memoirs of carwin the biloquist(卡尔维恩)-第7章
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Ludloe。 At the next breakfast interview which took place； I introduced
the subject； and expatiated without reserve； on the state of my feelings。 I
concluded with entreating him to point out some path in which my talents
might be rendered useful to himself or to mankind。
After a pause of some minutes； he said； What would you do？ You
forget the immaturity of your age。 If you are qualified to act a part in the
theatre of life； step forth； but you are not qualified。 You want knowledge；
and with this you ought previously to endow yourself。 。 。 。 。 Means； for
this end； are within your reach。 Why should you waste your time in
idleness； and torment yourself with unprofitable wishes？ Books are at
hand 。 。 。 。 books from which most sciences and languages can be learned。
Read； analise； digest； collect facts； and investigate theories： ascertain the
dictates of reason； and supply yourself with the inclination and the power
to adhere to them。 You will not； legally speaking； be a man in less than
three years。 Let this period be devoted to the acquisition of wisdom。
Either stay here； or retire to an house I have on the banks of Killarney；
where you will find all the conveniences of study。
I could not but reflect with wonder at this man's treatment of me。 I
could plead none of the rights of relationship； yet I enjoyed the privileges
of a son。 He had not imparted to me any scheme； by pursuit of which I
might finally compensate him for the expense to which my maintenance
and education would subject him。 He gave me reason to hope for the
continuance of his bounty。 He talked and acted as if my fortune were
totally disjoined from his； yet was I indebted to him for the morsel which
sustained my life。 Now it was proposed to withdraw myself to studious
leisure； and romantic solitude。 All my wants； personal and intellectual；
were to be supplied gratuitously and copiously。 No means were
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MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST ＇A fragment＇
prescribed by which I might make compensation for all these benefits。 In
conferring them he seemed to be actuated by no view to his own ultimate
advantage。 He took no measures to secure my future services。
I suffered these thoughts to escape me； on this occasion； and observed
that to make my application successful； or useful； it was necessary to
pursue some end。 I must look forward to some post which I might
hereafter occupy beneficially to myself or others； and for which all the
efforts of my mind should be bent to qualify myself。
These hints gave him visible pleasure； and now； for the first time； he
deigned to advise me on this head。 His scheme； however； was not
suddenly produced。 The way to it was circuitous and long。 It was his
business to make every new step appear to be suggested by my own
reflections。 His own ideas were the seeming result of the moment； and
sprung out of the last idea that was uttered。 Being hastily taken up； they
were； of course； liable to objection。 These objections； sometimes occurring
to me and sometimes to him； were admitted or contested with the utmost
candour。 One scheme went through numerous modifications before it
was proved to be ineligible； or before it yielded place to a better。 It was
easy to perceive； that books alone were insufficient to impart knowledge：
that man must be examined with our own eyes to make us acquainted with
their nature： that ideas collected from observation and reading； must
correct and illustrate each other： that the value of all principles； and their
truth； lie in their practical effects。 Hence； gradually arose； the usefulness
of travelling； of inspecting the habits and manners of a nation； and
investigating； on the spot； the causes of their happiness and misery。
Finally； it was determined that Spain was more suitable than any other； to
the views of a judicious traveller。
My language； habits； and religion were mentioned as obstacles to close
and extensive views； but these difficulties successively and slowly
vanished。 Converse with books； and natives of Spain； a steadfast purpose
and unwearied diligence would efface all differences between me and a
Castilian with respect to speech。 Personal habits； were changeable； by the
same means。 The bars to unbounded intercourse； rising from the religion
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MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST ＇A fragment＇
of Spain being irreconcilably opposite to mine； cost us no little trouble to
surmount； and here the skill of Ludloe was eminently displayed。
I had been accustomed to regard as unquestionable； the fallacy of the
Romish faith。 This persuasion was habitual and the child of prejudice；
and was easily shaken by the artifices of this logician。 I was first led to
bestow a kind of assent on the doctrines of the Roman church； but my
convictions were easily subdued by a new species of argumentation； and；
in a short time； I reverted to my ancient disbelief； so that； if an exterior
conformity to the rights of Spain were requisite to the attainment of my
purpose； that conformity must be dissembled。
My moral principles had hitherto been vague and unsettled。 My
circumstances had led me to the frequent practice of insincerity； but my
transgressions as they were slight and transient； did not much excite my
previous reflections； or subsequent remorse。 My deviations； however；
though rendered easy by habit； were by no means sanctioned by my
principles。 Now an imposture； more profound and deliberate； was
projected； and I could not hope to perform well my part； unless steadfastly
and thoroughly persuaded of its rectitude。
My friend was the eulogist of sincerity。 He delighted to trace its
influence on the happiness of mankind； and proved that nothing but the
universal practice of this virtue was necessary to the perfection of human
society。 His doctrine was splendid and beautiful。 To detect its
imperfections was no easy task； to lay the foundations of virtue in utility；
and to limit； by that scale； the operation of general principles； to see that
the value of sincerity； like that of every other mode of action； consisted in
its tendency to good； and that； therefore the obligation to speak truth was
not paramount or intrinsical： that my duty is modelled on a knowledge
and foresight of the conduct of others； and that； since men in their actual
state； are infirm and deceitful； a just estimate of consequences may
sometimes make dissimulation my duty were truths that did not speedily
occur。 The discovery； when made； appeared to be a joint work。 I saw
nothing in Ludlow but proofs of candour； and a judgment incapable of
bias。
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The means which this man employed to fit me for his purpose； perhaps
owed their success to my youth and ignorance。 I may have given you
exaggerated ideas of his dexterity and address。 Of that I am unable to
judge。 Certain it is； that no time or reflection has abated my
astonishment at the profoundness of his schemes； and the perseverance
with which they were pursued by him。 To detail their progress would
expose me to the risk of being tedious； yet none but minute details would
sufficiently display his patience and subtlety。
It will suffice to relate； that after a sufficient period of preparation and
arrangements being made for maintaining a copious intercourse with
Ludlow； I embarked for Barcelona。 A restless curiosity and vigorous
application have distinguished my character in every scene。 Here was
spacious field for the exercise of all my energies。 I sought out a
preceptor in my new religion。 I entered into the hearts of priests and
confessors； the ~hidalgo~ and the peasant； the monk and the prelate； the
austere and voluptuous devotee were scrutinized in all their forms。
Man was the chief subject of my study； and the social sphere that in
which I principally moved； but I was not inattentive to inanimate nature；
nor unmindful of the past。 If the scope of virtue were to maintain the
body in health； and to furnish its highest enjoyments to every sense； to
increase the number； and accuracy； and order of our intellectual stores； no
virtue was ever more unblemished than mine。 If to act upon our
conceptions of right； and to acquit ourselves of all prejudice and
selfishness in the formation of our principles； entitle us to the testimony of
a good conscience； I might justly claim it。
I shall not pretend to ascertain my rank in the moral scale。 Your
notions of duty differ widely from mine。 If a system of deceit； pursued
merely from the love of truth； if voluptuousness； never gratified at the
expense of health； may incur censure； I am censurable。 This； indeed； was
not the limit of my deviations。 Deception was often unnecessarily
practised； and my biloquial faculty did not lie unemployed。 What has
happened to yourselves may enable you； in some degree； to judge of the
scenes in which my mystical exploits engaged me。 In none of them；
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