered　that　the　historical　plays；　notably；　〃Julius　Caesar〃　and　〃Coriolanus；〃　had　no　less　attraction　for　me；　though　of　a　different　kind。　But　it　was　easy　for　me　to　forget　that　I　was　trying　to　be　a　literary　student；　and　slip　off　from　Belmont　to　Venice　with　Portia　to　witness　the　discomfiture　of　Shylock；　although　I　did　pity　the　miserable　Jew；　and　thought　he　might　at　least　have　been　allowed　the　comfort　of　his　paltry　ducats。　I　do　not　think　that　any　of　my　studying　at　this　time　was　very　severe；　it　was　pleasure　rather　than　toil；　for　I　undertook　only　the　tasks　I　liked。　But　what　I　learned　remained　with　me；　nevertheless。

With　Milton　I　was　more　familiar　than　with　any　other　poet；　and　from　thirteen　years　of　age　to　eighteen　he　was　my　preference。　My　friend　Angeline　and　I　（another　of　my　cloth…room　associates）　made　the　〃Paradise　Lost〃　a　language…study　in　an　evening　class；　under　one　of　the　grammar　school　masters；　and　I　never　open　to　the　majestic　lines；

〃High　on　a　throne　of　royal　state；　which　far　Outshone　the　wealth　of　Ormus　and　of　Ind；　Or　where　the　gorgeous　east　with　richest　hand　Showers　on　her　kings　barbaric　pearl　and　gold；〃

Without　seeing　Angeline's　kindly；　homely　face　out…lined　through　that　magnificence；　instead　of　the　lineaments　of　the　evil　angel

〃by　merit　raised　To　that　bad　eminence。〃

She；　too；　was　much　older　than　I；　and　a　most　excellent；　energetic；　and　studious　young　woman。　I　wonder　if　she　remembers　how　hard　we　tried　to　get

〃Beelzebubthan　whom；　Satan　except；　none　higher　sat；〃

into　the　limits　of　our　grammatical　rules；not　altogether　with　success；　I　believe。

I　copied　passages　from　Jeremy　Taylor　and　the　old　theologians　into　my　note…books；　and　have　found　them　useful　even　recently；　in　preparing　compilations。　Dryden　and　the　eighteenth　century　poets　generally　did　not　interest　me；　though　I　tried　to　read　them　from　a　sense　of　duty。　Pope　was　an　exception；　however。　Aphorisms　from　the　〃Essay　on　Man〃　were　in　as　common　use　among　us　as　those　from　the　Book　of　Proverbs。

Some　of　my　choicest　extracts　were　in　the　first　volume　of　collected　poetry　I　ever　owned；　a　little　red　morocco　book　called　〃The　Young　Man's　Book　of　Poetry。〃　It　was　given　me　by　one　of　my　sisters　when　I　was　about　a　dozen　years　old；　who　rather　apologized　for　the　young　man　on　the　title…page；　saying　that　the　poetry　was　just　as　good　as　if　he　were　not　there。

And；　indeed；　no　young　man　could　have　valued　it　more　than　I　did。　It　contained　selections　from　standard　poets；　and　choice　ones　from　less　familiar　sources。　One　of　the　extracts　was　Wordsworth's　〃Sunset　among　the　Mountains；〃　from　the　〃Excursion；〃　to　read　which；　however　often；　always　lifted　me　into　an　ecstasy。　　That　red　morocco　book　was　my　treasure。　It　traveled　with　me　to　the　West；　and　I　meant　to　keep　it　as　long　as　I　lived。　But　alas！　it　was　borrowed　by　a　little　girl　out　on　the　Illinois　prairies；　who　never　brought　it　back。　I　do　not　know　that　I　have　ever　quite　forgiven　her。　I　have　wished　I　could　look　into　it　again；　often　and　often　tbrough　the　years。　But　perhaps　I　ought　to　be　grateful　to　that　little　girl　for　teaching　me　to　be　careful　about　returning　borrowed　books　myself。　Only　a　lover　of　them　can　appreciate　the　loss　of　one　which　has　been　a　possession　from　childhood。

Young　and　Cowper　were　considered　religious　reading；　and　as　such　I　had　always　known　something　of　them。　The　songs　of　Burns　were　in　the　air。　Through　him　I　best　learned　to　know　poetry　as　song。　I　think　that　I　heard　the　〃Cotter's　Saturday　Night〃　and　〃A　man's　a　man　for　a'　that〃　more　frequently　quoted　than　any　other　poems　familiar　to　my　girlhood。

Some　of　my　work…folk　acquaintances　were　regular　subscribers　to　〃Blackwood's　Magazine〃　and　the　〃Westminster〃　and　〃Edinburgh〃　reviews；　and　they　lent　them　to　me。　These；　and　Macaulay's　〃Essays；〃　were　a　great　help　and　delight。　I　had　also　the　reading　of　the　〃Bibliotheca　Sacra　〃　and　the　〃New　Englander；〃　and　sometimes　of　the　〃North　American　Review。〃

By　the　time　I　had　come　down　to　Wordsworth　and　Coleridge　in　my　readings　of　English　poetry；　I　was　enjoying　it　all　so　much　that　I　could　not　any　longer　call　it　study。

A　gift　from　a　friend　of　Griswold's　〃Poets　and　Poetry　of　England〃　gave　me　my　first　knowledge　of　Tennyson。　It　was　a　great　experience　to　read　〃Locksley　Hall〃　for　the　first　time　while　it　was　yet　a　new　poem；　and　while　one's　own　young　life　was　stirred　by　the　prophetic　spirit　of　the　age　that　gave　it　birth。

I　had　a　friend　about　my　own　age；　and　between　us　there　was　something　very　much　like　what　is　called　a　〃school…girl　friendship；〃　a　kind　of　intimacy　supposed　to　be　superficial；　but　often　as　deep　and　permanent　as　it　is　pleasant。

Eliza　and　I　managed　to　see　each　other　every　day；　we　exchanged　confidences；　laughed　and　cried　together；　read；　wrote；　walked；　visited；　and　studied　together。　Her　dress　always　had　an　airy　touch　which　I　admired；　although　I　was　rather　indifferent　as　to　what　I　wore　myself。　But　she　would　endeavor　to　〃fix　me　up〃　tastefully；　while　I　would　help　her　to　put　her　compositions　for　the　〃Offering〃　into　proper　style。　She　had　not　begun　to　go　to　school　at　two　years　old；　repeating　the　same　routine　of　study　every　year　of　her　childhood；　as　I　had。　　When　a　child；　I　should　have　thought　it　almost　as　much　of　a　disgrace　to　spell　a　word　wrong；　or　make　a　mistake　in　the　multiplication　table；　as　to　break　one　of　the　Ten　Commandments。　I　was　astonished　to　find　that　Eliza　and　other　friends　had　not　been　as　particularly　dealt　with　in　their　early　education。　But　she　knew　her　deficiencies；　and　earned　money　enough　to　leave　her　work　and　attend　a　day…school　part　of　the　year。

She　was　an　ambitious　scholar；　and　she　persuaded　me　into　studying　the　German　language　with　her。　A　native　professor　had　formed　a　class　among　young　women　connected　with　the　mills；　and　we　joined　it。　We　met；　six　or　eight　of　us；　at　the　home　of　two　of　these　young　women；a　factory　boarding…house；in　a　neat　little　parlor　which　contained　a　piano。　The　professor　was　a　music…teacher　also；　and　he　sometimes　brought　his　guitar；　and　let　us　finish　our　recitation　with　a　concert。　More　frequently　he　gave　us　the　songs　of　Deutschland　that　we　begged　for。　He　sang　the　〃Erl…King〃　in　his　own　tongue　admirably。　We　went　through　Follen's　German　Grammar　and　Reader：what　a　choice　collection　of　extracts　that　〃Reader〃　was！　We　conquered　the　difficult　gutturals；　like　those　in　the　numeral　〃acht　und　achtzig〃　（the　test　of　our　pronouncing　abilities）　so　completely　that　the　professor　told　us　a　native　really　would　understand　us！　At　his　request；　I　put　some　little　German　songs　into　English；　which　he　published　as　sheet…music；　with　my　name。　To　hear　my　words　sung　quite　gave　me　the　feeling　of　a　successful　translator。　The　professor　had　his　own　distinctive　name　for　each　of　his　pupils。　Eliza　was　〃Naivete；〃　from　her　artless　manners　；　and　me　he　called　〃　Etheria；〃　probably　on　account　of　my　star…　gazing　and　verse…writing　habits。　Certainly　there　was　never　anything　ethereal　in　my　visible　presence。

A　botany　class　was　formed　in　town　by　a　literary　lady　who　was　preparing　a　school　text…book　on　the　subject；　and　Eliza　and　I　joined　that　also。　The　most　I　recall　about　that　is　the　delightful　flower…hunting　rambles　we　took　together。　The　Linnaean　system；　then　in　use；　did　not　give　us　a　very　satisfactory　key　to　the　science。　But　we　made　the　acquaintance　of　hitherto　unfamiliar　wild　flowers　that　grew　around　us；　and　that　was　the　opening　to　us　of　another　door　towards　the　Beautiful。

Our　minister　offered　to　instruct　the　young　people　of　his　parish　in　ethics；　and　my　sister　Emilie　and　myself　were　among　his　pupils。　We　came　to　regard　Wayland's　〃Moral　Science〃　（our　text…book）　as　most　interesting　reading；　and　it　furnished　us　with　many　subjects　for　thought　and　for　social　discussion。

Carlyle's　〃Hero…Worship〃　brought　us　a　startling　and　keen　enjoyment。　It　was　lent　me　by　a　Dartmouth　College　student；　the　brother　of　one　of　my　room…mates；　soon　after　it　was　first　published　in　this　country。　The　young　man　did　not　seem　to　know　exactly　what　to　think　of　it；　and　wanted　another　reader's　opinion。　Few　persons　could　have　welcomed　those　early　writings　of　Carlyle　more　enthusiastically　than　some　of　us　working…girls　did。　The　very　ruggedness　of　the　sentences　had　a　fascination　for　us；　like　that　of　climbing　over　loose　bowlders　in　a　mountain　scramble　to　get　sight　of　a　wonderful　landscape。

My　room…mate；　the　student's　sister；　was　the　possessor　of　an　electrifying　new　poem；〃Festus；〃that　we　sat　up　nights　to　read。　It　does　not　seem　as　if　it　could　be　more　than　forty　years　since　Sarah　and　I　looked　up　into　each　other's　face　from　the　page　as　the　lamplight　grew　dim；　and　said；　quoting　from　the　poem；

〃Who　can　mistake　great　thoughts？〃

She　gave　me　the　volume　afterwards；　when　we　went　West　together；　and　I　have　it　still。　Its　questions　and　conjectures　were　like　a　glimpse　into　the　chaos　of　our　own　dimly　developing　inner　life。　The　fascination　of　〃Festus〃　was　that　of　wonder；　doubt；　and　dissent；　with　great　outbursts　of　an　overmastering　faith　sweeping　over　our　minds　as　we　read。　Some　of　our　friends　thought　it　not　quite　safe　reading；　but　we　remember　it　as　one　of　the　inspirations　of　our　workaday　youth。

We　read　books；　also；　that　bore　directly　upon　the　condition　of　humanity　in　our　time。　〃The　Glory　and　Shame　of　England〃　was　one　of　them；　and　it　stirred　us　with　a　wonderful　and　painful　interest。

We　followed　travelers　and　explorers；Layard　to　Nineveh；　and　Stephens　to　Yucatan。　And　we　were　as　fond　of　good　story…books　as　any　girls　that　live　in　these　days　of　overflowing　libraries。　One　book；　a　character…picture　from　history；　had　a　wide　popularity　in　those　days。　It　is　a　pity　that　it　should　be　unfamiliar　to　modern　girlhood；Ware's　〃Zenobia。〃　The　Queen　of　Palmyra　walked　among