the sorrows of young werther(少年维特的烦恼)-第13章

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my　friend；　how　many　disappointed　hopes　and　unsuccessful　plans　have
I　brought　back！

As　I　contemplated　the　mountains　which　lay　stretched　out　before　me；
I　thought　how　often　they　had　been　the　object　of　my　dearest　desires。
Here　used　I　to　sit　for　hours　together　with　my　eyes　bent　upon　them；
ardently　longing　to　wander　in　the　shade　of　those　woods；　to　lose
myself　in　those　valleys；　which　form　so　delightful　an　object　in　the
distance。　　With　what　reluctance　did　I　leave　this　charming　spot；
when　my　hour　of　recreation　was　over；　and　my　leave　of　absence
expired！　　I　drew　near　to　the　village：　all　the　well…known　old
summerhouses　and　gardens　were　recognised　again；　I　disliked　the　new
ones；　and　all　other　alterations　which　had　taken　place。　　I　entered
the　village；　and　all　my　former　feelings　returned。　　I　cannot；　my
dear　friend；　enter　into　details；　charming　as　were　my　sensations：
they　would　be　dull　in　the　narration。　　I　had　intended　to　lodge　in
the　market…place；　near　our　old　house。　　As　soon　as　I　entered；　I
perceived　that　the　schoolroom；　where　our　childhood　had　been　taught
by　that　good　old　woman；　was　converted　into　a　shop。　　I　called　to
mind　the　sorrow；　the　heaviness；　the　tears；　and　oppression　of　heart；
which　I　experienced　in　that　confinement。　　Every　step　produced　some
particular　impression。　　A　pilgrim　in　the　Holy　Land　does　not　meet
so　many　spots　pregnant　with　tender　recollections；　and　his　soul　is
hardly　moved　with　greater　devotion。　　One　incident　will　serve　for
illustration。　　I　followed　the　course　of　a　stream　to　a　farm；　formerly
a　delightful　walk　of　mine；　and　paused　at　the　spot；　where；　when
boys；　we　used　to　amuse　ourselves　making　ducks　and　drakes　upon　the
water。　　I　recollected　so　well　how　I　used　formerly　to　watch　the
course　of　that　same　stream；　following　it　with　inquiring　eagerness；
forming　romantic　ideas　of　the　countries　it　was　to　pass　through；
but　my　imagination　was　soon　exhausted：　while　the　water　continued
flowing　farther　and　farther　on；　till　my　fancy　became　bewildered
by　the　contemplation　of　an　invisible　distance。　　Exactly　such；　my
dear　friend；　so　happy　and　so　confined；　were　the　thoughts　of　our
good　ancestors。　　Their　feelings　and　their　poetry　were　fresh　as
childhood。　　And；　when　Ulysses　talks　of　the　immeasurable　sea　and
boundless　earth；　his　epithets　are　true；　natural；　deeply　felt；　and
mysterious。　　Of　what　importance　is　it　that　I　have　learned；　with
every　schoolboy；　that　the　world　is　round？　　Man　needs　but　little
earth　for　enjoyment；　and　still　less　for　his　final　repose。

I　am　at　present　with　the　prince　at　his　hunting　lodge。　　He　is　a　man
with　whom　one　can　live　happily。　He　is　honest　and　unaffected。　　There
are；　however；　some　strange　characters　about　him；　whom　I　cannot　at
all　understand。　　They　do　not　seem　vicious；　and　yet　they　do　not
carry　the　appearance　of　thoroughly　honest　men。　　Sometimes　I　am
disposed　to　believe　them　honest；　and　yet　I　cannot　persuade　myself
to　confide　in　them。　　It　grieves　me　to　hear　the　prince　occasionally
talk　of　things　which　he　has　only　read　or　heard　of；　and　always　with
the　same　view　in　which　they　have　been　represented　by　others。

He　values　my　understanding　and　talents　more　highly　than　my　heart；
but　I　am　proud　of　the　latter　only。　　It　is　the　sole　source　of
everything　of　our　strength；　happiness；　and　misery。　　All　the　knowledge
I　possess　every　one　else　can　acquire；　but　my　heart　is　exclusively
my　own。

MAY　25。

I　have　had　a　plan　in　my　head　of　which　I　did　not　intend　to　speak
to　you　until　it　was　accomplished：　now　that　it　has　failed；　I　may
as　well　mention　it。　　I　wished　to　enter　the　army；　and　had　long　been
desirous　of　taking　the　step。　　This；　indeed；　was　the　chief　reason
for　my　coming　here　with　the　prince；　as　he　is　a　general　in　the
service。　　I　communicated　my　design　to　him　during　one　of　our　walks
together。　　He　disapproved　of　it；　and　it　would　have　been　actual
madness　not　to　have　listened　to　his　reasons。

JUNE　11。
　
Say　what　you　will；　I　can　remain　here　no　longer。　　Why　should　I
remain？　　Time　hangs　heavy　upon　my　hands。　　The　prince　is　as　gracious
to　me　as　any　one　could　be；　and　yet　I　am　not　at　my　ease。　　There　is；
indeed；　nothing　in　common　between　us。　　He　is　a　man　of　understanding；
but　quite　of　the　ordinary　kind。　　His　conversation　affords　me　no
more　amusement　than　I　should　derive　from　the　perusal　of　a　well…written
book。　　I　shall　remain　here　a　week　Ionger；　and　then　start　again　on
my　travels。　　My　drawings　are　the　best　things　I　have　done　since　I
came　here。　　The　prince　has　a　taste　for　the　arts；　and　would　improve
if　his　mind　were　not　fettered　by　cold　rules　and　mere　technical
ideas。　　I　often　lose　patience；　when；　with　a　glowing　imagination；　
I　am　giving　expression　to　art　and　nature；　he　interferes　with　learned
suggestions；　and　uses　at　random　the　technical　phraseology　of　artists。

JULY　16。

Once　more　I　am　a　wanderer；　a　pilgrim；　through　the　world。　　But　what
else　are　you！

JULY　18。

Whither　am　I　going？　　I　will　tell　you　in　confidence。　I　am　obliged
to　continue　a　fortnight　longer　here；　and　then　I　think　it　would　be
better　for　me　to　visit　the　mines　in　。　　But　I　am　only　deluding
myself　thus。　　The　fact　is；　I　wish　to　be　near　Charlotte　again；　that
is　all。　　I　smile　at　the　suggestions　of　my　heart；　and　obey　its
dictates。

JULY　29。

No；　no！　it　is　yet　well　all　is　well！　　I　her　husband！　　O　God；　who
gave　me　being；　if　thou　hadst　destined　this　happiness　for　me；　my
whole　life　would　have　been　one　continual　thanksgiving！　　But　I　will
not　murmur　　forgive　these　tears；　forgive　these　fruitless　wishes。
She　　my　wife！　　Oh；　the　very　thought　of　folding　that　dearest　of
Heaven's　creatures　in　my　arms！　　Dear　Wilhelm；　my　whole　frame　feels
convulsed　when　I　see　Albert　put　his　arms　around　her　slender　waist！

And　shall　I　avow　it？　　Why　should　I　not；　Wilhelm？　　She　would　have
been　happier　with　me　than　with　him。　　Albert　is　not　the　man　to
satisfy　the　wishes　of　such　a　heart。　　He　wants　a　certain　sensibility；
he　wants　　in　short；　their　hearts　do　not　beat　in　unison。　　How
often；　my　dear　friend；　im　reading　a　passage　from　some　interesting
book；　when　my　heart　and　Charlotte's　seemed　to　meet；　and　in　a　hundred
other　instances　when　our　sentiments　were　unfolded　by　the　story　of
some　fictitious　character；　have　I　felt　that　we　were　made　for　each
other！　　But；　dear　Wilhelm；　he　loves　her　with　his　whole　soul；　and
what　does　not　such　a　love　deserve？

I　have　been　interrupted　by　an　insufferable　visit。　　I　have　dried
my　tears；　and　composed　my　thoughts。　　Adieu；　my　best　friend！

AUGUST　4。

I　am　not　alone　unfortunate。　　All　men　are　disappointed　in　their
hopes；　and　deceived　in　their　expectations。　　I　have　paid　a　visit
to　my　good　old　woman　under　the　lime…trees。　　The　eldest　boy　ran
out　to　meet　me：　his　exclamation　of　joy　brought　out　his　mother；
but　she　had　a　very　melancholy　look。　　Her　first　word　was；　〃Alas！
dear　sir；　my　little　John　is　dead。〃　　He　was　the　youngest　of　her
children。　　I　was　silent。　　〃And　my　husband　has　returned　from
Switzerland　without　any　money；　and；　if　some　kind　people　had　not
assisted　him；　he　must　have　begged　his　way　home。　　He　was　taken　ill
with　fever　on　his　journey。〃　　I　could　answer　nothing；　but　made　the
little　one　a　present。　　She　invited　me　to　take　some　fruit：　I　complied；
and　left　the　place　with　a　sorrowful　heart。

AUGUST　21。

My　sensations　are　constantly　changing。　　Sometimes　a　happy　prospect
opens　before　me；　but　alas！　it　is　only　for　a　moment；　and　then；　when
I　am　lost　in　reverie；　I　cannot　help　saying　to　myself；　〃If　Albert
were　to　die？　　Yes；　she　would　become　　and　I　should　be〃　　and
so　I　pursue　a　chimera；　till　it　leads　me　to　the　edge　of　a　precipice
at　which　I　shudder。

When　I　pass　through　the　same　gate；　and　walk　along　the　same　road
which　first　conducted　me　to　Charlotte；　my　heart　sinks　within　me
at　the　change　that　has　since　taken　place。　　All；　all；　is　altered！
No　sentiment；　no　pulsation　of　my　heart；　is　the　same。　　My　sensations
are　such　as　would　occur　to　some　departed　prince　whose　spirit　should
return　to　visit　the　superb　palace　which　he　had　built　in　happy　times；
adorned　with　costly　magnificence；　and　left　to　a　beloved　son；　but
whose　glory　he　should　find　departed；　and　its　halls　deserted　and
in　ruins。

SEPTEMBER　3。

I　sometimes　cannot　understand　how　she　can　love　another；　how　she
dares　love　another；　when　I　love　nothing　in　this　world　so　completely；
so　devotedly；　as　I　love　her；　when　I　know　only　her；　and　have　no
other　possession。

SEPTEMBER　4。

It　is　even　so！　　As　nature　puts　on　her　autumn　tints　it　becomes
autumn　with　me　and　around　me。　　My　leaves　are　sere　and　yellow；　and
the　neighbouring　trees　are　divested　of　their　foliage。　　Do　you
remember　my　writing　to　you　about　a　peasant　boy　shortly　after　my
arrival　here？　　I　have　just　made　inquiries　about　him　in　Walheim。
They　say　he　has　been　dismissed　from　his　service；　and　is　now　avoided
by　every　one。　　I　met　him　yesterday　on　the　road；　going　to　a
neighbouring　village。　　I　spoke　to　him；　and　he　told　me　his　story。
It　interested　me　exceedingly；　as　you　will　easily　understand　when
I　repeat　it　to　you。　　But　why　should　I　trouble　you？　　Why　should　I
not　reserve　all　my　sorrow　for　myself？　　Why　should　I　continue　to
give　you　occasion　to　pity　and　blame　me？　　But　no　matter：　this　also
is　part　of　my　destiny。

At　first　the　peasant　lad　answered　my　inquiries　with　a　sort　of
subdued　melancholy；　which　seemed　to　me　the　mark　of　a　timid　disposition；
but；　as　we　grew　to　understand　each　other；　he　spoke　with　less　reserve；
and　openly　confessed　his　faults；　and　lamented　his　misfortune。　　I
wish；　my　dear　friend；　I　could　give　proper　expression　to　his
language。　　He　told　me　with　a　sort　of　pleasurable　recollection；
that；　after　my　departure；　his　passion　for　his　mistress　increased
daily；　until　at　last　he　neither　knew　what　he　did　nor　what　he　said；
nor　what　was　to　become　of　him。　　He　could　neither　eat　nor　drink　nor
sleep：　he　felt　a　sense　of　suffocation；　he　disobeyed　all　orders；
and　forgot　all　commands　involuntarily；　he　seemed　as　if　pursued　by
an　evil　spirit；　till　one　day；　knowing　that　his　mistress　had　gone
to　an　upper　chamber；　he　had　followed；　or；　rather；　been　drawn　after
her。　　As　she　proved　deaf　to　his　entreaties；　he　had　recourse　to
violence。　　He　knows　not　what　happened；　but　he　called　God　to　witness
that　his　intentions　to　her　were　honourable；　and　that　he　desired
nothing　more　sincerely　than　that　they　should　marry；　and　pass　their
lives　together。　　When　he　had　come　to　this　point；　he　began　to
hesitate；　as　if　there　was　something　which　he　had　not　courage　to
utter；　till　at　length　he　acknowledged　with　some　confusion　certain
little　confidences　she　had　encouraged；　and　liberties　she　had　allowed。
He　broke　off　two　or　three　times　in　his　narration；　and　assured　me
most　earnestly　that　he　had　no　wish　to　make　her　bad；　as　he　termed
it；　for　he　loved　her　still　as　sincerely　as　ever；　that　the　tale
had　never　before　escaped　his　lips；　and　was　only　now　told　to　convince
me　that　he　was　not　utterly　lost　and　abandoned。　　And　here；　my　dear
friend；　I　must　commence　the　old　song　which　you　know　I　utter　eternally。
If　I　could　only　represent　the　man　as　he　stood；　and　stands　now
before　me；　could　I　only　give　his　true　expressions；　you　would　feel
compelled　to　sympathise　in　his　fate。　　But　enough：　you；　who　know　my
misfortune　and　my　disposition；　can　easily　comprehend　the　attraction
which　draws　me　toward　every　unfortunat