the moon and sixpence(月球和六便士)-第26章
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I looked at him quickly。 He lowered his eyes。 That answer of his
seemed to me strangely humiliating。 He was conscious that she regarded
him with an indifference so profound that the sight of his handwriting
would have not the slightest effect on her。
〃Do you really believe that she'll ever come back to you？〃 I asked。
〃I want her to know that if the worst comes to the worst she can count
on me。 That's what I want you to tell her。〃
I took a sheet of paper。
〃What is it exactly you wish me to say？〃
This is what I wrote：
DEAR MRS。 STROEVE；
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Chapter XXXIV
But though I was no less convinced than Stroeve that the connection
between Strickland and Blanche would end disastrously； I did not expect
the issue to take the tragic form it did。 The summer came； breathless and
sultry； and even at night there was no coolness to rest one's jaded nerves。
The sun…baked streets seemed to give back the heat that had beat down on
them during the day； and the passers…by dragged their feet along them
wearily。 I had not seen Strickland for weeks。 Occupied with other things；
I had ceased to think of him and his affairs。 Dirk； with his vain
lamentations； had begun to bore me； and I avoided his society。 It was a
sordid business； and I was not inclined to trouble myself with it further。
One morning I was working。 I sat in my Pyjamas。 My thoughts
wandered； and I thought of the sunny beaches of Brittany and the
freshness of the sea。 By my side was the empty bowl in which the
concierge had brought me my and the fragment of
croissant which I had not had appetite enough to eat。 I heard the concierge
in the next room emptying my bath。 There was a tinkle at my bell； and I
left her to open the door。 In a moment I heard Stroeve's voice asking if I
was in。 Without moving； I shouted to him to come。 He entered the room
quickly； and came up to the table at which I sat。
〃She's killed herself；〃 he said hoarsely。
〃What do you mean？〃 I cried； startled。
He made movements with his lips as though he were speaking； but no
sound issued from them。 He gibbered like an idiot。 My heart thumped
against my ribs； and； I do not know why； I flew into a temper。
〃For God's sake； collect yourself； man；〃 I said。 〃What on earth are
you talking about？〃
He made despairing gestures with his hands； but still no words came
from his mouth。 He might have been struck dumb。 I do not know what
came over me； I took him by the shoulders and shook him。 Looking
back； I am vexed that I made such a fool of myself； I suppose the last
restless nights had shaken my nerves more than I knew。
〃Let me sit down；〃 he gasped at length。
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I filled a glass with St。 Galmier； and gave it to him to drink。 I held it
to his mouth as though he were a child。 He gulped down a mouthful； and
some of it was spilt on his shirt…front。
〃Who's killed herself？〃
I do not know why I asked； for I knew whom he meant。 He made an
effort to collect himself。
〃They had a row last night。 He went away。〃
〃Is she dead？〃
〃No； they've taken her to the hospital。〃
〃Then what are you talking about？〃 I cried impatiently。 〃Why did
you say she'd killed herself？〃
〃Don't be cross with me。 I can't tell you anything if you talk to me
like that。〃
I clenched my hands； seeking to control my irritation。 I attempted a
smile。
〃I'm sorry。 Take your time。 Don't hurry； there's a good fellow。〃
His round blue eyes behind the spectacles were ghastly with terror。
The magnifying…glasses he wore distorted them。
〃When the concierge went up this morning to take a letter she could
get no answer to her ring。 She heard someone groaning。 The door wasn't
locked； and she went in。 Blanche was lying on the bed。 She'd been
frightfully sick。 There was a bottle of oxalic acid on the table。〃
Stroeve hid his face in his hands and swayed backwards and forwards；
groaning。
〃Was she conscious？〃
〃Yes。 Oh； if you knew how she's suffering！ I can't bear it。 I can't bear
it。〃
His voice rose to a shriek。
〃Damn it all； you haven't got to bear it；〃 I cried impatiently。 〃She's got
to bear it。〃
〃How can you be so cruel？〃
〃What have you done？〃
〃They sent for a doctor and for me； and they told the police。 I'd given
the concierge twenty francs； and told her to send for me if anything
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The Moon and Sixpence
happened。〃
He paused a minute； and I saw that what he had to tell me was very
hard to say。
〃When I went she wouldn't speak to me。 She told them to send me
away。 I swore that I forgave her everything； but she wouldn't listen。
She tried to beat her head against the wall。 The doctor told me that I
mustn't remain with her。 She kept on saying； ‘Send him away！' I went；
and waited in the studio。 And when the ambulance came and they put her
on a stretcher； they made me go in the kitchen so that she shouldn't know I
was there。〃
While I dressed for Stroeve wished me to go at once with him to the
hospital he told me that he had arranged for his wife to have a private
room； so that she might at least be spared the sordid promiscuity of a ward。
On our way he explained to me why he desired my presence； if she still
refused to see him； perhaps she would see me。 He begged me to repeat
to her that he loved her still； he would reproach her for nothing； but
desired only to help her； he made no claim on her； and on her recovery
would not seek to induce her to return to him； she would be perfectly free。
But when we arrived at the hospital； a gaunt； cheerless building； the
mere sight of which was enough to make one's heart sick； and after being
directed from this official to that； up endless stairs and through long； bare
corridors； found the doctor in charge of the case； we were told that the
patient was too ill to see anyone that day。 The doctor was a little bearded
man in white； with an offhand manner。 He evidently looked upon a case as
a case； and anxious relatives as a nuisance which must be treated with
firmness。 Moreover； to him the affair was commonplace； it was just an
hysterical woman who had quarrelled with her lover and taken poison； it
was constantly happening。 At first he thought that Dirk was the cause of
the disaster； and he was needlessly brusque with him。 When I explained
that he was the husband； anxious to forgive； the doctor looked at him
suddenly； with curious； searching eyes。 I seemed to see in them a hint of
mockery； it was true that Stroeve had the head of the husband who is
deceived。 The doctor faintly shrugged his shoulders。
〃There is no immediate danger；〃 he said； in answer to our questioning。
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〃One doesn't know how much she took。 It may be that she will get off
with a fright。 Women are constantly trying to commit suicide for love；
but generally they take care not to succeed。 It's generally a gesture to
arouse pity or terror in their lover。〃
There was in his tone a frigid contempt。 It was obvious that to him
Blanche Stroeve was only a unit to be added to the statistical list of
attempted suicides in the city of Paris during the current year。 He was
busy； and could waste no more time on us。 He told us that if we came at
a certain hour next day； should Blanche be better； it might be possible for
her husband to see her。
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Chapter XXXV
I scarcely know how we got through that day。 Stroeve could not
bear to be alone； and I exhausted myself in efforts to distract him。 I took
him to the Louvre； and he pretended to look at pictures； but I saw that his
thoughts were constantly with his wife。 I forced him to eat； and after
luncheon I induced him to lie down； but he could not sleep。 He accepted
willingly my invitation to remain for a few days in my apartment。 I gave
him books to read； but after a page or two he would put the book down
and stare miserably into space。 During the evening we played innumerable
games of piquet； and bravely； not to disappoint my efforts； he tried to
appear interested。 Finally I gave him a draught； and he sank into uneasy
slumber。
When we went again to the hospital we saw a nursing sister。 She told
us that Blanche seemed a little better； and she went in to ask if she would
see her husband。 We heard voices in the room in which she lay； and
presently the nurse returned to say that the patient refused to see anyone。
We had told her that if she refused to see Dirk the nurse was to ask if she
would see me； but this she refused also。 Dirk's lips trembled。
〃I dare not insist；〃 said the nurse。 〃She is too ill。 Perhaps in a day or
two she may change her mi
