the sorrows of young werther(少年维特的烦恼)-第6章

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for　a　time。　　Herr　Schmidt　resumed　the　subject。　　〃You　call　ill
humour　a　crime；〃　he　remarked；　〃but　I　think　you　use　too　strong　a
term。〃　　〃Not　at　all；〃　I　replied；　〃if　that　deserves　the　name　which
is　so　pernicious　to　ourselves　and　our　neighbours。　　Is　it　not　enough
that　we　want　the　power　to　make　one　another　happy；　must　we　deprive
each　other　of　the　pleasure　which　we　can　all　make　for　ourselves？
Show　me　the　man　who　has　the　courage　to　hide　his　ill…humour；　who
bears　the　whole　burden　himself；　without　disturbing　the　peace　of
those　around　him。　　No：　ill…humour　arises　from　an　inward　consciousness
of　our　own　want　of　merit；　from　a　discontent　which　ever　accompanies
that　envy　which　foolish　vanity　engenders。　　We　see　people　happy；
whom　we　have　not　made　so；　and　cannot　endure　the　sight。〃　　Charlotte
looked　at　me　with　a　smile；　she　observed　the　emotion　with　which　I
spoke：　and　a　tear　in　the　eyes　of　Frederica　stimulated　me　to　proceed。
〃Woe　unto　those；〃　I　said；　〃who　use　their　power　over　a　human　heart
to　destroy　the　simple　pleasures　it　would　naturally　enjoy！　　All　the
favours；　all　the　attentions；　in　the　world　cannot　compensate　for
the　loss　of　that　happiness　which　a　cruel　tyranny　has　destroyed。〃
My　heart　was　full　as　I　spoke。　　A　recollection　of　many　things　which
had　happened　pressed　upon　my　mind；　and　filled　my　eyes　with　tears。
〃We　should　daily　repeat　to　ourselves；〃　I　exclaimed；　〃that　we　should
not　interfere　with　our　friends；　unless　to　leave　them　in　possession
of　their　own　joys；　and　increase　their　happiness　by　sharing　it　with
them！　　But　when　their　souls　are　tormented　by　a　violent　passion；
or　their　hearts　rent　with　grief；　is　it　in　your　power　to　afford
them　the　slightest　consolation？

〃And　when　the　last　fatal　malady　seizes　the　being　whose　untimely
grave　you　have　prepared；　when　she　lies　languid　and　exhausted　before
you；　her　dim　eyes　raised　to　heaven；　and　the　damp　of　death　upon　her
pallid　brow；　there　you　stand　at　her　bedside　like　a　condemned
criminal；　with　the　bitter　feeling　that　your　whole　fortune　could
not　save　her；　and　the　agonising　thought　wrings　you；　that　all　your
efforts　are　powerless　to　impart　even　a　moment's　strength　to　the
departing　soul；　or　quicken　her　with　a　transitory　consolation。〃

At　these　words　the　remembrance　of　a　similar　scene　at　which　I　had
been　once　present　fell　with　full　force　upon　my　heart。　I　buried　my
face　in　my　handkerchief；　and　hastened　from　the　room；　and　was　only
recalled　to　my　recollection　by　Charlotte's　voice；　who　reminded　me
that　it　was　time　to　return　home。　　With　what　tenderness　she　chid
me　on　the　way　for　the　too　eager　interest　I　took　in　everything！
She　declared　it　would　do　me　injury；　and　that　I　ought　to　spare
myself。　　Yes；　my　angel！　　I　will　do　so　for　your　sake。

JULY　6。

She　is　still　with　her　dying　friend；　and　is　still　the　same　bright；
beautiful　creature　whose　presence　softens　pain；　and　sheds　happiness
around　whichever　way　she　turns。　　She　went　out　yesterday　with　her
little　sisters：　I　knew　it；　and　went　to　meet　them；　and　we　walked
together。　　In　about　an　hour　and　a　half　we　returned　to　the　town。
We　stopped　at　the　spring　I　am　so　fond　of；　and　which　is　now　a
thousand　times　dearer　to　me　than　ever。　　Charlotte　seated　herself
upon　the　low　wall；　and　we　gathered　about　her。　　I　looked　around；
and　recalled　the　time　when　my　heart　was　unoccupied　and　free。
〃Dear　fountain！〃　I　said；　〃since　that　time　I　have　no　more　come　to
enjoy　cool　repose　by　thy　fresh　stream：　I　have　passed　thee　with
careless　steps；　and　scarcely　bestowed　a　glance　upon　thee。〃　　I
looked　down；　and　observed　Charlotte's　little　sister；　Jane；　coming
up　the　steps　with　a　glass　of　water。　　I　turned　toward　Charlotte；
and　I　felt　her　influence　over　me。　　Jane　at　the　moment　approached
with　the　glass。　　Her　sister；　Marianne；　wished　to　take　it　from　her。
〃No！〃　cried　the　child；　with　the　sweetest　expression　of　face；
〃Charlotte　must　drink　first。〃

The　affection　and　simplicity　with　which　this　was　uttered　so　charmed
me；　that　I　sought　to　express　my　feelings　by　catching　up　the　child
and　kissing　her　heartily。　　She　was　frightened；　and　began　to　cry。
〃You　should　not　do　that；〃　said　Charlotte：　I　felt　perplexed。　　〃Come；
Jane；〃　she　continued；　taking　her　hand；　and　leading　her　down　the
steps　again；　〃it　is　no　matter：　wash　yourself　quickly　in　the　fresh
water。〃　　I　stood　and　watched　them；　and　when　I　saw　the　little　dear
rubbing　her　cheeks　with　her　wet　hands；　in　full　belief　that　all
the　impurities　contracted　from　my　ugly　beard　would　be　washed　off
by　the　miraculous　water；　and　how；　though　Charlotte　said　it　would
do；　she　continued　still　to　wash　with　all　her　might；　as　though　she
thought　too　much　were　better　than　too　little；　I　assure　you；　Wilhelm；
I　never　attended　a　baptism　with　greater　reverence；　and；　when
Charlotte　came　up　from　the　well；　I　could　have　prostrated　myself
as　before　the　prophet　of　an　Eastern　nation。

In　the　evening　I　would　not　resist　telling　the　story　to　a　person
who；　I　thought；　possessed　some　natural　feeling；　because　he　was　a
man　of　understanding。　　But　what　a　mistake　I　made。　　He　maintained
it　was　very　wrong　of　Charlotte；　that　we　should　not　deceive　children；
that　such　things　occasioned　countless　mistakes　and　superstitions；
from　which　we　were　bound　to　protect　the　young。　　It　occurred　to　me
then；　that　this　very　man　had　been　baptised　only　a　week　before；　so
I　said　nothing　further；　but　maintained　the　justice　of　my　own
convictions。　　We　should　deal　with　children　as　God　deals　with　us；
we　are　happiest　under　the　influence　of　innocent　delusions。

JULY　8。

What　a　child　is　man　that　he　should　be　so　solicitous　about　a　look！
What　a　child　is　man！　　We　had　been　to　Walheim：　the　ladies　went　in
a　carriage；　but　during　our　walk　I　thought　I　saw　in　Charlotte's
dark　eyes　　I　am　a　fool　　but　forgive　me！　you　should　see　them；
　those　eyes。　　However；　to　be　brief　（for　my　own　eyes　are　weighed
down　with　sleep）；　you　must　know；　when　the　ladies　stepped　into　their
carriage　again；　young　W。　Seldstadt；　Andran；　and　I　were　standing
about　the　door。　　They　are　a　merry　set　of　fellows；　and　they　were
all　laughing　and　joking　together。　　I　watched　Charlotte's　eyes。
They　wandered　from　one　to　the　other；　but　they　did　not　light　on　me；
on　me；　who　stood　there　motionless；　and　who　saw　nothing　but　her！
My　heart　bade　her　a　thousand　times　adieu；　but　she　noticed　me　not。
The　carriage　drove　off；　and　my　eyes　filled　with　tears。　　I　looked
after　her：　suddenly　I　saw　Charlotte's　bonnet　leaning　out　of　the
window；　and　she　turned　to　look　back；　was　it　at　me？　　My　dear　friend；
I　know　not；　and　in　this　uncertainty　I　find　consolation。　　Perhaps
she　turned　to　look　at　me。　　Perhaps！　　Good…night　　what　a　child　I　am！
　　
JULY　lO。

You　should　see　how　foolish　I　look　in　company　when　her　name　is
mentioned；　particularly　when　I　am　asked　plainly　how　I　like　her。
How　I　like　her！　　I　detest　the　phrase。　　What　sort　of　creature　must
he　be　who　merely　liked　Charlotte；　whose　whole　heart　and　senses
were　not　entirely　absorbed　by　her。　　Like　her！　　Some　one　asked　me
lately　how　I　liked　Ossian。

JULY　11。

Madame　M　is　very　ill。　　I　pray　for　her　recovery；　because　Charlotte
shares　my　sufferings。　　I　see　her　occasionally　at　my　friend's　house；
and　to…day　she　has　told　me　the　strangest　circumstance。　　Old　M
is　a　covetous；　miserly　fellow；　who　has　long　worried　and　annoyed
the　poor　lady　sadly；　but　she　has　borne　her　afflictions　patiently。
A　few　days　ago；　when　the　physician　informed　us　that　her　recovery
was　hopeless；　she　sent　for　her　husband　（Charlotte　was　present）；
and　addressed　him　thus：　〃I　have　something　to　confess；　which；　after
my　decease；　may　occasion　trouble　and　confusion。　　I　have　hitherto
conducted　your　household　as　frugally　and　economically　as　possible；
but　you　must　pardon　me　for　having　defrauded　you　for　thirty　years。
At　the　commencement　of　our　married　life；　you　allowed　a　small　sum
for　the　wants　of　the　kitchen；　and　the　other　household　expenses。
When　our　establishment　increased　and　our　property　grew　larger；　I
could　not　persuade　you　to　increase　the　weekly　allowance　in　proportion：
in　short；　you　know；　that；　when　our　wants　were　greatest；　you　required
me　to　supply　everything　with　seven　florins　a　week。　　I　took　the
money　from　you　without　an　observation；　but　made　up　the　weekly
deficiency　from　the　money…chest；　as　nobody　would　suspect　your　wife
of　robbing　the　household　bank。　　But　I　have　wasted　nothing；　and
should　have　been　content　to　meet　my　eternal　Judge　without　this
confession；　if　she；　upon　whom　the　management　of　your　establishment
will　devolve　after　my　decease；　would　be　free　from　embarrassment
upon　your　insisting　that　the　allowance　made　to　me；　your　former
wife；　was　sufficient。〃

I　talked　with　Charlotte　of　the　inconceivable　manner　in　which　men
allow　themselves　to　be　blinded；　how　any　one　could　avoid　suspecting
some　deception；　when　seven　florins　only　were　allowed　to　defray
expenses　twice　as　great。　　But　I　have　myself　known　people　who
believed；　without　any　visible　astonishment；　that　their　house
possessed　the　prophet's　never…failing　cruse　of　oil。

JULY　13。

No；　I　am　not　deceived。　　In　her　dark　eyes　I　read　a　genuine　interest
in　me　and　in　my　fortunes。　　Yes；　I　feel　it；　and　I　may　believe　my
own　heart　which　tells　me　　dare　I　say　it？　　dare　I　pronounce
the　divine　words？　　that　she　loves　me！

That　she　loves　me！　　How　the　idea　exalts　me　in　my　own　eyes！　　And；
as　you　can　understand　my　feelings；　I　may　say　to　you；　how　I　honour
myself　since　she　loves　me！

Is　this　presumption；　or　is　it　a　consciousness　of　the　truth？　　I　do
not　know　a　man　able　to　supplant　me　in　the　heart　of　Charlotte；　and
yet　when　she　speaks　of　her　betrothed　with　so　much　warmth　and
affection；　I　feel　like　the　soldier　who　has　been　stripped　of　his
honours　and　titles；　and　deprived　of　his　sword。

JULY　16。

How　my　heart　beats　when　by　accident　I　touch　her　finger；　or　my　feet
meet　hers　under　the　table！　　I　draw　back　as　if　from　a　furnace；　but
a　secret　force　impels　me　forward　again；　and　my　senses　become
disordered。　　Her　innocent；　unconscious　heart　never　knows　what　agony
these　little　familiarities　inflict　upon　me。　　Sometimes　when　we
are　talking　she　Iays　her　hand　upon　mine；　and　in　the　eagerness　of
conversation　comes　closer　to　me；　and　her　balmy　breath　reaches　my
lips；　　when　I　feel　as　if　lightning　had　struck　me；　and　that　I
could　sink　into　the　earth。　　And　yet；　Wilhelm；　with　all　this　heavenly
confidence；　　if　I　know　myself；　and　should　ever　dare　　you
understand　me。　　No；　no！　　my　heart　is　not　so　corrupt；　it　is　weak；
weak　enough　but　is　not　that　a　degree　of　corruption？

She　is　to　me　a　sacred　being。　　All　passion　is　still　in　her　presence：
I　cannot　express　my　sensations　when　I　am　near　her。　　I　feel　as　if
my　soul　beat　in　every　nerve　of　my　body。　　There　is　a　melody　which
she　plays　on　the　piano　with　angelic　skill；　　so　simple　is　it；
and　yet　so　spiritual！　　It　is　her　favourite　air；　and；　when　she
plays　the　first　note；　all　pain；　care；　and　sorrow　disappear　from
me　in　a　moment。

I　believe　every　word　that　is　said　of　the　magic　of　ancient　music。
How　her　simple　song　enchants　me！　　Sometimes；　when　I　am　ready　to
commit　suicide；　she　sings　that　air；　and　instantly　the　gloom　and
madness　which　hung　over　me　are　dispersed；　and　I　breathe　freely
again。

JULY　18。

Wilhelm；　what　is　the　world　to　our　hearts　without　love？　　What　is
a　magic…lantern　without　light？　　You　have　but　to　kindle　the　f