the yellow wallpaper-第3章

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wall…paper。

I　turned　it　off　with　a　laugh。　　I　had　no　intention　of　telling
him　it　was　BECAUSE　of　the　wall…paperhe　would　make　fun　of　me。　
He　might　even　want　to　take　me　away。

I　don't　want　to　leave　now　until　I　have　found　it　out。　　There
is　a　week　more；　and　I　think　that　will　be　enough。


I'm　feeling　ever　so　much　better！　　I　don't　sleep　much　at
night；　for　it　is　so　interesting　to　watch　developments；　but　I
sleep　a　good　deal　in　the　daytime。

In　the　daytime　it　is　tiresome　and　perplexing。

There　are　always　new　shoots　on　the　fungus；　and　new　shades　of
yellow　all　over　it。　　I　cannot　keep　count　of　them；　though　I　have
tried　conscientiously。

It　is　the　strangest　yellow；　that　wall…paper！　　It　makes　me
think　of　all　the　yellow　things　I　ever　sawnot　beautiful　ones
like　buttercups；　but　old　foul；　bad　yellow　things。

But　there　is　something　else　about　that　paperthe　smell！　　I
noticed　it　the　moment　we　came　into　the　room；　but　with　so　much　air
and　sun　it　was　not　bad。　　Now　we　have　had　a　week　of　fog　and　rain；
and　whether　the　windows　are　open　or　not；　the　smell　is　here。

It　creeps　alll　over　the　house。

I　find　it　hovering　in　the　dining…room；　skulking　in　the
parlor；　hiding　in　the　hall；　lying　in　wait　for　me　on　the　stairs。

It　gets　into　my　hair。

Even　when　I　go　to　ride；　if　I　turn　my　head　suddenly　and
surprise　itthere　is　that　smell！

Such　a　peculiar　odor；　too！　　I　have　spent　hours　in　trying　to
analyze　it；　to　find　what　it　smelled　like。

It　is　not　badat　first；　and　very　gentle；　but　quite　the
subtlest；　most　enduring　odor　I　ever　met。

In　this　damp　weather　it　is　awful；　I　wake　up　in　the　night　and
find　it　hanging　over　me。

It　used　to　disturb　me　at　first。　　I　thought　seriously　of
burning　the　houseto　reach　the　smell。

But　now　I　am　used　to　it。　　The　only　thing　I　can　think　of　that
it　is　like　is　the　COLOR　of　the　paper！　　A　yellow　smell。

There　is　a　very　funny　mark　on　this　wall；　low　down；　near　the
mopboard。　　A　streak　that　runs　round　the　room。　　It　goes　behind
every　piece　of　furniture；　except　the　bed；　a　long；　straight；　even
SMOOCH；　as　if　it　had　been　rubbed　over　and　over。

I　wonder　how　it　was　done　and　who　did　it；　and　what　they　did
it　for。　　Round　and　round　and　roundround　and　round　and　roundit
makes　me　dizzy！


I　really　have　discovered　something　at　last。

Through　watching　so　much　at　night；　when　it　changes　so；　I
have　finally　found　out。

The　front　pattern　DOES　moveand　no　wonder！　　The　woman
behind　shakes　it！

Sometimes　I　think　there　are　a　great　many　women　behind；　and
sometimes　only　one；　and　she　crawls　around　fast；　and　her　crawling
shakes　it　all　over。

Then　in　the　very　bright　spots　she　keeps　still；　and　in　the
very　shady　spots　she　just　takes　hold　of　the　bars　and　shakes　them
hard。

And　she　is　all　the　time　trying　to　climb　through。　　But　nobody
could　climb　through　that　patternit　strangles　so；　I　think　that
is　why　it　has　so　many　heads。

They　get　through；　and　then　the　pattern　strangles　them　off
and　turns　them　upside　down；　and　makes　their　eyes　white！

If　those　heads　were　covered　or　taken　off　it　would　not　be
half　so　bad。


I　think　that　woman　gets　out　in　the　daytime！

And　I'll　tell　you　whyprivatelyI've　seen　her！

I　can　see　her　out　of　every　one　of　my　windows！

It　is　the　same　woman；　I　know；　for　she　is　always　creeping；
and　most　women　do　not　creep　by　daylight。

I　see　her　on　that　long　road　under　the　trees；　creeping　along；
and　when　a　carriage　comes　she　hides　under　the　blackberry　vines。

I　don't　blame　her　a　bit。　　It　must　be　very　humiliating　to　be
caught　creeping　by　daylight！

I　always　lock　the　door　when　I　creep　by　daylight。　　I　can't　do
it　at　night；　for　I　know　John　would　suspect　something　at　once。

And　John　is　so　queer　now；　that　I　don't　want　to　irritate　him。
I　wish　he　would　take　another　room！　　Besides；　I　don't　want　anybody
to　get　that　woman　out　at　night　but　myself。

I　often　wonder　if　I　could　see　her　out　of　all　the　windows　at
once。

But；　turn　as　fast　as　I　can；　I　can　only　see　out　of　one　at　a
time。

And　though　I　always　see　her；　she　MAY　be　able　to　creep
faster　than　I　can　turn！

I　have　watched　her　sometimes　away　off　in　the　open　country；
creeping　as　fast　as　a　cloud　shadow　in　a　high　wind。

If　only　that　top　pattern　could　be　gotten　off　from　the　under
one！　　I　mean　to　try　it；　little　by　little。

I　have　found　out　another　funny　thing；　but　I　shan't　tell　it
this　time！　　It　does　not　do　to　trust　people　too　much。

There　are　only　two　more　days　to　get　this　paper　off；　and　I
believe　John　is　beginning　to　notice。　　I　　don't　like　the　look　in
his　eyes。

And　I　heard　him　ask　Jennie　a　lot　of　professional　questions
about　me。　　She　had　a　very　good　report　to　give。

She　said　I　slept　a　good　deal　in　the　daytime。

John　knows　I　don't　sleep　very　well　at　night；　for　all　I'm　so
quiet！

He　asked　me　all　sorts　of　questions；　too；　and　pretended　to　be
very　loving　and　kind。

As　if　I　couldn't　see　through　him！

Still；　I　don't　wonder　he　acts　so；　sleeping　under　this　paper
for　three　months。

It　only　interests　me；　but　I　feel　sure　John　and　Jennie　are
secretly　affected　by　it。


Hurrah！　　This　is　the　last　day；　but　it　is　enough。　　John　is　to
stay　in　town　over　night；　and　won't　be　out　until　this　evening。

Jennie　wanted　to　sleep　with　methe　sly　thing！　but　I　told
her　I　should　undoubtedly　rest　better　for　a　night　all　alone。

That　was　clever；　for　really　I　wasn't　alone　a　bit！　　As　soon
as　it　was　moonlight　and　that　poor　thing　began　to　crawl　and　shake
the　pattern；　I　got　up　and　ran　to　help　her。

I　pulled　and　she　shook；　I　shook　and　she　pulled；　and　before
morning　we　had　peeled　off　yards　of　that　paper。

A　strip　about　as　high　as　my　head　and　half　around　the　room。

And　then　when　the　sun　came　and　that　awful　pattern　began　to
laugh　at　me；　I　declared　I　would　finish　it　to…day！

We　go　away　to…morrow；　and　they　are　moving　all　my　furniture
down　again　to　leave　things　as　they　were　before。

Jennie　looked　at　the　wall　in　amazement；　but　I　told　her
merrily　that　I　did　it　out　of　pure　spite　at　the　vicious　thing。

She　laughed　and　said　she　wouldn't　mind　doing　it　herself；　but
I　must　not　get　tired。

How　she　betrayed　herself　that　time！

But　I　am　here；　and　no　person　touches　this　paper　but　menot
ALIVE！

She　tried　to　get　me　out　of　the　roomit　was　too　patent！　　But
I　said　it　was　so　quiet　and　empty　and　clean　now　that　I　believed　I
would　lie　down　again　and　sleep　all　I　could；　and　not　to　wake　me
even　for　dinnerI　would　call　when　I　woke。

So　now　she　is　gone；　and　the　servants　are　gone；　and　the
things　are　gone；　and　there　is　nothing　left　but　that　great
bedstead　nailed　down；　with　the　canvas　mattress　we　found　on　it。

We　shall　sleep　downstairs　to…night；　and　take　the　boat　home
to…morrow。

I　quite　enjoy　the　room；　now　it　is　bare　again。

How　those　children　did　tear　about　here！

This　bedstead　is　fairly　gnawed！

But　I　must　get　to　work。

I　have　locked　the　door　and　thrown　the　key　down　into　the
front　path。

I　don't　want　to　go　out；　and　I　don't　want　to　have　anybody
come　in；　till　John　comes。

I　want　to　astonish　him。

I've　got　a　rope　up　here　that　even　Jennie　did　not　find。　　If
that　woman　does　get　out；　and　tries　to　get　away；　I　can　tie　her！

But　I　forgot　I　could　not　reach　far　without　anything　to　stand
on！

This　bed　will　NOT　move！

I　tried　to　lift　and　push　it　until　I　was　lame；　and　then　I　got
so　angry　I　bit　off　a　little　piece　at　one　cornerbut　it　hurt　my
teeth。

Then　I　peeled　off　all　the　paper　I　could　reach　standing　on
the　floor。　　It　sticks　horribly　and　the　pattern　just　enjoys　it！　
All　those　strangled　heads　and　bulbous　eyes　and　waddling　fungus
growths　just　shriek　with　derision！

I　am　getting　angry　enough　to　do　something　desperate。　　To
jump　out　of　the　window　would　be　admirable　exercise；　but　the　bars
are　too　strong　even　to　try。

Besides　I　wouldn't　do　it。　　Of　course　not。　　I　know　well
enough　that　a　step　like　that　is　improper　and　might　be
misconstrued。

I　don't　like　to　LOOK　out　of　the　windows　eventhere　are　so
many　of　those　creeping　women；　and　they　creep　so　fast。

I　wonder　if　they　all　come　out　of　that　wall…paper　as　I　did？

But　I　am　securely　fastened　now　by　my　well…hidden　ropeyou
don't　get　ME　out　in　the　road　there！

I　suppose　I　shall　have　to　get　back　behind　the　pattern　when
it　comes　night；　and　that　is　hard！

It　is　so　pleasant　to　be　out　in　this　great　room　and　creep
around　as　I　please！

I　don't　want　to　go　outside。　　I　won't；　even　if　Jennie　asks　me
to。

For　outside　you　have　to　creep　on　the　ground；　and　everything
is　green　instead　of　yellow。

But　here　I　can　creep　smoothly　on　the　floor；　and　my　shoulder
just　fits　in　that　long　smooch　around　the　wall；　so　I　cannot　lose
my　way。

Why　there's　John　at　the　door！

It　is　no　use；　young　man；　you　can't　open　it！

How　he　does　call　and　pound！

Now　he's　crying　for　an　axe。

It　would　be　a　shame　to　break　down　that　beautiful　door！

〃John　dear！'　said　I　in　the　gentlest　voice；　〃the　key　is　down
by　the　front　steps；　under　a　plantain　leaf！〃

That　silenced　him　for　a　few　moments。

Then　he　saidvery　quietly　indeed；　〃Open　the　door；　my
darling！〃

〃I　can't〃；　said　I。　　〃The　key　is　down　by　the　front　door　under
a　plantain　leaf！〃

And　then　I　said　it　again；　several　times；　very　gently　and
slowly；　and　said　it　so　often　that　he　had　to　go　and　see；　and　he
got　it　of　course；　and　came　in。　　He　stopped　short　by　the　door。

〃What　is　the　matter？〃　he　cried。　　〃For　God's　sake；　what　are
you　doing！〃

I　kept　on　creeping　just　the　same；　but　I　looked　at　him　over
my　shoulder。

〃I've　got　out　at　last；〃　said　I；　〃in　spite　of　you　and　Jane。　
And　I've　pulled　off　most　of　the　paper；　so　you　can't　put　me　back！〃

Now　why　should　that　man　have　fainted？　　But　he　did；　and　right
across　my　path　by　the　wall；　so　that　I　had　to　creep　over　him　every
time！





End