the turmoil-第23章

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him。　　It　all　meant　Mary。





But　when　she　asked　him　what　it　meant；on　their　homeward　way；　he　was　　silent。

They　had　come　a　few　paces　from　the　church　without　speaking；　　walking　slowly。



〃I'll　tell　you　what　it　meant　to　me；〃　she　said；　as　he　did　not　immediately

reply。　　〃Almost　any　music　of　Handel's　always　means　one　thing　above　all　　others

to　me：　courage！　　That's　it。　　It　makes　cowardice　of　whining　seem　so

infinitesimalit　makes　MOST　things　in　our　hustling　little　lives　seem

infinitesimal。〃



〃Yes；〃　he　said。　　〃It　seems　odd；　doesn't　it；　that　people　down…town　are

hurrying　to　trains　and　hanging　to　straps　in　trolley…cars；　weltering　every　　way

to　get　home　and　feed　and　sleep　so　they　can　get　down…town　to…morrow。　　　And　yet

there　isn't　anything　down　there　worth　getting　to。　　They're　like　　servants

drudging　to　keep　the　house　going；　and　believing　the　drudgery　　itself　is　the

great　thing。　　They　make　so　much　noise　and　fuss　and　dirt　　they　forget　that　the

house　was　meant　to　live　in。　　The　housework　has　to　be　　done；　but　the　people　who

do　it　have　been　so　overpaid　that　they're　　confused　and　worship　the　housework。

They're　overpaid；　and　yet；　poor　　things！　they　haven't　anything　that　a　chicken

can't　have。　　Of　course；　when　　the　world　gets　to　paying　its　wages　sensibly　that

will　be　different。〃



〃Do　you　mean　'communism'？〃　she　asked；　and　she　made　their　slow　pace　a　　little

slowerthey　had　only　three　blocks　to　go。



〃Whatever　the　word　is；　I　only　mean　that　things　don't　look　very　sensible

nowespecially　to　a　man　that　wants　to　keep　out　of　'em　and　can't！

'Communism'？　　Well；　at　least　any　'decent　sport'　would　say　it's　fair　for　　all

the　strong　runners　to　start　from　the　same　mark　and　give　the　weak　ones　　a　fair

distance　ahead；　so　that　all　can　run　something　like　even　on　the　　stretch。　　And

wouldn't　it　be　pleasant；　really；　if　they　could　all　cross　　the　winning…line

together？　　Who　really　enjoys　beating　anybodyif　he　　sees　the　beaten　man's

face？　　The　only　way　we　can　enjoy　getting　ahead　of　　other　people　nowadays　is　by

forgetting　what　the　other　people　feel。　　And　　that；〃　he　added；　〃is　nothing　of

what　the　music　meant　to　me。　　You　see；　if　　I　keep　talking　about　what　it　didn't

mean　I　can　keep　from　telling　you　what　　it　did　mean。〃



〃Didn't　it　mean　courage　to　you；　tooa　little？〃　she　asked。　　〃Triumph　　and

praise　were　in　it；　and　somehow　those　things　mean　courage　to　me。〃



〃Yes；　they　were　all　there；〃　Bibbs　said。　　〃I　don't　know　the　name　of　what　　he

played；　but　I　shouldn't　think　it　would　matter　much。　　The　man　that　　makes　the

music　must　leave　it　to　you　what　it　can　mean　to　you；　and　the　　name　he　puts　to

it　can't　make　much　differenceexcept　to　himself　and　　people　very　much　like

him；　I　suppose。〃



〃I　suppose　that's　true；　though　I'd　never　thought　of　it　like　that。〃



〃I　image　music　must　make　feelings　and　paint　pictures　in　the　minds　of　the

people　who　hear　it；〃　Bibbs　went　on；　musingly；　〃according　to　their　own　　natures

as　much　as　according　to　the　music　itself。　　The　musician　might　　compose

something　and　play　it；　wanting　you　to　think　of　the　Holy　Grail；　　and　some

people　who　heard　it　would　think　of　a　prayer…meeting；　and　some　　would　think　of

how　good　they　were　themselves；　and　a　boy　might　think　of　　himself　at　the　head

of　a　solemn　procession；　carrying　a　banner　and　riding　　a　white　horse。　　And

then；　if　there　were　some　jubilant　passages　in　the　　music；　he'd　think　of　a

circus。〃



They　had　reached　her　gate；　and　she　set　her　hand　upon　it；　but　did　not　open　　it。

Bibbs　felt　that　this　was　almost　the　kindest　of　her　kindnessesnot　　to　be

prompt　in　leaving　him。



〃After　all；〃　she　said；　〃you　didn't　tell　me　whether　you　liked　it。〃



〃No。　　I　didn't　need　to。〃



〃No；　that's　true；　and　I　didn't　need　to　ask。　　I　knew。　　But　you　said　you　　were

trying　to　keep　from　telling　me　what　it　did　mean。〃



〃I　can't　keep　from　telling　it　any　longer；〃　he　said。　　〃The　music　meant　to

meit　meant　the　kindness　ofof　you。〃



〃Kindness？　　How？〃



〃You　thought　I　was　a　sort　of　lonely　trampand　sick〃



〃No；〃　she　said；　decidedly。　　〃I　thought　perhaps　you'd　like　to　hear　Dr。　　Kraft

play。　　And　you　did。〃



〃It's　curious；　sometimes　it　seemed　to　me　that　it　was　you　who　were　playing。〃



Mary　laughed。　　〃I？　　I　strum！　　Piano。　　A　little　ChopinGrieg　Chaminade。　　You

wouldn't　listen！〃



Bibbs　drew　a　deep　breath。　　〃I'm　frightened　again；〃　he　said；　in　an　　unsteady

voice。　　〃I'm　afraid　you'll　think　I'm　pushing；　but〃　　He　　paused；　and　the

words　sank　to　a　murmur。



〃Oh；　if　you　want　ME　to　play　for　you！〃　she　said。　　〃Yes；　gladly。　　It　will　　be

merely　absurd　after　what　you　heard　this　afternoon。　　I　play　like　a　　hundred

thousand　other　girls；　and　I　like　it。　　I'm　glad　when　any　one's　　willing　to

listen；　and　if　you〃　　She　stopped；　checked　by　a　sudden　　recollection；　and

laughed　ruefully。　　〃But　my　piano　won't　be　here　after　　to…night。　　II'm

sending　it　away　to…morrow。　　I'm　afraid　that　if　you'd　　like　me　to　play　to　you

you'd　have　to　come　this　evening。〃



〃You'll　let　me？〃　he　cried。



〃Certainly；　if　you　care　to。〃



〃If　I　could　play〃　he　said；　wistfully；　〃if　I　could　play　like　that　old　　man　in

the　church　I　could　thank　you。〃



〃Ah；　but　you　haven't　heard　me　play。　　I　KNOW　you　liked　this　afternoon；　but〃



〃Yes；〃　said　Bibbs。　　〃It　was　the　greatest　happiness　I've　ever　known。〃



It　was　too　dark　to　see　his　face；　but　his　voice　held　such　plain　honesty；　　and

he　spoke　with　such　complete　unconsciousness　of　saying　anything　　especially

significant；　that　she　knew　it　was　the　truth。　　For　a　moment　she　　was

nonplussed；　then　she　opened　the　gate　and　went　in。　　〃You'll　come　after　　dinner；

then？〃



〃Yes；〃　he　said；　not　moving。　　〃Would　you　mind　if　I　stood　here　until　time　　to

come　in？〃



She　had　reached　the　steps；　and　at　that　she　turned；　offering　him　the　　response

of　laughter　and　a　gay　gesture　of　her　muff　toward　the　lighted　　windows　of　the

New　House；　as　though　bidding　him　to　run　home　to　his　dinner。



That　night；　Bibbs　sat　writing　in　his　note…book。



Music　can　come　into　a　blank　life；　and　fill　it。　　Everything　that　is　　beautiful

is　music；　if　you　can　listen。



There　is　no　gracefulness　like　that　of　a　graceful　woman　at　a　grand　piano。

There　is　a　swimming　loveliness　of　line　that　seems　to　merge　with　the　　running

of　the　sound；　and　you　seem；　as　you　watch　her；　to　see　what　you　are　　hearing　and

to　hear　what　you　are　seeing。



There　are　women　who　make　you　think　of　pine　woods　coming　down　to　a　　sparkling

sea。　　The　air　about　such　a　woman　is　bracing；　and　when　she　is　　near　you；　you

feel　strong　and　ambitious；　you　forget　that　the　world　　doesn't　like　you。　　You

think　that　perhaps　you　are　a　great　fellow；　after　　all。　　Then　you　come　away　and

feel　like　a　boy　who　has　fallen　in　love　with　　his　Sunday…school　teacher。

You'll　be　whipped　for　itand　ought　to　be。



There　are　women　who　make　you　think　of　Diana；　crowned　with　the　moon。　　But　　they

do　not　have　the　〃Greek　profile。〃　　I　do　not　believe　Helen　of　Troy　had　　a　〃Greek

profile〃；　they　would　not　have　fought　about　her　if　her　nose　had　　been　quite

that　long。　　The　Greek　nose　is　not　the　adorable　nose。　　The　　adorable　nose　is

about　an　eighth　of　an　inch　shorter。



Much　of　the　music　of　Wagner；　it　appears；　is　not　suitable　to　the　piano。

Wagner　was　a　composer　who　could　interpret　into　music　such　things　as　the

primitive　impulses　of　humanityhe　could　have　made　a　machine…shop　into　　music。

But　not　if　he　had　to　work　in　it。　　Wagner　was　always　dealing　in　　immensitiesa

machine…shop　would　have　put　a　majestic　lump　in　so　grand　　a　gizzard　as　that。



There　is　a　mystery　about　pianos；　it　seems。　　Sometimes　they　have　to　be　　〃sent

away。〃　　That　is　how　some　people　speak　of　the　penitentiary。　　〃Sent　　away〃　is　a

euphuism　for　〃sent　to　prison。〃　　But　pianos　are　not　sent　to　　prison；　and　they

are　not　sent　to　the　tunerthe　tuner　is　sent　to　them。　　　Why　are　pianos　〃sent

away〃and　where？



Sometimes　a　glorious　day　shines　into　the　most　ordinary　and　useless　life。

Happiness　and　beauty　come　caroling　out　of　the　air　into　the　gloomy　house　　of

that　life　as　if　some　stray　angel　just　happened　to　perch　on　the　　roof…tree；

resting　and　singing。　　And　the　night　after　such　a　day　is　　lustrous　and　splendid

with　the　memory　of　it。　　Music　and　beauty　and　　kindnessthose　are　the　three

greatest　things　God　can　give　us。　　To　　bring　them　all　in　one　day　to　one　who

expected　nothingah！　the　heart　　that　received　them　should　be　as　humble　as　it

is　thankful。　　But　it　is　hard　　to　be　humble　when　one　is　so　rich　with　new

memories。　　It　is　impossible　to　be　　humble　after　a　day　of　glory。



Yesthe　adorable　nose　is　more　than　an　eighth　of　an　inch　shorter　than　　the

Greek　nose。　　It　is　a　full　quarter　of　an　inch　shorter。



There　are　women　who　will　be　kinder　to　a　sick　tramp　than　to　a　conquering　　hero。

But　the　sick　tramp　had　better　remember　that's　what　he　is。　　Take　　care；　take

care！　　Humble's　the　word！





That　〃mystery　about　pianos〃　which　troubled　Bibbs　had　been　a　mystery　to　　Mr。

Vertrees；　and　it　was　being　explained　to　him　at　about　the　time　Bibbs　　scribbled

the　reference　to　it　in　his　notes。　　Mary　had　gone　up…stairs　upon　　Bibbs's

departure　at　ten　o'clock；　and　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Vertrees　sat　until　　after　midnight

in　the　library；　talking。　　And　in　all　that　time　they　found　　not　one　cheerful

topic；　but　became　more　depressed　with　everything　and　　with　every　phase　of

everything　that　they　discussedno　extraordinary　　state　of　affairs　in　a　family

which　has　always　〃held　up　its　head；〃　only　to　　arrive　in　the　end　at　a　point

where　all　it　can　do　is　to　look　on　helplessly　　at　the　processes　of　its　own

financial　dissolution。　　For　that　was　the　　point　which　this　despairing　couple

had　reachedthey　could　do　nothing　　except　look　on　and　talk　about　it。　　They

were　only　vaporing；　and　they　knew　　it。



〃She　needn't　to　have　done　that　about　her　piano；〃　vapored　Mr。　Vertrees。　　　〃We

could　have　managed　somehow　without　it。　　At　least　she　ought　to　have　　consulted

me；　and　if　she　insisted　I　could　have　arranged　the　details　with　　thethe

dealer。〃



〃She　thought　that　it　might　beannoying　for　you；〃　Mrs。　Vertrees　　explained。

〃Really；　she　planned　for　you　not　to　know　about　it　until　they　　had

removeduntil　after　to…morrow；　that　is；　but　I　decided　toto　　mention　it。

You　see；　she　didn't　even　tell　me　about　it　until　this　　morning。　　She　has

another　ides；　too；　I'm　afraid。　　It'sit's〃



〃Well？〃　he　urged；　as　she　found　it　difficult　to　go　on。



〃Her　other　idea　isthat　is；　it　wasI　think　it　can　be　avoided；　of　　courseit

was　about　her　furs。〃



〃No！〃　he　exclaimed；　quickly。　　〃I　won't　have　it！　　You　must　see　to　that。　　　I'd

rather　not　talk　to　her　about　it；　but　you　mustn't　let　her。〃



〃I'll　try　not；〃　his　wife　promised。　　〃Of　course；　they're　very　handsome。〃



〃All　the　more　reason　for　her　to　keep　them！〃　he　returned；　irritably。　　　〃We're

not　THAT　far　gone；　I　think！〃



〃Perhaps　not　yet；〃　Mrs。　Vertrees　said。　　〃She　seems　to　be　troubled　about

thethe　coal　matter　andabout　Tilly。　　Of　course　the　piano　will　take　　care　of

some　things　like　those　for　a　while　and〃



〃I　don't