madame bovary(包法利夫人)-第53章

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will　tell　you　about　all　that　and　you　will　see。　And　youyou　fled
from　me！〃
For；　all　the　three　years；　he　had　carefully　avoided　her　in
consequence　of　that　natural　cowardice　that　characterises　the
stronger　sex。　Emma　went　on；　with　dainty　little　nods；　more　coaxing
than　an　amorous　kitten
〃You　love　others；　confess　it！　Oh；　I　understand　them；　dear！　I
excuse　them。　You　probably　seduced　them　as　you　seduced　me。　You　are
indeed　a　man；　you　have　everything　to　make　one　love　you。　But　we'll
begin　again；　won't　we？　We　will　love　one　another。　See！　I　am
laughing；　I　am　happy！　Oh；　speak！〃
And　she　was　charming　to　see；　with　her　eyes；　in　which　trembled　a
tear；　like　the　rain　of　a　storm　in　a　blue　corolla。
He　had　drawn　her　upon　his　knees；　and　with　the　back　of　his　hand
was　caressing　her　smooth　hair；　where　in　the　twilight　was　mirrored
like　a　golden　arrow　one　last　ray　of　the　sun。　She　bent　down　her
brow；　at　last　he　kissed　her　on　the　eyelids　quite　gently　with　the
tips　of　his　lips。
〃Why；　you　have　been　crying！　What　for？〃
She　burst　into　tears。　Rodolphe　thought　this　was　an　outburst　of
her　love。　As　she　did　not　speak；　he　took　this　silence　for　a　last
remnant　of　resistance；　and　then　he　cried　out
〃Oh；　forgive　me！　You　are　the　only　one　who　pleases　me。　I　was
imbecile　and　cruel。　I　love　you。　I　will　love　you　always。　What　is
it。　Tell　me！〃　He　was　kneeling　by　her。
〃Well；　I　am　ruined；　Rodolphe！　You　must　lend　me　three　thousand
francs。〃
〃Butbut〃　said　he；　getting　up　slowly；　while　his　face　assumed　a
grave　expression。
〃You　know；〃　she　went　on　quickly；　〃that　my　husband　had　placed　his
whole　fortune　at　a　notary's。　He　ran　away。　So　we　borrowed；　the
patients　don't　pay　us。　Moreover；　the　settling　of　the　estate　is
not　yet　done；　we　shall　have　the　money　later　on。　But　to…day；　for
want　of　three　thousand　francs；　we　are　to　be　sold　up。　It　is　to　be
at　once；　this　very　moment；　and；　counting　upon　your　friendship；　I
have　come　to　you。〃
〃Ah！〃　thought　Rodolphe；　turning　very　pale；　〃that　was　what　she
came　for。〃　At　last　he　said　with　a　calm　air
〃Dear　madame；　I　have　not　got　them。〃
He　did　not　lie。　If　he　had　had　them；　he　would；　no　doubt；　have
given　them；　although　it　is　generally　disagreeable　to　do　such　fine
things：　a　demand　for　money　being；　of　all　the　winds　that　blow　upon
love；　the　coldest　and　most　destructive。
First　she　looked　at　him　for　some　moments。
〃You　have　not　got　them！〃　she　repeated　several　times。　〃You　have
not　got　them！　I　ought　to　have　spared　myself　this　last　shame。　You
never　loved　me。　You　are　no　better　than　the　others。〃
She　was　betraying；　ruining　herself。
Rodolphe　interrupted　her；　declaring　he　was　〃hard　up〃　himself。
〃Ah！　I　pity　you；〃　said　Emma。　〃Yesvery　much。〃
And　fixing　her　eyes　upon　an　embossed　carabine；　that　shone　against
its　panoply；　〃But　when　one　is　so　poor　one　doesn't　have　silver　on
the　butt　of　one's　gun。　One　doesn't　buy　a　clock　inlaid　with
tortoise　shell；〃　she　went　on；　pointing　to　a　buhl　timepiece；　〃nor
silver…gilt　whistles　for　one's　whips；〃　and　she　touched　them；　〃nor
charms　for　one's　watch。　Oh；　he　wants　for　nothing！　even　to　a
liqueur…stand　in　his　room！　For　you　love　yourself；　you　live　well。
You　have　a　chateau；　farms；　woods；　you　go　hunting；　you　travel　to
Paris。　Why；　if　it　were　but　that；〃　she　cried；　taking　up　two　studs
from　the　mantelpiece；　〃but　the　least　of　these　trifles；　one　can
get　money　for　them。　Oh；　I　do　not　want　them；　keep　them！〃
And　she　threw　the　two　links　away　from　her；　their　gold　chain
breaking　as　it　struck　against　the　wall。
〃But　I！　I　would　have　given　you　everything。　I　would　have　sold　all；
worked　for　you　with　my　hands；　I　would　have　begged　on　the
highroads　for　a　smile；　for　a　look；　to　hear　you　say　'Thanks！'　And
you　sit　there　quietly　in　your　arm…chair；　as　if　you　had　not　made
me　suffer　enough　already！　But　for　you；　and　you　know　it；　I　might
have　lived　happily。　What　made　you　do　it？　Was　it　a　bet？　Yet　you
loved　meyou　said　so。　And　but　a　moment　sinceAh！　it　would　have
been　better　to　have　driven　me　away。　My　hands　are　hot　with　your
kisses；　and　there　is　the　spot　on　the　carpet　where　at　my　knees　you
swore　an　eternity　of　love！　You　made　me　believe　you；　for　two　years
you　held　me　in　the　most　magnificent；　the　sweetest　dream！　Eh！　Our
plans　for　the　journey；　do　you　remember？　Oh；　your　letter！　your
letter！　it　tore　my　heart！　And　then　when　I　come　back　to　himto
him；　rich；　happy；　freeto　implore　the　help　the　first　stranger
would　give；　a　suppliant；　and　bringing　back　to　him　all　my
tenderness；　he　repulses　me　because　it　would　cost　him　three
thousand　francs！〃
〃I　haven't　got　them；〃　replied　Rodolphe；　with　that　perfect　calm
with　which　resigned　rage　covers　itself　as　with　a　shield。
She　went　out。　The　walls　trembled；　the　ceiling　was　crushing　her；
and　she　passed　back　through　the　long　alley；　stumbling　against　the
heaps　of　dead　leaves　scattered　by　the　wind。　At　last　she　reached
the　ha…ha　hedge　in　front　of　the　gate；　she　broke　her　nails　against
the　lock　in　her　haste　to　open　it。　Then　a　hundred　steps　farther
on；　breathless；　almost　falling；　she　stopped。　And　now　turning
round；　she　once　more　saw　the　impassive　chateau；　with　the　park；
the　gardens；　the　three　courts；　and　all　the　windows　of　the　facade。
She　remained　lost　in　stupor；　and　having　no　more　consciousness　of
herself　than　through　the　beating　of　her　arteries；　that　she　seemed
to　hear　bursting　forth　like　a　deafening　music　filling　all　the
fields。　The　earth　beneath　her　feet　was　more　yielding　than　the
sea；　and　the　furrows　seemed　to　her　immense　brown　waves　breaking
into　foam。　Everything　in　her　head；　of　memories；　ideas；　went　off
at　once　like　a　thousand　pieces　of　fireworks。　She　saw　her　father；
Lheureux's　closet；　their　room　at　home；　another　landscape。　Madness
was　coming　upon　her；　she　grew　afraid；　and　managed　to　recover
herself；　in　a　confused　way；　it　is　true；　for　she　did　not　in　the；
least　remember　the　cause　of　the　terrible　condition　she　was　in；
that　is　to　say；　the　question　of　money。　She　suffered　only　in　her
love；　and　felt　her　soul　passing　from　her　in　this　memory；　as
wounded　men；　dying；　feel　their　life　ebb　from　their　bleeding
wounds。
Night　was　falling；　crows　were　flying　about。
Suddenly　it　seemed　to　her　that　fiery　spheres　were　exploding　in
the　air　like　fulminating　balls　when　they　strike；　and　were
whirling；　whirling；　to　melt　at　last　upon　the　snow　between　the
branches　of　the　trees。　In　the　midst　of　each　of　them　appeared　the
face　of　Rodolphe。　They　multiplied　and　drew　near　her；　penetrating；
her。　It　all　disappeared；　she　recognised　the　lights　of　the　houses
that　shone　through　the　fog。
Now　her　situation；　like　an　abyss；　rose　up　before　her。　She　was
panting　as　if　her　heart　would　burst。　Then　in　an　ecstasy　of
heroism；　that　made　her　almost　joyous；　she　ran　down　the　hill；
crossed　the　cow…plank；　the　foot…path；　the　alley；　the　market；　and
reached　the　chemist's　shop。　She　was　about　to　enter；　but　at　the
sound　of　the　bell　someone　might　come；　and　slipping　in　by　the
gate；　holding　her　breath；　feeling　her　way　along　the　walls；　she
went　as　far　as　the　door　of　the　kitchen；　where　a　candle　stuck　on
the　stove　was　burning。　Justin　in　his　shirt…sleeves　was　carrying
out　a　dish。
〃Ah！　they　are　dining；　I　will　wait。〃
He　returned；　she　tapped　at　the　window。　He　went　out。
〃The　key！　the　one　for　upstairs　where　he　keeps　the〃
〃What？〃
And　he　looked　at　her；　astonished　at　the　pallor　of　her　face；　that
stood　out　white　against　the　black　background　of　the　night。　She
seemed　to　him　extraordinarily　beautiful　and　majestic　as　a
phantom。　Without　understanding　what　she　wanted；　he　had　the
presentiment　of　something　terrible。
But　she　went　on　quickly　in　a　love　voice；　in　a　sweet；　melting
voice；　〃I　want　it；　give　it　to　me。〃
As　the　partition　wall　was　thin；　they　could　hear　the　clatter　of
the　forks　on　the　plates　in　the　dining…room。
She　pretended　that　she　wanted　to　kill　the　rats　that　kept　her　from
sleeping。
〃I　must　tell　master。〃
〃No；　stay！〃　Then　with　an　indifferent　air；　〃Oh；　it's　not　worth
while；　I'll　tell　him　presently。　Come；　light　me　upstairs。〃
She　entered　the　corridor　into　which　the　laboratory　door　opened。
Against　the　wall　was　a　key　labelled　Capharnaum。
〃Justin！〃　called　the　druggist　impatiently。
〃Let　us　go　up。〃
And　he　followed　her。　The　key　turned　in　the　lock；　and　she　went
straight　to　the　third　shelf；　so　well　did　her　memory　guide　her；
seized　the　blue　jar；　tore　out　the　cork；　plunged　in　her　hand；　and
withdrawing　it　full　of　a　white　powder；　she　began　eating　it。
〃Stop！〃　he　cried；　rushing　at　her。
〃Hush！　someone　will　come。〃
He　was　in　despair；　was　calling　out。
〃Say　nothing；　or　all　the　blame　will　fall　on　your　master。〃
Then　she　went　home；　suddenly　calmed；　and　with　something　of　the
serenity　of　one　that　had　performed　a　duty。
When　Charles；　distracted　by　the　news　of　the　distraint；　returned
home；　Emma　had　just　gone　out。　He　cried　aloud；　wept；　fainted；　but
she　did　not　return。　Where　could　she　be？　He　sent　Felicite　to
Homais；　to　Monsieur　Tuvache；　to　Lheureux；　to　the　〃Lion　d'Or；〃
everywhere；　and　in　the　intervals　of　his　agony　he　saw　his
reputation　destroyed；　their　fortune　lost；　Berthe's　future　ruined。
By　what？Not　a　word！　He　waited　till　six　in　the　evening。　At　last；
unable　to　bear　it　any　longer；　and　fancying　she　had　gone　to　Rouen；
he　set　out　along　the　highroad；　walked　a　mile；　met　no　one；　again
waited；　and　returned　home。　She　had　come　back。
〃What　was　the　matter？　Why？　Explain　to　me。〃
She　sat　down　at　her　writing…table　and　wrote　a　letter；　which　she
sealed　slowly；　adding　the　date　and　the　hour。　Then　she　said　in　a
solemn　tone：
〃You　are　to　read　it　to…morrow；　till　then；　I　pray　you；　do　not　ask
me　a　single　question。　No；　not　one！〃
〃But〃
〃Oh；　leave　me！〃
She　lay　down　full　length　on　her　bed。　A　bitter　taste　that　she　felt
in　her　mouth　awakened　her。　She　saw　Charles；　and　again　closed　her
eyes。
She　was　studying　herself　curiously；　to　see　if　she　were　not
suffering。　But　no！　nothing　as　yet。　She　heard　the　ticking　of　the
clock；　the　crackling　of　the　fire；　and　Charles　breathing　as　he
stood　upright　by　her　bed。
〃Ahl　it　is　but　a　little　thing；　death！〃　she　thought。　〃I　shall　fall
asleep　and　all　will　be　over。〃
She　drank　a　mouthful　of　water　and　turned　to　the　wall。　The
frightful　taste　of　ink　continued。
〃I　am　thirsty；　oh！　so　thirsty；〃　she　sighed。
〃What　is　it？〃　said　Charles；　who　was　handing　her　a　glass。
〃It　is　nothing！　Open　the　window；　I　am　choking。〃
She　was　seized　with　a　sickness　so　sudden　that　she　had　hardly　time
to　draw　out　her　handkerchief　from　under　the　pillow。
〃Take　it　away；〃　she　said　quickly；　〃throw　it　away。〃
He　spoke　to　her；　she　did　not　answer。　She　lay　motionless；　afraid
that　the　slightest　movement　might　make　her　vomit。　But　she　felt　an
icy　cold　creeping　from　her　feet　to　her　heart。
〃Ah！　it　is　beginning；〃　she　murmured。
〃What　did　you　say？〃
She　turned　her　head　from　side　to　side　with　a　gentle　movement　full
of　agony；　while　constantly　opening　her　mouth　as　if　something　very
heavy　were　weighing　upon　her　tongue。　At　eight　o'clock　the
vomiting　began　again。
Charles　noticed　that　at　the　bottom　of　the　basin　there　was　a　sort
of　white　sediment　sticking　to　the　sides　of　the　porcelain。
〃This　is　extraordinaryvery　singular；〃　he　repeated。
But　she　said　in　a　firm　voice；　〃No；　you　are　mistaken。〃
Then　gently；　and　almost　as　caressing　her；　he　passed　his　hand　over
her　stomach。　She　uttered　a　sharp　cry。　He　fell　back
terror…stricken。
Then　she　began　to　groan；　faintly　at　first。　Her　shoulders　we