hard times(艰难时世)-第45章
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domestics were present； “that what I was； I am no longer。 Indeed；”
said she； “if I could altogether cancel the remembrance that Mr
Sparsit was a Powler； or that I myself am related to the Scadgers
family； or if I could even revoke the fact； and make myself a person
of common descent and ordinary connections； I would gladly do
so。 I should think it； under existing circumstances； right to do so。”
The same Hermitical state of mind led to her renunciation of made
dishes and wines at dinner； until fairly commanded by Mr
Bounderby to take them； when she said； “Indeed you are very
good； sir；” and departed from a resolution of which she had made
rather formal and public announcement； to “wait for the simple
mutton。” She was likewise deeply apologetic for wanting the salt；
and feeling amiably bound to bear out Mr Bounderby to the fullest
extent in the testimony he had borne to her nerves； occasionally
sat back in her chair and silently wept； at which periods a tear of
large dimensions； like a crystal earring； might be observed （or
rather； must be； for it insisted on public notice） sliding down her
Roman nose。
But Mrs Sparsit’s greatest point； first and last； was her
determination to pity Mr Bounderby。 There were occasions when
in looking at him she was involuntarily moved to shake her head；
as who would say； “Alas poor Yorick！” After allowing herself to be
betrayed into these evidences of emotion； she would force a
lambent brightness； and would be fitfully cheerful； and would say；
“You have still good spirits； sir； I am thankful to find；” and would
appear to hail it as a blessed dispensation that Mr Bounderby bore
up as he did。 One idiosyncrasy for which she often apologised； she
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found it excessively difficult to conquer。 She had a curious
propensity to call Mrs Bounderby “Miss Gradgrind；” and yielded
to it some three or four score times in the course of the evening。
Her repetition of this mistake covered Mrs Sparsit with modest
confusion； but indeed； she said； it seemed so natural to say Miss
Gradgrind： whereas； to persuade herself that the young lady
whom she had had the happiness of knowing from a child could be
really and truly Mrs Bounderby； she found almost impossible。 It
was a further singularity of this remarkable case； that the more
she thought about it； the more impossible it appeared； “the
differences；” she observed； “being such。”
In the drawing…room after dinner； Mr Bounderby tried the case
of the robbery； examined the witnesses； made notes of the
evidence； found the suspected persons guilty； and sentenced them
to the extreme punishment of the law。 That done； Bitzer was
dismissed to town with instructions to recommend Tom to come
home by the mail…train。
When candles were brought； Mrs Sparsit murmured； “Don’t be
low； sir。 Pray let me see you cheerful； sir； as I used to do。” Mr
Bounderby； upon whom these consolations had begun to produce
the effect of making him； in a bull headed blundering way；
sentimental； sighed like some large sea…animal。 “I cannot bear to
see you so； sir；” said Mrs Sparsit。 “Try a hand at backgammon； sir；
as you used to do when I had the honour of living under your
roof。”
“I haven’t played backgammon； ma’am；” said Mr Bounderby；
“since that time。”
“No； sir；” said Mrs Sparsit； soothingly； “I am aware that you
have not。 I remember that Miss Gradgrind takes no interest in the
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game。 But I shall be happy； sir； if you will condescend。”
They played near a window； opening on the garden。 It was a
fine night： not moonlight； but sultry and fragrant。 Louisa and Mr
Harthouse strolled out into the garden； where their voices could
be heard in the stillness； though not what they said。 Mrs Sparsit；
from her place at the backgammon board； was constantly
straining her eyes to pierce the shadows without。 “What’s the
matter； ma’am？” said Mr Bounderby； “you don’t see a Fire； do
you？”
“Oh dear no； sir；” returned Mrs Sparsit； “I was thinking of the
dew。”
“What have you got to do with the dew； ma’am？” said Mr
Bounderby。 “It’s not myself； sir；” returned Mrs Sparsit； “I am
fearful of Miss Gradgrind’s taking cold。”
“She never takes cold；” said Mr Bounderby。 “Really sir？” said
Mrs Sparsit。 And was affected with a cough in her throat。
When the time drew near for retiring； Mr Bounderby took a
glass of water。 “Oh； sir？” said Mrs Sparsit。 “Not your sherry warm；
with lemon…peel and nutmeg？”
“Why I have got out of the habit of taking it now； ma’am；” said
Mr Bounderby。 “The more’s the pity； sir；” returned Mrs Sparsit；
“you are losing all your good old habits。 Cheer up； sir！ If Miss
Gradgrind will permit me； I will offer to make it for you； as I have
often done。”
Miss Gradgrind readily permitting Mrs Sparsit to do anything
she pleased； that considerate lady made the beverage； and handed
it to Mr Bounderby。 “It will do you good； sir。 It will warm your
heart。 It is the sort of thing you want； and ought to take； sir。” And
when Mr Bounderby said； “Your health； ma’am！” she answered
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with great feeling。 “Thank you； sir。 The same to you； and
happiness also。” Finally； she wished him good night； with great
pathos； and Mr Bounderby went to bed； with a maudlin
persuasion that he had been crossed in something tender； though
he could not； for his life； have mentioned what it was。
Long after Louisa had undressed and lain down； she watched
and waited for her brother’s coming home。 That could hardly be；
she knew； until an hour past midnight； but in the country silence；
which did anything but calm the trouble of her thoughts； time
lagged wearily。 At last； when the darkness and stillness had
seemed for hours to thicken one another； she heard the bell at the
gate。 She felt as though she would have been glad that it rang on
until day…light； but it ceased； and the circles of its last sound
spread out fainter and wider in the air； and all was dead again。
She waited yet some quarter of an hour； as she judged。 Then
she arose； put on a loose robe； and went out of her room in the
dark； and up the staircase to her brother’s room。 His door being
shut； she softly opened it and spoke to him； approaching his bed
with a noiseless step。
She kneeled down beside it； passed her arm over his neck； and
drew his face to hers。 She knew that he only feigned to be asleep；
but she said nothing to him。
He started by and by as if he were just then awakened； and
asked who that was； and what was the matter？
“Tom； have you anything to tell me？ If ever you loved me in
your life； and have anything concealed from every one besides； tell
it to me。”
“I don’t know what you mean； Loo。 You have been dreaming。”
“My dear brother：” she laid her head down on his pillow； and
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her hair flowed over him as if she would hide him from every one
but herself： “is there nothing that you have to tell me？ Is there
nothing you can tell me if you will？ You can tell me nothing that
will change me。 O Tom； tell me the truth！”
“I don’t know what you mean； Loo！”
“As you lie here alone； my dear； in the melancholy night； so you
must lie somewhere one night； when even I； if I am living then；
shall have left you。 As I am here beside you； barefoot； unclothed；
undistinguishable in darkness； so must I lie through all the night
of my decay； until I am dust。 In the name of that time； Tom； tell me
the truth now！”
“What is it you want to know？”
“You may be certain；” in the energy of her love she took him to
her bosom as if he were a child； “that I will not reproach you。 You
may be certain that I will be compassionate and true to you。 You
may be certain that I will save you at whatever cost。 O Tom； have
you nothing to tell me？ Whisper very softly。 Say only ‘yes；’ and I
shall understand you！”
She turned her ear to his lips； but he remained doggedly silent。
“Not a word； Tom？”
“How can I say Yes； or how can I say No； when I don’t know
what you mean？ Loo； you are a brave； kind girl； worthy I begin to
think of a better brother than I am。 But I have nothing more to
say。 Go to bed； go to bed。”
“You are tired；” she whispered presently； more in her usual
way。
“Yes； I am quite tired out。”
“You have been so hurried and disturbed today。 Have any fresh
discoveries been made？”
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“Only those you have heard of； from—him。”
“Tom； have you said to any one that we made a visit to those
people； and that we saw those three together？”
“No。 Didn’t you yourself particularly a
