the moon and sixpence(月球和六便士)-第8章
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while she grew calmer。
〃It's no good making a fool of myself；〃 she said； drying her eyes。 〃The
only thing is to decide what is the best thing to do。〃
She went on； talking somewhat at random； now of the recent past； then
of their first meeting and their marriage； but presently I began to form a
fairly coherent picture of their lives； and it seemed to me that my surmises
had not been incorrect。 Mrs。 Strickland was the daughter of an Indian
civilian； who on his retirement had settled in the depths of the country； but
it was his habit every August to take his family to Eastbourne for change
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of air； and it was here； when she was twenty； that she met Charles
Strickland。 He was twenty…three。 They played together； walked on the
front together； listened together to the nigger minstrels； and she had made
up her mind to accept him a week before he proposed to her。 They lived
in London； first in Hampstead； and then； as he grew more prosperous； in
town。 Two children were born to them。
〃He always seemed very fond of them。 Even if he was tired of me； I
wonder that he had the heart to leave them。 It's all so incredible。 Even
now I can hardly believe it's true。〃
At last she showed me the letter he had written。 I was curious to see it；
but had not ventured to ask for it。
〃MY DEAR AMY；
〃CHARLES STRICKLAND。〃
〃Not a word of explanation or regret。 Don't you think it's
inhuman？〃
〃It's a very strange letter under the circumstances；〃 I replied。
〃There's only one explanation； and that is that he's not himself。 I don't
know who this woman is who's got hold of him； but she's made him into
another man。 It's evidently been going on a long time。〃
〃What makes you think that？〃
〃Fred found that out。 My husband said he went to the club three or
four nights a week to play bridge。 Fred knows one of the members； and
said something about Charles being a great bridge…player。 The man was
surprised。 He said he'd never even seen Charles in the card…room。 It's
quite clear now that when I thought Charles was at his club he was with
her。〃
I was silent for a moment。 Then I thought of the children。
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〃It must have been difficult to explain to Robert；〃 I said。
〃Oh； I never said a word to either of them。 You see； we only came up
to town the day before they had to go back to school。 I had the presence of
mind to say that their father had been called away on business。〃
It could not have been very easy to be bright and careless with that
sudden secret in her heart； nor to give her attention to all the things that
needed doing to get her children comfortably packed off。 Mrs。
Strickland's voice broke again。
〃And what is to happen to them； poor darlings？ How are we going to
live？〃
She struggled for self…control； and I saw her hands clench and
unclench spasmodically。 It was dreadfully painful。
〃Of course I'll go over to Paris if you think I can do any good； but you
must tell me exactly what you want me to do。〃
〃I want him to come back。〃
〃I understood from Colonel MacAndrew that you'd made up your
mind to divorce him。〃
〃I'll never divorce him；〃 she answered with a sudden violence。 〃Tell
him that from me。 He'll never be able to marry that woman。 I'm as
obstinate as he is； and I'll never divorce him。 I have to think of my
children。〃
I think she added this to explain her attitude to me； but I thought it was
due to a very natural jealousy rather than to maternal solicitude。
〃Are you in love with him still？〃
〃I don't know。 I want him to come back。 If he'll do that we'll let
bygones be bygones。 After all； we've been married for seventeen years。
I'm a broadminded woman。 I wouldn't have minded what he did as long
as I knew nothing about it。 He must know that his infatuation won't last。
If he'll come back now everything can be smoothed over； and no one will
know anything about it。〃
It chilled me a little that Mrs。 Strickland should be concerned with
gossip； for I did not know then how great a part is played in women's life
by the opinion of others。 It throws a shadow of insincerity over their most
deeply felt emotions。
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It was known where Strickland was staying。 His partner； in a violent
letter； sent to his bank； had taunted him with hiding his whereabouts： and
Strickland； in a cynical and humourous reply； had told his partner exactly
where to find him。 He was apparently living in an Hotel。
〃I've never heard of it；〃 said Mrs。 Strickland。 〃But Fred knows it
well。 He says it's very expensive。〃
She flushed darkly。 I imagined that she saw her husband installed in
a luxurious suite of rooms； dining at one smart restaurant after another；
and she pictured his days spent at race…meetings and his evenings at the
play。
〃It can't go on at his age；〃 she said。 〃After all； he's forty。 I could
understand it in a young man； but I think it's horrible in a man of his years；
with children who are nearly grown up。 His health will never stand it。〃
Anger struggled in her breast with misery。
〃Tell him that our home cries out for him。 Everything is just the
same； and yet everything is different。 I can't live without him。 I'd
sooner kill myself。 Talk to him about the past； and all we've gone
through together。 What am I to say to the children when they ask for him？
His room is exactly as it was when he left it。 It's waiting for him。 We're
all waiting for him。〃
Now she told me exactly what I should say。 She gave me elaborate
answers to every possible observation of his。
〃You will do everything you can for me？〃 she said pitifully。 〃Tell him
what a state I'm in。〃
I saw that she wished me to appeal to his sympathies by every means
in my power。 She was weeping freely。 I was extraordinarily touched。
I felt indignant at Strickland's cold cruelty； and I promised to do all I could
to bring him back。 I agreed to go over on the next day but one； and to stay
in Paris till I had achieved something。 Then； as it was growing late and
we were both exhausted by so much emotion； I left her。
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Chapter XI
During the journey I thought over my errand with misgiving。 Now
that I was free from the spectacle of Mrs。 Strickland's distress I could
consider the matter more calmly。 I was puzzled by the contradictions
that I saw in her behaviour。 She was very unhappy； but to excite my
sympathy she was able to make a show of her unhappiness。 It was
evident that she had been prepared to weep； for she had provided herself
with a sufficiency of handkerchiefs； I admired her forethought； but in
retrospect it made her tears perhaps less moving。 I could not decide
whether she desired the return of her husband because she loved him； or
because she dreaded the tongue of scandal； and I was perturbed by the
suspicion that the anguish of love contemned was alloyed in her broken
heart with the pangs； sordid to my young mind； of wounded vanity。 I had
not yet learnt how contradictory is human nature； I did not know how
much pose there is in the sincere； how much baseness in the noble； nor
how much goodness in the reprobate。
But there was something of an adventure in my trip； and my spirits
rose as I approached Paris。 I saw myself； too； from the dramatic
standpoint； and I was pleased with my role of the trusted friend bringing
back the errant husband to his forgiving wife。 I made up my mind to see
Strickland the following evening； for I felt instinctively that the hour must
be chosen with delicacy。 An appeal to the emotions is little likely to be
effectual before luncheon。 My own thoughts were then constantly
occupied with love； but I never could imagine connubial bliss till after tea。
I enquired at my hotel for that in which Charles Strickland was living。
It was called the Hotel des Belges。 But the concierge； somewhat to my
surprise； had never heard of it。 I had understood from Mrs。 Strickland that
it was a large and sumptuous place at the back of the Rue de Rivoli。 We
looked it out in the directory。 The only hotel of that name was in the Rue
des Moines。 The quarter was not fashionable； it was not even respectable。
I shook my head。
〃I'm sure that's not it；〃 I said。
The concierge shrugged his shoulders。 There was no other hotel of
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that name in Paris。 It occurred to me that Strickland had concealed his
address； after all。 In giving his partner the one I knew he was perhaps
playing a trick on him。 I do not know why I h
