hard times(艰难时世)-第55章
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preoccupied with the occasion of her visit； and to have substituted
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that consideration for herself。
“I speak to Mr Harthouse？” she said； when they were alone。
“To Mr Harthouse。” He added in his mind； “And you speak to
him with the most confiding eyes I ever saw； and the most earnest
voice （though so quiet） I ever heard。”
“If I do not understand—and I do not； sir”—said Sissy； “what
your honour as a gentleman binds you to； in other matters”： the
blood really rose in his face as she began in these words： “I am
sure I may rely upon it to keep my visit secret； and to keep secret
what I am going to say。 I will rely upon it； if you will tell me I may
so far trust—”
“You may； I assure you。”
“I am young； as you see； I am alone； as you see。 In coming to
you； sir； I have no advice or encouragement beyond my own
hope。”
He thought； “But that is very strong；” as he followed the
momentary upward glance of her eyes。 He thought besides； “This
is a very odd beginning。 I don’t see where we are going。”
“I think；” said Sissy； “you have already guessed whom I left just
now？”
“I have been in the greatest concern and uneasiness during the
last four…and…twenty hours （which have appeared as many years）；”
he returned； “on a lady’s account。 The hopes I have been
encouraged to form that you come from that lady； do not deceive
me； I trust。”
“I left her within an hour。”
“At—？”
“At her father’s。”
Mr Harthouse’s face lengthened in spite of his coolness； and his
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perplexity increased。 “Then I certainly；” he thought； “do not see
where we are going。”
“She hurried there last night。 She arrived there in great
agitation； and was insensible all through the night。 I live at her
father’s； and was with her。 You may be sure； sir； you will never see
her again as long as you live。”
Mr Harthouse drew a long breath； and； if ever man found
himself in the position of not knowing what to say； made the
discovery beyond all question that he was so circumstanced。 The
child…like ingenuousness with which his visitor spoke； her modest
fearlessness； her truthfulness which put all artifice aside； her
entire forgetfulness of herself in her earnest quiet holding to the
object with which she had come； all this； together with her
reliance on his easily…given promise—which in itself shamed
him—presented something in which he was so inexperienced； and
against which he knew any of his usual weapons would fall so
powerless； that not a word could he rally to his relief。
At last he said：
“So startling an announcement； so confidently made； and by
such lips； is really disconcerting in the last degree。 May I be
permitted to inquire； if you are charged to convey that information
to me in those hopeless words； by the lady of whom we speak。”
“I have no charge from her。”
“The drowning man catches at the straw。 With no disrespect for
your judgement； and with no doubt of your sincerity； excuse my
saying that I cling to the belief that there is yet hope that I am not
condemned to perpetual exile from that lady’s presence。”
“There is not the least hope。 The first object of my coming here；
sir； is to assure you that you must believe that there is no more
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hope of your ever speaking with her again； than there would be if
she had died when she came home last night。”
“Must believe？ But if I can’t—or if I should； by infirmity of
nature； be obstinate—and won’t—”
“It is still true。 There is no hope。”
James Harthouse looked at her with an incredulous smile upon
his lips； but her mind looked over and beyond him； and the smile
was quite thrown away。
He bit his lip； and took a little time for consideration。
“Well！ If it should unhappily appear；” he said； “after due pains
and duty on my part； that I am brought to a position so desolate as
this banishment； I shall not become the lady’s persecutor。 But you
said you had no commission from her？”
“I have only the commission of my love for her； and her love for
me。 I have no other trust； than that I have been with her since she
came home； and that she has given me her confidence。 I have no
further trust； than that I know something of her character and her
marriage。 O Mr Harthouse； I think you had that trust too！”
He was touched in the cavity where his heart should have
been—in that nest of addled eggs； where the birds of heaven
would have lived if they had not been whistled away—by the
fervour of this reproach。
“I am not a moral sort of fellow；” he said； “and I never make
any pretensions to the character of a moral sort of fellow。 I am as
immoral as need be。 At the same time； in bringing any distress
upon the lady who is the subject of the present conversation； or in
unfortunately compromising her in any way； or in committing
myself by any expression of sentiments towards her； not perfectly
reconcilable with—in fact with—the domestic hearth； or in taking
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any advantage of her father’s being a machine； or of her brother’s
being a whelp； or of her husband’s being a bear； I beg to be
allowed to assure you that I have had no particularly evil
intentions； but have glided on from one step to another with a
smoothness so perfectly diabolical； that I had not the slightest idea
the catalogue was half so long until I began to turn it over。
Whereas I find；” said Mr James Harthouse； in conclusion； “that it
is really in several volumes。”
Though he said all this in his frivolous way； the way seemed； for
that once； a conscious polishing of but an ugly surface。 He was
silent for a moment； and then proceeded with a more self…
possessed air； though with traces of vexation and disappointment
that would not be polished out。
“After what has been just now represented to me； in a manner I
find it impossible to doubt—I know of hardly any other source
from which I could have accepted it so readily—I feel bound to say
to you； in whom the confidence you have mentioned has been
reposed； that I cannot refuse to contemplate the possibility
（however unexpected） of my seeing the lady no more。 I am solely
to blame for the thing having come to this—and—and； I cannot
say；” he added； rather hard up for a general peroration； “that I
have any sanguine expectation of ever becoming a moral sort of
fellow； or that I have any belief in any moral sort of fellow
whatever。”
Sissy’s face sufficiently showed that her appeal to him was not
finished。
“You spoke；” he resumed； as she raised her eyes to him again；
“of your first object。 I may assume that there is a second to be
mentioned？”
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“Yes。”
“Will you oblige me by confiding it？”
“Mr Harthouse；” returned Sissy； with a blending of gentleness
and steadiness that quite defeated him； and with a simple
confidence in his being bound to do what she required； that held
him at a singular disadvantage； “the only reparation that remains
with you； is to leave here immediately and finally。 I am quite sure
that you can mitigate in no other way the wrong and harm you
have done。 I am quite sure that it is the only compensation you
have left it in your power to make。 I do not say that it is much； or
that it is enough； but it is something； and it is necessary。
Therefore； though without any other authority than I have given
you； and even without the knowledge of any other person than
yourself and myself； I ask you to depart from this place tonight；
under an obligation never to return to it。”
If she had asserted any influence over him beyond her plain
faith in the truth and right of what she said； if she had concealed
the least doubt or irresolution； or had harboured for the best
purpose any reserve or pretence； if she had shown； or felt； the
lightest trace of any sensitiveness to his ridicule or his
astonishment； or any remonstrance he might offer； he would have
carried it against her at this point。 But he could as easily have
changed a clear sky by looking at it in surprise； as affect her。
“But do you know；” he asked； quite at a loss； “the extent of
what you ask？ You probably are not aware that I am here on a
public kind of business； preposterous enough in itself； but which I
have gone in for； and sworn by； and am supposed to be devoted to
in quite a desperate manner？ You probably are not aware of that；
but I assure you it’s the fact。
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