camille (la dame aux camilias)(卡米勒)-第35章
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I took her in my arms。 I undressed her； without her making a
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movement； and carried her； icy cold； to the bed。 Then I sat beside her and
tried to warm her with my caresses。 She did not speak a word； but smiled
at me。
It was a strange night。 All Marguerite's life seemed to have passed into
the kisses with which she covered me； and I loved her so much that in my
transports of feverish love I asked myself whether I should not kill her； so
that she might never belong to another。
A month of love like that； and there would have remained only the
corpse of heart or body。
The dawn found us both awake。 Marguerite was livid white。 She did
not speak a word。 From time to time； big tears rolled from her eyes； and
stayed upon her cheeks； shining like diamonds。 Her thin arms opened；
from time to time； to hold me fast； and fell back helplessly upon the bed。
For a moment it seemed to me as if I could forget all that had passed
since I had left Bougival； and I said to Marguerite：
〃Shall we go away and leave Paris？〃
〃No； no！〃 she said； almost with affright； 〃we should be too unhappy。 I
can do no more to make you happy； but while there is a breath of life in
me； I will be the slave of your fancies。 At whatever hour of the day or
night you will； come； and I will be yours； but do not link your future any
more with mine； you would be too unhappy and you would make me too
unhappy。 I shall still be pretty for a while； make the most of it； but ask
nothing more。〃
When she had gone； I was frightened at the solitude in which she left
me。 Two hours afterward I was still sitting on the side of the bed； looking
at the pillow which kept the imprint of her form； and asking myself what
was to become of me； between my love and my jealousy。
At five o'clock； without knowing what I was going to do； I went to the
Rue d'Antin。
Nanine opened to me。
〃Madame can not receive you；〃 she said in an embarrassed way。
〃Why？〃
〃Because M。 le Comte de N。 is there； and he has given orders to let no
one in。〃
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〃Quite so；〃 I stammered； 〃I forgot。〃
I went home like a drunken man； and do you know what I did during
the moment of jealous delirium which was long enough for the shameful
thing I was going to do？ I said to myself that the woman was laughing at
me； I saw her alone with the count； saying over to him the same words that
she had said to me in the night； and taking a five…hundred…franc note I sent
it to her with these words：
〃You went away so suddenly that I forgot to pay you。 Here is the price
of your night。〃
Then when the letter was sent I went out as if to free myself from the
instantaneous remorse of this infamous action。
I went to see Olympe； whom I found trying on dresses； and when we
were alone she sang obscene songs to amuse me。 She was the very type of
the shameless； heartless； senseless courtesan； for me at least； for perhaps
some men might have dreamed of her as I dreamed of Marguerite。 She
asked me for money。 I gave it to her； and； free then to go； I returned home。
Marguerite had not answered。
I need not tell you in what state of agitation I spent the next day。 At
half past nine a messenger brought me an envelope containing my letter
and the five…hundred…franc note； not a word more。
〃Who gave you this？〃 I asked the man。
〃A lady who was starting with her maid in the next mail for Boulogne；
and who told me not to take it until the coach was out of the courtyard。〃
I rushed to the Rue d'Antin。
〃Madame left for England at six o'clock；〃 said the porter。
There was nothing to hold me in Paris any longer； neither hate nor love。
I was exhausted by this series of shocks。 One of my friends was setting out
on a tour in the East。 I told my father I should like to accompany him； my
father gave me drafts and letters of introduction； and eight or ten days
afterward I embarked at Marseilles。
It was at Alexandria that I learned from an attache at the embassy；
whom I had sometimes seen at Marguerite's； that the poor girl was
seriously ill。
I then wrote her the letter which she answered in the way you know； I
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received it at Toulon。
I started at once； and you know the rest。
Now you have only to read a few sheets which Julie Duprat gave me；
they are the best commentary on what I have just told you。
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CHAPTER 25
Armand； tired by this long narrative； often interrupted by his tears； put
his two hands over his forehead and closed his eyes to think； or to try to
sleep； after giving me the pages written by the hand of Marguerite。 A few
minutes after； a more rapid breathing told me that Armand slept； but that
light sleep which the least sound banishes。
This is what I read； I copy it without adding or omitting a syllable：
To…day is the 15th December。 I have been ill three or four days。 This
morning I stayed in bed。 The weather is dark； I am sad； there is no one by
me。 I think of you； Armand。 And you； where are you； while I write these
lines？ Far from Paris； far； far； they tell me； and perhaps you have already
forgotten Marguerite。 Well； be happy； I owe you the only happy moments
in my life。
I can not help wanting to explain all my conduct to you； and I have
written you a letter； but； written by a girl like me； such a letter might seem
to be a lie； unless death had sanctified it by its authority； and； instead of a
letter； it were a confession。
To…day I am ill； I may die of this illness； for I have always had the
presentiment that I shall die young。 My mother died of consumption； and
the way I have always lived could but increase the only heritage she ever
left me。 But I do not want to die without clearing up for you everything
about me； that is； if； when you come back； you will still trouble yourself
about the poor girl whom you loved before you went away。
This is what the letter contained； I shall like writing it over again； so as
to give myself another proof of my own justification。
You remember； Armand； how the arrival of your father surprised us at
Bougival； you remember the involuntary fright that his arrival caused me；
and the scene which took place between you and him； which you told me
of in the evening。
Next day； when you were at Paris； waiting for your father； and he did
not return； a man came to the door and handed in a letter from M。 Duval。
His letter； which I inclose with this； begged me； in the most serious
terms； to keep you away on the following day； on some excuse or other；
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and to see your father； who wished to speak to me； and asked me
particularly not to say anything to you about it。
You know how I insisted on your returning to Paris next day。
You had only been gone an hour when your father presented himself。 I
won't say what impression his severe face made upon me。 Your father had
the old theory that a courtesan is a being without heart or reason； a sort of
machine for coining gold； always ready； like the machine； to bruise the
hand that gives her everything； and to tear in pieces； without pity or
discernment； those who set her in motion。
Your father had written me a very polite letter； in order that I might
consent to see him； he did not present himself quite as he had written。 His
manner at first was so stiff； insolent； and even threatening； that I had to
make him understand that I was in my own house； and that I had no need
to render him an account of my life； except because of the sincere
affection which I had for his son。
M。 Duval calmed down a little； but still went on to say that he could
not any longer allow his son to ruin himself over me； that I was beautiful；
it was true； but； however beautiful I might be； I ought not to make use of
my beauty to spoil the future of a young man by such expenditure as I was
causing。
At that there was only one thing to do； to show him the proof that
since I was your mistress I had spared no sacrifice to be faithful to you
without asking for more money than you had to give me。 I showed him the
pawn tickets； the receipts of the people to whom I had sold what I could
not pawn； I told him of my resolve to part with my furniture in order to
pay my debts； and live with you without being a too heavy expense。 I told
him of our happiness； of how you had shown me the possibility of a
quieter and happier life； and he ended by giving in to the evidence；
offering me his hand； and asking pardon for the way in which he had at
first approached me。
Then he said to me：
〃So； madame； it is not by remonstrances or by threats； but by
entreaties； that I must endeavour to obtain from you a greater sacrifice
than you have yet made for my son。〃
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I trembled at this beginning。
Your father came over to me； took both my hands； and continued in an
affectionate voice：
〃My child； do not take what I have to say to you amiss； only remember
that there are sometimes in life cruel necessities for the heart； but that they
must be submitted to。 You are good； your soul has generosity unknown to
many women who perhaps despise you； and are less worthy than you。 But
remember that there is not only the mistress； but the family； that besides
love there are duties； that to the age of passion succeeds the age when man；
if he is to be respected； must plant himself solidly in a serious position。
My son has no fortune； and yet he is ready to abandon
