poor and proud-第21章

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　loan　of　twenty　dollars。　She　was　still　poor　and　proud；　and　she　could　not　endure　the　thought　of　asking　a　loan；　which　might　be　regarded　as　a　gift；　or　which；　by　her　own　inability　to　pay　it；　might　virtually　become　such；　therefore　she　proposed　to　present　her　father's　silver　watch　as　security　for　the　payment　of　the　debt。



CHAPTER　XIX。

KATY　RESORTS　TO　A　LOAN。


Katy　was　not　at　all　pleased　with　the　mission　which　her　duty　seemed　to　impose　upon　her。　Again　she　felt　the　crushing　weight　of　poverty；　and　pride　rose　up　to　throw　obstacles　in　her　path。　She　was　a　child　of　twelve；　and　to　ask　a　loan　of　twenty　dollars；　though　she　offered　sufficient　security　for　the　payment　of　the　debt；　seemed　like　demanding　a　great　deal　of　her　friendslike　inviting　them　to　repose　a　vast　amount　of　confidence　in　her　ability　and　honesty。　They　would　not　want　the　watch；　it　would　be　of　no　value　to　them；　and　the　more　she　considered　the　matter；　the　more　like　an　act　of　charity　appeared　the　favor　she　was　about　to　ask。

More　than　once　on　her　way　to　Temple　Street　did　she　stop　short；　resolved　to　get　the　money　of　some　other　personthe　grocer；　Mr。　Sneed；　or　even　of　a　pawnbroker；　but　as　often　she　rebuked　the　pride　that　tormented　her　like　a　demon；　and　went　forward　again。　She　stood　some　time　at　Mrs。　Gordon's　door　before　she　had　the　resolution　to　ring　the　bell。

〃What　right　have　I　to　be　so　proud？〃　said　she；　grasping　the　bell　handle。　〃I　must　get　this　money；　or　my　mother　may　suffer。〃

She　rang　with　a　force　that　must　have　astonished　Michael；　and　led　him　to　think　some　extraordinary　character　had　arrived；　for　he　ran　to　the　door　at　full　speed；　and　burst　out　into　a　violent　fit　of　laughter；　when　he　saw　no　one　but　the　little　candy　merchant。

〃Good　morning；　to　you；　Katy。　Are　you　nervous　this　morning？〃　said　he。

〃Good　morning；　Michael。　I　am　not　very　nervous。〃

〃I　thought　you　would　pull　down　the　bell；〃　he　added；　good…naturedly。

〃I　didn't　mean　to；　Michael；　I　hope　you　will　excuse　me　if　I　did　any　harm。〃

〃Not　a　bit　of　harm；　but　you're　looking　as　sober　as　a　deacon。　What　ails　you；　Katy？〃

〃I　feel　very　sad；　Michael；　for　my　mother　is　very　sick；　and　I　don't　know　as　she　will　ever　get　well。〃

〃Indeed？　I'm　sorry　to　hear　that　of　her；〃　and　Michael；　whatever　he　felt；　looked　very　much　concerned　about　Mrs。　Redburn's　health。

〃Is　Mrs。　Gordon　at　home？〃

〃She　isn't。〃

〃Is　Miss　Grace？〃

〃Neither　of　them；　they　went　to　Baltimore　ten　days　ago　but　I　am　expecting　them　back　every　day。〃

Katy's　heart　sank　within　her；　for　now　that　Mrs。　Gordon　was　not　at　hand；　she　did　not　feel　like　asking　any　other　person；　and　if　the　case　had　not　been　urgent；　she　would　have　been　satisfied　to　return　home；　and　regard　the　lady's　absence　as　a　sufficient　excuse　for　not　procuring　the　money。

〃You　want　to　see　her　very　much？〃　asked　Michael。

〃Very　much；　indeed。〃

〃Can　I　be　of　any　service　to　you？〃

〃No；　Michael。〃

〃Perhaps　I　can；　Katy。〃

〃No；　I'm　much　obliged　to　you。〃

〃If　it's　anything　in　the　house　you　want；　I　can　get　it　for　you。〃

〃No；　I　must　see　Mrs。　Gordon。〃

〃If　it's　any　nice　preserve　or　jelly　you　want　just　say　the　word；　and　I'll　bring　it　to　you　at　once。〃

〃I　do　not　want　anything　of　that　kind。　Do　you　think　Mrs。　Gordon　will　return　by　to…morrow？〃

〃I　thought　she　would　be　here　yesterday；　and　she　may　come　to…night。〃

〃Very　well；　I　will；　perhaps；　call　again　to…morrow；〃　and　she　turned　to　leave。

〃I'll　tell　Mrs。　Gordon　you　came。　Stop　a　minute；　Katy。　Won't　you　tell　me　what　you　want？〃

〃I　would　rather　not；　Michael；　but　I　will　come　again　to…morrow。〃

〃See　here；　Katy；　maybe　you're　short　of　money。　If　you　are；　I　have　a　matter　of　three　hundred　dollars　in　the　Savings　Bank；　and　you　may　be　sure　you　shall　have　every　cent　of　it　if　you　want　it。〃

This　was　a　very　liberal　offer；　though　it　is　probable　he　did　not　think　she　would　want　any　considerable　portion　of　it；　or　that　she　could　even　comprehend　the　meaning　of　so　large　a　sum。　Katy　was　sorely　tempted　to　negotiate　with　him　for　the　loan　but　she　was　not　sure　that　it　would　be　proper　to　borrow　money　of　the　servant；　and　perhaps　Mrs。　Gordon　would　not　like　it。

〃I　thank　you；　Michael；　you　are　very　kind；　but　I　think　I　would　rather　see　Mrs。　Gordon。〃

〃I　have　a　matter　of　five　or　six　dollars　in　my　pocket　now；　and　it　that'll　be　of　any　service　to　you；　take　it　and　welcome。〃

Katy　stopped　to　think。　A　few　dollars　would　be　all　that　she　needed　before　the　return　of　Mrs。　Gordon；　and　yet　she　did　not　feel　like　accepting　it。　What　would　the　lady　say　on　her　return；　when　told　that　she　had　borrowed　money　of　her　servant？　Yet　the　servant　had　a　kind　heart；　and　really　desired　to　serve　her。　Was　it　not　pride　that　prevented　her　from　accepting　his　offer？　Did　she　not　feel　too　proud　to　place　herself　under　obligations　to　the　servant？　She　felt　rebuked　at　her　presumption；　for　what　right　had　she　to　make　such　distinctions？　If　she　had　been　a　lady；　like　Mrs。　Gordon；　she　might　have　been　excusable　for　cherishing　such　pride；　but　she　was　a　poor　girl；　she　was　actually　in　want。

〃Michael；　you　are　so　good；　that　I　will　tell　you　my　story；〃　said　she；　conquering　her　repugnance。

〃Just　come　in　the　house；　then；〃　and　he　led　her　into　the　sitting…room；　being；　in　the　absence　of　the　mistress；　the　lord　and　master　of　the　mansion；　and　feeling　quite　at　home　in　that　position。

In　a　few　words　she　explained　to　him　her　situation；　though　her　rebellious　pride　caused　her　to　paint　the　picture　in　somewhat　brighter　colors　than　the　truth　would　justify。　She　stated　her　intention　to　borrow　twenty　dollars　of　Mrs。　Gordon；　and　offer　her　the　watch　as　security；　at　the　same　time　exhibiting　the　cherished　treasure。

〃Now　Michael；　if　you　will　lend　me　three　dollars　till　Mrs。　Gordon　returns；　I　will　pay　you　then；　for　I　know　she　will　let　me　have　the　money；　or　at　least　let　me　have　enough　to　pay　you；〃　continued　she；　when　she　had　finished　her　narrative。

〃Indeed　I　will；　Katy！〃　exclaimed　he；　promptly　pulling　out　his　wallet。　〃And　if　you　will　come　at　this　time　to…morrow；　you　shall　have　the　whole　twenty　dollars。〃

〃Thank　you；　Michael。〃

〃There's　six　dollars；　take　it；　Katy；　and　my　blessing　with　it。〃

〃Only　three　dollars；　Michael；〃　replied　Katy；　firmly。

Michael　insisted；　but　all　his　persuasion　would　not　induce　her　to　accept　more　than　the　sum　she　had　mentioned；　and　he　was　reluctantly　compelled　to　yield　the　point。

〃Here　is　the　watch；　Michael；　you　shall　keep　that　till　I　pay　you。〃

〃Is　it　me！〃　exclaimed　he；　springing　to　his　feet；　with　an　expression　very　like　indignation　on　his　countenance。　〃Sure；　you　don't　think　I'd　take　the　watch。〃

〃Why　not　you　as　well　as　Mrs。　Gordon？〃　asked　Katy。

〃She　didn't　take　it；〃　replied　Michael　triumphantly。　〃You　couldn't　make　her　take　it；　if　you　try　a　month。　Don't　I　know　Mrs。　Gordon？〃

〃But　please　to　take　it；　I　should　feel　much　better　if　you　would。〃

〃Bad　luck　to　me　if　I　do！　I　wouldn't　take　it　to　save　my　neck　from　the　gallows。　Where's　my　Irish　heart？　Did　I　leave　it　at　home；　or　did　I　bring　it　with　me　to　America？〃

〃If　you　will　not　take　it；　Michael

〃I　won't。〃

〃If　you　won't；　I　will　say　no　more　about　it；〃　replied　Katy；　as　she　returned　the　watch　to　her　pocket。　〃You　have　got　a　very　kind　heart；　and　I　shall　never　forget　you　as　long　as　I　live。〃

Katy；　after　glancing　at　the　portrait　of　the　roguish　lady　that　hung　in　the　room；　took　leave　of　Michael；　and　hastened　home。　On　her　way；　she　could　not　banish　the　generous　servant　from　her　mind。　She　could　not　understand　why　he　should　be　so　much　interested　in　her　as　to　offer　the　use　of　all　he　had；　and　she　was　obliged　to　attribute　it　all　to　the　impulses　of　a　kind　heart。　If　she　had　been　a　little　older；　she　might　have　concluded　that　the　old　maxim；　slightly　altered　would　explain　the　reason：　〃Like　mistress；　like　man；〃　that　the　atmosphere　of　kindness　and　charity　that　pervaded　the　house　had　inspired　even　the　servants。

〃Where　have　you　been；　Katy？〃　asked　Mrs。　Redburn；　as　she　entered　the　sick　chamber；　and　Mrs。　Sneed　hastened　home。

〃I　have　been　to　Mrs。　Gordon。〃

〃What　for？〃

Katy　did　not　like　to　tell。　She　knew　it　would　make　her　mother　feel　very　unhappy　to　know　that　she　had　borrowed　money　of　Mrs。　Gordon's　servant。

〃Oh；　I　went　up　to　see　her；〃　replied　Katy。

〃No　matter；　if　you　don't　like　to　tell　me；〃　faintly　replied　Mrs。　Redburn。

〃I　will　tell　you；　mother；〃　answered　Katy；　stung　by　the　gentle　rebuke　contained　in　her　mother's　words。

〃I　suppose　our　money　is　all　gone；〃　sighed　the　sick　woman。

〃No；　mother；　see　here！　I　have　three　dollars；〃　and　Katy　pulled　out　her　porte…monnaie；　anxious　to　save　her　even　a　moment　of　uneasiness。

But　in　taking　out　the　money　she　exhibited　the　watch　also；　which　at　once　excited　Mrs。　Redburn's　curiosity。

〃What　have　you　been　doing　with　that；　Katy？〃　she　asked。　〃Ah；　I　fear　I　was　right。　We　have　no　money！　Our　business　is　gone！　Alas；　we　have　nothing　to　hope　for！〃

〃O；　no；　mother；　it　is　not　half　so　bad　as　that！〃　exclaimed　Katy。　〃I　went　up　to　Mrs。　Gordon　for　the　purpose　of　borrowing　twenty　dollars　of　her；　I　didn't　want　it　to　look　like　charity；　so　I　was　going　to　ask　her　to　keep　the　watch　till　it　was　paid。　That's　all；　mother。〃

〃And　she　refused？〃

〃No；　she　was　not　at　home。〃

〃But　your　money　is　not　all　gone？〃

Katy　wanted　to　say　it　was　not；　but　her　conscience　would　not　let　her　practise　deception。　She　had　the　three　dollars　which　she　had　just　borrowed　of　Michael；　and　that　was　not　all　gone。　But　this　was　not　the　question　her　mother　asked；　and　it　would　be　a　lie　to　say　the　money　was　not　all　gone；　when　she　fully　understood　the　meaning　of　the　question。　Perhaps　it　was　for　her　mother's　good　to　deceive　her；　but　she　had　been　taught　to　feel　that　she　had　no　right　to　do　evil　that　good　might　follow。

〃It　was　all　gone；　but　I　borrowed　three　dollars；〃　she　replied；　after　a　little　hesitation。

〃Of　whom？〃

〃Of　Michael。〃

〃Who's　he？〃

〃Mrs。　Gordon's　man。

〃O　Katy！　How　could　you　do　so？〃　sighed　Mrs。　Redburn。

〃I　couldn't　help　it；　mother。　He　would　make　me　take　it；〃　and　she　gave　all　the　particulars　of　her　interview　with　Michael　and　reviewed　the　considerations　which　had　induced　her　to　accept　the　loan。

〃Perhaps　you　are　right；　Katy。　My　pride　would　not　have　let　me　borrow　of　a　servant；　but　it　is　wicked　for　me　to　cherish　such　a　pride。　I　try　very　hard　to　banish　it。〃

〃Don't　talk　any　more　now；　mother。　We　are　too　poor　to　be　too　proud　to　accept　a　favor　of　one　who　is　in　a　humble　station。〃　replied　Katy。

〃I　don't　know　what　will　become　of　us；〃　said　Mrs。　Redburn；　as　she　turned　her　head　away　to　hide　the　tears　that　flooded　her　eyes。

Katy　took　up　the　Bible　that　lay　by　the　bedside；　and　turning　to　the　twenty…third　psalm；　she　read；　〃The　Lord　is　my　Shepherd；　I　shall　not　want。　He　maketh　me　to　lie　down　in　green　pastures；　he　leadeth　me　beside　the　still　waters。〃

〃Go　on；　Katy；　those　words　are　real　comfort；〃　said　Mrs。　Redburn；　drying　her　tears。　〃I　know　it　is　wicked　for　me　to　repine。〃

Katy　read　the　whole　psalm；　and　followed　it　with　others；　which　produced　a　healing　influence　upon　her　mother's　mind；　and　she　seemed　to　forget　that　the　purse　was　empty；　and　that　they　had　placed　themselves　under　obligations　to　a　servant。

The　sufferer　rested　much　better　than　usual　that　night；　and　Katy　was　permitted　to　sleep　the　greater　part　of　the　timea　boon　which　her　exhausted　frame　very　much　needed。　About　ten　o'clock　in　the　forenoon；　Michael　paid　her　a　visit；　to　inform　her　that　M