the sorrows of young werther(少年维特的烦恼)-第7章

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a　magic…lantern　without　light？　　You　have　but　to　kindle　the　flame
within；　and　the　brightest　figures　shine　on　the　white　wall；　and；
if　love　only　show　us　fleeting　shadows；　we　are　yet　happy；　when；
like　mere　children；　we　behold　them；　and　are　transported　with　the
splendid　phantoms。　　I　have　not　been　able　to　see　Charlotte　to…day。
I　was　prevented　by　company　from　which　I　could　not　disengage　myself。
What　was　to　be　done？　　I　sent　my　servant　to　her　house；　that　I　might
at　least　see　somebody　to…day　who　had　been　near　her。　　Oh；　the
impatience　with　which　I　waited　for　his　return！　　the　joy　with　which
I　welcomed　him！　　I　should　certainly　have　caught　him　in　my　arms；
and　kissed　him；　if　I　had　not　been　ashamed。

It　is　said　that　the　Bonona　stone；　when　placed　in　the　sun；　attracts
the　rays；　and　for　a　time　appears　luminous　in　the　dark。　　So　was　it
with　me　and　this　servant。　　The　idea　that　Charlotte's　eyes　had　dwelt
on　his　countenance；　his　cheek；　his　very　apparel；　endeared　them　all
inestimably　to　me；　so　that　at　the　moment　I　would　not　have　parted
from　him　for　a　thousand　crowns。　　His　presence　made　me　so　happy！
Beware　of　laughing　at　me；　Wilhelm。　　Can　that　be　a　delusion　which
makes　us　happy？

JULY　19。

〃I　shall　see　her　today！〃　I　exclaim　with　delight；　when　I　rise　in
the　morning；　and　look　out　with　gladness　of　heart　at　the　bright；
beautiful　sun。　　〃I　shall　see　her　today！〃　　And　then　I　have　no
further　wish　to　form：　all；　all　is　included　in　that　one　thought。

JULY　2O。

I　cannot　assent　to　your　proposal　that　I　should　accompany　the
ambassador　to　_______。　　I　do　not　love　subordination；　and　we　all
know　that　he　is　a　rough；　disagreeable　person　to　be　connected　with。
You　say　my　mother　wishes　me　to　be　employed。　　I　could　not　help
laughing　at　that。　　Am　I　not　sufficiently　employed？　　And　is　it　not
in　reality　the　same；　whether　I　shell　peas　or　count　lentils？　　The
world　runs　on　from　one　folly　to　another；　and　the　man　who；　solely
from　regard　to　the　opinion　of　others；　and　without　any　wish　or
necessity　of　his　own；　toils　after　gold；　honour；　or　any　other
phantom；　is　no　better　than　a　fool。

JULY　24。

You　insist　so　much　on　my　not　neglecting　my　drawing；　that　it　would
be　as　well　for　me　to　say　nothing　as　to　confess　how　little　I　have
lately　done。

I　never　felt　happier；　I　never　understood　nature　better；　even　down
to　the　veriest　stem　or　smallest　blade　of　grass　；　and　yet　I　am
unable　to　express　myself：　my　powers　of　execution　are　so　weak；
everything　seems　to　swim　and　float　before　me；　so　that　I　cannot
make　a　clear；　bold　outline。　　But　I　fancy　I　should　succeed　better
if　I　had　some　clay　or　wax　to　model。　　I　shall　try；　if　this　state
of　mind　continues　much　longer；　and　will　take　to　modelling；　if　I
only　knead　dough。

I　have　commenced　Charlotte's　portrait　three　times；　and　have　as
often　disgraced　myself。　　This　is　the　more　annoying；　as　I　was
formerly　very　happy　in　taking　likenesses。　　I　have　since　sketched
her　profile；　and　must　content　myself　with　that。

JULY　25。

Yes；　dear　Charlotte！　　I　will　order　and　arrange　everything。　　Only
give　me　more　commissions；　the　more　the　better。　　One　thing；　however；
I　must　request：　use　no　more　writing…sand　with　the　dear　notes　you
send　me。　　Today　I　raised　your　letter　hastily　to　my　lips；　and　it
set　my　teeth　on　edge。

JULY　26。

I　have　often　determined　not　to　see　her　so　frequently。　　But　who
could　keep　such　a　resolution？　　Every　day　I　am　exposed　to　the
temptation；　and　promise　faithfully　that　to…morrow　I　will　really
stay　away：　but；　when　tomorrow　comes；　I　find　some　irresistible
reason　for　seeing　her；　and；　before　I　can　account　for　it；　I　am　with
her　again。　　Either　she　has　said　on　the　previous　evening　〃You　will
be　sure　to　call　to…morrow；〃　　and　who　could　stay　away　then？　or
she　gives　me　some　commission；　and　I　find　it　essential　to　take
her　the　answer　in　person；　or　the　day　is　fine；　and　I　walk　to　Walheim；
and；　when　I　am　there；　it　is　only　half　a　league　farther　to　her。　　I
am　within　the　charmed　atmosphere；　and　soon　find　myself　at　her　side。
My　grandmother　used　to　tell　us　a　story　of　a　mountain　of　loadstone。
When　any　vessels　came　near　it；　they　were　instantly　deprived　of
their　ironwork：　the　nails　flew　to　the　mountain；　and　the　unhappy
crew　perished　amidst　the　disjointed　planks。

JULY　30。

Albert　is　arrived；　and　I　must　take　my　departure。　　Were　he　the　best
and　noblest　of　men；　and　I　in　every　respect　his　inferior；　I　could
not　endure　to　see　him　in　possession　of　such　a　perfect　being。
Possession！　　enough；　Wilhelm：　　her　betrothed　is　here；　　a　fine；
worthy　fellow；　whom　one　cannot　help　liking。　　Fortunately　I　was　not
present　at　their　meeting。　　It　would　have　broken　my　heart！　　And　he
is　so　considerate：　he　has　not　given　Charlotte　one　kiss　in　my
presence。　　Heaven　reward　him　for　it！　　I　must　love　him　for　the
respect　with　which　he　treats　her。　　He　shows　a　regard　for　me；　but
for　this　I　suspect　I　am　more　indebted　to　Charlotte　than　to　his　own
fancy　for　me。　　Women　have　a　delicate　tact　in　such　matters；　and　it
should　be　so。　　They　cannot　always　succeed　in　keeping　two　rivals
on　terms　with　each　other；　but；　when　they　do；　they　are　the　only
gainers。

I　cannot　help　esteeming　Albert。　　The　coolness　of　his　temper　contrasts
strongly　with　the　impetuosity　of　mine；　which　I　cannot　conceal。
He　has　a　great　deal　of　feeling；　and　is　fully　sensible　of　the
treasure　he　possesses　in　Charlotte。　　He　is　free　from　ill…humour；
which　you　know　is　the　fault　I　detest　most。

He　regards　me　as　a　man　of　sense；　and　my　attachment　to　Charlotte；
and　the　interest　I　take　in　all　that　concerns　her；　augment　his
triumph　and　his　love。　　I　shall　not　inquire　whether　he　may　not　at
times　tease　her　with　some　little　jealousies；　as　I　know；　that；　were
I　in　his　place；　I　should　not　be　entirely　free　from　such　sensations。

But；　be　that　as　it　may；　my　pleasure　with　Charlotte　is　over。　　Call
it　folly　or　infatuation；　what　signifies　a　name？　　The　thing　speaks
for　itself。　　Before　Albert　came；　I　knew　all　that　I　know　now。　　I
knew　I　could　make　no　pretensions　to　her；　nor　did　I　offer　any；　that
is；　as　far　as　it　was　possible；　in　the　presence　of　so　much　loveliness；
not　to　pant　for　its　enjoyment。　　And　now；　behold　me　like　a　silly
fellow；　staring　with　astonishment　when　another　comes　in；　and
deprives　me　of　my　love。

I　bite　my　lips；　and　feel　infinite　scorn　for　those　who　tell　me　to
be　resigned；　because　there　is　no　help　for　it。　　Let　me　escape　from
the　yoke　of　such　silly　subterfuges！　　I　ramble　through　the　woods；
and　when　I　return　to　Charlotte；　and　find　Albert　sitting　by　her
side　in　the　summer…house　in　the　garden；　I　am　unable　to　bear　it；
behave　like　a　fool；　and　commit　a　thousand　extravagances。　　〃For
Heaven's　sake；〃　said　Charlotte　today；　〃let　us　have　no　more　scenes
like　those　of　last　night！　　You　terrify　me　when　you　are　so　violent。〃
Between　ourselves；　I　am　always　away　now　when　he　visits　her：　and　I
feel　delighted　when　I　find　her　alone。

AUGUST　8。

Believe　me；　dear　Wilhelm；　I　did　not　allude　to　you　when　I　spoke　so
severely　of　those　who　advise　resignation　to　inevitable　fate。　　I
did　not　think　it　possible　for　you　to　indulge　such　a　sentiment。
But　in　fact　you　are　right。　　I　only　suggest　one　objection。　　In　this
world　one　is　seldom　reduced　to　make　a　selection　between　two
alternatives。　　There　are　as　many　varieties　of　conduct　and　opinion
as　there　are　turns　of　feature　between　an　aquiline　nose　and　a　flat
one。

You　will；　therefore；　permit　me　to　concede　your　entire　argument；
and　yet　contrive　means　to　escape　your　dilemma。

Your　position　is　this；　I　hear　you　say：　〃Either　you　have　hopes　of
obtaining　Charlotte；　or　you　have　none。　Well；　in　the　first　case；
pursue　your　course；　and　press　on　to　the　fulfilment　of　your　wishes。
In　the　second；　be　a　man；　and　shake　off　a　miserable　passion；　which
will　enervate　and　destroy　you。〃　　My　dear　friend；　this　is　well　and
easily　said。

But　would　you　require　a　wretched　being；　whose　life　is　slowly　wasting
under　a　lingering　disease；　to　despatch　himself　at　once　by　the
stroke　of　a　dagger？　　Does　not　the　very　disorder　which　consumes　his
strength　deprive　him　of　the　courage　to　effect　his　deliverance？

You　may　answer　me；　if　you　please；　with　a　similar　analogy；　〃Who
would　not　prefer　the　amputation　of　an　arm　to　the　periling　of　life
by　doubt　and　procrastination！〃　　But　I　know　not　if　I　am　right；　and
let　us　leave　these　comparisons。

Enough！　　There　are　moments；　Wilhelm；　when　I　could　rise　up　and　shake
it　all　off；　and　when；　if　I　only　knew　where　to　go；　I　could　fly　from
this　place。

THE　SAME　EVENING。

My　diary；　which　I　have　for　some　time　neglected；　came　before　me
today；　and　I　am　amazed　to　see　how　deliberately　I　have　entangled
myself　step　by　step。　　To　have　seen　my　position　so　clearly；　and
yet　to　have　acted　so　like　a　child！　　Even　still　I　behold　the
result　plainly；　and　yet　have　no　thought　of　acting　with　greater
prudence。

AUGUST　lO。

If　I　were　not　a　fool；　I　could　spend　the　happiest　and　most　delightful
life　here。　　So　many　agreeable　circumstances；　and　of　a　kind　to
ensure　a　worthy　man's　happiness；　are　seldom　united。　　Alas！　　I　feel
it　too　sensibly；　　the　heart　alone　makes　our　happiness！　　To　be
admitted　into　this　most　charming　family；　to　be　loved　by　the　father
as　a　son；　by　the　children　as　a　father；　and　by　Charlotte！　　then　the
noble　Albert；　who　never　disturbs　my　happiness　by　any　appearance
of　ill…humour；　receiving　me　with　the　heartiest　affection；　and
loving　me；　next　to　Charlotte；　better　than　all　the　world！　　Wilhelm；
you　would　be　delighted　to　hear　us　in　our　rambles；　and　conversations
about　Charlotte。　　Nothing　in　the　world　can　be　more　absurd　than　our
connection；　and　yet　the　thought　of　it　often　moves　me　to　tears。

He　tells　me　sometimes　of　her　excellent　mother；　how；　upon　her
death…bed；　she　had　committed　her　house　and　children　to　Charlotte；
and　had　given　Charlotte　herself　in　charge　to　him；　how；　since　that
time；　a　new　spirit　had　taken　possession　of　her；　how；　in　care　and
anxiety　for　their　welfare；　she　became　a　real　mother　to　them；　how
every　moment　of　her　time　was　devoted　to　some　labour　of　love　in
their　behalf；　　and　yet　her　mirth　and　cheerfulness　had　never
forsaken　her。　　I　walk　by　his　side；　pluck　flowers　by　the　way；　arrange
them　carefully　into　a　nosegay；　then　fling　them　into　the　first
stream　I　pass；　and　watch　them　as　they　float　gently　away。　　I　forget
whether　I　told　you　that　Albert　is　to　remain　here。　　He　has　received
a　government　appointment；　with　a　very　good　salary；　and　I　understand
he　is　in　high　favour　at　court。　　I　have　met　few　persons　so　punctual
and　methodical　in　business。　
　
AUGUST　12。

Certainly　Albert　is　the　best　fellow　in　the　world。　　I　had　a　strange
scene　with　him　yesterday。　　I　went　to　take　leave　of　him；　for　I　took
it　into　my　head　to　spend　a　few　days　in　these　mountains；　from　where
I　now　write　to　you。　　As　I　was　walking　up　and　down　his　room；　my　eye
fell　upon　his　pistols。　〃Lend　me　those　pistols；〃　said　I；　〃for　my
journey。〃　　〃By　all　means；〃　he　replied；　〃if　you　will　take　the
trouble　to　load　them；　for　they　only　hang　there　for　form。〃　　I
took　down　one　of　them；　and　he　continued；　〃Ever　since　I　was　near
suffering　for　my　extreme　caution；　I　will　have　nothing　to　do　with
such　things。〃　　I　was　curious　to　hear　the　story。　　〃I　was　staying；〃
said　he；　〃some　three　months　ago；　at　a　friend's　house　in　the　country。
I　had　a　brace　of　pistols　with　me；　unloaded；　and　I　slept　without
any