the red acorn-第32章

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She　really　wished　very　much　to　be　alone　with　her　grief；　but　she　felt　somehow　that　to　shrink　from　a　meeting　would　be　an　evasion　of　the　path　of　duty　she　had　marked　out　for　her　feet　to　tread。　　If　she　were　going　to　eliminate　all　thoughts　of　her　love　and　her　lover　from　her　life；　there　was　no　better　time　to　begin　than　now；　while　her　resolution　was　fresh。　　She　insisted　upon　the　Doctor　remaining；　and　he　did　so。　　Conscious　that　her　embarrassment　had　been　noticed；　her　self…possession　did　not　return　quickly　enough　to　prevent　her　falling　into　the　error　of　failing　to　ignore　this；　and　she　confusedly　stumbled　into　an　explanation：

〃I　have　received　a　letter　from　home　which　contains　news　that　disturbs　me。〃　　This　was　as　far　as　she　had　expected　to　go。

Dr。　Denslow's　face　expressed　a　lively　sympathy。　　〃No　one　dead　or　seriously　ill；　I　trust。〃

〃No；　not　as　bad　as　that；〃　she　answered　hastily；　in　the　first　impulse　of　fear　that　she　had　unwarrantably　excited　his　sympathy。　　〃Nor　is　it　anything　connected　with　property；〃　she　hastily　added；　as　she　saw　the　Doctor　looked　inquiringly；　but　as　though　fearing　that　further　questioning　might　be　an　indelicate　intrusion。

She　picked　nervously　at　the　engagement　ring　which　Harry　had　placed　upon　her　finger。　　It　fitted　closely；　and　resisted　her　efforts　at　removal。　　she　felt；　when　it　was　too　late；　that　neither　this　nor　its　significance　had　escaped　Dr。　Denslow's　eyes。

〃A　f…riendanacquaintance　of　mine　has　disgraced　himself；〃　she　said；　with　a　very　apparent　effort。

An　ordinary　woman　would　have　broken　down　in　a　tearful　tempest；　but　as　has　been　said　before　she　was　denied　that　sweet　relief　which　most　women　find　in　a　readily　responsive　gush　of　tears。　　Her　eyes　became　very　dry　and　exceedingly　hot。　　Her　misery　was　evident。

The　Doctor　took　her　hand　with　a　movement　of　involuntary　sympathy。　〃I　am　deeply　hurt　to　see　you　grieve；〃　he　said；　〃and　I　wish　that　I　might　say　something　to　alleviate　your　troubles。　　Is　it　anything　that　you　can　tell　me　about？〃

〃No；　it　is　nothing　of　which　I　can　say　a　word　to　any　one；〃　she　answered。　　〃It　is　a　trouble　that　I　can　share　with　no　one；　and　least　of　all　with　a　stranger。〃

〃am　I　not　more　than　a　stranger　to　you？〃　he　asked。

〃O　yes；　indeed；〃　she　said；　and　hastening　to　correct　her　former　coldness；　added：

〃You　are　a　very　dear；　good　friend；　whom　I　value　much　more　highly　than　I　have　given　you　reason　to　think。〃

His　face　brightened　wonderfully；　but　he　adventured　his　way　slowly。　〃I　am　very　glad　that　you　esteem　me　what　I　have　tried　to　show　myself　during　our　acquaintance。〃

〃You　have　indeed　shown　yourself　a　very　true　friend。　　I　could　not　ask　for　a　better　one。〃

〃Then　will　you　not　trust　me　with　a　share　of　your　sorrows；　that　I　may　help　you　bear　them？〃

〃No；　no；　you　can　not。　　Nobody　can　do　anything　in　this　case　but　myself。〃

〃You　do　not　know。　　You　do　not　know　what　love　can　accomplish　when　it　sets　itself　to　work　with　the　ardor　belonging　to　it。〃

〃Love！　　O；　do　not　speak　to　me　of　that；〃　she　said；　suddenly　awaking　to　the　drift　of　his　words；　and　striving　to　withdraw　her　hand。

〃No；　but　I　must　speak　of　it；〃　he　said　with　vehemence　entirely　foreign　to　his　usual　half…mocking　philosophy。　　〃I　must　speak　of　it；〃　he　repeated　with　deepening　tones。　　〃You　surely　can　not　be　blind　to　the　fact　that　I　love　you　devotedlyabsorbingly。　　Every　day's　intercourse　must　have　shown　you　something　of　this；　which　you　could　not　have　mistaken。　　You　must　have　seen　this　growing　upon　me　continually；　until　now　I　have　but　few　thoughts　into　which　your　image　does　not　appear；　to　brighten　and　enhance　them。　　Tell　me　now　that　hopes；　dearerinfinitely　dearerthan　any　I　have　ever　before　cherished；　are　to　have　the　crown　of　fruition。〃

〃I　can　notI　can　not；〃　she　sighed。

〃What　can　you　not？　　Can't　you　care　for　me　at　least　a　little？〃

〃I　do；　I　care　for　you　ever　so　much。　　I　am　not　only　grateful　for　all　that　you　have　been　to　me　and　done　for　me；　but　I　have　a　feeling　that　goes　beyond　mere　gratitude。　　But　to　say　that　I　return　the　love　you　profess　for　methat　I　even　entertain　any　feeling　resembling　itI　can　not；　and　certainly　not　at　this　time。〃

〃But　you　certainly　do　not　love　any　one　else？〃

〃O；　I　beg　of　you　not　to　question　me。〃

〃I　know　I　have　no　right　to　ask　you　such　a　question。　　I　have　no　right　to　pry　into　any　matter　which　you　do　not　choose　to　reveal　to　me　of　your　own　free　will　and　accord。　　But　as　all　the　mail　of　the　hospital　goes　through　my　hands；　I　could　not　help　noticing　that　in　all　the　months　that　you　have　been　here　you　have　written　to　no　man；　nor　received　a　letter　from　one。　　Upon　this　I　have　built　my　hopes　that　you　were　heartfree。〃

〃I　can　not　talk　of　this；　nor　of　anything　now。　　I　am　so　wrought　up　by　many　things　that　have　happenedby　my　letter　from　home；　by　your　unexpected　declarationthat　my　poor　brain　is　in　a　whirl；　and　I　can　not　think　clearly　and　connectedly　on　any　subject。　　Please　do　not　press　me　any　more　now。〃

The　torrent　of　his　passion　was　stayed　by　this　appeal　to　his　forbearance。　　He　essayed　to　calm　down　his　impetuous　eagerness　for　a　decision　of　his　fate；　and　said　penitently：

〃I　beg　your　pardon。　　I　really　forgot。　　I　have　so　long　sought　an　opportunity　to　speak　to　you　upon　this　matter；　and　I　have　been　so　often　balked　at　the　last　moment；　that　when　a　seeming　chance　came　I　was　carried　away　with　it；　and　in　my　selfish　eagerness　for　my　own　happiness；　I　forgot　your　distress。　　Forgive　medo。〃

〃I　have　nothing　to　forgive；〃　she　said　frankly；　most　touched　by　his　tender　consideration。　　〃You　never　allow　me　an　occasion　for　forgiveness；　or　to　do　anything　in　any　way　to　offset　the　favors　you　continually　heap　upon　me。〃

〃Pay　them　all　a　thousand　times　over　by　giving　me　the　least　reason　to　hope。〃

〃I　only　wish　I　couldI　only　wish　I　dared。　　But　I　fear　to　say　anything　now。　　I　can　not　trust　myself。〃

〃But　you　will　at　least　say　something　that　will　give　me　the　basis　of　a　hope；〃　he　persisted。

〃Not　nownot　now；〃　she　said；　giving　him　her　hand；　which　he　seized　and　kissed　fervently；　and　withdrew　from　the　room。

She　bolted　the　door　and　gave　herself　up　to　the　most　intense　thought。

Assignment　to　duty　with　an　expedition　took　Dr。　Denslow　away　the　next　morning；　without　his　being　able　to　see　her。　　When　he　returned　a　week　later；　he　found　this　letter　lying　on　his　desk：


MY　VERY　DEAR　FRIEND：　　The　declaration　you　honored　me　with　making　has　been　the　subject　of　many　hours　of　the　most　earnest　consideration　possible。　　I　am　certain　that　it　si　due　to　you　and　to　the　confession　that　you　have　made　of　your　feelings；　that　I　should　in　turn　confess　that　I　am　deeplywhat　shall　I　sayINTERESTED　in　you？　　No；　that　is　too　prim　and　prudish　a　term。　　There　is　in　you　for　me　more　than　a　mere　attraction；　I　feel　for　you　something　deeper　than　even　warm　friendship。　　That　you　would　make　such　a　husband　as　I　should　cherish　and　honor；　of　whom　I　should　be　proud；　and　whose　strong；　kindly　arms　would　be　my　secure　support　and　protection　until　death　claimed　us；　I　have　not　the　slightest　doubt。　　But　when　I　ask　myself　whether　this　is　really　lovethe　sacred；　all…pervading　passion　which　a　woman　should　feel　for　the　man　to　whom　she　gives　herself；　body　and　soul；　I　encounter　the　strongest　doubts。　　These　doubts　have　no　reference　to　youonly　to　myself。　　I　feel　that　it　would　be　a　degradationa　deep　profanationfor　me　to　give　myself　to　you；　without　feeling　in　its　entirety　such　a　love　as　I　have　attempted　to　define。　　I　have　gone　away　from　you　because　I　want　to　consider　this　question　and　decide　it　with　more　calmness　and　impartiality　than　I　can　where　I　meet　you　daily；　and　daily　receive　some　kindness　from　your　hands。　These　and　the　magnetism　of　your　presence　are　temptations　which　I　fear　might　swerve　me　from　my　ideal；　and　possibly　lead　to　a　mistake　which　we　both　might　ever　afterward　have　reason　to　regret。

I　have；　as　you　will　be　informed；　accepted　a　detail　to　one　of　the　hospitals　at　Nashville。　　Do　not　write　me；　except　to　tell　me　of　a　change　in　your　postoffice　address。　　I　will　not　write　you；　unless　I　have　something　of　special　moment　to　tell　you。　　Believe　me；　whatever　may　betide；　at　least　your　very　sincere　friend；

Rachel　Bond。





Chapter　XVIII。　　Secret　Service。




The　flags　of　war　like　storm…birds　fly；　　　The　charging　trumpets　blow；　Yet　rolls　no　thunder　in　the　sky；　　　No　earthquake　strives　below。

And　calm　and　patient　Nature　keeps　　　Her　ancient　promise　well；　Though　o'er　her　bloom　and　greenness　sweeps　　　The　battle's　breath　of　hell。

Ah！　eyes　may　well　be　full　of　tears；　　　And　hearts　with　hate　are　hot；　But　even…paced　come　round　the　years；　　　And　Nature　changes　not。

She　meets　with　smiles　out　bitter　grief；　　　With　songs　our　groans　of　pain；　She　mocks　with　tint　of　flower　and　leaf　　　The　war…field's　crimson　stain。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Whittier's　〃Battle　Autumn　of　1862〃


The　Summer　and　Fall　of　the　〃Battle　Year〃　of　1862　had　passed　without　the　Army　of　the　Cumberlandthen　called　the　Army　of　the　Ohiobeing　able　to　bring　its　Rebel　antagonist　to　a　decisive　struggle。　　In　September　the　two　had　raced　entirely　across　the　States　of　Tennessee　and　Kentucky；　for　the　prize　of　Louisville；　which　the　Union　army　won。　　In　October　the　latter　chased　its　enemy　back　through　Kentucky；　without　being　able　to　inflict　upon　it　more　than　the　abortive　blow　at　Perryville；　and　November　found　the　two　opponents　facing　each　other　in　Middle　Tennesseethe　Army　of　the　Cumberland　at　Nashville；　and　the　Rebel　Army　of　the　Tennessee　at　Murfeesboro；　twenty…eight　miles　distant。　　There　the　two　equally　matched　giants　lay　confronting　each　other；　and　sullenly　making　ready　for　the　mighty　struggle　which　was　to　decide　the　possession　of　a　territory　equaling　a　kingdom　in　extent。

In　the　year　which　had　elapsed　since　the　affair　at　Wildcat　Harry　Glen's　regiment　had　not　participated　in　a　single　general　engagement。　It　had　scouted　and　raided；　it　had　reconnoitered　and　guarded；　it　had　chased　guerrillas　through　the　Winter's　rain　and　mud　for　days　and　nights　together；　it　had　followed　John　Morgan's　dashing　troopers　along　limestone　turnpikes　that　glowed　like　brick…kilns　under　the　July　sun　until　three…fourths　of　the　regiment　had　dropped　by　the　roadside　in　sheer　exhaustion；　it　had　marched　over　the　mountains　to　Cumberland　Gap；　and　back　over　the　mountains　to　Lexington；　across　Kentucky　and　Tennessee　to　Huntsville；　Ala。；　back　across　those　States　to　the　Ohio　River；　and　again　back　across　Kentucky　to　Nashville；　beside　side　marches　as　numerous　as　the　branches　on　a　tree；　50　per　cent。　of　its　number　had　fallen　vicitms　to　sickness　and　hardship；　and　10　per　cent。　more　had　been　shot；　here　and　there；　a　man　or　two　at　a　time；　on　the　picket　or　skirmish　line；　at　fords　or　stockades　guarding　railroad　bridges。　　But　while　other　regiments　which　had　suffered　nothing　like　it　had　painted　on　their　banners　〃Mill　Springs；〃　〃Shiloh；〃　and　〃Perryville；〃　its　colors　had　yet　to　receive　their　maiden　inscription。　　This　was　the　hard　luck　of　many　of　the　regiments　in　the　left　wing　of　Buell's　army　in　1862。

Kent　Edwards；　whose　promotion　to　the　rank　of　Sergeant；　and　reduction　for　some　escapade　had　been　a　usual　monthly　occurence　during　the　year；　was　fond　of　saying　that　the　regiment　was　not　sent　to　the　field　to　gain　martial　glory；　but　to　train　as　book　agents　to　sell　histories　of　the　struggle；　〃When　This　Cruel　War　is　Over。〃　　Whereupon　Abe　Bolton　would　improve　the　occasion　to　invoke　a　heated　future　for　every　person　i