the moon and sixpence(月球和六便士)-第30章
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〃My dear fellow； what the hell do you suppose I care what you think of
me？〃
〃Damn it all；〃 I said； more violently because I had an inkling my
motive was none too creditable； 〃I don't want to know you。〃
〃Are you afraid I shall corrupt you？〃
His tone made me feel not a little ridiculous。 I knew that he was
looking at me sideways； with a sardonic smile。
〃I suppose you are hard up；〃 I remarked insolently。 〃I should be a
damned fool if I thought I had any chance of borrowing money from you。〃
〃You've come down in the world if you can bring yourself to flatter。〃
He grinned。
〃You'll never really dislike me so long as I give you the opportunity to
get off a good thing now and then。〃
I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from laughing。 What he said
had a hateful truth in it； and another defect of my character is that I enjoy
the company of those； however depraved； who can give me a Roland for
my Oliver。 I began to feel that my abhorrence for Strickland could only
be sustained by an effort on my part。 I recognised my moral weakness；
but saw that my disapprobation had in it already something of a pose； and
I knew that if I felt it； his own keen instinct had discovered it； too。 He
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was certainly laughing at me up his sleeve。 I left him the last word； and
sought refuge in a shrug of the shoulders and taciturnity。
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The Moon and Sixpence
Chapter XLI
We arrived at the house in which I lived。 I would not ask him to
come in with me； but walked up the stairs without a word。 He followed me；
and entered the apartment on my heels。 He had not been in it before； but
he never gave a glance at the room I had been at pains to make pleasing to
the eye。 There was a tin of tobacco on the table； and； taking out his pipe；
he filled it。 He sat down on the only chair that had no arms and tilted
himself on the back legs。
〃If you're going to make yourself at home； why don't you sit in an arm…
chair？〃 I asked irritably。
〃Why are you concerned about my comfort？〃
〃I'm not；〃 I retorted； 〃but only about my own。 It makes me
uncomfortable to see someone sit on an uncomfortable chair。〃
He chuckled； but did not move。 He smoked on in silence； taking no
further notice of me； and apparently was absorbed in thought。 I
wondered why he had come。
Until long habit has blunted the sensibility； there is something
disconcerting to the writer in the instinct which causes him to take an
interest in the singularities of human nature so absorbing that his moral
sense is powerless against it。 He recognises in himself an artistic
satisfaction in the contemplation of evil which a little startles him； but
sincerity forces him to confess that the disapproval he feels for certain
actions is not nearly so strong as his curiosity in their reasons。 The
character of a scoundrel； logical and complete； has a fascination for his
creator which is an outrage to law and order。 I expect that Shakespeare
devised Iago with a gusto which he never knew when； weaving
moonbeams with his fancy； he imagined Desdemona。 It may be that in
his rogues the writer gratifies instincts deep…rooted in him； which the
manners and customs of a civilised world have forced back to the
mysterious recesses of the subconscious。 In giving to the character of his
invention flesh and bones he is giving life to that part of himself which
finds no other means of expression。 His satisfaction is a sense of
liberation。
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The writer is more concerned to know than to judge。
There was in my soul a perfectly genuine horror of Strickland； and
side by side with it a cold curiosity to discover his motives。 I was puzzled
by him； and I was eager to see how he regarded the tragedy he had caused
in the lives of people who had used him with so much kindness。 I
applied the scalpel boldly。
〃Stroeve told me that picture you painted of his wife was the best thing
you've ever done。〃
Strickland took his pipe out of his mouth； and a smile lit up his eyes。
〃It was great fun to do。〃
〃Why did you give it him？〃
〃I'd finished it。 It wasn't any good to me。〃
〃Do you know that Stroeve nearly destroyed it？〃
〃It wasn't altogether satisfactory。〃
He was quiet for a moment or two； then he took his pipe out of his
mouth again； and chuckled。
〃Do you know that the little man came to see me？〃
〃Weren't you rather touched by what he had to say？〃
〃No； I thought it damned silly and sentimental。〃
〃I suppose it escaped your memory that you'd ruined his life？〃 I
remarked。
He rubbed his bearded chin reflectively。
〃He's a very bad painter。〃
〃But a very good man。〃
〃And an excellent cook；〃 Strickland added derisively。
His callousness was inhuman； and in my indignation I was not inclined
to mince my words。
〃As a mere matter of curiosity I wish you'd tell me； have you felt the
smallest twinge of remorse for Blanche Stroeve's death？〃
I watched his face for some change of expression； but it remained
impassive。
〃Why should I？〃 he asked。
〃Let me put the facts before you。 You were dying； and Dirk Stroeve
took you into his own house。 He nursed you like a mother。 He sacrificed
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his time and his comfort and his money for you。 He snatched you from the
jaws of death。〃
Strickland shrugged his shoulders。
〃The absurd little man enjoys doing things for other people。 That's his
life。〃
〃Granting that you owed him no gratitude； were you obliged to go out
of your way to take his wife from him？ Until you came on the scene they
were happy。 Why couldn't you leave them alone？〃
〃What makes you think they were happy？〃
〃It was evident。〃
〃You are a discerning fellow。 Do you think she could ever have
forgiven him for what he did for her？〃
〃What do you mean by that？〃
〃Don't you know why he married her？〃
I shook my head。
〃She was a governess in the family of some Roman prince； and the son
of the house seduced her。 She thought he was going to marry her。 They
turned her out into the street neck and crop。 She was going to have a baby；
and she tried to commit suicide。 Stroeve found her and married her。〃
〃It was just like him。 I never knew anyone with so compassionate a
heart。〃
I had often wondered why that ill…assorted pair had married； but just
that explanation had never occurred to me。 That was perhaps the cause
of the peculiar quality of Dirk's love for his wife。 I had noticed in it
something more than passion。 I remembered also how I had always
fancied that her reserve concealed I knew not what； but now I saw in it
more than the desire to hide a shameful secret。 Her tranquillity was like
the sullen calm that broods over an island which has been swept by a
hurricane。 Her cheerfulness was the cheerfulness of despair。 Strickland
interrupted my reflections with an observation the profound cynicism of
which startled me。
〃A woman can forgive a man for the harm he does her；〃 he said； 〃but
she can never forgive him for the sacrifices he makes on her account。〃
〃It must be reassuring to you to know that you certainly run no risk of
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incurring the resentment of the women you come in contact with；〃 I
retorted。
A slight smile broke on his lips。
〃You are always prepared to sacrifice your principles for a repartee；〃
he answered。
〃What happened to the child？〃
〃Oh； it was still…born； three or four months after they were married。〃
Then I came to the question which had seemed to me most puzzling。
〃Will you tell me why you bothered about Blanche Stroeve at all？〃
He did not answer for so long that I nearly repeated it。
〃How do I know？〃 he said at last。 〃She couldn't bear the sight of me。
It amused me。〃
〃I see。〃
He gave a sudden flash of anger。
〃Damn it all； I wanted her。〃
But he recovered his temper immediately； and looked at me with a
smile。
〃At first she was horrified。〃
〃Did you tell her？〃
〃There wasn't any need。 She knew。 I never said a word。 She was
frightened。 At last I took her。〃
I do not know what there was in the way he told me this that
extraordinarily suggested the violence of his desire。 It was disconcerting
and rather horrible。 His life was strangely divorced from material things；
and it was as though his body at times wreaked a fearful revenge on his
spirit。 The satyr in him suddenly took possession； and he was powerless
in the grip of an instinct which had all the strength of the primitive forces
of nature。 It was an obsession so complete that there was no room in his
soul for prudence or gratitude。
〃But why did you want to take her away with you？〃 I asked。
〃I didn't；〃 he answered； frowning。 〃When she said she was coming I
was nearly as surprised as Stroeve。 I told her that when I'd had enough of
her she'd have to go； and she said she'd risk that。〃 He paused a little。
